What’s Your Poison
PHARMACY | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 15, 2011
(I’m a pharmacist in a rural area. A shop assistant calls me out from the dispensary to talk to a customer, who is a slightly intoxicated middle aged woman.)
Customer: “This medicine made my partner sick! Violently sick!”
Me: “Let me see. Has he had any alcohol?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “Are you sure? Not even a little?”
Customer: “He doesn’t drink. Maybe only a little, but he wasn’t drunk.”
Me: “It clearly says on the label that you must not drink any alcohol while being treated with this medicine.”
Customer: “But he didn’t drink much at all. A beer shouldn’t matter, should it?”
Me: “It contains enough alcohol to–”
Customer: “But, like, you can even drive if you only drink a beer!”
Me: “That has nothing to do with–”
Customer: “I think he’d better not take this medicine. It made him violently sick!”
Me: “I think he should–”
Customer: “Thanks, I’ll tell him what you said. This medicine is a poison!” *turns around and walks out*
Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 3
PHARMACY | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 9, 2011
(I am standing in line at the pharmacy counter and a man rudely cuts in front of me, stating that he has been waiting in line, just in another part of the store. He assures me he’ll be quick, but I don’t buy his excuse. The following exchange occurs between him and the pharmacist.)
Customer: “I need to speak to a pharmacist immediately.”
Pharmacist: “Do you have a question about your medication?”
Customer: “Yes, it says on the bottle to take with water. I don’t drink water. Water makes you fat.”
Pharmacist: “Um, water is essential for your body, especially with those pills.”
Customer: “What about water retention? Will I just pee it out, then?”
Pharmacist: “Yeah, your body will eventually eliminate it. You should drink water, though. Your body needs plenty of water to work well, and you really don’t want to be dehydrated while on this drug.”
Customer: “Okay, I’ll try it. Oh, and one more question. What about alcohol? Can I still have my alcohol?”
Take Two Werewolves And Call Me In The Morning
PHARMACY | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 8, 2011
(I have just given a customer his prescription and am explaining to him the directions.)
Me: “So, just take two of these with water at night.”
Customer: “Okay, thanks. Wait, I work at night…should I take these in the day time?”
Me: “Yes, just take them before bed.”
Customer: “Okay, so they aren’t activated by the moon or anything?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: *slight disbelief* “Hmm, okay…” *turns around and leaves*
I’ll Take An Album Cover For 7000
PHARMACY | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 4, 2011
(I work in the OTC section of a well-known pharmacy chain. I’m stocking the shelves in an aisle when a customer approaches me.)
Customer: “Excuse me. I’ve looked all over here. Where are your hemorrhoid wipes?”
Me: “Oh, those are actually down on Aisle 20.”
Customer: “Really? Why are they over there and not in this aisle with the rest of the anal care?”
Me: “I’m sorry, what?”
Customer: “Anal care!” *points at the aisle’s sign*
Like There’s No Tomorrow
PHARMACY | RIGHT | OCTOBER 24, 2011
(A customer has called to ask if we carry an over the counter soap in our store.)
Me: “Hello, ma’am? I just checked and we do carry [brand] soap. However, we are all out of stock right now, but we could order some for you and it would come in tomorrow.”
Customer: “You don’t carry [brand]?”
Me: “We do carry it. We just don’t have it in right now.”
Customer: “Well, why not?”
Me: “Because other customers have purchased it. But we can order some for tomorrow.”
A Real Pain In The Rear
PHARMACY | RIGHT | DECEMBER 14, 2011
(An elderly gentleman approaches me at the counter.)
Me: “How may I help you, sir?”
Customer: “My butt hurts! I need medicine!”
Me: “All right, do you have a prescription? Or, can you tell me what exactly is wrong so that I can recommend you something that doesn’t need one?”
Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong. But my butt hurts!”
Me: “Please go see a doctor then, sir. Without knowing what causes your pain, there’s little I can do.”
Customer: “But I don’t want to wait at the doctor’s together with all the sick people! I’ll catch a disease or something!”
Me: “That’s understandable. Maybe you could go early in the morning when fewer people are there?”
Customer: “No! I don’t want to! I want you to tell me what’s wrong! Look at my butt!”
Me: “Sorry, sir, but we don’t do that–”
(The man doesn’t listen. In front of me and three other customers, he drops his pants and underwear, turns around and sticks out his butt in my direction.)
Me: “Sir, please pull up your pants again! I can’t tell what’s wrong and you will have to leave if you don’t stop that!”
Customer: “Nonsense! If you can’t tell what’s wrong from over there, come closer and get a better look!”
(My boss then comes to look at what’s going on and ends up kicking the guy out.)
Customer: *on the way out the door* “Why will no one look at my butt?!”
A Warm And Full(filling) Night In
PHARMACY | RIGHT | DECEMBER 9, 2011
(A man in his mid-30’s approaches the register. I notice that he looks a little grumpy about something.)
Me: “Hello!”
Customer: “Hi.”
(It is at this point that I notice that he only has two items to ring up: a 20oz bottle of soda and an enema.)
Me: “How are you today?”
Customer: “I’m holding an enema, what do you think?!”
Me: *speechless*
(I ring him up silently. Poor guy, I hope he feels better!)
D Is For Definitely Shiny
HOLIDAYS, NEW JERSEY, PHARMACY, RETAIL, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 16, 2011
(A customer walks to my register with a Halloween decoration in tow. It’s a cheap cardboard statue of a cartoon-looking black cat covered in a shiny plastic material.)
Customer: “So, why is this 3D?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
(I peer at the tag. It says “3D Cat.”)
Me: “Oh, that’s because it’s 3D.”
Customer: “No, I mean why is it ‘D’? Is it because it’s shiny?”
(A multitude of thoughts are racing through my head at this point. I debate the prospect of explaining to her what 3D actually means. In the end, I decide it’s easier to just agree with her.)
Me: “Exactly! It’s really sparkly and that’s why it’s called a 3D cat. Would you like to purchase it?”
Perhaps There’s Insufficient Blood To Your Brain
PHARMACY | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 24, 2012
(We have a free self-use blood pressure machine in our pharmacy.)
Customer: “When are you going to fix your blood pressure machine?”
Pharmacist: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Your blood pressure machine is broken. Every time I come in here, it doesn’t work! You should really take care of it. Lots of old people need to check their blood pressure, you know!”
Me: “Are you sure? I just filled the paper roll the other day. It was working fine.”
Customer: “No, it’s not! I’ve been trying to use it for days. It’s not working. You should really take care of it!”
(I take a look at the machine and try to troubleshoot the problem. I sit in the seat, roll up my sleeve, put it in the cuff, and push the big green “Start” button. The cuff inflates normally.)
Customer: “You mean you’re suppose to push that button?!”
Weekend Roundup: Don’t Mess With Employees
FAST FOOD, GUN STORE, PHARMACY, TECH SUPPORT | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 19, 2012
Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.
Don’t Mess With Employees! This week, we feature five stories that teach misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees.
In Real Hot Sauce Now:
A young teenage employee decides her dignity is worth more than £3.71 and dealing with a cowardly manager.
A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’:
A customer tries to rough up an employee, but ends up getting roughed up by the manager instead.
Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists:
Teenage robber, meet Doug. Doug is our new pharmacy tech. Doug is also built like a fridge.
Who’s Got The Power Now:
Tech support is happy to support your technology. Supporting your potty mouth, not so much.
Your Prank Got Spanked:
A prank caller picks the wrong, well-armed store to call.
Harvested From The Great Nyquil Tree
PHARMACY | RIGHT | JANUARY 25, 2012
Patient: “Hi, my 6-month-old grandson has some congestion in his nose and a fever. I gave him some NyQuil yesterday and that seemed to help. Is there anything you would recommend?”
Me: “For the congestion, you can use these saline drops, they’re–”
Patient: “No! I don’t wanna use that medicated stuff.”
Me: “All right. Well, for the fever you can try this Tylenol. Do you know the wei–”
Patient: “No! I don’t want to use that! It has acetaminophen in it! That’s not safe for babies.”
Me: “Actually, acetaminophen is quite safe for infants.”
Patient: “You’re a pharmacist. You would say that!”
Me: “Well, the only other option is the Advil.”
Patient: “That has acetaminophen too!”
Me: “No, that has ibuprofen. Which is also saf–”
Patient: “No, it isn’t!”
Me: “Are you aware that NyQuil has acetaminophen in it?”
Patient: “You lie! NyQuil has NyQuil in it! Isn’t there anything more natural I can give?!”
It’s The Small Victories
PHARMACY | RIGHT | JANUARY 21, 2012
(I’ve been working for a quite a while, so my voice is scratchy. Near the end of my shift, an old man comes to the counter.)
Customer: “Hm. You’re losing your voice there, eh?”
Me: “Haha. A little bit, I suppose.”
Customer: “Well, that’s the end of the world for a woman.”
Me: “Ha ha…” *confused as to where he’s going with this*
Customer: “HAHAHA, YOU CAN’T YELL AT ME!” *does a victory dance*
A Game Of Kat And Birdie
PHARMACY | RIGHT | APRIL 5, 2012
(I work at a pharmacy and we are very busy, causing a few customers having to wait. The last woman in line finally steps up.)
Me: “I apologize for your wait. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Does your name tag say your name is Kat?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Did you have some crazy new age parents or something? Why would they name you after an animal? That’s just dumb! You should have a good sturdy name, like mine!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what can I help you with?”
Customer: “I need a refill.”
Me: “Of course. Can I get your date of birth?”
Customer: *gives me her date of birth* “And the prescription is under Birdie.”
Me: “Okay, it’s put in and will be ready in 15 minutes.”
Customer: “Thank you. I’m sorry you have such a foolish name.”
Pharmacist: “Did that woman just tell you your name was foolish and complain about people with “animal” names?”
Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 3
DRUG STORE, PHARMACY | RIGHT | MARCH 30, 2012
(Our store regularly runs a promotion on the various vitamin brands for ‘BOGO’, buy 1, get 1 free. A customer comes up to the register with a bottle of a brand on the BOGO promotion. I am also an avid couponer and I regularly take in coupons for items we carry that I won’t use so that I can give them to customers.)
Me: “Sir, I see you’re buying a [brand] item. This week we currently have this whole line at Buy One, Get One Free. If you do get another one, I also have a coupon I can give you which is good for $2 off two items. So instead of getting one for $9.99 you can get 2 for eight bucks and change.”
Customer: *quite angrily* “What the h*** is wrong with you people? I just want my vitamins. Why are you always trying to push me to buy extra stuff and give you more money!?”
Me: “I’m…sir, I apologize. I probably wasn’t clear you’ll get twice as many vitamins and spend two dollars less—”
Customer: “Oh f*** this. You’re all scam artists!” *storms off without paying*
You Better Belize It
PHARMACY | RIGHT | MARCH 19, 2012
(I live in Belize. A lot of tourists think they can get away with anything in my country. One day, a foreigner walks into the store.)
Customer: “Can I get some Diazepam?”
Me: “Do you have a prescription?”
Customer: *tries to look bewildered* “Do I need one?”
Me: “Yes, especially since it’s a controlled substance.”
Customer: “It is?” *scoffs* “Well I didn’t know that. Some Xanax, then.”
Me: “That is a controlled substance too. Valium, Xanax, alprazolam, lorazepam, diazepam…they’re all controlled.”
Customer: “Well, then!” *hurriedly walks out of the store*
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