Can’t Let The Cat Out Of The Bag With No Cat
Stupid, UK, Vet | Healthy | August 8, 2021
I am a veterinary surgeon in the middle of a very busy consulting session. I call my next appointment in — booked as “coughing” — and a man comes into my consulting room with no pet.
Me: “Where is your cat?”
Client: “Oh, she hates travelling, so I left her at home. I thought we could just discuss what to do.”
Me: “I can’t examine, diagnose, or treat a problem without actually seeing [Cat].”
Client: “So, I need to bring her, then?”
Me: “Yes.”
Client: “…”
Me: “…”
Client: “Shall I just go, then?”
Me: “Yes, please rebook for another time and bring her with you next time.”
He left. I mean… who deliberately doesn’t bring their pet for a veterinary appointment?
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That’s One Ballsy Programmer
Coworkers, Funny, Health & Body, Maryland, Office, USA | Healthy | August 6, 2021
I’m a programmer and work in a room with a half dozen others. We often resort to good-natured teasing and complaining about each other, but I’m confident everyone knows it is in jest.
One of our coworkers has been making plans to be out in a few days for some surgery.
Me: “What is the surgery for, if you’re comfortable sharing?”
Coworker: “Oh, I’m an open book. I’m willing to share, but the real question is, do you really want to know? You can’t complain about it being too much information if you ask.”
Me: “Come on, tell us.”
Coworker: “Okay, you know how if someone does something really impressive, people will always say something like, ‘That guy has to have some huge cojones to do that.’?”
Me: “Yeah…?”
Coworker: “Well, it turns out that huge cojones aren’t as convenient as everyone made them out to be, and I’m apparently too awesome for my own good.”
He eventually goes on to explain that he has a hydrocele, which is some sort of liquid buildup on the outside of the testicle, making it grow larger until it gets in the way.
The day of his surgery, he is the only one not on vacation that can support some servers, so he comes in for two hours to check on the servers and have some sort of meeting before leaving for the surgery. When the time comes to leave, he has this to say.
Coworker: “Okay, folks. I hope none of you take this the wrong way, but I just realized I’d rather go get my balls chopped off than spend another moment here with all of you. See you on Monday.”
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