In Which Everyone Gets To Learn A Little Something
Awesome, California, Inspirational, LGBTQ, Non-Dialogue, School, Siblings, Students, USA | Learning | May 3, 2022
As a first-grade teacher, I’ve been lucky enough to teach a number of great kids I have very fond memories of, but there is one child that sticks out as memorable even compared to all the other great kids. He was a sweet child with strong empathy and caring for his classmates, he rarely got in trouble, and while not my best student, he always did decently well in classwork.

I first became aware of one of his unique aspects early in the year when his mother “confessed” to me her confusion about what to do with her son. She was a single mother and had always struggled with money, meaning that her son had to settle for his older sister’s hand-me-downs for most of his young life. However, she had been proud that she had gotten a slightly better paying job recently and so could afford to take her son shopping for his own clothes to start his first year of school with.

The only problem was that her son didn’t like any of the options they looked at in the store and ended up hating everything they bought. In fact, he actually pled with his mother to go back to wearing his sister’s hand-me-down clothes. It seemed he liked the “girly” clothes, the pink and unicorns, and all the stuff you couldn’t find in the boys’ section of the local department store.

His mom didn’t know what to do about this. She worried that she had somehow damaged her son by making him wear girl clothes for his young childhood or that growing up in a house of girls without a male role model had prevented him from properly growing into a boy. I immediately assured her that neither of those things she mentioned was a problem or had harmed her son and that there was nothing wrong with her son having unusual preferences in clothes. I told her she should focus on being understanding when talking to her son about his preferences and finding a compromise that both were comfortable with rather than acting as if his not liking his “boy” clothes meant there was something wrong with him.

Since the mother seemed really concerned about her son’s lack of a male role model in his life, I also recommended that she look into signing him up as a “little” with Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, which our school had a close working relationship with. She did, and eventually, he was assigned a big brother, a young adult still in college. Though in this case, this was for in-school visits, the big brother would come to take my student every Wednesday during the lunch and recess hour and spend time with him, but they were supposed to limit the contact to school hours rather than the larger commitment of a traditional big brother relationship. The student’s big brother was great, very much loved by my student, and even popular with the other kids in the class due to his often organizing larger games for kids to play with him and his little brother during recess.

As the year went on, I noticed my student’s mother becoming more comfortable with supporting her son’s clothing choices. Originally, he would come to class wearing what I’d call gender-neutral clothing, but over time, I saw more and more examples of clothes that leaned more toward feminine.

This all came to a head when I got an email from his mom saying that her son had been pleading for permission to wear a dress to school, and she had finally relented and decided to allow him on the upcoming Monday. She was clearly worried about his being bullied, and I promised I’d do my best to keep an eye on him that Monday.

When he first walked into class, escorted there by his mother who had insisted on driving him to school that day just to ensure he was okay, he was clearly excited to be wearing his bright pink dress. I made a point to tell him I thought he looked great and he beamed up at me happily.

The other kids in the class had a number of questions about his choice of clothing, of course, and sometimes these questions were as insensitive as one would expect for children too young to understand tact. Many asked why he was wearing girl clothing. One kid even guessed he was being punished by his mom for something. However, for all their lack of tact, one great thing about kids that young is that they aren’t as committed to all the stereotypes that adults take for granted and are more open to new concepts. While many of the kids were confused about his dress, most didn’t seem angry or hostile over it.

Unfortunately, not all the students were as understanding and, despite my best efforts, he got a few mean comments about his clothes. By lunchtime, his enthusiasm about his dress had clearly waned a bit.

Just as I was wrapping up my lesson in preparation for lunchtime, I heard the familiar game of phone tag that came from kids near the door noticing my student’s Big Brother waiting outside and passing the word down the line to where the student sat. I was a little confused since this wasn’t the right day for his visit, but I still gave my student the usual wave to say he could go to his big brother. I hadn’t looked out the door, though, and so I was a little surprised when I heard my student’s excited exclamation that his big brother was wearing a dress.

Sure enough, the brother was indeed wearing a dress, one that was clearly too small for him and most likely hastily borrowed from a friend, but a dress nonetheless. He declared that he had heard that my student was going to be coming in with a dress and, “[Student] shouldn’t be the only one that gets to be pretty.”

During recess, the big brother also got many questions from my students about his dress. He answered only that he wore it because he liked to be pretty and challenged any students who implied there was something wrong with that to explain why he shouldn’t get to wear something that made him happy. By the end of recess, my student had rediscovered his earlier enthusiasm from the morning, and now, if challenged about his dress, he proudly declared that if his big brother liked wearing a dress, then there was nothing wrong with it.

From that day forward, the big brother usually wore a dress when he came in to get his little brother. He ended up getting two dresses which he clearly rotated between. He confessed to me in private that he actually disliked dresses, mostly complaining that his legs were always too cold, but if wearing a dress was what it took to make his little brother comfortable, then he would keep doing it.

My student didn’t always get to wear a dress. He told me his older sister didn’t often wear dresses, so he didn’t have many hand-me-down dresses to pick from; however, he always wore one on Wednesdays when his big brother came. And by the end of the year, the students all took it for granted that this one student wore dresses on occasion and treated him perfectly normally despite that fact. Years later, I’d still occasionally spot this student in the hallways of our school proudly wearing a dress while chatting with friends.

I’m sure some of you are wondering about his gender, and I promise all three of us (me, his mother, and his big brother) did ask him about it. He didn’t say he felt like a girl, but he also wasn’t willing to definitively say he was a boy, either. I don’t think he had fully figured out what he was yet. Our best guess was that he was a boy who simply preferred to wear dresses and pink things, though I wouldn’t be overly shocked if that changed as he grew older. I lost touch with his mom after he graduated from my class so I don’t know what he ultimately identified as, but I know that whatever it was, he had people in his life that loved him and would support him regardless.

Nothing Fishy About This Pirate At All!
Adorable Children, Awesome, Germany, Hotel, Inspirational, Restaurant, Silly | Right | May 2, 2022
The hotel kitchen I work in is partially open-plan, meaning people in the restaurant can look in. When it’s not lunch/dinner service time, the restaurant is closed up but not locked since hotel guests need to pass through to get to the courtyard if they want something from our cafe area.

During one of these closed times, another chef and I are prepping food when a young man with his little daughter comes in. The girl is wearing a pirate hat, eyepatch, and the typical blue-and-white-striped marine shirt and neckerchief, and she’s carrying a wood toy saber.

Dad: “Hi, sorry to bother you. Can we ask you a question about the menu?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Dad: *To his little pirate* “Go on. These are the cooks. They’ll know.”

The little pirate, hiding behind her dad’s legs, stares at us and then grins and shouts in her loudest, most “gruff” voice:

Little Pirate: “WHAT’S THE CATCH OF THE DAY?!”

I had to resist laughing very hard, while the other chef ducked down to hide his giggles. I told her the catch of the day was salmon trout, but the fish fingers on our kids’ menu were also fresh from the sea, wink-wink.

The little pirate, now dressed as a normal little girl, was very happy with her fish fingers when her family came in for dinner.

Great.
Awesome, Inspirational, Junior High School, Music, Silly, Students, USA, Vermont | Learning | May 1, 2022
I work as a behavior interventionist. Basically, I observe certain students’ behaviors and come up with ideas to help them be successful in school. I then implement the plans (once approved) and collect data so the school can track progress. I love my job, and seeing the progress students make is incredible. It also happens to be shortly after the song “What Does The Fox Say?” has gone viral.

The student I’m working with now has unintentionally deceptive body language. The same body language could be signs of a bunch of different things, and it’s my job to figure it out.

The science teacher rented a bunch of animal pelts and the students have the option to touch/examine them. They can choose not to, though. The student I’m focusing on might be fine, might be shutting down, might be stressed about the dead animals, might be about to blow, or might just want to draw. This kid is an enigma.

A wonderful child notices their body language, and instead of drawing attention to them and asking, “Are you okay?”, they begin petting the fox pelt and say, in the same way as the song:

Wonderful Child: “What does the fox say?”

Then, the kid drops their happy attitude.

Wonderful Child: “Nothing, the fox is dead.”

My kid BURST out laughing, and I knew all was well.

That strategy of making a joke to test a student’s mental state is a tool I use now. I have to be careful, of course, about the time, place, and person, but it works!

Thanks, random kid!

To Get A Nice Customer Once A Day Is Surprising, But Two…?
Awesome, Bizarre, Call Center, Fraud, Inspirational, Maryland, USA | Right | April 28, 2022
My first job was working at a call center doing fraud protection. I got a call from our customer service team asking to transfer a call one day.

Customer Service: “I think someone took over the customer’s account. Her address and phone are correct, but someone else’s social security number is on the account and there were charges in a completely different state than she lives in that she didn’t make.”

Me: “Yeah, this doesn’t seem like regular fraud, but something odd is happening. Go ahead and transfer her and I’ll see what I can do.”

After being transferred, I went through the preliminaries, validating the customer’s identity, confirming which charges she didn’t make, etc. I could have just closed the account as fraudulent and let another department figure it out, but there were too many things that didn’t add up, so I decided that, rather than having her go back and forth with our other department when they insisted this wasn’t fraudulent, I’d try to figure it out now and save her some hassle. My only concern was whether the customer would either yell at me or freak out if I implied this wasn’t actually fraud, so I was very paranoid about saying the wrong thing and angering her.

Me: “Well, ma’am, I understand that you didn’t make these charges, and I assure you that we will not charge you for anything you didn’t do. However, this doesn’t look like your usual fraudulent activity. People taking over accounts want to put your social on accounts they made; putting their social on your account wouldn’t make any sense. And usually, someone taking over an account will buy gift cards or expensive electronics, not maternity wear, and they would usually spend far more than was spent here. We still won’t charge you if you didn’t make the purchases, but if you are willing to bear with me for a little while longer, I’d like to try to figure out what happened here so we can get everything resolved correctly without their having to contact you for more information later. Would that be okay?”

Customer: “Oh, sure, that’s fine. What do you need?”

Me: “First, I’d like to get your social security number fixed on this account. Could I get your proper social please?”

After correcting her social, I asked a few questions and dug around for a bit trying to deduce what had happened. All the while, I kept assuring her that we wouldn’t charge her for anything, and she was very polite about it. Eventually, on a whim, I tried to check the old social security number and was surprised to find out that it was a valid social. I’ve never run into a mistyped social security number that was actually valid before.

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I may have a guess what happened here. I’ll just need a few more minutes to check some things in my system if you don’t mind staying on the line.”

Customer: “Sure, go ahead.”

I pulled up some accounts and verified that my suspicion was likely.

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I suspect I know what happened here. I believe I know who made those purchases, and I don’t think they were intentionally trying to steal your account. We will still get the charges removed, but if I can verify my suspicions, we should be able to do it without having to close your account or have you fill out any additional paperwork for us.”

Customer: “That’s good, but how did the charges get on my account, then?”

I was actually hoping she wouldn’t ask this, as I didn’t want to explain the many levels of screw-up on our part required for my suspicion to have happened, but since she asked, I had to answer.

Me: “Well, the social security number on the account was very close to your own. I think the representative who helped you open the account must have accidentally transposed some digits when she put in the request. However, by pure chance, the mistyped social happens to have been a valid social security number belonging to another customer of ours, one that lives in the same state the purchases were made in. I believe she was trying to make a purchase on her card, and it was accidentally placed on your card by mistake.”

Customer: “But how would that happen? She doesn’t have my card, does she?”

Me: “No, ma’am. The charges were all done electronically. If you want to make a purchase at our store and don’t have your card present, it’s possible for a representative to do an account lookup for you so you can still make a purchase using your card. I believe they were trying to do that, but since your account still had the other women’s social security number on it, they accidentally looked your card up instead of hers. I’m really sorry that this all happened.”

Customer: “Oh, I guess that makes sense. But how do I get the charges removed?”

Me: “The easiest way would be if we can get the woman to confirm she made these charges, so I’d like to try to contact her. If she does agree, they should be able to transfer them back to her card without any problem. But I’d have to get hold of her first. I’ll try calling her as soon as I get off the phone with you, but it may be a day or so before we manage to reach her. If it’s okay with you, I’ll leave a note asking them to call you back and let you know what happened once we get ahold of the other woman. In the meantime, your card is still open and can be used. I’ve fixed your social so this won’t happen again. You don’t need to make any payment for the things you didn’t purchase; any kind of late fee or interest caused by the purchases last week will be removed from your card when the charges are transferred.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Just let me know what happens, I guess?”

After some more polite apologies from me, the customer hung up. I called the other woman.

Me: “Hello, I’m calling from the [Company] fraud department. Is [Callee] available?”

Callee: “That’s me. Is something wrong?”

This is where things got awkward. I’m not allowed to discuss someone else’s account with a stranger, so even though I strongly suspected this woman was the one that actually made the purchases, I was not allowed to directly discuss them.

Me: “Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to determine if you had recently made a purchase at one of our stores?”

Callee: “Oh, you mean for clothing? Yeah, the representative tried to look up my account but somehow she got someone else’s account. We were trying to get it fixed but weren’t sure if it was or not.”

Here I gave a sigh of relief. Her coming out and admitting all this saved me a lot of difficulties trying to confirm charges I couldn’t even reference.

Me: “Ah, yes, that is what this is about. It caused us a bit of confusion here, but I figured that was what happened. I’ve fixed the issue that caused them to look up the wrong account, so it won’t happen again. I assume we have your permission to transfer the charges back to your card?”

Callee: “Yes, of course. Sorry to cause trouble.”

Me: “No, no, this wasn’t your fault. We screwed up by letting this be possible, but I promise we’ve fixed the problem. I’m going to try to get this sorted out for you, but since the transfer is going to have to be done by another department, there is a chance someone from that department may need to contact you to get approval to do the transfer.”

Again, the woman was polite and agreed to everything. I thoroughly notated both accounts explaining what happened and passed it over to the department that could transfer the charges. Then, I called back the first woman and let her know everything was sorted out. She actually thanked me for sorting everything out!

Most customers being interrogated for fifteen minutes about charges they didn’t make, only to find out numerous mistakes were made to have them show up on your account at all, would have been a recipe for my getting screamed at, but in this case, both women were polite, courteous, and understanding. I was shocked at my good fortune to have gotten away without a verbal lashing.

Thank you, customers, for being so understanding!

They Are Always Listening
Awesome, Children, Daycare, Funny Kids, Inspirational, Parents/Guardians, The Netherlands | Related Right | April 27, 2022
I work with two- to three-year-olds at a daycare. One boy is a little whiny at the end of the day. His mother is in a hurry and looks like she’s about to scold him, which I know will only make things worse for the both of them, so I sit down next to the boy.

Me: “Boy, oh, boy, did we have a busy day or what?”

Boy: *Sighs dramatically* “Oh, Mommy, you wouldn’t believe it.”

Mom gives a tired little smile.

Me: “I think Mommy may have had a very busy day, as well.”

Boy: “Mommy, did you?”

Mom: “I sure did, sweetheart.”

Boy: “I see.”

Me: “How about you put on your shoes so you can go home and have a nice dinner together?”

Boy: *Starts fake crying again* “I don’t waaaant toooooo! I never, ever, ever want to leeeeaaave!”

Mom: “Oh, [Boy], come on!“

Me: “Oof. They really are a handful at this age, aren’t they?”

Mom: “They really are. I just don’t know what’s wrong with him!”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry. Nothing’s wrong with him. He really is just very tired. Once you get some food in him and have a bit of quiet time before bed, he’ll be back to his sweet old self in no time. Every child his age does this, trust me. Now, [Boy], you see Mommy is very tired, too? She’s probably hungry, as well! I bet you’ll have something really nice for dinner. Put your shoes on and Mommy will show you!”

Boy: “You put my shoes on!”

Me: “Me? Oh, I could never. You are way too big to need any help!”

Boy: “That’s right, I am the biggest. Look, Mommy! Look! I can do this all by myself. I don’t need any help at all from no one!”

Mom: “That’s wonderful, honey; I am so proud of you.”

They leave quite happily. A couple of days later is another very busy day with various temper tantrums, ear-piercing screams, pinching, and biting. I am pooped at the end of the day, and I look like a wrung-out mop. The same boy is being picked up by his mother.

Mom: “Oh, dear, look at you! Long day?”

Me: *Managing a smile* “You wouldn’t believe it.”

Boy: *Pets my head* “Oh, don’t worry, nothing’s wrong with her. She really is just very tired. Once you get some food in her and have a bit of quiet time before bed, she’ll be back to her sweet old self in no time. Every lady this age does this, trust me.”

Spot on, kid!

The Good Kind Of Technological Advancement
Awesome, Inspirational, New Zealand, Tech Support, Technology | Right | April 25, 2022
Me: “Hi, this is [My Name], and you’ve gotten through to the tech support team. How can I help today?”

Customer: “I hope you can. You see… my phone, it’s stopped ringing. I don’t know what’s happened.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll do my best to help you get it going again. Now, we’ll start with the easy stuff and go down the list, okay?”

Customer: “Oh, I hope it’s not something stupid…”

Me: *Encouraging* “Let’s test first to make sure the phone is making sounds at all. Let’s open the settings and run the ringer test.

The phone fails this test.

Me: “It’s okay, that tells me that we should be able to use that to test if any of our changes work! The first thing I’d like you to check is for a switch on the side. Do you see a switch on any of the edges?”

Customer: *Quiet for a moment* “Yes, I do, it’s just above the volume buttons.”

Me: “That’d be it! Is it showing any orange, or the same colour as the rest of your phone?”

Customer: “It’s showing orange.”

Me: “That’s a good sign. Okay, if you switch it, does it hide the orange?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Perfect. I’d love for you to test the ringer now through the settings like we did a moment ago.”

I hear the ringer as she does this, and the customer practically bursts into tears.

Customer: “Oh, no, it was so simple! You must think I’m an absolute idiot!”

Me: “No! No, you’re not an idiot! There are tons of buttons and switches on everything. You didn’t know what that one did, and now you do! I know that’s why I’m here! I’m glad I was able to find the ‘fix’ so quickly! So, this switch the silent mode for your phone. Now that you know it, you should be able to see a little icon on the screen. Go ahead! Try it with me now!”

The customer settles some and starts getting the giggles as she deliberately turns the silencer on and off.

Customer: “Oh, yes, I think I see it now.”

Me: *Practically beaming as I hear that tone* “That’s it! Now you’ll know if you’ve ever done it on purpose, and you know where that switch is for next time. For now, though, can I help with anything else?”

Customer: “No. That was perfect, thank you.”

I had a stupid smile on my day for the rest of the shift. I live for calls like that. I don’t care if you’re asking me where the power button is; I like making people feel in

Being Polite Is Rewarding For All Involved
Arcade, Awesome, Children, Employees, Inspirational, Instant Karma, Jerk | Right | April 24, 2022
I worked at the prize counter of an arcade. I often had little kids come up and say, “I want that!” while touching the glass, pointing to something I couldn’t really see. I would use the scanner to scan the barcode to take away the tickets on their card.

I could also add tickets because we had a game that awarded plastic coins, each of which was worth one or five tickets.

Every once in a while, there would be a kid who would say, “May I please have a [prize]?” and say thank you when I gave them their toy. I would tell them and their parents how they could keep their cards for reuse the next time they came, and they and their parents would say thank you and that they would, but little did they know, I had added 500 to 1000 tickets to their cards for the next time.

I went mad with power when I worked the booth.

Making The World A Better Place, One Berry At A Time
Awesome, I Don't Work Here, Inspirational, Reddit, Retail | Right | CREDIT: Cabbit_blm | April 20, 2022
I am at a store buying candy for an upcoming spooky holiday. I don’t work at the store and I have a green shirt on. I am browsing when a man in his seventies and a six-foot-tall teenage boy come up to me out of the blue.

Man: “Where can I find the strawberries?”

We are in the right area and I know where the fresh fruit is, so I walk him over.

Man: “No, I wanted strawberries for strawberry shortcake. I have not had any in many years.” *Getting flustered* “I wanted… more creamy strawberry.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t work here, and I’m not sure what you mean.”

I feel bad as he wanders off to look for others to help him. I watch him walk off, and then I suddenly get the idea: pie filling! I run to the baking aisle to find the strawberry filling, and then I go off to find the man.

I found him a little after near the frozen strawberries, getting slightly upset about how they wouldn’t be right either since the pieces would be too big. I tapped him on the shoulder and waved. Then, I showed him the can.

Me: “I found pie filling. I use it when I want shortcake.”

Man: *Smiling brightly* “This will do great! Thank you. You’re a great worker.”

Me: *Smiling back* “I don’t work here.”

Man: “Why did you help, then?”

Me: “You asked me. It doesn’t hurt to ask; you’re no better off if you didn’t ask at all.”

We part ways and I head to the candy aisle. I find the good candy up high. I’m only five feet tall, so I start to try and climb up to reach the big pack of normal candy bars. Then, a tall teenage boy comes up and helps me get them down.

Me: “Thank you.”

Teenager: “No problem. You helped my grandpa in being able to enjoy his favorite snack with us. He asked me to help you. He wanted me to say, ‘It doesn’t hurt to ask.’”

The teen walked back to his grandpa and we all waved and parted ways.

Thanks For Sharing Your Godparents’ Legacy With Us!
Aquarium, Awesome, Family & Kids, Inspirational, Money, Non-Dialogue, Parents/Guardians, UK | Related | April 18, 2022
My sister and I share godparents — a married couple who are old friends of my parents. Officially, the guy is my sister’s godparent and the wife is mine, but unofficially, we share!

I am six years old, my sister is eight, and my mum has just had her third child, our baby brother. Realising that she is in need of some peace and quiet, my godparents take my sister and me to an aquarium somewhere for the day.

We spend the day looking at all the different fish and some small sharks, and we eventually end up in the gift shop. I find a rubber bouncy ball I absolutely have to have; it’s half-blue, half-clear, with three small plastic dolphins positioned to look as though they’re jumping out of the blue half. Six-year-old me thinks it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and I read the price tag, knowing my mum gave me a small amount of money to spend on the trip. However, being six, I also can’t resist the pick and mix stand! I put a small amount of candy in the paper bag and notice that they don’t have a scale out to measure how much it will be (and it’s priced by weight).

When I get to the till, the lady scans my sweets and ball and tells me the total. Whilst my weight estimation for the sweets turns out to be very accurate, I have misread the price tag for the ball and am £1 short. I begin to have what I think was my first ever panic attack. Being six years old, short of money, without my mum, and very scared of being thrown in retail jail — and completely unaware that I am fully allowed to just put the sweets back! — I am a few seconds short of either hyperventilating or crying or both.

Out of nowhere, my godmother appears by my side and senses the situation. She wordlessly reaches into her pocket and slides a £1 coin across the counter to the saleswoman. I say thank you (A LOT) but she brushes it off as no big deal. It was a huge deal; I needed a mum and she stepped right in.

She died recently (she had kidney failure my whole life), and only after speaking to some people did I find out that she did the same thing on a much larger scale for my University graduation. Knowing that my best friend, who lived over 150 miles away, couldn’t afford the hotel or travel, my lovely godparents picked her up, drove the entire way, and paid for her hotel room just so that they could all see me graduate.

She was utterly selfless, and I miss her endlessly.

Cat Is To Human As Wand Is To Wizard
Animal Shelter, Awesome, Friends, Inspirational, New Zealand, Pets & Animals | Friendly | April 12, 2022
A friend of a friend of a friend of a friend had this foster cat who needed a place. He was an old boy who was unlikely to get a real new home without a favour being called in. He was an orange floof called Goldie who was around eleven or so, and he gave me a special year before the rainbow bridge called him.

After two or three months of missing him, I went to my local SPCA to just sit in the cat room and have cat-love around me. They were running a “meet your Valentine” event, so I expected few cats and a busy time. There were quite a few kittens. The adult cat room seemed far emptier than usual but still comforting.

I went with a friend to make sure I didn’t get too caught up in the cuteness so that any decision I made would have someone not tempered by lost-cat feels. We sat, we pet, we played, and I felt better.

Then, a fuzzy monster snuck out from where he’d been watching and came to savage the toy I offered. He played for a few minutes before exhausting himself. I expected him to run back to his hiding place now that he’d defeated his foe, but he didn’t.

Quickly, he scrambled up the couch, and in a fine move of fluid cattidity, he wedged himself between me and the cushions where he promptly fell asleep. Startled, I looked at my friend.

Friend: “You weren’t aiming to get a cat today, right?”

Me: “No.”

We both looked at the sleeping cat.

One of the staff members walked by.

Staff Member: “Awww! That’s adorable. He hasn’t done that with anyone else. He has been playing with people, but no one’s really been allowed to touch him.”

No prizes for guessing who is sleeping nearby as I write this ten years later. How could I not? He just knew he had the right human. Even now, his favourite place to sleep is right near me, as close as he can.

Some Customers Are Great, In A Fashion
Awesome, Department Store, Hawaii, Inspirational, LGBTQ, USA | Right | April 11, 2022
I work in the women’s clothing section of a department store. It’s a slow midweek afternoon and my department is empty when I get a call.

Customer: “Hello. I was wondering if you could give me some advice about an outfit?”

While the customer is speaking softly with a feminine pitch, the voice sounds masculine to me. I have just been warned by security that morning about men calling the lingerie department to sexually harass the female employees under the guise of “asking advice,” so I’m polite but on my guard.

Me: “Sure. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to be performing in a nightclub downtown soon. It’s my first time. I’m so excited! I have a black dress, but I’m not sure what jewelry to wear with it.”

To my delight, what follows is a very pleasant conversation about accessorizing, matching earrings and necklaces, matching jewelry with shoes, how much is too much, etc. As one of those people who kept her Barbies well into her teen years, being asked for fashion advice is my favorite thing ever. The customer thanks me for my time, and after hanging up, I immediately go to my coworkers to brag about my good fortune. As they were also raised on the “Barbie Fashion Designer” game, they are all suitably jealous and share their own stories about customers who were willing to become dress-up dolls.

A manager comes by and listens to our conversation, and her eyes go misty in fond remembrance.

Manager: “I had a customer who had just started her transition. She needed a whole new wardrobe and had no idea what she wanted. Complete blank slate. I got to spend hours putting outfits together for her. She let me pick everything.”

There’s a lot I don’t miss about working in retail, but the rare customers who would make me their fashion guru were the best part of that job.

Maybe If I’d Learned That Song I’d Be Better At Math
Awesome, Elementary/Primary School, Inspirational, Math & Science, Music, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Teachers, USA | Learning | April 11, 2022
This took place in 2001. I was nine years old and in third grade. We were just starting to learn multiplication and were learning the multiples of threes. My teacher warned us that from here on out, the multiplications were going to get harder and she didn’t want us to feel overwhelmed, so she came up with a song to help us remember the solutions to multiplying threes.

Teacher: “I am going to sing a song that’ll help you memorize all the multiples of three up to the number thirty. I sing this song every year to my students and I’ve had past students, including middle schoolers and even high schoolers, who come back to visit me tell me they remember this song. Are you ready?”

Us: “Yes!”

Teacher: “Three, six, nine, the monkey drank wine; twelve, fifteen, eighteen, we’re going skating; twenty-one, twenty-four, twenty-seven, we’re almost to heaven; thirty!”

Our class erupted in laughter at the silliness of the song, and we asked her to sing it again which she did.

Classmate #1 : “Mrs. [Teacher], there’s no way we’re going to remember this when we get older. It’s too silly!”

Teacher: “You might say that now, but I’m telling you, I have students from many years ago come up to me and say one of their favorite memories was learning this song and they still use it to this day!”

Classmate #2 : “Yeah, right!”

Fast forward to today. I just turned thirty and I taught my nine-year-old nephew, who is just starting to learn how to multiply, this song my teacher sang all those years ago. It might sound silly, but it turns out she was right when she said we would never forget that song!

The Only Size You Are Is Perfect
Awesome, Clothing Store, Employees, England, Inspirational, London, UK | Right | April 10, 2022
I come from a country that has weird expectations of women’s bodies. I have always been a chubby girl. I was taunted my entire childhood for that, and after pregnancy, I have gained some more weight. I have always been on various diets and exercises, and my weight fluctuates like the weather.

I have moved temporarily to London and am clothes shopping one day. It’s a beautiful high-end shop known for good collections of formal clothes. Every design that I like is not available in my size, and naturally, I am upset about it. A shop assistant comes up to help me.

Clothes shopping has never been fun for me at all, so I am apprehensive to ask for help. I am also worried that I may offend her by declining help.

Me: *Timidly* “Umm… I am not finding anything that fits me well.”

Employee: “What size are you looking at?”

Me: “I am not very familiar with the sizes here. Eight or ten seems too small and sixteen and above is a little too big. I am guessing twelve to fourteen may be my size but I am not sure. There aren’t many options in that size range.”

Employee: “Well, ma’am, that’s a popular size range in work attires. This is the middle of summer and peak shopping season; we usually run out of those sizes pretty soon, but I can check our system and let you know if we have any in stock in our store or any nearby stores. If you are sure, we can place them on hold, too. Do you want to do that?”

I was surprised that A) she did not judge me, B) she is happy to help, and C) if my size is popular, then there are many women like me, so I am not abnormally huge! With these thoughts in my head, I show her a few designs that I like and she gets a few of them for me to try on. When I am done making my choices and am leaving with my purchase, I summon the courage to thank her.

Me: “Thanks so much for your help! You have no idea how incredibly helpful you have been.”

Employee: “No problem at all, ma’am! I am glad you found something you liked.”

Me: “Well, that’s the point. I usually never find anything in my size. I have had people mock at me for not being slim. Clothes shopping for people like me is a nightmare. You’ve made it so much easier today.”

Employee: “I don’t know why anyone would make you think like that! Most women I have met are in this size range, but we really shouldn’t limit ourselves by our bodies.”

I got really emotional because of her words. We talked a bit about body shaming and such. I had never felt so empowered about my body.

I am slowly on the path to accepting myself for who I am rather than by what society wants me to be. I maintain a healthy lifestyle and am still no skinny person, but I have stopped worrying about my weight when I occasionally decide to indulge. It’s a long journey of self-acceptance, but thanks to that kind lady who gave me the much-needed confidence. I can never forget her!

Kindness In Bloom, Part 3
Awesome, Inspirational, Retail, USA | Right | April 6, 2022
I work in a boutique store that only sells products made by the company that owns it. Our customers can be a tough and demanding crowd.

On a slow day, a customer I’ve never seen before comes in with an expensive item made by our company that her boyfriend has given to her for a recent occasion. The item has just broken. She is distressed about the situation but is polite and undemanding.

Customer: “Can this be fixed, and what would it cost?”

After examining her item, I determined that it was defective, and per our store policy, I exchanged it for a new one. She left, pleased with the outcome. I thought no more about it because to me it was an ordinary transaction.

A few days later, the customer came into the store clutching a paper bundle. I was afraid there might be a problem with her replacement item, but not so! She had brought me a large bouquet of flowers to thank me for helping her the week before!

I thanked her profusely and she left.

I never saw her again. Her gratitude and appreciation made me humble because I really was just doing my job. She showed me that you never know when your actions might make someone’s day.

Kindness In Bloom
Grocery Store | Right | December 25, 2015
(I am standing behind a little old lady in line while holding a bouquet of tulips. In front of the old lady is a mother with her child and the mother seems to be having trouble. I haven’t really been paying attention to it.)

Old Lady: “Those tulips are very pretty. May I ask who they are for?”

Me: “They are for my mother. Her favorite flowers are tulips. Today is my parents’ anniversary and my dad couldn’t get off work today.”

Old Lady: “That is so sweet of you. Since you only have those flowers and I have a ton of groceries, how about you get in front of me so you can go surprise your mother faster.”

Me: “Thank you so much.”

(I was really happy I got to leave earlier and I smile at the old lady. Then I realize what’s going on with the lady in front of me: her card isn’t working and she has about $300 worth of groceries bagged. She’s crying and yelling loudly at the cashier.)

Lady: “I just got this card and they told me it would work; I really need these groceries today!”

Cashier: “I am sorry; is there something else you can pay with?”

Lady: “No, not at the moment! I’ll just leave.” *starts to grab her purse when the little old lady behind me walks in front of me*

Old Lady: “How much was everything she is wanting?”

Cashier: “It’s about $300.”

Old Lady: *looks at the lady who is crying* “Just think of this as an extremely early Christmas present.”

(The old lady then swipes her card and pays for the lady’s groceries. The lady breaks down in tears.)

Lady: “I’m so sorry for all of this. Is there anything I can do for you? I’m so sorry. I just got off of work and I’m pregnant and times are not being so good to me.”

Old Lady: *smiles at her* “The only thing I ask of is that you smile and know things will work out eventually.”

(I then broke down crying. As I was leaving I handed the old lady a tulip from the bouquet I had bought and smiled at her.)

Old Lady: “Thank you very much, dear.”

Me: “I wanted to thank you for being the kind soul that you are.”

Old Lady: “You are a very kind person; don’t ever lose that.”

Me: “You are the kind person. Would you like any help with your groceries?”

Old Lady: “Um, yes, please; I don’t think I could manage by myself very well.”

(I helped her with her groceries and went home. I gave my mom her tulips and told her the story, and we both started crying.)

Kindness In Bloom
Grocery Store | Right | December 25, 2015
(I am standing behind a little old lady in line while holding a bouquet of tulips. In front of the old lady is a mother with her child and the mother seems to be having trouble. I haven’t really been paying attention to it.)

Old Lady: “Those tulips are very pretty. May I ask who they are for?”

Me: “They are for my mother. Her favorite flowers are tulips. Today is my parents’ anniversary and my dad couldn’t get off work today.”

Old Lady: “That is so sweet of you. Since you only have those flowers and I have a ton of groceries, how about you get in front of me so you can go surprise your mother faster.”

Me: “Thank you so much.”

(I was really happy I got to leave earlier and I smile at the old lady. Then I realize what’s going on with the lady in front of me: her card isn’t working and she has about $300 worth of groceries bagged. She’s crying and yelling loudly at the cashier.)

Lady: “I just got this card and they told me it would work; I really need these groceries today!”

Cashier: “I am sorry; is there something else you can pay with?”

Lady: “No, not at the moment! I’ll just leave.” *starts to grab her purse when the little old lady behind me walks in front of me*

Old Lady: “How much was everything she is wanting?”

Cashier: “It’s about $300.”

Old Lady: *looks at the lady who is crying* “Just think of this as an extremely early Christmas present.”

(The old lady then swipes her card and pays for the lady’s groceries. The lady breaks down in tears.)

Lady: “I’m so sorry for all of this. Is there anything I can do for you? I’m so sorry. I just got off of work and I’m pregnant and times are not being so good to me.”

Old Lady: *smiles at her* “The only thing I ask of is that you smile and know things will work out eventually.”

(I then broke down crying. As I was leaving I handed the old lady a tulip from the bouquet I had bought and smiled at her.)

Old Lady: “Thank you very much, dear.”

Me: “I wanted to thank you for being the kind soul that you are.”

Old Lady: “You are a very kind person; don’t ever lose that.”

Me: “You are the kind person. Would you like any help with your groceries?”

Old Lady: “Um, yes, please; I don’t think I could manage by myself very well.”

(I helped her with her groceries and went home. I gave my mom her tulips and told her the story, and we both started crying.)

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Ask Someone How They’re Doing Today; They Might Surprise You!
Cousins, Dallas, Health & Body, Home, Inspirational, Texas, USA | Related | July 11, 2022
One of my distant cousins is, for lack of a better word, a bit of a sourpuss by all appearances. She’s very closed off and standoffish and is generally emotionless, but I’ve always chalked it up to her just being a private person. She also has Lyme Disease and was diagnosed while she was pregnant with twins. Both kids ended up having symptoms, and one of them had to get a cochlear implant.

On one of the rare occasions we get together, I try talking to her.

Me: “So, how are you doing?”

My cousin positively lit up and started talking like we were old friends. As it turns out, the entire six years she’s had Lyme Disease, not one person has asked how she was handling it, just the twins. I’m a little shocked that no one has asked, not even within the family, but I suppose they were too focused on the babies to realize.

I also found out that the reason she never smiles or shows much emotion is because the Lyme Disease gave her Bell’s Palsy on and off, and she’s self-conscious about it becoming apparent and someone pointing it out.

Take The Time To Check In Some Humanity
Awesome, Hotel, Inspirational, Jerk, Kind Strangers, Non-Dialogue, USA | Right | July 8, 2022
It had been an unbearable evening as a hotel front desk agent, with multiple people screaming at me for things such as no free Wi-Fi and not enough beds in their rooms, both of which are not even a little bit my fault.

We have twenty-four-hour desk service, but I’m supposed to lock the doors at eleven and just let people in when they knock. I locked the doors and sat down to have a good cry over the barrage of insults and verbal abuse I’d received that entire evening.

Suddenly, a knock came at the door, and I hurriedly wiped away my tears. I let in a lady who needed to check into her room, and she seemed a little tired.

I steeled myself for more anger; tired people are usually angry, not to mention the fact I still had uncontrollable tears spilling out of my eyes as I tried to check her in. I could only get a few words out at a time, but I tried valiantly to ask all the necessary questions, hiccupping between words.

This precious woman stopped me, grabbed my hand, and told me to take a minute and let it out; she didn’t mind waiting. She let me cry for a moment, and then she spoke some reassuring words about how I was doing a good job, and she was so sorry for people’s rudeness. She then thanked me for checking her in and thanked me for trusting her.

It’s been years, but I still look back on that memory and smile. I hope that woman is happy, wherever she is; she deserves the world.

A Heady Proposition
Awesome, Editors' Choice, Inspirational, Retail, Technology, USA | Romantic | September 20, 2008
Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!”

Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?”

(The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.)

Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!”

Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…”

(The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.)

Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.”

Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL! Can’t you fix it?”

Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.”

Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!”

Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.”

Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!”

Me: “A thank you card will be enough.”

(Skip ahead nine months…)

Female customer: “Is your name [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope*

(I opened the envelope, and sure enough, there was a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!)

Ask Someone How They’re Doing Today; They Might Surprise You!
Cousins, Dallas, Health & Body, Home, Inspirational, Texas, USA | Related | July 11, 2022
One of my distant cousins is, for lack of a better word, a bit of a sourpuss by all appearances. She’s very closed off and standoffish and is generally emotionless, but I’ve always chalked it up to her just being a private person. She also has Lyme Disease and was diagnosed while she was pregnant with twins. Both kids ended up having symptoms, and one of them had to get a cochlear implant.

On one of the rare occasions we get together, I try talking to her.

Me: “So, how are you doing?”

My cousin positively lit up and started talking like we were old friends. As it turns out, the entire six years she’s had Lyme Disease, not one person has asked how she was handling it, just the twins. I’m a little shocked that no one has asked, not even within the family, but I suppose they were too focused on the babies to realize.

I also found out that the reason she never smiles or shows much emotion is because the Lyme Disease gave her Bell’s Palsy on and off, and she’s self-conscious about it becoming apparent and someone pointing it out.

Kittens May Be Too Much For You, Lady
Bizarre, Impossible Demands, USA, Vet | Healthy | July 14, 2022
I work in a veterinary clinic. We have a new client who’s only been coming to our office for a little over a month. However, she has been in three times already and calls almost every day, and she often calls multiple times a day on those days.

She freaks out over everything her kittens do and anything that happens to them. They get diarrhea? Apocalyptic panic. They scratch the furniture and are energetic because they’re kittens? Hysterical crying.

And if we don’t call her back with answers from the vet within twenty minutes of her calling, she calls back and gets upset that no one is responding to her. She once called the local emergency vet in the middle of the night to complain to them that we hadn’t responded to the message she left. We were closed, but that little detail didn’t matter to her.

This past week, she was in with her kittens for a skin issue, and the vet stayed late to see her. We’ve given her a skin cleanser that needs dilution and have explained how to do so: one part cleanser to ten parts water (one tablespoon cleanser plus ten tablespoons water).

Client: “I can’t do this! I don’t understand!”

The tech explains again how to do it, making it very simple and non-technical.

Tech: “And then you put it into a spray bottle and spray the kittens.”

Client: “I can’t! There’s no [Superstore] near my house; I can’t get a spray bottle!”

Starting to get emotional, the client gestures to a bottle on the counter full of spray disinfectant.

Client: “Can I buy that one?”

Receptionist: “No, I’m sorry. That’s the clinic’s disinfectant spray; we can’t sell it to you.”

The client began to cry as if we’d told her we were going to burn down her house. The conversation was repeated multiple times, and the client insisted she had more questions for the doctor, who was in with a late emergency. We’d been closed for an hour, but she refused to leave. Eventually, the tech managed to get her out, but she stood outside for a while, not leaving the property. She did finally seem to be leaving, but we were apparently wrong.

She got in her car but just sat there, staring at the office door. We periodically peered outside, and she was still there each time. And unfortunately, the vet’s very distinct car was parked less than ten feet from the client’s. We realized quickly that she was planning to corner the vet at her car and make more of her demands.

When we finally left, nearly two hours past closing, the staff scattered to their cars quickly, hoping to not get caught by the client (she thinks we’re all basically able to do anything the vet can do), and the vet finally made a beeline for her car. In a miracle moment, the client had turned away to check on the kittens, just long enough for my boss to hop in her car, whip out of the spot, and peel out like her life depended on it.

I’ve seen some really weird stuff working here, but that was the first client I’ve seen wait outside like that to basically stalk the vet.

TMI Am Out Of Here!
Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pharmacy, Revolting, USA | Healthy Right | July 13, 2022
A customer comes up to me in the pharmacy, drops his underwear, and shows me all his intimate bits covered in some kind of rash.

Customer: “What do I need?”

Me: “A doctor and a sense of boundaries…”

Whispering The Opposite Of Sweet Nothings
Jerk, Medical Office, Missouri, Nurses, Saint Louis, USA | Healthy | July 12, 2022
I’m a nurse. I’m required to get my titers drawn, a physical, an eye test, and a hearing test as part of my pre-employment screening for a new out-of-state job. I’m sent to one of the local urgent care centers that handle these requests.

Everything is going well until we get to the hearing test. This is not a fancy hearing test, just a screening where the nurse faces the wall several feet away and whispers words for you to repeat back.

Nurse: “Please cover your left ear and repeat the words I whisper.”

Me: “Ummm, that’s going to be a problem since I won’t have any idea you’re speaking when you do that. I’m deaf on my right side. It would be better to do the left first.”

Nurse: “This is part of the exam you must pass. Are you seriously claiming you can’t hear anything?”

It should be noted that my chart CLEARLY states that I am completely deaf on my right side.

Me: “Yes, I’m deaf on the right side, and with a mask on and your back to me, I won’t be able to hear anything nor read your lips, so it’s rather pointless.”

Nurse: “Well, you have to pass it.”

Me: “Actually, I don’t. It’s noted in my medical record and I have an ADA accommodation already in place. Trying to tell me I have to pass isn’t true. Please just finish the test for the left side and send the doctor in.”

I covered my left ear and stared at the wall until she turned back around, all huffy, because guess what? I couldn’t hear her tell me to switch ears, either! Duh! I passed the left side with no problem.

The doctor came in and said we were all done. She asked if there was anything else I needed and was happy to give me a form letter regarding my latex allergy. She was rather confuzzled by the nurse’s declaration regarding my hearing, or lack thereof, and stated that, of course, that’s not a test you have to pass to get a job as a nurse… especially if it’s already known and documented.

As If Dental Work Wasn’t Already The Worst
Dentist, Hospital, Jerk, Kansas City, Missouri, USA | Healthy | July 10, 2022
During a particularly bad year in my early teens, I had to make several visits to a dental clinic in one of my area’s more affordable hospitals. Typically, these visits were just checkups, but on one occasion, three cavities were discovered in my molars. Due to the work needing to be done and the cost, the dentist broke it up into three procedures. The first two procedures went well — inject the local, numb the mouth, drill out the cavity, insert the filling, and send me home.

The third visit, however, was a bit different.

Not long after the local was injected, I noticed it wasn’t taking effect. I informed the dentist about this, who would go on to perform not one, but five or six additional injections as each time it still failed to numb my jaw. After the final injection, the dentist asked me if my mouth was numb. When I responded, without any slurring or any other audible sign of numbness, that it wasn’t, she turned to my mom, declared that it must be numb by now, and proceeded to get to work.

The pain of having an unanesthetized tooth attacked by a drill isn’t particularly sharp, but it is powerful, extremely present, and most importantly, constant. I attempted to power through it; I was just a kid, after all, and the doc knew what they were doing, right? After a few moments, the doctor stopped, glared at me, and sternly told me to get back up into my seat and to “stop scooting down.”

I was completely unaware of it, but the entire time the drilling had been taking place, I had been slowly inching my way down toward the floor. I guess the dentist assumed that I was being an annoying kid, because the entire time, she never once stopped to question WHY this was happening. And sure enough, after continuing to drill a few more minutes, she stopped again to scold me for scooting down.

I tried to tell her that my mouth wasn’t numb. Her response?

Dentist: “I injected you several times. It’s numb. Stop being difficult.”

And she proceeded to finish the drilling. This time, I made a conscious effort to stay in one place, which must have worked because she finished the procedure without any more complaints.

And after the filling was put in, how did she respond?

Dentist: “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

When the time came for my next checkup, I insisted that we not go back to that dentist. Thankfully, my mom listened.

There Has To Be A Better Way (Or At Least A Cheaper One)
Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medication, Money, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | July 8, 2022
I have recently seen my gynecologist, who recommends a new birth control to manage my endometriosis. Unfortunately, the closest pharmacy that can fill it is thirty miles away from my home, so I call them before making the trip down there.

Pharmacist Tech: “This is [Pharmacy]. How can I help you?”

Me: “I’m calling about the prescription that was sent over and want to know how much it will cost before heading down there.”

I give him my information and he checks to see how soon it can be filled.

Pharmacist Tech: “We have it in stock so you can pick it up today.”

Me: “Do you have an estimate of how much it will cost? I was having a hard time figuring out whether my insurance will cover it or not.”

Pharmacist Tech: “It looks like your insurance doesn’t cover it.”

Me: “Okay, so how much will it be out of pocket?”

Pharmacist Tech: “We can figure that out when you pick it up.”

Me: “No. I need to know how much it costs before driving thirty miles one way.”

Pharmacist Tech: “Oh, well, we can also do home delivery.”

Me: “I still need to know the estimated cost before making any decisions.”

Pharmacist Tech: “It’s $2,000.”

I pause for a long moment.

Me: “Please cancel the prescription.”

Pharmacist Tech: “Why?”

Me: “Because I’m not paying $2,000 for birth control!”

I still got a phone call later about it being ready for pickup and had to call again to tell them I didn’t want it anymore.

Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Bungholio
Funny, Patients, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 12, 2009
Customer: “These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”

Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them; you insert them rectally.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”

Customer: “What’s my rectum?”

Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butthole.”

Customer: “Well, up yours, too!” *stalks off*

(This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient, “Up yours,” and get away with it!)

The (Brain) Damage Has Already Been Done
Alcohol, Call Center, Emergency Services, Germany, Health & Body | Healthy Right | May 6, 2009
(Note: 1-1-2 is Germany’s version of 9-1-1.)

Me: “1-1-2, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “Oh, my god! Help me! Help me!”

Me: “Calm down, please. Can you tell me what happened, if someone is hurt, and where you are?”

Caller: “I’m at home, and my brain stopped working!”

Me: “Your brain… stopped working? Sir, if your brain would stop working, you would be dead. Can you tell me exactly what happened? Are you bleeding?”

Caller: “No, no. But my brain stopped working! At least half of it! Oh, my god, will the other half stop working as well?! Will I die?! My wife was right! I can’t believe it!”

(At this point, I’m unsure what to do. The man is really in a state of panic, but sounds otherwise fine.)

Me: “Sir, is your wife at home? Can I speak to her? If not, please tell me exactly what you did when your… brain stopped working.”

Caller: “I watched soccer! And drank beer! My wife always told me ‘When you don’t stop that crap, your brain will stop working’ and now it did! I was sitting on the couch and turned my head to look at the clock and suddenly I can’t move my head anymore because the left side of my brain stopped working! Help!”

Me: “Sir, it sounds like you only cricked your neck!”

(I start describing him what a cricked neck feels like and he agrees that this is indeed his problem and that he’ll see a doctor in the morning. I’m about to end the call, when…)

Caller: “Hey, dude…”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “Is she right?”

Me: “Who?”

Caller: “My wife. You seem to know a lot about medicine and stuff, so can my brain really stop working from watching too much soccer and drinking beer?”

Me: “Well, alcohol is known for indeed killing brain cells when you drink too much, but you won’t–”

Caller: “Oh, my god! Thank you! I thought she was only kidding me, but when you say it, then I’ll stop! Thank you so much for saving my life! Thank you!”

Me: “Wait, I didn’t say–”

Caller: *hangs up*

It’s Called Healthyitis
Bizarre, Doctor/Physician, Health & Body, USA | Healthy Right | April 16, 2009
Me: “Thank you for waiting. My name is [My Name]. What is your call regarding?”

Patient: “Yeah, I want to ask the nurse a question.”

Me: “Is this regarding symptoms you are experiencing?”

Patient: “Yeah… well, kind of.”

Me: “What symptoms are you experiencing?”

Patient: “Actually, none.”

Me: “You are experiencing no symptoms?”

Patient: “Yeah… I have no pain and I just want to know if that is normal.”

Flattery, The Best Medicine
Emergency Services, Health & Body, Medication, Respect Your Elders, USA | Healthy Right | August 26, 2008
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(An elderly lady falls down in her apartment and has a cut on her wrist.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, I am afraid, we have to go to the hospital. You will need stitches for that cut and an X-ray to make sure your wrist isn’t broken.”

Patient: “No, I don’t wanna go. Just give me a shot and it will be okay.”

Coworker: “You mean for the pain?”

Patient: “No, so it will heal!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m afraid we don’t have this kind of medication.”

Patient: “But it worked last time!”

Coworker: “Someone gave you a shot and the wrist healed by itself?”

Patient: “No, my sugar was too high and they gave me a shot and everything was okay!”

Coworker: “I see… Well, I can’t fool you; you know this stuff! Listen, I can give you a shot for the broken wrist, but this counteracts the anti-sugar medicine. So every time your sugar is too high, you can never get a shot again.”

Patient: “Never ever?”

Coworker: “Never ever again…”

Patient: “So why didn’t you just say so in the first place?”

Coworker: “Well, not every patient has such an understanding of medicine as you, so I always try to keep it simple.”

Patient: “Okay, then let’s go to the hospital.”

Coworker: “Gladly.”

Honey, He Ain’t A Scrapbooking Project
Editors' Choice, Health & Body, Hospital, Impossible Demands, UK | Healthy Right | July 16, 2008
(I witnessed this on the hospital floor where I work. A patient’s daughter comes out of a hospital room and stands in the hallway, staring around looking lost.)

Nurse’s aide: “Can I help you?”

Daughter: “Yeah… can I have a stapler?”

(The nurse’s aide walks about two steps away to get a stapler and then thinks better of this request.)

Nurse’s aide: “Why do you want a stapler?”

Daughter: “My dad’s IV tubing is getting in his way. I thought it would be better if we stapled it to his arm.”

Nurse’s aide: “Um, I think tape would work better for that.”

Daughter: “You guys have tape here?”

Nurse’s aide: “Yeah, I have some here in my pocket.”

(The aide walks into the room to secure the IV tubing before any more of his genius children try to help.)

Daughter: *muttering* “I still think a stapler is a better idea…

The Flesh Is Bright But The Mind Is Dimming
Health & Body, Hospital, Stupid, USA | Healthy Right | June 8, 2009
Me: “Okay, sir, just a few X-rays and we’ll be done.”

Patient: “Please make it quick. I don’t want to glow when I leave!”

Me: “No, sir, I promise you won’t glow. That’s just an X-ray joke.”

Patient: “It’s dark out! I can’t glow or I’ll be seen!”

Me: “Sir, I swear you will not glow.”

Patient: “NO GLOOOWWWIINNG!”

Me: *gives up* “The glow afterward is so faint, no one will ever see it.”

Patient: “Oh… okay, then. Proceed…”

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right
Hospital, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 20, 2009
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(I work in healthcare and am talking to a man in his fifties who is having angina for the first time.)

Me: “You haven’t had a heart attack, but this pain is probably coming from your heart.”

Man: “But I’m only fifty-something, and there are no heart problems in my family. Why would that be?”

Me: “You smoke thirty cigarettes a day and drink two cartons of beer per week. That’s not good for your heart. You should think about cutting down.”

Man: “I’m sick of you people telling me that bulls***! It’s a scientifically proven fact that smoking makes your arteries smaller, and drinking makes them bigger! If I keep drinking and smoking, I’ll be fine!”

Me: “That’s not at all how it works, but I see I’m not going to change your mind. You’ll be going upstairs soon.”

Man: “I want to go out for a smoke!”

Me: “That’s really not a good idea.”

Man: “What would you know?!”

Me: *gives up*

Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death
Hospital, Jerk, Liars/Scammers, Patients | Healthy | May 16, 2009
(I work in a hospital.)

Me: “What can I get you to drink, sir?”

Patient: “Coffee.”

Me: “Well, it looks like you’re on a cardiac diet, which means you can’t have caffeine.”

Patient: “You asked me what I wanted, and I want coffee.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t give it to you.”

Patient: “This is ridiculous! I’ve been drinking coffee every morning for the last sixty years. I want my coffee!”

Me: “Sir. You are on a cardiac diet. That means that you can’t have caffeine, extra sodium, or fat. It could make your condition worse.”

Patient: *tries to pull a fast one* “My doctor told me I could have it.”

Me: “Well, your doctor needs to put it into our computer; otherwise, I could lose my job.”

Patient: “MY DOCTOR SAID I COULD HAVE IT!”

Me: “Sir, I know you’re lying. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be on this diet.”

Patient: “GIVE ME THE F***ING COFFEE!”

Me: *loses patience* “DO YOU WANT THE COFFEE OR DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?!”

Patient: *sheepishly* “Can I have apple juice?”

Survival Of The Fittest In Action
Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 14, 2009
Me: “Hello, this is [Doctor]’s office. Can I help you?”

Patient: “Yeah, is there an injection I can get for my gout?”

Me: “I don’t think so. I think we only give injections for muscle pain, but I can double-check for you.”

Patient: “Yeah, check. I’m going away this weekend and my ankle really hurts. My primary doctor says it’s not gout. I had these labs done, and they all say it’s not gout, but it really hurts.”

Me: “It’s not gout, but you want to know about a gout injection?”

Patient: “Well, they say it’s not gout, but I was at a bar and a guy looked at it and said, ‘That’s gout, all right!'”

Me: *pause* “A guy at the bar?”

Patient: “Yeah. And he gave me one of his pills, and it really helped.”

Me: “You took a pill from some guy in a bar?!”

Patient: “Yeah, it really helped, and it was gout medicine, so I think I have gout. So, is there an injection?”

Me: “Hold, please.”

(At this point, I go ask my manager if a gout injection exists, which it doesn’t, and I explain the situation. She agrees that this is completely stupid, but that if the woman wants gout medication, we can prescribe it.)

Me: “Thanks for holding. Turns out there’s no injection for gout.”

Patient: “Really? My ankle’s killing me.”

Me: “Well, if the medicine you took worked for you, we may be able to write you a prescription for it.”

Patient: “Oh, I already have a prescription.”

Me: “You… already have a prescription that stops your pain? Are you taking it?”

Patient: “No, I thought an injection might be faster.”

Me: *long pause* “Is there anything else you need today?”

Patient: “No, thank you.” *click*

Me: “Oh. My. God.”

Hippocrates Is Rolling Over In His Grave
Doctor/Physician, Insurance, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | May 13, 2009
Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Doctor: “I need to verify my patient’s coverage. Her number is [number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a problem and I can’t access that account. I will have to forward this issue over to our technical department, and they will get back to you as soon as possible.”

Doctor: “I need this information immediately. Can I talk to them now? It’s very important.”

Me: “I’m sorry, they are very backed up over there and everything is handled in the order it is received. You will be added to the queue and they will get back to you later today.”

Doctor: “What if she was dying and I needed her coverage information? What then?!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, if the patient was dying there in your office, I would hope you would treat her regardless of her insurance coverage.”

Doctor: “Well, yes — I mean… Just make sure they call me today.” *click*

Less Twilight, More Daylight
Bizarre, Health & Body, Hospital, USA | Healthy Right | September 1, 2009
Me: “Hi, this is anesthesia. How can I help you?”

Caller: “This is the blood bank, right?”

Me: “No, this is anesthesia.”

Caller: “That’s the same thing, right?”

Me: “Not really.”

Caller: “Well, what is anesthesia?”

Me: “The stuff that puts you to sleep before surgery.”

Caller: “Well who cares about that crap!”

Me: “People who need surgery?”

Caller: “No! You know what they need? BLOOD!”

Me: “Okay… but you still have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Vampires need blood! You’re not a vampire because you don’t need blood! Humans don’t need blood!”

Me: “Sir, humans need blood just as much as a vampire.”

Caller: “Wait, so humans are vampires?”

Me: “No, they just need–”

Caller: “Holy f***! I’M A VAMPIRE! You just made my day!”

Me: “Well, no–”

Caller: “Thank you sooo much!” *click*

That Is ‘Pretty’ Awesome
Adorable Children, Australia, Awesome, Editors' Choice, Hall of Fame, Health & Body, Inspirational, Melbourne, Photography Studio, Victoria | Healthy Related Right | August 15, 2009
(I am a photographer running a studio in the inner city. We are well known for our children’s portraits, and we range from high-end portraits for modelling jobs to fun sibling photos and birth announcements. We do a bit of everything; as such, we are extremely busy, and it states on our website that we do not accept walk-ins. We are usually booked up six months in advance. One day, ten minutes before closing, a mum walks in with a young girl around six or seven behind her. I internally groan.)

Mother: “Hello. I know you’re closing soon, but I have a special favour to ask.”

(At this point the little girl peeks around her mother’s legs and I’m lost for words. Under her thick winter coat and hat, she is skeletally thin with huge dark circles under her eyes. From what I can tell, she has no hair, and a tube taped to her cheek that feeds into her nose. It is immediately clear this kid is very, very sick.)

Mother: *near tears* “My daughter saw one of your photos taped to the wall at the hospital. She REALLY loves unicorns and the photo had a girl photo-shopped onto a horse. I know you’re booked up, and it’s months before the next appointment, but…”

(At this point she actually starts crying. I realise that our next available appointment is probably way too far away for this particular kid. The little girl squeezes her mother’s hand. I am a very big dude, covered in tattoos and a beard, but I’m not ashamed to say I needed a minute before I spoke.)

Me: “Aww, that’s just for regular customers! I’ve been waiting all day to take a photo of someone as beautiful as you! What’s your name, sweetheart?”

(I lock the front door and spend the next three hours taking photos of this kid in every princess costume I have in my closet. She is the sweetest, most well-behaved kid I have ever worked with. Once we’re done, she curls up on the couch in my office and falls asleep while I load up the photos for her mum to see and choose the ones she likes best and ask her what kind of retouching she’d like done. She’s adamant that I leave her daughter as is — apparently, the little girl has been worried for the past month that she is no longer “pretty.”)

Me: “All right, so we’ve settled on these. I can have them edited and all finished in two days. If you give me your email I can send you the link to the website and the password to download them when they’re ready.”

(The mother thanks me over and over and comes up front, carrying her sleeping daughter, and holds out her credit card.)

Me: “Nope. No way.”

Mother: “Please, I insist. You stayed open so late and your shoots are listed for [amount] online. Please at least charge me that.

Me: “Absolutely not. I am not taking money for this. No way in h***.”

(A few days later I send the link through and hear nothing. I see she’s downloaded the photos and I think nothing of it, hoping my sweet little friend loved her photos. Almost six months later I’m once again closing up when a very familiar face pops up at my window, grinning and waving frantically.)

Me: *throwing open the door* “Hey, you!”

Little Girl: “Hi! I’m better! Look, I’m better!”

(Sure enough, she’d put on some weight, was flushed and pink, and had a fine fuzz of hair over her head. Her mother was a few steps behind her, grinning. She once again tried to force an envelope full of money into my hand, and again I refused. She got frustrated and eventually in her exasperation said, “at least let us take you to dinner!” which I happily accepted. Seven years later that photo of a sick little girl astride a giant pink unicorn is in a frame in my lounge room. My now-step-daughter groans every time I point it out to the friends she brings home!)

The CSR Of Delphi
Books & Reading, Bookstore, Health & Body, Impossible Demands, USA | Healthy Right | August 5, 2009
Me: “Good evening, thank you for calling [Bookstore]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “My husband is going in for a CAT scan, and he’s kind of claustrophobic. I was wondering what kind of equipment they use?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I really don’t have that kind of information. Maybe if you called your doctor?”

Caller: “It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday night! My doctor’s office is closed, duh! That’s why I’m asking you!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we really don’t have that information.”

Caller: “Well, you have books, don’t you? Why don’t you just go and look it up in a book?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do have a small selection of home reference medical books, but I can’t look it up for you.”

Caller: “Well, you have an intercom, don’t you? Why don’t you just page a doctor and ask him to come to the phone and talk to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We really aren’t allowed to do that sort of thing.”

Caller: “Well, can you at least connect me with the information desk, or is that too much to ask?!”

Me: “This is the information desk.”

Caller: “Well, a fat lot of good you are!” *click*

On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices
Funny, Health & Body, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy Right | July 15, 2009
Me: “[Pharmacy], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotics and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”

Pint-Sized Purification
Funny, Impossible Demands, Medical Office, Medication, USA | Healthy Right | June 17, 2009
Caller: “Hi, do you have any doctors that prescribe detox drugs?”

Me: “No, we don’t provide that service.”

Caller: “How do you know? You have lots of doctors. How do you know?!”

Me: “We don’t specialize in addiction treatment. Our doctors aren’t that type of practitioner.”

Caller: “Why?! What if I need them to be?”

Me: “Well, then you would have to call another office.”

Caller: “What kind of doctors don’t prescribe detox meds?!”

Me: “Pediatricians… ”

Caller: “Oh!” *hangs up phone*