Holistic Medicine and the Western Medical Tradition

Found Your (In)Voice
OFFICE | WORKING | APRIL 23, 2017
(As the accounting clerk for my office, I have to watch out for scammers trying to defraud us. One scammer kept sending invoices that claimed to be from the yellow pages, but contained multiple misspellings, and went to a random PO box in Florida. I’d just been shredding them for over a year, but this month I decided to reply. In a formal letter on our letterhead, I wrote

Letter: “Neither our facility, nor our parent company, nor any affiliate thereof, requested to be included in your supposed directory. This invoice is illegitimate, and void. Any further attempts to bill us for unrequested services will be referred to the Better Business Bureau and the Federal Trade Commission. Cease and desist immediately. A word of advice: when you try scamming companies, your odds would be much better if you actually got the name of your target right. Not only are you crooks, you’re incompetent crooks. Kindly do the world a favor and go get eaten by an alligator.”

(That felt good.)

Trying To Hang Up At The Appointed Time
HAIR SALON | WORKING | APRIL 24, 2017
(I call up the local hairdressing salon.)

Me: “Hi! I was wondering if you have any available times today.”

Receptionist: “No, sorry. We can fit you in tomorrow morning, if you’d like?”

Me: “No, that’s okay. I only have today free, so I was just trying my luck. Thanks anyway!”

Receptionist: “How about 9:00 am?”

Me: “What, today?”

Receptionist: “Tomorrow.”

Me: “No, I can’t make it tomorrow. Thanks anyway! Bye then-”

Receptionist: “9:30?”

Me: “No… Bye for now-”

Receptionist: “10:00 am?”

Me: “Um, no?”

Receptionist: “Can you hold the line, please?”

Me: *mostly curious to see why she would want me to hold, since this discussion is going nowhere* “Okay, sure.”

(I hold for a few minutes, and then the boss comes on the line.)

Boss: “Hi. We cannot fit you in today.”

Me: “Yes, I realise that.”

Boss: “We do not have free time.”

Me: “I know… I understood that when it was first explained.”

Boss: “We can fit you in tomorrow?”

Me: “No, but thank you. I’m only free today. Anyway, bye for now-”

Boss: “Well, before you hang up, I’d just like to let you know we are open tomorrow.”

Me: “Um, that’s great, thanks. Bye now!”

Boss: “Just in case you didn’t know. So give us a call if you want to come in tomorrow.”

Me: “Okay, bye!”

(I hung up before she could say it AGAIN. They must have been incredibly desperate to book appointments for the following day!)

These Jobseekers Have A Lot Of Ketchup To Do
FAST FOOD | WORKING | APRIL 25, 2017
(A young man comes in looking to apply for a job. He asks for an application, which is given to him.)

Man: “Can I get a pen, too?”

(My manager does not like to accept applications from people who can’t be bothered to be prepared for a simple application. We are also located next to a dollar store that sells pens for under a dollar.)

Manager: “Yes. Just wait one moment. We are extremely busy right now.”

(We carry out business and have very little intention to get the man a pen from the back.)

Man: *after standing next to the register for another 15 minutes* “Oh, my god!”

(He went over to the condiment section, squeezed a massive amount of ketchup into the spill tray, grabbed a fork, and then proceeded to fill in the application with ketchup. Needless to say, we did not hire him.)

Lettuce Not Dwell On It
RESTAURANT | WORKING | APRIL 26, 2017
(My husband and I are on vacation and out for dinner. The server asks my husband what he wants as a side

Husband: “What’s the salad tonight?”

Server: “Lettuce.”

Husband: “…”

Server: “…”

Husband: “Oookay, I’ll have the steamed veggies, then.”

His Application Was Like A Slap In The Face
OFFICE | WORKING | APRIL 27, 2017
(I am in the reception while our usual receptionist is on leave. There is a small window against the wall opposite the main entrance to the building, so we can see if anyone is coming in. Half of it is sliding glass which I have left open to create a breeze. I hear someone come into the building and look through the window. A man comes up and glares at me through the glass.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

(He continues to glare. I assume he’s waiting for someone and get on my work, but when I notice he hasn’t moved and still glaring I turn my back to him. He then screams.)

Man: “ISN’T ANYONE GOING TO OPEN THE WINDOW AND F**KING TALK TO ME?!”

(I spin around, but before I can say anything a manager, whose office has full view of the entrance, speaks up.)

Manager: “Move over to the right, just a smidgen.”

(The man does as he is told and jumps back when he realises there isn’t glass there.)

Manager: “There you go! That wasn’t hard was it?”

(The man glares at the manager before telling me he is here for an interview. He also whispers that the manager is a b***h who should get slapped.)

Me: *sarcastically* “I’ll take that under advisement. Okay, Mr [Man], for a senior safety advisor position?”

(He nods.)

Me: *loudly* “If you’ll just wait, I’ll go and tell the ‘b***h’ you’re here, and I’ll give her a slap, too, just for good measure.”

(I see him blush as I leave the room, stand right next to him and shout.)

Me: “B***H, YOUR 12 O’CLOCK IS HERE! DO YOU WANT YOUR SLAP NOW OR LATER?”

(He goes into her office and you can feel the tension emanating from the room. About five minutes later he flies past the window mumbling thanks. The manager follows.)

Manager: *handing me his CV* “Could you shred this for me, please?”

Me: “No chance?”

Manager: “Well, you can’t expect a ‘b****’ to take on every man who suggests they need a good slapping. At least he attempted a half-a**ed apology, before suggesting he could take on my role when I decide to ‘pop one out.’”

(Some of us men just don’t know when to shut up.)

Laptop Flop, Part 21
TECH SUPPORT | WORKING | APRIL 28, 2017
(At our company, most people still use desktops, but we can issue laptops to people who need to travel, work remotely, or present a lot of meetings. We have a limited number of laptops to give out, so they are always in high demand, but I think this request took the cake…)

User: “I do work at two different departments within the company, so I need to travel back and forth inside the building frequently. I would like another desk to be set up with monitors, mouse, and keyboard, and a phone at my second location. In addition, I’d like a second laptop, so that I don’t have to carry my laptop between desks.”

Making Being Underage Appetizing
RESTAURANT | WORKING | APRIL 29, 2017
(My friends and i decide to go out to dinner at a nice bar, although we are not 21 and we don’t plan on drinking. When we arrive, we are told that after 8 pm it’s only 21+, even though I had called twice to make reservations and they had never mentioned it.)

Manager: “I am so so sorry about this. Here is my card and next time you come back we will get you some free appetizers.”

Me: “Thank you!”

(We go back two weeks later and order dinner.)

Waitress: “We have taken off the appetizers from your meal. Would you like split checks?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

(She takes off and comes back five minutes later.)

Waitress: “Actually, it looks like we are going to comp your meal for the evening. Have a good night!”

(We thanked her profusely, as they didn’t have to do that, considering it was three people each ordering something. It was a nice reminder that good people still exist.)

Can’t Let You In Because You’ve Got Buns, Hun
THEATER | WORKING | APRIL 30, 2017
(I work at an outdoor performance venue. This conversation takes place over the radio between my supervisor and the manager.)

Supervisor: “[Manager]?”

Manager: “Go for [Manager].”

Supervisor: “Are bunnies allowed in the park?”

Manager: *after a long pause* “Bunnies are allowed in the park if they are wild and free.”

Supervisor: “This one is a pet.”

Manager: “Nope.”

Qualifications Worth Paying For
HOME | WORKING | MAY 1, 2017
(It’s about 12:30 am and I am about to get to bed when, out of the blue, a manager that I really do not get along with texts me. I should also mention that I’m technically senior faculty, but am not “qualified enough” for a promotion.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], can you work today 8:30 am to 2:00 pm? [Assistant Manager] called in sick earlier today and I need someone who knows what they’re doing on this event.”

Me: “So that means I would have to fill out all the paperwork that [Assistant Manager] would normally have to do, right? I’ve never done it before.”

Manager: “Yes, you would, but it’s easy.”

Me: “Does this mean I get paid $13.50 an hour instead of $8.50 an hour because I will be taking an assistant manager’s shift?”

Manager: “No, you’re not qualified to be an assistant manager. Will you or will you not be in tomorrow?”

Me: “No, I’m not doing the work of an assistant manager for the pay of a regular employee. Promote me or I won’t come in.”

Manager: “Fine, I’ll ask [Coworker who’s also a senior employee], then.”

(He said no as well. I plan on taking this to HR if it keeps up.)

Needs To Night-Shift Their Opinion
BIRMINGHAM, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, ENGLAND, JERK, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, PUB, UK | RIGHT | MAY 15, 2021
My brother and I are functionally nocturnal. We sleep at 10:00 am and wake at 4:00 pm. After a stressful night at work, the two of us find a pub and buy some drinks. As the weather is nice, we decide to sit outside while we drink.

A woman passes by with a bunch of young children. She sees us and points us out to her children.

Woman: *Pointing at us* “Disgraceful. It’s not even eight. Drinking at this hour. Kids, make sure you don’t become like them. You all must study hard and not be drunk deadbeats like them.”

Me: “Ma’am, really? You don’t want your kids to become doctors? Okay.”

Brother: “Pity. We need more surgeons on the night shift. Accidents can happen at any hour.”

Me: “Like that old man that had a stroke at 4:00 am?”

Brother: “Or that drunk driver that crashed at 2:00 am?”

Me: “Whatever. Kids, if your mom doesn’t want you to save lives, then who am I to complain?”

As we speak, we pull out our staff lanyards for the local hospital, grin, and knock our bottles together. Admittedly, we are a bit drunk by now, which is why we are being so unprofessional.

Woman: “Don’t listen to them, kids. They’re liars and drunks and a disgrace to society.” *Drags them away*

Only Has Half The Facts
COFFEE SHOP, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, JERK, USA, UTAH | RIGHT | MAY 15, 2021
I work in a café that is also a bakery. Every now and then, we change our menu; something may not sell well, so we discontinue it and give our customers something else that’s brand-new. Of course, we’re all kept up to date about what we sell and don’t sell anymore, but some of our customers like to think they know way better than we do and it can be frighteningly easy to call someone’s bluff.

Customer: “Can I get a half-salad?”

We stopped selling half-salads more than two years ago. All of our salads are one size only.

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we only do full salads now.”

Customer: *Condescendingly* “How long have you worked at this job? You must be new at this.”

Coworker: “Actually, I’ve been here more than two years.”

Customer: “No, you must be new. I’ve been a loyal customer for more than two years and you always have half-salads. I bought a half-salad just last week.”

This went back and forth for a good while, and the rest of us had to roll our eyes and pity our poor coworker. Either this lady honestly confused us with another store, or she was trying to scam us.

This Customer Is A Real Trip
CANADA, GROCERY STORE, HEALTH & BODY, JERK, ONTARIO, STUPID | RIGHT | MAY 15, 2021
I’m a front-end supervisor. It is nearing closing time and I am in the office counting the tills and starting other closing duties. I have one person working as a cashier. She calls me to open another till as the line is starting to get a bit long. I head out and call the next person in line.

A lady a few people back from being the next in line decides she needs to be first in my line. She picks up her basket and comes rushing over. In her rush, she trips over the basket of the shopper behind her. I don’t see this as I am quite short and there is a rack blocking my line of view.

After getting up, she comes to my lane and tells me what had happened. After making sure she is okay, I go to the office to grab an incident report sheet. It asks very basic questions, i.e. the weather, lighting conditions, etc., and a basic report of what happened. They have camera footage that they can look at, as well.

I basically put down that the customer tripped over another customer’s basket when proceeding to my till, floors are dry, weather is clear, etc. She’s not happy with this.

Customer: “You don’t care that I fell! How can you be so neutral about this?! I demand that you write a more detailed report. It’s your fault I fell. This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been in your office instead of helping customers!”

I grab a piece of paper and write out something more detailed and give her a copy.

When I come into work for my next shift:

Manager: “What happened? This customer left me ten voicemails complaining about you.”

I explain what happened.

Fast forward a week; my manager approaches me again.

Manager: “The customer from the other day is demanding an apology from you. I have this generic one written out. Will you sign it?”

Me: “Sure, as long as she stops coming in and harassing all my coworkers, asking about my name, how to contact me, when I’m working next, and so on.”

My manager, who had no idea that this has been happening, crumples up the apology letter, stomps on it, and picks it up and mails it to the customer.

A few months later, a friend and I are shopping at the only other grocery store in our town. I am standing in line, and a cashier opens the lane next to the one I’m in and calls the next person over. Who should go running? The same lady that tripped in the store where I work.

Me: *Shouting over the counter* “You shouldn’t run in grocery stores; you could trip and get hurt!”

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he Perpetual Training Train
COWORKERS, JERK, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, OFFICE, THE NETHERLANDS | WORKING | MAY 14, 2021
I have to perform two certain tasks in the morning. One is crucial to get the workflow of my department started; the other is a very complicated task for one single client of ours. Since performing both tasks makes it take longer for me to join my department in the workflow, my supervisor wants management to put someone else on task number two. Apparently, this is very hard for them.

In February, I have a talk about it with my supervisor.

Me: “Still no plan, I guess?”

Supervisor: *Almost laughing* “Well, there is a plan, actually, but I doubt it’s going to work. They want [Coworker] to do it.”

[Coworker] mans the warehouse, and over the last months, his enthusiasm for his job has visibly diminished. Still, I have to train him.

Coworker: “Who decided that I have to do this? [Supervisor] probably, eh?”

Me: “Not really, no…”

Coworker: “They want me to do more and more, while I barely have time left for my actual job! Oh, well, what the f*** do I care? I’ll learn it and then drop it and take a job somewhere else!”

He keeps acting like this throughout every morning I train him. He seems like he’s trying to learn the job, indeed, but he keeps claiming that he’ll learn it and then leave.

Me: “You’re really gonna do that?”

Coworker: “H*** yeah! When I say I’m gonna do something, I always mean it!”

His constant moaning and anger suck my motivation to train him out of me. I have some talks with my supervisor about his behaviour. She’s fed up with his bluff and his lack of work ethic, but since he answers to another department, she can’t discipline him for it.

Supervisor: “You know, he would actually have time to perform his main job if he wouldn’t take smoke breaks every two hours. Or if he wouldn’t get out for an hour to buy lunch.”

We have half-hour lunch breaks.

Supervisor: “But I have spoken to [Coworker’s Supervisor] and he also thinks we shouldn’t take his threats of leaving too seriously. It’s a bluff.”

It probably is, I admit. Still, weeks go by while I am training this completely unmotivated guy to perform this quite complicated task. Then, one morning, I come in and hear my supervisor on the phone.

Supervisor: “Yeah, it’s quite clear to me that someone here is being blatantly selfish. Thanks for telling me.” *To me* “That was [Coworker’s Supervisor]. [Coworker] just called in sick. I’m sceptical.”

[Coworker] stayed home for quite some time, claiming burnout. Meanwhile, I kept performing the task myself. By April, someone from a different location was transferred to our office and learned the task from me… only to get a transfer again by June. Finally, after summer, I trained a more motivated coworker for the task. By then, [Coworker] was reintegrating, while showing a complete lack of motivation.

By the end of the year, I had put in my notice, not because of this weird history, but simply because I found a better-paying job with more career opportunities. [Coworker], meanwhile, was still there, doing his job to some extent, while being disliked by virtually everybody now. So much for his claims that he would leave as soon as possible. Being dissatisfied is one thing; digging your own grave because of it is another.

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Title Goes He—Pork Chop!
CALIFORNIA, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, SAN FRANCISCO, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 6, 2018
Doctor: “Did you bring your MRI?”

Patient: “I drove home to get my MRI, and, yes, I got it; but when I was there I was looking in the refrigerator and I saw pork chops, and I started thinking about pork chops for dinner and how great those are going to be! Well, the pork chops forced the MRI out of my mind, and I forgot all about the MRI and left it on the kitchen table!”

Same Old Tired Story
BIZARRE, HOSPITAL, NURSES, PATIENTS, TENNESSEE, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 6, 2018
(My nurse recounts this story to my father, her coworker, after I wake up from appendix surgery.)

Nurse: “I’m getting her to recovery and expecting her to be out for another few minutes when she suddenly sits up, turns to me, and tells me in the most deadpan voice, ‘Hey, I’m going to throw up now. Sorry,’ and spews. Then she makes a face, lays back down, and falls right back asleep.”

Dad: *snorts* “Funny thing is, sleep-walking and -talking runs in our family. I do it, and my sister does it. It wouldn’t surprise me if my daughter does, too.”

Nurse: “She warned me. Maybe she just woke up for a minute.”

Dad: “She’s a teenager. She hasn’t been awake since she was twelve.”

(And that’s when I ACTUALLY woke up from the surgery and started grumbling about feeling groggy. Either way, I don’t remember puking, or telling the nurse I was going to. And to be fair to my dad, it’s ten years later, and I’m STILL always tired.)

Will Fight You On This Tooth And Nail
DENTIST, FRANCE, PATIENTS, STUPID | HEALTHY | AUGUST 5, 2018
(I study dentistry at a dental clinic in France. The dental clinic is split into what we call services: surgery, prosthetics, urgent care, etc. That means that a patient who wants the teeth we remove to be replaced by a prosthesis needs to coordinate his appointments with both services. It’s more complicated than just going to a regular dentist, but in France clinics make you pay exactly what healthcare reimburses, making it free for everyone, apart from “better” acts, like implants. The basic stuff is 100% covered, though, and that’s why poor people come here. Every service is clearly labeled. I have this interaction while working in the surgery service, with a patient who has six teeth left, and NO prosthesis.)

Me: “So, according to your file, we have to remove those three teeth.”

Patient: “But you will replace them, right?”

Me: “It says in your file that you have an appointment in prosthesis; they will take care of it.”

Patient: “But I want you to do it now! It’s in two months!”

(It is rather urgent that his teeth be removed, as they have already become infected in the past.)

Me: “Ah, well, then, we can remove the teeth now, and you can go to your planned appointment. In fact, it’s not that bad; we require about two to three months of healing before we can make a fully-functional prosthesis.”

Patient: “What will I do without my teeth, though? I’d rather stay like this and come back in two months!”

(The teeth we’re talking about are premolars. His front teeth, the incisors, are long gone, as are his back teeth, his molars. The premolars serve no purpose if they’re not surrounded or faced by other teeth.)

Me: “Are you sure? They could get infected again and cause you a lot of pain. They’re of no use to you, you can’t eat with them, and we don’t see them when you smile.”

Patient: “I want to keep them! What would I do without them?”

(I don’t know, the exact same thing you’ve been doing for the past ten years with your six remaining rotten teeth? He ended up leaving and refused any care. Bet he’ll b**** and moan when, in two months, they tell him they can’t do a nice prosthesis for two other months…)

Interesting Germinating Little Minds
FUNNY KIDS, HEALTH & BODY, HOME, NON-DIALOGUE, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 4, 2018
When I was little, my mom was trying to teach me to wash my hands after I went to the bathroom. She told me that germs would climb onto my hands from the toilet, and that if I didn’t wash my hands to kill them, they might make me sick.

At that time, I didn’t realize that she meant that there were germs already on the toilet, and thus even flushing the toilet would contaminate my hands. I thought she meant that as I went to the bathroom, the germs would climb up my body, specifically trying to get to my hands so they could make me sick.

This led to a few years of me using the bathroom while holding my hands as far out as I could, so that the germs would have farther to climb. If my arms touched my upper body, for example, the germs could take the shortcut through my elbows and get to my hands sooner. If I took too long, there were germs all over my hands, and I needed to wash them. If I was fast enough, though, the germs hadn’t had a chance to get to my hands, and I didn’t have to wash them.

I am very sure that that was not the lesson my mother meant to teach me, but it’s the lesson my young self learned.

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Very Bad Reception, Part 22
BAD BEHAVIOR, MEDICAL OFFICE, RECEPTION, UK | HEALTHY | AUGUST 3, 2018
(The doctors I am with primarily deal with “on the day” appointments, because let’s face it, you can’t schedule when you will be ill. They open at 8:00 am on the dot, and as I’m used to the fact they are busy, I start phoning at 7:59, hitting redial until I get the, “Welcome to…” automated message and not the, “The surgery is closed,” automated message. I’m aiming to be early in the queue of callers trying to get an appointment. Thankfully I get through quickly, having been second in the queue, and ask for an appointment to see a doctor. The receptionist is female, but my doctor is male.)

Receptionist: “Why do you want to see a doctor?”

Me: *politely* “I really would rather not discuss my medical issues with you, and would rather speak to my doctor about it.”

(This is my right here in the UK.)

Receptionist: “But I need to know why you want to see a doctor.”

Me: “I really am uncomfortable discussing it with you.”

Receptionist: “Unless you tell me exactly why you want to see a doctor, you will not today, or at any point, be able to get an appointment!”

Me: *losing my cool* “You are breaching every policy your practice has. I would like to speak to the practice manager, immediately.”

Receptionist: “There will be a short wait.”

(Thirty minutes later I was still on hold, and got another receptionist asking why I was holding for so long. I was put through to the practice manager, who was NOT aware I was waiting. I explained to the practice manager what had happened. I was advised I could come in immediately and see a doctor. I was given time with the doctor to go over my health concerns, which were legitimate concerns, but thankfully came to nothing serious. The first receptionist was made to apologise to me, and when I went back for a follow-up a month later, I was told she was no longer working there. I found out she had been doing this before, but it hadn’t been picked up on as people either caved, or just didn’t complain!)

Very Bad Reception, Part 21
CANADA, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, MEDICAL OFFICE, QUEBEC, RECEPTION | HEALTHY | JANUARY 18, 2018
(There is a small medical clinic where I live. Usually, for walk-in patients, you get to the door very early, wait until they open it, then head for the desk, where you are assigned an appointment time for the day depending on the order of arrival. Usually, people behave and do not jump forward. Rarely, but sometimes, the clinic isn’t full, and going in mid-morning, you might still get a spot. It’s about 11, and I feel I might have a feminine infection. I stop by the clinic to see if there’s room.)

Secretary: “I’m sorry. There’s a new phone system in place. Now you have to call in the morning and leave your name and phone number. Someone will call you back with the time of your appointment.”

Me: “Well, I’m right here. Can’t you just give me a time?”

Secretary: “No, you have to call.”

Me: “Okay, fine.”

(I make two steps to the side, pick up my cellphone, take the card she gave me with the phone number, and start dialing. The secretary looks at me.)

Secretary: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Calling for an appointment. You said I absolutely had to call.”

Secretary: “Ugh… Okay, I’ll give you one.”

(I believe she suddenly realized that I would have left my info on the answering machine, that she would have listen to it, then call me back with the time, all while I was standing in front of her.)

Very Bad Reception, Part 20
MUSIC | WORKING | APRIL 21, 2017
(I work at a market research firm. Part of my job involves calling the manufacturers of high-tech devices to interview them. Some of the companies I call are very large, and others are quite small family firms. Some of the smaller companies have local radio stations on instead of hold music. Usually these are country music stations with ads about farm equipment. One time though

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] calling from [Company]. Could I be connected with [Project Manager], please?”

Receptionist: “Sure thing. Please hold.”

Me: “Okay.”

Hold Music: *really loud gangsta rap* “MY MONEY AND MY HOES!”

(I started laughing so hard I had to hang up and call back again.)

Very Bad Reception, Part 19
BOSSES & OWNERS, JERK, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, OFFICE, SPOUSES & PARTNERS, UK | WORKING | NOVEMBER 27, 2017
Receptionist: “Hello, [Business].”

Me: “Hi. Could I please speak to [Manager], please?”

Receptionist: *click*

(I phone again, thinking I was just disconnected by accident.)

Receptionist: “Hello, [Business].”

Me: “Hi, I think—”

Receptionist: *click*

(Knowing she actually cut me off this time, I phone back again.)

Receptionist: “Hello, [Business].”

Me: “Why do you keep cutting me off?!”

Receptionist: “Because this is a cold call, and I’m told to hang up on them.”

Me: “Actually, I’m [Manager]’s husband, and I’d like to speak to him.”

Receptionist: “Yeah, right!” *laughing* “I’ve met his wife.” *click*

(Having had enough, I decide to just drive down.)

Receptionist: *smiling brightly* “Hello, welcome to [Business]. How can I help you?”

Me: “I’d like to speak to [Manager].”

Receptionist: “What reason do you have to speak to him? Do you have an appointment?”

Me: “I’m his husband, and no.”

(She realises who I am and sneers.)

Receptionist: *sarcastically* “Really? You’re that desperate?”

(Coincidently, my husband happens to walk by.)

Husband: “[My Name]? What are you doing here?”

Receptionist: “You know this degenerate?” *smugly* “I was just about to have him removed.”

Husband: “What? Why? He’s my husband!”

(The receptionist blushes and we stand in awkward silence for a few seconds.)

Me: *to the receptionist* “You want to explain?”

(The receptionist stammered through her explanation, with me inserting her claim that he had a wife after she neglected to mention it. My husband actually found it hilarious. She isn’t allowed near the phones anymore, though.)