If I Buy You A Ticket, Can You Follow My Train Of Thought?
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | April 17, 2022
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.



I had my gallbladder out in my early twenties. There was a complication, but the surgeon resolved it during surgery. I understand that this is very unusual for my age group, but this interaction with a new doctor amazed even me.

Doctor: “So, you’ve noted that you’ve had gallbladder surgery and pancreatitis. When did those happen?”

Me: “[Year].”

Doctor: “Both of them?”

Me: “Yes, the pancreatitis was found and resolved during the gallbladder surgery.”

Doctor: “Any complications from the gallbladder?”

Me: “Uh, the pancreatitis.”

Doctor: “Hmm. Any complications from the pancreatitis?”

Me: “It was the complication.”

Doctor: “Huh?”

Me: “A stone went into my pancreas, and my surgeon had to pop it out.”

Doctor: “Ah. When was that discovered?”

Me: “When I was on the operating table?”

Doctor: “Any complications?”

Me: “Seriously?!”

Doctor: “We need to know.”

Me: *Sigh* “Let’s try this again. They found the pancreatitis while I was on the operating table for the gallbladder. A stone had gone into my pancreas. My surgeon popped it out. Complication fixed. The end.”

Doctor: “Any lingering issues?”

Me: “No.”

Doctor: “Okay, I got it now.”

Me: “That took much longer than it needed to.”

I did not go back to that doctor.

He Needs An Injection Of Brain Cells
Current Events, Friends, Health & Body, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Stupid, USA | Healthy | April 14, 2022
My friend is a bit of a moron. He’s not a bad person, and he’s not an anti-vaxxer, but he legitimately didn’t seem to think that getting vaccinated was important until all his coworkers started getting sick with the latest variant of a particular contagious illness.

As soon as the third coworker where he works caught [illness], [Coworker] scheduled an appointment to get vaccinated, but he could only find one three and a half weeks out.

Sadly, he tested positive himself four days before the appointment. This absolute moron of a man decided to go and get vaccinated while currently sick with the illness, despite my efforts to convince him to wait, because, and I quote:

Friend: “I ain’t waiting another three and a half weeks. I’m ready to do it now, and I’m gonna get ‘er done.”

He was in the emergency room the next day; the vaccine had made his symptoms worse. He spent two weeks in the hospital.

About two weeks after that, he tested negative for the illness. He’d been testing every two or three days. He told me:

Friend: “Oh, good thing. I got my second dose of the vaccine yesterday.”

Putting Your Flat Foot In Your Mouth
Doctor/Physician, Instant Karma, Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | April 11, 2022
I’ve been having heel and arch pain for a couple of months. A relative suggests that I may have plantar fasciitis, as she has it and my symptoms are identical. She recommends a particular shoe brand that her podiatrist suggested a few years ago.

This brand has a variety of cute shoes with a built-in insole that’s famous for helping plantar fasciitis patients. I buy a couple of pairs, and they are very helpful.

I get into a podiatrist and am wearing a pair of flip-flops by this brand. I’m also the youngest patient in the waiting room by about thirty years. The nurse calls my name, does a double-take when I stand up, and points me to a room.

Nurse: “So, why are you here?”

I am surprised by her tone, but I describe the pain I’ve been having and explain that I suspect plantar fasciitis after chatting with a relative who has it, so I am here to see if it’s that or something else. The nurse eyes my shoes.

Nurse: “The arches on those shoes are very high, and you have flat feet. That’s causing your pain.”

I think that maybe she can’t tell what they are, as they do look like normal flip-flops, just with a better arch.

Me: “Oh, sorry, they are actually [Brand].”

I slide them off and show her the brand name on the sole.

Nurse: “You can’t wear shoes like that with flat feet. Stop wearing them.”

Me: “They’re helping the pain. Are [Brand] shoes not recommended for foot problems anymore?”

Nurse: “But the arches are too high. They can’t be helping.”

I’m annoyed and let my tone show it.

Me: “That’s the point! They have extra support to help stabilize the arch and heel. Therefore, I have less pain when I walk.”

Nurse: “Your only problem is flat feet, but whatever. The doctor will be in soon. She’ll tell you.”

She rolls her eyes and walks out. The doctor comes in soon after. After a few minutes of chat, she starts checking my feet. I flinch as she pushes on my left arch.

Me: “I felt that!”

Doctor: “Yep, plantar fasciitis. Your paperwork said the right foot is worse, right?”

Me: “Yep.”

Doctor: “Okay. Hold on to something. I’ll be as gentle as I can.”

She lightly pushes on my problem arch, causing pain to shoot all throughout the foot. I yelp.

Doctor: “Plantar fasciitis confirmed in both feet.”

She writes something on my chart, and then she looks at my shoes on the floor.

Doctor: “Hey, those are [Brand]!”

I nod.

Doctor: “Fantastic. They’re top of the line for plantar fasciitis, so keep wearing those. I always recommend them.”

She talks to me about other shoe brands I should try and some stretches I need to do daily. She asks if I have any questions.

Me: “Um, yes. I don’t necessarily want to get anyone in trouble, but…”

I briefly recap the conversation with the nurse. The doctor sighs and shakes her head.

Doctor: “I’m sorry about that. I’ll take care of it.”

She gives me some additional instructions and exits. Another nurse comes in to check me out, and she is much friendlier. I go back for a follow-up several weeks later, and guess which nurse calls me back again? She makes a face and mutters something under her breath as I walk in.

Nurse: “So, you’re back for your flat feet?”

Me: “No. I’m following up on my plantar fasciitis.”

She looks at my chart and her expression immediately changes.

Nurse: “Oh. Yep, it’s right here. Plantar fasciitis. Uh… the doctor will be in soon.”

Exit nurse, stage left.

Well, That’s Something You Don’t See Every Day
Funny, Health & Body, Hospital, Spouses & Partners | Healthy Romantic | April 9, 2022
I’m married to a big ol’ cowboy. When I was in labor with our child, the only time we were separated was when they took him to get into scrubs. He’s such a big farm boy that none of the scrubs fit him. He ended up wearing the largest painter suit they could find. When he walked in, I burst into laughter.

Me: “You look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters!”

Twenty-six years later, it’s my go-to memory in stressful situations.

EMF, Here Meaning Extra-Mad Fools
Bizarre, Current Events, Health & Body, New Zealand, Non-Dialogue, Stupid | Healthy | April 9, 2022
I live in New Zealand. We literally had people wearing tin foil hats at an “anti-[health crisis] mandate protest” here because they believed the government was making them sick with radio waves. The symptoms included a sore throat, cough, runny nose, fever, and exhaustion. But it was definitely not the health crisis illness making them sick, in the middle of our first outbreak, where people had tested positive.

That didn’t exist, apparently. Instead, it was a targeted attack using EMF being emitted by concrete blocks.

I’m so embarrassed.

Do You Need Reminders To Eat, Too?
Impossible Demands, Pharmacy, Reddit, Stupid | Healthy Right | CREDIT: WaitWut7 | April 8, 2022
I work in a pharmacy, and I got a call from a patient.

Patient: “I got notice that a script is about to be returned, and I want to know what it is.”

Me: “Your [diabetes medication] was filled almost two weeks ago, but it’s still available for pickup.”

He freaked out.

Patient: “Why wasn’t it with the other meds I picked up recently?!”

Me: “The doctor didn’t send in the refill until two days after your last pickup.”

Patient: “Well, no wonder I’ve been feeling so sick lately! Don’t you know I need to be taking my [medication] every day?! I haven’t taken it for two weeks if it wasn’t with the other meds that I picked up! I don’t look at what I’m getting. I just know that you guys are supposed to fill everything all at once! Why would you let me go two weeks without my [medication]?!”

Me: “It has been ready for pickup for almost two weeks, and you can come to pick it up at any time.”

I didn’t mention the fact that this was the third notice we had sent about his [medication] being ready for pickup.

He just continued to yell at me.

Patient: “It’s your fault I’ve been feeling sick! It’s your job to make sure I’m getting all of my meds at once so I don’t miss any!”

No matter how many times I explained it, he didn’t grasp the fact that we were waiting on the doctor to send in the refill.

It’s a good thing he brought all of this to my attention; I was unaware that I had picked up a second job as his personal nurse.

Who’s Panicking?!
Bizarre, France, Hospital, Nurses | Healthy | April 8, 2022
I have a chronic disease, so I have blood tests like twice a year. I’m used to it and not afraid of needles or blood at all. This particular day, I have to get some more tests at the hospital so I’m here for the day. A nurse puts a catheter in my arm so they can get blood several times.

At the end of the day, another nurse comes by to take it off.

Nurse: “Okay, I’m gonna take it off. It might bleed a little bit, so please stay calm.”

Me: “Sure.”

She gets the needle out, and maybe because I moved too much during the day, some blood gets out and runs along my arm. It’s more than I expected but it’s really not a big deal. I don’t say a word, thinking she’s going to give me something to wipe it with.

Nurse: “OKAY! STAY CALM, PLEASE! DON’T PANIC!”

Me: “Well, I—”

Nurse: “IT’S OKAY, MA’AM! IT’S GONNA BE OKAY!”

Me: “I… know?”

She frantically wipes my arm and takes my hand.

Nurse: *Gently* “Calm down. It’s over… It’s okay…”

Me: “Errr… thanks?”

Nurse: “Yeah, everything is fine now. I know, this was kind of stressful, right? Just a little bit of blood.”

Me: “Yeah… sure.”

Maybe she just wanted to add a dramatic touch to her day? She was very nice, though.

Just Hand Over The Meds, Buddy
Employees, Jerk, Oregon, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | April 5, 2022
Due to a number of health complications, on top of long-term injuries from a car accident from over a decade ago, my mom is on a sizable regimen of medications. She sees a doctor every month to keep on top of her pain management and to make sure some of her conditions aren’t deteriorating.

When Mom gets out of her appointment, she says the doctor has sent in a refill to our pharmacy so we can pick it up in half an hour. Mom and I go to get lunch and then go to pick up her prescriptions.

The person at the counter then hits us with this:

Pharmacy Tech: “We refilled one of your prescriptions but not the second one. Since they are the same, we’re still deciding whether or not you need it.”

Mom: “They’re not exactly the same, actually. One is immediate release at a lower dose; the other is long-term release at a slightly higher dose. I just had an appointment with my doctor.”

Pharmacy Tech: “Well, if we decide you need both, we’ll fill the second one.”

Mom: “What do you mean, ‘if’?! Are you telling me that you will override my doctor’s decision regarding my personal healthcare?!”

Pharmacy Tech: “We’re just deciding whether or not you really need both.”

Mom: “That’s my doctor’s decision, actually. You know, the one with a medical degree and a contract with me to handle my personal healthcare? The prescription is valid. Please just fill it.”

The pharmacy tech taps a button on the computer in front of him and then shrugs.

Pharmacy Tech: “Okay, so, apparently, you only need one of these, so you will only be picking up one today.”

Mom: “I think I’m going to talk to my doctor about that.”

Pharmacy Tech: *A little smugly* “You do whatever you feel is necessary, ma’am.”

Mom called her doctor and talked with him about our situation. She was told to hang tight and it would be taken care of.

Apparently, the doctor called and chewed the pharmacy tech up one side and down the other for overriding his medical decisions, because thirty minutes later, Mom got both of her meds. The pharmacy tech wouldn’t look Mom in the eye for the rest of our visit.

On one hand, I could understand a phone call to double-check for possible mistakes or misunderstandings. Doctor handwriting is notoriously terrible, after all. On the other, simply deciding that one medication is not necessary, in direct contradiction to a doctor, is a good way to lose your job.

Good Thing For The Eardrum Because It’s All Clear After That
Alberta, Canada, Medical Office, Patients, Stupid | Healthy | April 2, 2022
This story was told to me by my partner, who works as a medical assistant at a walk-in clinic.

A patient has come in for an ear-syringing (flushing with warm water) because her ears are blocked. My partner gives her a little cup to hold under the affected ear to catch the water that comes out.

Suddenly, the patient has a question.

Patient: “Wait. Shouldn’t I be holding this under the other ear?”

Medical Assistant: *Pauses* “No?”

Patient: “Well, isn’t the water going to go through to the other side?”

My partner responds after a lengthy pause, dying inside.

Medical Assistant: “No, ma’am. The eardrum will block it and it will come back out the same ear.”

Patient: *Suddenly embarrassed* “Oh, right.”

She stayed quiet for the rest of the procedure. I’m sure it was just a “duh” moment but it makes for a great story!

A Test Of Patients And Patience
Current Events, Health & Body, Jerk, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | March 30, 2022
I am a medical assistant. The clinic I work in, like most clinics, has a specific area for patients who are symptomatic for a certain respiratory illness. They literally are supposed to enter through a side door and sit in a separate waiting room entirely, and this waiting room is connected to two conveniently semi-isolated exam rooms that are only used for sick patients.

There is a screening desk at the entrance to the main clinic where the patient or other guests are asked if they have symptoms, are a close contact, or are diagnosed with said illness. Then, the PSRs confirm again that the person checking in doesn’t have symptoms. Anyone who is symptomatic is directed to enter through the side door.

Cue this patient. She comes in for what should be a follow-up appointment, but instead, she wants to talk about her ear infection for the last week and her migraines for the last four days. During my intake, she mentions that she thinks the migraines are from allergies, which I note, but still, it’s nothing suspicious. Then, she coughs a deep, phlegmy cough. Okay, she smokes quite a bit, so I’m hoping it’s just a smoker’s cough which she does have documented in her chart. I take her vitals, and her heart rate and blood pressure are abnormal, which I consider to likely be related to the headaches. I ask her if she’s feeling symptomatic, to which she replies nonchalantly, “I am feeling a little under the weather.”

Crap.

I leave the room, my intake done, and relay this mishmash of vague symptoms to the doctor and suggest we test for the illness. She agrees but seems unsure at first, so I obtain the necessary swabs for a rapid and a send-out test while she dons personal protective equipment and talks to [Patient] about her concerns. When she is done I go back in, now garbed in a disposable gown, mask, face shield, and gloves, but wondering what’s the point since I was already exposed for over five minutes? I collect the samples, leave the room, and then go and start the rapid test. The test is supposed to be given a full ten minutes, but after four it is absolutely clear that it is positive.

I use our messaging service to tell the provider. She says she strongly anticipated this result after talking with [Patient], and then she discussed this with her. She prescribes [Patient] some medications to ease her symptoms and an antiviral specific to the illness, we wish her well, and she leaves.

Apparently, [Patient] told the doctor while they were first discussing her symptoms that she didn’t think she had the illness because she didn’t have a sore throat.

And thus ends my tale of why I will be using at-home tests frequently over the next two weeks until I either confirm the illness or I pass the timeframe in which I could expect to be sick.

It’s Nothing To Be Sniffed At
Michigan, Pets & Animals, Themed Story, USA, Vet | Healthy | March 28, 2022
Being in veterinary medicine, it’s a bit of an occupational hazard that you end up with pets that are disabled or ill in some way. Such was the case with the receptionist’s cat. He came in as a well-loved barn cat with a diagnosis of FIV. Very similar to HIV in humans, it’s not the virus that gets you, but the opportunistic illnesses you’re vulnerable to. Life in a barn was off the table, and the receptionist had no other cats in her house, so off Kitty went to live a spoiled house cat life.

A few months down the line, the receptionist calls on the drive-in to tell the technician Kitty’s been sick and she’s bringing him in. The tech goes into whirlwind mode, setting up oxygen and getting the IV pump set up, and hits the parking lot running, swooping the cat carrier out of the receptionist’s hand.

About this time the vet arrives and says:

Vet: “Isn’t that Kitty? What’s going on?”

Tech: “I don’t know, [Receptionist] says he’s been seizing all night!”

In walks the receptionist, who says:

Receptionist: “No, I said he’s been sneezing all night.”

Professionals Are Scary
Doctor/Physician, Funny, Hospital, New York, USA | Healthy | March 27, 2022
Growing up, I had asthma problems and would spend an evening in the hospital about once every other year. I grew used to the atmosphere around medical professionals. But being bad at reading subtleties between “professional demeanor” and “serious case,” I became a joker. If I could make the doctor or nurse laugh? I knew they weren’t going to come back with a dire prognosis.

One year, I went in because of a suspected seizure. It was very scary. I had to run a gamut of tests and I was put in a room in neurology. The next day, the neurologist walked in.

Neurologist: “I’ve looked at all your scans, and I can’t find anything.”

Me: “Odd. I’m sure I had a box of rocks in there. Any idea where it went?”

The neurologist froze for a moment, turned, and walked out of the room. This left me terrified. No chuckle? This was seriously bad, then, right?

A nurse rushed in and came to my bedside, asking, “What happened?” I relay the events.

Nurse: “Oh, good. I just saw him leaning against a wall in the hallway covering his face and shuddering. I thought he was crying.”

Me: “Is he trying not to laugh?”

Nurse: “Yeah. He doesn’t like appearing ‘less than professional’ in front of patients.”

We Don’t Talk About Cujo
Argentina, Buenos Aires, Jerk, Themed Story, Vet | Healthy | March 25, 2022
At the veterinary hospital we frequent, you are addressed by your pet name; e.g., my husband and I are Mr./Mrs. Cherry, after our cat. When the vet is ready for you, the receptionist will call out “Mr./Mrs. [Pet]!” and you can go in for a consult.

One day, we have a fellow pet parent who enjoys making fun of people’s choice of pet names as he waits for his own, particularly of small pets with tough-guy names – Terminator, Darth Vader, etc.

The first pet is called and it’s a miniature Doberman Pinscher called Killer. The wannabe comedian does his whole schtick of making fun of Killer for having a tough name and being tiny. Nobody is amused.

The second pet is Thor, a grey toy poodle. Cue the dude and his comedy routine. By now, the whole waiting room is dreading the next client.

The next pet called is Cujo. The dude turns around and right in his face is the largest Newfoundland Shepherd I have ever seen. It’s easily the size of a young bear, for those who have never seen the breed.

Now, normally, they are super gentle, but there is something wrong with the dog’s leg because it’s bandaged. When the dude turns around in his chair to make fun of Cujo, he is greeted with a deep, warning WOOF. He turns white as a sheet and just sits there, staring at the dog and possibly hoping he won’t get eaten.

There is light laughter from the rest of the pet parents waiting in the room. We never hear a peep out of the guy again until his own dog is brought out of the grooming section of the hospital. Serves him right.

Vets Are Mind-Readers, Too, Apparently
Cincinnati, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Non-Dialogue, Ohio, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | March 24, 2022
I was seeing a client for the first time whose concern was that her dog was itchy. The file had a few visits from about a year ago concerning urinary issues and suspect urinary tract infection, but at a recheck visit, the client had reported it resolved. Otherwise, the dog had a healthy, normal history.

I could see on the exam that it had scratched its skin in several places from being so itchy. Running a flea comb through its coat, I pulled out several fleas that I was able to show to the client, which is always very satisfying. We started him on flea prevention and also gave him an anti-itch injection, as he was so itchy I was suspicious he was either allergic to the fleas (which is a thing) or had some allergies on top of the fleas.

I worked with the client to find options that worked in her budget and gave estimates for everything. At the end of the appointment, as with all appointments, I asked if there were any other questions or concerns for that day. We talked about the skin and allergies a little bit more, but otherwise, there were no other concerns.

The next day, she left a negative review on our page because, “We never resolved her dog’s urinary issues.”

Cats Love Fish And Chips
Arizona, Inspirational, Pets & Animals, Themed Story, USA, Vet | Healthy | March 23, 2022
Early in the afternoon, I take a call from a woman wanting to bring a found cat in to be scanned for a microchip. My city has a large feral cat population, so most found cats don’t belong to anybody and are not chipped, but I told her to bring the cat any time we were open.

Two hours later, a couple walks in with a beautiful white kitty sitting in an open cardboard box. I bring them into the exam room so he doesn’t escape from the box and get into trouble, and get the microchip scanner.

The scanner beeps almost immediately. Huzzah! He has a chip! I check in our computer in case he’s a patient of ours (no dice), then look up the chip number on the AAHA website. Second huzzah! The chip is actually registered! Many people have chips put in but never register with the chip company, rendering the chip useless.

The chip company gives me the number they have on file with the owner and I call it. It goes to voicemail, but third huzzah! The voicemail message indicates that is in fact the phone of the owner on record.

The owner calls back almost immediately and we get as far as “Do you have my cat?” and “Yes!” before the call drops. I spend ten minutes trying to call back, but can’t get through. I thank the people who brought the cat in and set him up in a kennel to wait for the owner to call back.

About half an hour later, the owner calls back. The poor man had spent all day putting up lost cat posters in his neighborhood, finally got the call that his kitty was found, and his phone ran out of battery. We gave him directions to our clinic, and waited for him to arrive.

About 40 minutes later, the found kitty’s owner arrived. The cat had been kennel shy with us (i.e. nervous and hissing at anyone who approached), but as soon as his owner appeared, I opened the kennel door and he climbed right into his daddy’s arms.

This kitty’s owner did everything right to enable us to contact him, and I’m so glad I was able to reunite them.

Should’ve Had Your Apples Today
California, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Jerk, USA | Healthy | March 21, 2022
I was leaving a doctor’s visit when I had to walk by another doctor standing in the hallway. He had a chart in his hand and was facing one door, so I moved to go behind him. Just as I was between the doctor and the room he was not facing, he turned toward me. We nearly collided but I managed to stop just in time.

Me: “Oh, I—”

Doctor: *Scowling* “Never, never do that again.”

Me: “Do what?”

Doctor: “Stand in my way! You should more considerate of those around you going forward.”

Me: *Pauses* “Said the man in the middle of the hallway.”

The doctor glared at me as I moved past. I looked back and saw him entering the room he was facing originally. I was going to apologize originally, but after he scolded me, I was no longer sorry.

All Baby Birds Deserve Love!
Awesome, Funny, Hawaii, Honolulu, Inspirational, Non-Dialogue, Pets & Animals, USA, Zoo | Healthy | March 18, 2022
My daughter’s preschool class was taking a field trip to the Honolulu Zoo, and I went along to help chaperone. It must have been preschool day or something; at least half a dozen other schools were there, too, and preschoolers were everywhere.

As our group was walking toward one of the exhibits, I spotted a baby bird on the pathway, where it was in imminent danger of being trampled by four-year-olds. Having recently learned that birds do not abandon their chicks for “smelling like a human,” and, in fact, few birds even have a good sense of smell, I gently picked it up and moved to it to a grassy patch under a tree on the side of the path. I would have left it alone were it not in immediate danger.

We had only moved to Hawaii a few months prior, and I was curious what sort of exotic-to-me tropical bird it might be, so as I was moving it, I had my daughter’s teacher take a picture. As the bird still only had downy feathers, I couldn’t really tell what it was.

I got home and emailed the picture to the local chapter of the Audubon Society and awaited a reply. In the meantime, I looked through a bird book. Maybe a young cattle egret? A peachick? It wasn’t long before I got a reply.

It was a rock pigeon — not even a tropical pigeon, but the grey pigeon you see in just about every city.

That was nowhere near as exciting as I’d hoped, but at least the bird didn’t get trampled.

You’re Not The Only One Getting An F Here
Arizona, Current Events, Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | March 15, 2022
I started coughing one day at work and, though it felt like an asthma attack, I woke up the next day with a fever. With the health crisis raging, I went to the local clinic to get tested. I live in a “company town,” and this clinic served the needs of the company employees.

I got tested, and the clinic portal sent me a message that the result was “F”. I didn’t know what “F” meant, so I used the portal messaging to ask for clarification. I got no response.

As a first responder (trainer for rescue teams), this upset me. I needed to know if I had the illness or not and if I should be quarantined. I called the clinic, only to be put on perpetual hold. Now, I was mad.

I messaged the clinic through the portal that if I didn’t get a response, I would file a complaint with the State Medical Board. The response from the Chief of Staff: “Let him file.”

My complaint is now working its way through the system. The county health department called me a few hours later to let me know I should quarantine — a few hours that I could have spent in public, spreading the illness.

We’re All Tired, But None So Much As Healthcare Workers
Bad Behavior, Current Events, Health & Body, Hospital, Patients | Healthy | March 12, 2022
I work in healthcare. When you enter our hospital, you have to wear a mask. Duh, we’re a hospital. But of course, people come here trying to act smart. Just because we’re a hospital, it doesn’t mean we’ll let anything slide. We know that those “health reasons” for not wearing a mask don’t fly. We know that it’s not a HIPAA violation to ask if you’re vaccinated. But of course, some patients want to act high and mighty and righteous and are just looking for a fight. Or they are plain ignorant.

We had a patient who was insistent that the health crisis wasn’t real, even though he’d had a lengthy stay in the hospital with the illness in question.

We had a patient get mad that his mother’s appointment was rescheduled because she tested positive for the illness. He was mad because she couldn’t get Botox injections for her crow’s feet.

And then, we had this patient who called in before his daughter’s appointment.

Patient: “My daughter has [illness]. I don’t want to get it, so I’ve locked her in her room and I’m making her mother take care of her. I’ve been using hand sanitizer every hour, on the hour, and I have UV lights hanging up everywhere in the house. Anyway, I have an appointment at [time].”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’ll have to reschedule it since someone in your household has [illness].”

He got angry.

Patient: “That’s ridiculous! I’m coming in anyway. I’ll just lie to your screeners at the front door!”

I added notes in his chart, marked “Important,” so he wouldn’t be able to.

How To Get Fired By Your Doctor In A Few Easy Steps
Bad Behavior, Call Center, Current Events, Liars/Scammers, Patients, USA | Healthy | March 9, 2022
When you call your doctor’s office, a lot of times you are sitting in a queue waiting for someone to answer the phones because the clinics only have a certain number of people on the staff (fewer now due to the health crisis). The hospital network I work for recently opened a few local call centers to handle the overflow of phone calls to help reduce wait times. This is what I do. My job mainly consists of registering new patients, making appointments, refilling medications, and sending messages between the patient and their doctor. Each doctor has their own set of strict guidelines I must follow, and it varies from doctor to doctor.

It was the end of the week, in the middle of the month, and it was kind of a slow day. I could see the queues and not one time throughout the day was there anyone in there. Calls were being answered as soon as they came in. About twenty minutes before the lines were shut off for the day, I got a call. The woman was already angry when I answered.

Patient: “I’ve been calling all day! You people are so lazy, not answering the phone when that’s your job! I want an appointment with my doctor!”

Me: “What is the reason for your appointment?”

This is a required question. She listed off a bunch of symptoms that hit a red flag for [health crisis]. After checking with her doctor’s guidelines, I informed her that her doctor would not see her in the office until she got a negative test for [sickness].

Patient: “I already took a test! It was positive.”

Me: “Your doctor cannot see you in person with a positive test, but he’s willing to do a virtual visit.”

She then proceeded to curse and scream at me about how incompetent her doctor was and threatened to just get a new doctor. I tried explaining to her that all the doctors I work with do not see [sickness] patients in the office right now for the safety of the clinic staff as well as other patients. After going back and forth with her for a few minutes — much cursing from her side — I finally got her to agree to a virtual visit.

Unfortunately, her doctor didn’t have any appointments available for three days because of the weekend. This started another round of screaming at me. I suggested if she really wanted to see someone that she should go to an urgent care. She started changing up her symptoms to make them seem more urgent. Suddenly, she’d had a fever yesterday of 105F (40.5C) and her throat was so swollen she couldn’t eat anything and her cough was so bad that she couldn’t breathe.

At this point, I’d been on the phone with her for nearly fifteen minutes and had yet to hear her cough.

Patient: “I tried to go to an urgent care, but they don’t take people with mild symptoms.”

This was a lie. They ONLY take people with mild symptoms, and the symptoms she JUST described to me weren’t mild. If anything, she should have gone to the ER, but I am not allowed to even suggest that.

After a few more minutes of her cursing at me, I told her that I was sending a message back to the nursing staff to see if there was anything they could do for her. I only have access to the schedule that the doctors want me to see. They may have sections blocked off for other things and can fit patients in, but I cannot make those appointments. Also, they could schedule her with one of the nursing staff or another doctor, which I could not do per her doctor’s guidelines. She called me useless.

I sent the message to the back.

Me: “You’ll hear from someone within forty-eight hours.”

This was the standard phone script for all messages; plus, this was literally the end of the day. I disconnected the call before I got cursed at more.

Technically, I can disconnect a call at any point if a patient is screaming and cursing at me, but I didn’t want to inflict her on one of my coworkers when she inevitably called back. I wanted to try and keep her on the line long enough that she couldn’t call back because business hours would be over.

In the message I typed to the nurse, I could not state how the patient acted toward me because patients can see those messages. What I can do is talk to my supervisor, who will listen to the call (as they are recorded) and then call her doctor’s office manager, who is given access to listen to the call. They can put notes on your chart that only your care team can see. Doctors don’t take well to you screaming/cursing/threatening their staff.

The woman got her appointment with a nurse who was free over the weekend, but she was dismissed from her doctor’s care.

Sometimes A Hairnet Is More Than Just A Hairnet
Australia, Current Events, Funny, Hospital, New South Wales, Spouses & Partners, Sydney | Healthy | March 6, 2022
I had dreadful labour with my first child four years ago: forty-six unsuccessful hours where nothing went smoothly and which eventuated in an emergency caesarean under a general anaesthetic, followed by permanent nerve pain from the failed attempts of spinals and epidurals.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago. I am in the hospital being prepped for a second (planned this time) caesarean.

Things are all a bit scary, due to last time being so… well, scary… and we’re in the middle of a health crisis, so I am quite tense. I am most nervous about the epidural, but if my nerves hold up, I’ll let them attempt once, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll take the general.

I’m being prepped in various ways, with bed socks, fifty questions, and various other things. There’s time to kill before I am called in, so the nurse is pretty chill and taking her time coming to and fro with whatever props she might need.

I need the restroom and I don’t know how much time I have before I go, so I steal a moment mid-prepping.

When I return, my husband is sitting where he was, on the far side of my bed. I sit and the nurse returns. She asks us to put our hairnets on. I look all over the bed, thinking I’ve lost mime, but I realise I’ve not been given one. Suddenly, my husband looks a bit flushed.

Husband: *Embarrassed* “They gave me two hairnets while you were in the restroom. I thought they were shoe covers.”

The nurse was sympathetic, though; she had a little chuckle, but I full-on cracked up. He turned beet red but laughed along with me. The nurse said they no longer need to wear them on their feet and gave us two fresh nets.

A little later, my husband had to wait outside while they were attempting to give me an epidural. My obstetrician was in front of me, understanding my intense fear of the epidural, when I suddenly remembered the hairnets.

I chuckled to myself and my obstetrician looked confused. I had to tell her what my husband had done, and she laughed, too.

And just like that, the epidural was a success.

To this day, I don’t think what he did was that funny, but I don’t think that’s the point. The point is the fact that it was exactly what I needed at that moment, and so it still makes me laugh.

You’ve Got To Be Kidneying Me
Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medication, Nurses, Stupid, USA | Healthy | March 3, 2022
I donated a kidney a while back. For the most part, this isn’t much of a problem; the only side effect of the donation, other than not being allowed to do some obscure medical test with radioactive dyes that I’ll likely never need, is that I should avoid NSAIDs like aspirin.

A few years back, I went to a new dentist due to dental pain and they told me I would need a tooth removed. They didn’t have me fill out anything about my medical history before I went in for the dental surgery, so I made sure to briefly mention that I’d donated a kidney to my dentist just so he was aware of it.

After the surgery was over, I was sent to talk to a nurse about post-care and given a prescription for pain relief. I didn’t recognize the medication name, but to be safe:

Me: *To the nurse* “I’ve donated a kidney, so I cannot take NSAIDs. Is this prescription safe for me?”

Nurse: “Yes, it is.”

However, while I was going to pick up my medication, I read through the paperwork they handed me. There was a note saying that it wasn’t safe to take a certain medication if you had kidney problems. The medication mentioned on the paperwork was different than the one I was prescribed, but just the fact that the paperwork called out potential risk concerned me. I figured I should be safe since I’d made sure everyone knew the risk and had been assured it was fine, but I was uncertain enough that I decided to double-check.

Lo and behold, even a quick Google search was enough to learn that the medication I was prescribed was listed as a generic version of the medication the paperwork said I shouldn’t take, and a quick check on [Health Website] explicitly said that this medication was not safe if you had kidney problems.

I called the dentist back explaining the problem, but they never returned my call, leaving me to suffer through the pain with nothing more than Tylenol. I opted not to go back to that dentist for the follow-up surgery to get a replacement tooth installed; I have a general rule of never allowing medical organizations more than one attempt at destroying any of my organs.

About a year and a half later, I got a letter from the dentist saying they were going out of business and I should contact them now if I needed to get any of my medical records. I can’t say I considered their being out of business much of a loss.

Jumping Into This Relationship With Both Feet… Sort Of
Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Farm, Funny, Health & Body, Patients, USA | Healthy | February 28, 2022
I grew up on a farm. In a freak accident when I was about thirteen, I ended up losing most of my left foot. By the time I reach twenty-five, I have gotten used to the amputation; I could still walk, even though I had a slight limp, and with shoes or boots on, it’s impossible for other people to see that half of my foot is missing. That said, I’ve always been a bit self-conscious about it, so I don’t take my shoes off around other people or tell the story very often.

Sometime around my twenty-fifth birthday, I meet a woman and we start dating. A few weeks later, I take her home to meet my family, and while helping out with the farm chores, another freak accident happens and the tip of my right middle finger gets cut off. My family and my girlfriend take me to the hospital, and when we get home, she admits that she was panicking.

Girlfriend: “Oh, my God, that was crazy. I know farming can be dangerous, but I’ve never actually seen anything like that. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll be okay. It hurts, but the meds help.”

Girlfriend: “How can you be so calm about this? I’m completely freaked out and I’m not even the one who lost a finger.”

Me: *Joking* “Well, I’ve done worse, so a finger isn’t too bad.”

Brother: “Yeah, [My Name] is getting kind of used to things going missing by now.”

Girlfriend: “What do you mean?”

Brother: “His foot, and now his finger.”

Girlfriend: “Your foot? What does that mean?”

Brother: “You never told her about your foot, [My Name]?”

Me: “You’ve seen me barefoot, haven’t you?”

Girlfriend: “Apparently not? I mean, I know you limp, but I always thought that was just how you walk.”

Me: “All right, then. Do you want me to tell you the story first and then show you my foot, or show you my foot first and then tell the story?”

She decided to hear the story first, so I told her and then showed her my feet. She ended up taking the whole thing really well, and we’re still together a year later, so I think she’s the one.

We’re So Exhausted On Your Behalf
Bad Behavior, Current Events, Health & Body, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Security | Healthy | February 25, 2022
The lack of support from security at my hospital is insane. We have limited visitation due to rising health crisis cases.

Once, a whole family showed up when a patient was really only allowed one person. On top of it, they refused to follow the masking rules. How they got by screening, I’ll never know. Even if they wore masks downstairs, there’s no way a whole group should’ve been let up.

And when staff confronted them on the floor, they threatened to get violent with the nurses. When security finally showed up, they talked to the family for maybe ten minutes and didn’t even escort them out, saying, “They promised to leave in five minutes.” What a joke.

My favorite is [health crisis]-positive patients refusing to stay in their rooms and threatening to walk the halls to give everyone their illness, coughing in your face if you argue with them.

Then, there was an old man refusing to pull up his mask when asked, saying, “Honey, I would if I could,” rolling his eyes, and walking away. Surely, it’s more uncomfortable and inconvenient to wear it improperly?

I have more stories than I could possibly recount.

Make Things Easier On Yourselves, Folks!
Australia, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, New South Wales, Patients, Stupid | Healthy | February 25, 2022
I work in a pathology collection centre where we collect blood and other delightful bodily fluids and emissions. Sometimes the doctor requests that a patient fast in preparation for their blood test for a variety of reasons, and company procedure has certain requirements for the patient to be “correctly” fasting. For example, the patient must fast for more than X hours but not more than X hours, and they can only have water and nothing else. As always, I don’t make the rules; I only enforce them.

This elderly patient presents late in the afternoon with his referral from his general practitioner, and he wants to have the blood test collected. I inquire about whether he had fasted and he hasn’t, so I explain to him that he has to fast, for how long, the consequences of not doing it “correctly”, etc. He isn’t happy but seems to accept that it has to be that way as that’s what the doctor wants.

He seems to have a little trouble understanding me, so I explain it to him a few times, write it down in bullet-point format, and give him the little handouts we have with slightly more detailed patient instructions, as well. He leaves, and I’m satisfied that he understands as I’ve explained it about five times. All in all, I’ve worked with him for about fifteen to twenty minutes.

The patient comes in the next morning around mid-morning and I ask him what time he last had anything to eat or drink other than water. The answer he gives me means that he has exceeded the maximum fasting time.

Me: “You’ve gone too long now and your results could be affected. Are you sure you want to go ahead? I wrote this all down for you. Didn’t you look at what I wrote?”

Patient #1 : “No, I didn’t bother. Just do it.”

Me: *Facepalm*

In addition to this exchange, we often have this conversation with our fasting patients.

Me: “What time last night did you have something to eat or drink other than water?”

Patient #2 : “Oh, yes, last night.”

Me: “What time?”

Patient #2 : “Dinner time.”

Me: “What time was dinner?”

Patient #2 : “Oh, around six.”

Me: “Do you think you could give me the time to the closest half hour?”

The patient rolls their eyes, exasperated.

Patient #2 : “No, I didn’t look at the clock! Just make it six o’clock!”

Me: “You haven’t had anything since then?”

Patient #2 : “Oh, I had dessert at about ten o’clock.”

Or:

Patient #2 : “I just had a cup of tea/coffee this morning.”

Another fun one:

Patient #3 : “I’m usually difficult to get blood from.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Have you had much water today?”

Patient #3 : “No, I don’t drink water.”

I have to admit though, my favourite response to the last one was, “No, I don’t drink water because fish f*** in it!”

Stick a fork in me, folks, because I am so done.

At Least SOMEONE Is Looking Out For This Dog
Bigotry, Cincinnati, Jerk, Ohio, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | February 22, 2022
I am a veterinarian. On the day before Thanksgiving, I have an owner bring their older dog in for a mass on her foot that grew very quickly over the past few days and seemed very irritating as the dog was licking at it. Off the bat, this makes me think of something like a local infection and/or trauma. I recommend taking a small sample of it with a needle to view under a microscope, either in-clinic or by sending it out to a lab, for more information. It starts to go downhill here, as the owner informs me that he is a human physician, and he appears to have some opinions on what should be done instead. I don’t think it helps that I am a young recently graduated female veterinarian, and this owner is an older male physician.

Me: “Taking this sample can tell us whether there is an infection or if there is truly something more concerning like a growth or cancer.”

Owner: “I don’t think I want to do all that. She is an older dog, and I just want it removed, whatever it is.”

Me: “While that is a fair goal, surgery may not be the best solution to this. Even if it is cancer, that area can be hard to remove large masses from because there is so little tissue on the limbs.”

He starts to go into medical jargon about healing, and we go back and forth a few times. I support different owners with their goals and their right to make decisions for their pets so long as they are informed, but I don’t think jumping to surgical removal of this mass is in the dog’s best interest. He eventually concedes to us taking a sample, which I do, and I get a pus-like material that makes me even more suspicious of infection. When I go to explain this:

Owner: “Well, if it is an abscess, you can just take her in the back and drain it with a scalpel blade!”

This is also something I would not want to do immediately, especially in animals who do not sit still like humans and without appropriate pain control. Since our in-clinic materials for evaluating the sample were not working, I told him that I would send the sample out to a lab and that we would hear back with results in about three to five business days, possibly longer with a holiday tomorrow.

I sent the dog home with anti-inflammatories for comfort and a cone to keep her from traumatizing the area in the meantime. The owner was so fixated on having the mass “just removed” that on the way out, he scheduled a surgery for two weeks from then. The whole appointment left me exhausted, but the icing on the cake really came over the next two weeks.

I got the results back about three business days later — six calendar days — and called the only number we had on file for this owner. No one answered, so I left a message explaining that the results were consistent with an infection, that no cancer was seen, and that I was sending them an electronic prescription for an antibiotic. I also told them to call back and let us know how [Patient] was doing.

We heard nothing back about this dog until the next week when the owners got an automatic reminder for surgery drop-off the next day. The owner’s WIFE called us, upset, and asked why her dog had a surgery scheduled. When we reviewed the appointment and explained that it had been scheduled by her husband, the wife got irritated and told us to cancel it, because — shocker — the antibiotic got rid of the mass. She also snipped about how it took a week to get the results back.

In summary, he told me how to do my job (incorrectly), didn’t communicate to his spouse about the dog, didn’t update us about how the dog was doing or respond to a phone call, and complained about getting results back within the estimated timeframe during a holiday week. Well, at least the dog is better.

The Human Body Is A Shocking Wonder
Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, School, Students, USA | Healthy | February 19, 2022
WARNING: INJURY

This happened many moons ago, when I was in seventh grade.

The bell rings signifying the end of lunch. In my haste to get back to my classroom, I end up trying to jump over a bench instead of going around it, falling sideways, and having all of my ninety-six pounds land directly on my left wrist. I pop up and head for class, making it in with about one second to spare before I’d be marked late. I happen to be sitting in the front row.

The teacher spends the next minute writing things on the blackboard, and we all start taking notes. When he turns around, he sees me.

Teacher: “[My Name], leave immediately and go see the nurse.”

Me: “Why? I’m fine.”

Teacher: “Do it right now.”

Me: “If you say so.”

I put my stuff back in my backpack, mutter something under my breath, and reluctantly head for the nurse’s office. Yeah, my left wrist is hurting a bit, but I just fell on it. It’s probably sprained or something. I take my watch off it and transfer it to my right wrist, figuring that’ll help.

When I arrive…

Nurse: “Sit down and don’t move. I’m calling your parents. They’ll take you to the hospital.”

Me: “What the h***? I don’t need a hospital!”

Nurse: “Yes, you do! Look at your wrist!”

I took a look. The bone was almost poking through the skin.

The doctor said the break looked like it had been cut with a laser. Thankfully, the teacher and the nurse noticed right away that my wrist was broken, even if I didn’t!

The Fluffiest Fraud
Australia, Fraud, Impossible Demands, Insurance, Liars/Scammers, Vet | Healthy | February 16, 2022
I work as a vet. Our computer system is set up so that we can submit our clients’ insurance claims for their visits directly to their insurer — just a few clicks to submit the notes and the invoice, minimal hassle for everyone. We don’t have any way of knowing whether or not the claim gets accepted or rejected unless the client lets us know.

Client: “The claim for Fluffy’s [condition] got rejected.”

Me: “Ah, that’s a bugger. We had discussed that it might not get through because it would probably be considered pre-existing, but at least we gave it a go and know for the future.”

Client: “Yeah, sure, but what did you write in the submission claim? Like, the wording?”

Me: “I just submitted my clinical record. There aren’t any notes we write in addition to that.”

Client: “But what did you say Fluffy had?”

Me: “[Condition]. Which is what he has.”

Client: “Do you think you could resubmit it but write that he has [similar condition, which has similar symptoms but is treated differently]?”

Me: “Uh, no.”

Client: “Why not? It’s easy; just change a couple of words and it’s all good. Then it might get approved.

Me: “[Client], I will explain this very clearly to you. The clinic system locks the records after a certain time frame because they are classed as legal documents. Any changes to said documents after the fact would be grounds for me to face disciplinary action from my professional regulator. And very simply, what you are asking me to do is commit insurance fraud.”

Client: “Are you sure about that?”

Me: “Uh, yes, definitely fraud.”

Client: “So, you can’t do anything to get around it?”

Me: “No. I like my job. I’m not risking my licence.”

Client: “So, there’s really nothing you can do about this, then.”

Me: “[Client], stop asking. The answer is no. If you still don’t like it, you’re welcome to see one of my colleagues, but they will tell you the same thing, and your insurer already has the info anyway.”

Client: “…”

He wasn’t a client of ours for much longer. I can’t say he’ll be missed. Good luck and apologies to the next clinic who ended up with him.

Thanks For The Double Dose Of Guilt
Employees, Jerk, Medication, Pharmacy, Sweden | Healthy | February 13, 2022
I take a very expensive medicine. Luckily, since I live in Sweden, I don’t even pay for one month’s full use myself until I start getting it for free. The trick with this medicine is that it needs to be refrigerated, so I cannot order it home and I always need to plan my shopping when getting it since I cannot have it in my bag for too long.

I have just gotten new instructions from my doctor saying I can take out for two months instead of one, since she doesn’t think I should need to go to the pharmacy too often in the health crisis. Unluckily, the power goes that night, and I don’t know for how long, so I call medical services to find out what I should do with the medicine. Since there is a risk that it will be ruined, they tell me to take it back to the pharmacy to get new ones. Since I need a dose for that day, I go to do so, and I have to put other plans aside for the day in order to fix this.

Me: “Hi. I’m so sorry, but the power went and they said to exchange this in case it has gone bad.”

The pharmacist takes the medication and looks at it, then me, then to her computer, and then me again.

Pharmacist: “Do you know how expensive this is?”

Me: “Yes. As I said, the power went off, so the medicine might have been compromised.”

Pharmacist: “This is for two months!”

Me: “Yes, I know. I took it out yesterday — worst luck!”

She frowns and looks at her computer for a while.

Pharmacist: “Well, we don’t have any here, but you can find it at [Other Pharmacy].”

Me: “All right, should I just leave this here and go there, then?”

Pharmacist: “No, you need to bring this with you, or you can’t take out new medication again. Also, next time, perhaps you should only take out for one month; that way you won’t ruin as much of it.”

I did as she said and went a few blocks over to another pharmacy, only to have almost exactly the same conversation. I did get to make the exchange this time. I was so embarrassed and felt guilty about the whole thing, yet it was not even my fault, so thinking back, I wonder why they needed to keep rubbing it in?

I Just Learned Something New
Bizarre, Health & Body, Idaho, Medical Office, Nurses, Patients, USA | Healthy | February 10, 2022
My cat passes away, and in the stress of dealing with his illness, I do forget to wear a mask outside a couple of times. The following days after his death, I suddenly get very sick, and naturally, all I can think of is that I caught something when I forgot to wear a mask. I have almost entirely lost my voice. So, I decide to get tested.

The nurse looks down my throat.

Nurse: “Yeah, you look a bit torn up in there from coughing. Let’s get the tests started.”

She swabs for a couple of different things, and while we are waiting for the results, she says:

Nurse: “Also, your tonsils looked kind of inflamed and oddly shaped…”

Me: *Croaking* “My what?!”

Nurse: “Tonsils, in the back of your throat?”

Me: *Coughing* “I had a tonsillectomy seven years ago!”

Nurse: *Pauses* “That would explain the odd shape they’re in. Well, you’re negative for [contagious illness], strep, and flu, so it’s probably tonsillitis.”

It turns out that, much like if you have part of your liver cut off, your tonsils can grow back, too. I’m the first person I know to have tonsillitis after getting tonsils removed. Good grief!

Making Your Eyes As Big As Dishes
Health & Body, Optometrist/Optician, Patients, Stupid, Sweden | Healthy | February 7, 2022
I finally graduated as a licensed optician this year, and seeing as I have a love for storytelling, of course, I take every chance I get to ask my new coworkers about the weirdest or dumbest customers/patients they’ve encountered. So far, this story I heard from one of the sales assistants absolutely takes the cake, although I do have a close runner-up, as well.

A woman comes in, complaining over something regarding her contact lenses. My coworker asks some general troubleshooting questions: how often do you change your contacts, do you sleep with them, are you cleaning them properly? That last question is where it all goes south.

Patient: “Of course, I clean them, but that cleaner you sold me doesn’t work very well, so I just use dish soap, instead.”

Coworker: *Pauses* “You use what now?”

Patient: “Yeah, dish soap and water. See, the cleaner doesn’t get the contacts clear enough; I still see all blurry when I put them back in. The dish soap makes them much cleaner.”

Coworker: *Absolutely dumbfounded* “You can’t… do that. Your eyes could get really badly damaged from that. Please don’t. You need to use the cleaner that your optician recommended for you.”

Patient: “Well, I still think the dish soap works better.”

Lady, how have you, for your entire life, missed the glaring labels on every single dish soap ever telling you NOT to let it come in contact with your eyes?

Congratulations On The (Frustrating, Long-Awaited) All-Clear!
Doctor/Physician, Insurance, Money, Non-Dialogue, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City, Stupid, USA | Healthy | February 4, 2022
Some years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I went through all the treatment, surgeries, chemo, you name it. A couple of years later, at the three-month follow-up, my oncologist, upon consultation, didn’t like that he could feel some lumps under my arm, so he put in a request for a PET scan.

A PET scan is an imaging test where you are given a slightly radioactive glucose IV shot, wait an hour, and then go through a machine. Cancer being sugar-avid, if there is any tumor, it will light up on the screen.

My insurance denied the request because I didn’t have a CT scan done that would warrant the need for a PET scan; PET scans are more expensive than CT scans.

The oncologist then put in a request for a CT scan.

The insurance denied it because I didn’t have an MRI scan done that would warrant the need for a CT scan, CT scans being more expensive than MRI scans.

Then, my oncologist put in a request for an MRI scan.

The insurance promptly denied that because I didn’t have an XRay done that would warrant the need for an MRI scan.

And this is how I ended up having an XRay, an MRI scan, a CT scan, and a PET scan because insurance wanted to save the money for the PET scan. I got subjected to way more radiation than necessary for them to pay five times the cost they wanted to save.

It was negative. Years later, I am still cancer-free.

Don’t Sprain Yourself Trying To Be Helpful
Florida, High School, Jerk, Nurses, USA | Healthy | February 1, 2022
I am about fifteen and in high school, and cell phones aren’t really a thing yet. Yesterday, I sprained my ankle. It’s very painful and swollen, but an x-ray shows no breaks. I have a chemistry test, but it’s second period, so I figure I can limp around until then. My mom tells me to go to the office when I finish the test and call her, and she’ll come get me. She says she’ll call if she doesn’t hear from me by a certain time. I finish my test, which takes longer than I thought, and my teacher dismisses me to the office. I hobble in. The nurse is at the front desk.

Nurse: “Did you hurt yourself?”

Me: “I sprained my ankle yesterday. I came in to take my chem test, but I need to go home. It really hurts. Can I call my mom?”

Nurse: “Oh, a Tylenol will fix you right up. I’ve got some in my office. What’s your name?”

Me: “[My Full Name]. My mom said I could call her after the test and she’d come get me.”

Nurse: “No, no. All you need is Tylenol. Can’t have you missing class.”

Me: “Look, it’s really swollen and it hurts and—”

Nurse: “I know what you’re trying to do. You’re not going to skip.”

Me: “What?! I’m not skipping! It really hurts! I need to ice it!”

The phone rings.

Nurse: “Don’t even think about leaving. Sit down.”

I sit and pop my foot up on a chair. The nurse answers the phone.

Nurse: “[School].” *Pauses* “You need to pick your daughter up early?” *Pauses* “Sure, what’s your name?” *Pauses* “And her name?” *Pauses* “Oh.”

She glares daggers at me.

Nurse: “She’s in the office now.” *Pauses* “Due to the number of students skipping, we had to be sure before we called.” *Pauses* “Yes, she says she’s in pain.” *Pauses* “Yes, she says it’s swollen.” *Pauses* “Uh-huh.” *Pauses* “Okay.” *Pauses* “You’ll need to come in with ID.” *Pauses* “Thank you.”

She hangs up.

Nurse: “Don’t move. Your mom is on her way.”

Less than ten minutes later, my mom comes running in. My ankle has ballooned up at this point. There are now other office staff around. She waves her ID at the nurse and signs me out. Then, she helps me out of the chair and I hang on to her for balance.

Mom: *Loudly* “Don’t accuse a kid of trying to skip when she’s very clearly hurting. All you had to do was look at her foot to see she wasn’t faking.”

Nurse: “I’m sorry—”

Mom: “Nope. We are leaving.”

She took me home, where I iced and elevated my foot for the rest of the day. I didn’t see that nurse again!

I Hereby Diagnose Your Cat With Cat
Bizarre, Doctor/Physician, Massachusetts, USA, Vet | Healthy | January 29, 2022
A number of years ago, my husband and I took our beloved cat to the vet for hot spots that had been causing her a great deal of grief. The vet advertised himself as holistic, which we saw as an advantage at the time.

Once we were in the examination room, he asked:

Vet: “Can one of you place one hand on [Cat]’s back while extending the other arm out straight?”

He then proceeded to hold up vials of unknown contents near our lovely cat’s body. With each one, he pushed on the outstretched arm, using his perceived resistance as an indicator of our poor cat’s sensitivity to its contents.

Sadly, my former husband wasn’t up to the task. He excused himself and went outside to stand by our car. From my vantage point near the window, I could still see him, bent double, laughing until he cried, while I was trapped inside, forced to freeze my face while the vet tested vial after vial.

The result? A $375 bill and a diagnosis of “sensitivity to strange smells,” which, if I’m not mistaken, covers all cats, ever.

Who Traumatized This Poor Tech?!
Bad Behavior, Employees, Insurance, Money, Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, Pittsburgh, USA | Healthy | January 26, 2022
Due to a variety of circumstances, our health insurance benefits come from my husband’s former (lousy) employer. They have switched to a new plan that is horrible. I signed us up for a plan from the marketplace but we are forced to keep the current plan for a month. I need to pick up a refill on my husband’s medication and it’s less than a week before Christmas.

Me: “I’m here to pick up a prescription for [Husband].”

Tech: “Sure. Can I get a date of birth?”

She enters the date of birth and freezes, staring at the computer. Finally, she starts to speak.

Tech: “Um, yeah, so, uh, we, we got his inhaler. It, um, it came in today.”

Me: “Okay?”

Tech: “So, it’s um, the insurance…”

Me: “I assume it’s more expensive under this plan.”

Tech: “Uh, yeah. It’s $405.00.”

Me: “Holy s***. Okay.”

Tech: “So, do you want it?”

Me: “It’s not that I want it. It’s that he needs it, so… yeah.”

Tech: “It’s $405.00.”

Me: “Yes.”

Tech: “Hang on. I’m trying to figure this out.”

Me: “This is horrible insurance. It just started at the beginning of this month and we have new insurance starting next month. I know that’s why. It doesn’t matter about the details.”

Tech: “HANG ON! I’M TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT!”

I stand there, stunned.

Tech: “They are saying you haven’t reached your deductible yet. Your deductible is—”

Me: *Interrupting* “I know. This plan started this month. We have a new plan for next year. We will never reach the deductible.”

Tech: *Almost yelling* “I know it’s almost Christmas. I can’t help it!”

Me: “Unless you are actually an insurance company executive in disguise, it’s not your fault. Are you ready for my card?”

Tech: “MA’AM! IT’S $405.00!”

The pharmacist, who had been helping another customer, comes over.

Pharmacist: “It’s fine, [Tech]. She’s not upset. She’s not yelling. Just ring her up.”

Tech: “IT’S NOT MY FAULT!”

Pharmacist: “I know. But she’s not mad at you. Just move and I’ll finish up.”

Just then, the store manager and a security guard come RUNNING toward us.

Manager: “Did they get away?”

Pharmacist: “Who? What’s going on?” *Pauses* “OH, MY GOD! [TECH]! Did you hit the panic button?!”

Tech: “Yes, she was upset.”

Pharmacist: “She was shocked at the price but she was not a problem.”

Manager: “What’s going on?”

Pharmacist: “This lady was picking up a refill. Last month it was $45. The new insurance price was $405.00”

Manager: “HOLY S***!”

Pharmacist: “That’s what the customer said, but she was much quieter about it. She wasn’t yelling or upset. She was just very surprised. I’m going to have a talk with [Tech]. There’s no issue here. You guys can leave.”

He manages to finish things up and I pay. All the while, the manager and security guard stand there, staring at me.

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, I’m really sorry about all this. You did nothing wrong.”

Me: “Look, don’t be too hard on her. I’m going to assume that most people scream at her for things like this. I was expecting the price to have gone up — maybe not by 800% but up. I’m sorry if she thought I was yelling.”

Pharmacist: “You were fine. I think she just needs to take her break now.”

I sincerely hope she calmed down during her break.

How Do These People Become Doctors?!
Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Europe, Hospital | Healthy | January 23, 2022
My daughter has autism and PANS, which is a condition that has psychiatric and neurological symptoms. Recently, she has been complaining of pain in her right hand and foot. We go see a pediatric neurologist to see whether this is a real thing, or if she is using it as an excuse when she doesn’t want to do something. (It’s a possibility at her age.)

I know that pediatric neurologists mostly deal with epilepsy and less with muscle problems/neuropathy, which this resembles, but I can’t find out which one is more focused on that, so we go to the “top” guy.

I enter beforehand by myself to explain everything — that we need him to find out if it’s real and that it could be her fibbing. My daughter comes in and the doctor positively booms at her:

Doctor: “Look, I want to show you this song online!”

Very urgently, I ask him to turn off the video on his phone, because her ONLY big fear is unknown music videos. My daughter’s eyes have gone wide and her hands are pressing her headphones into her ears.

Doctor: *To me* “Shut up!”

My daughter finds her words and tells him to turn it off, and in a big show of bravery, she doesn’t run out of the examination room.

He gives her paperwork a very thorough look and tells us rambling stories about his work. My daughter is shuffling around and ends up sitting in his lap while he is talking to us; she is friendly like that. At one point, the doctor grabs her by surprise in a tight hold.

Doctor: “We will give you a big injection now!”

I am happy to say that my daughter has great experience with doctors and me and knows that I am the one calling the shots and that no surprises ever happen, so she looked at me and I quickly let her know that there wouldn’t be any shots today. I was not opposing the doctor. There was no shot; this was his amazing idea of a joke!

The whole time, he never once examined her physically. In the end, he gave us the recommendation for a multivitamin — at which I rolled my eyes — and a comment on the fact that I am “pretty feisty” and that he “respects that”.

Sadly, the doctor didn’t know that my husband is the lawyer for this group of hospitals, but he will find out pretty soon. We did find a specialist for neuromuscular problems and she is having a big, proper exam at another hospital in a few weeks.

Isn’t That Against The Geneva Convention?
Belgium, Family & Kids, Funny, Hospital, Spouses & Partners | Healthy | January 20, 2022
My mother was pregnant and about to give birth at the hospital. It was early in July and my mother was sweating profusely due to the effort of labor and the heatwave. A nurse gave my father a wet washcloth, assuming my father would wipe my mother’s face with it. Instead, he pressed it on her mouth and nose and started screaming:

Father: “Breathe! Breathe!”

A few minutes later, my brother was born safely. The nurses were still laughing. To this day, my father claims he doesn’t remember.

Isn’t That Against The Geneva Convention?
Belgium, Family & Kids, Funny, Hospital, Spouses & Partners | Healthy | January 20, 2022
My mother was pregnant and about to give birth at the hospital. It was early in July and my mother was sweating profusely due to the effort of labor and the heatwave. A nurse gave my father a wet washcloth, assuming my father would wipe my mother’s face with it. Instead, he pressed it on her mouth and nose and started screaming:

Father: “Breathe! Breathe!”

A few minutes later, my brother was born safely. The nurses were still laughing. To this day, my father claims he doesn’t remember.

Does Anyone Else Suddenly Have Sweaty Palms?
Bad Behavior, Colorado, Denver, Hospital, Nurses, USA | Healthy | January 17, 2022
CONTENT WARNING: Needles



I’ve had a chronic illness since I was a baby, which has caused me to experience a lot of medical tests and treatments. When I was thirteen, I had a medical event and started breathing abnormally. My mom had to call 911, and I was taken to a children’s hospital. I was immediately admitted and put in a private room. I had a few tests, was put on oxygen, and was hooked up to a bunch of monitors. Then, a new nurse came in.

Nurse: *Visibly nervous* “Hi. I’m going to take some blood today.”

Me: “Okay, it’s no problem. I’m used to bloodwork and stuff.”

The nurse continued to look uncomfortable and started shuffling around the room, getting out supplies. I noticed that the needle he pulled out was really unusual, as it was extremely large and wasn’t an IV needle, which is what is usually used for blood work when someone is admitted to a hospital.

He sat down, and I could see that his hands were shaking violently. He put a large white towel under my arm and cleaned my entire arm with orange antiseptic, the kind used for surgical sites.

Me: “Why are you using that? Why not just use the regular alcohol wipes?”

He didn’t answer but started putting a tourniquet on my arm and handed me a stress ball.

Nurse: “Squeeze that as hard as you can.”

The nurse unwrapped the needle and I could fully see the size of it. It was enormous, and my heart started pounding. I’d never seen a needle like it, despite having constant IVs and blood draws throughout my life.

The nurse was now trembling like a leaf in the wind.

Nurse: “This is going to hurt… a lot. Stay still; that’s really important. Don’t move at all, even if it hurts.”

Me: “Okay…”

I was terrified. I had no idea what was going on or why a simple blood draw would hurt so badly.

Nurse: “Breathe in… and out…”

As I let my breath out, the nurse (still with shaking hands) held my wrist down and plunged the needle into my forearm. It was put in at a strange angle, pretty much at a full ninety degrees, and was stuck in very deep and forcefully. I was immediately overwhelmed with pain, my vision started tunneling, and it took every molecule of effort I had not to move or scream. It seemed like it took forever, but eventually, the tubes filled with blood and he pulled the needle out. Then, he just bandaged my arm and left, without acknowledging anything that had just happened.

I was fully weirded out by the entire experience. I was certain, at the time, that the nurse was incompetent or something, especially since he seemed so nervous.

It wasn’t until a full eight years later that I found out what even happened! I recently requested a copy of my records from that hospital and saw the write-up from that visit. I was floored to see that the test they were actually performing was an arterial blood gas (ABS)! In the test, a large needle is put straight into an artery, and it is considered to be extremely painful — so painful that it is unethical to perform it on anyone without giving them local anesthetic first. Not only was I not given local anesthetic (AS A CHILD AT A CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL), but nobody bothered to even explain what was going to happen, what test they were performing, or that it was any different than a regular blood draw or IV.

It truly was one of the most memorable (and horrible) things I’ve ever experienced in a medical setting, and I never went back to that hospital.

They Went To Medical School For THIS?
Bad Behavior, Hospital, Parents/Guardians, USA | Healthy | January 11, 2022
I’m an emergency ward doctor. One day, they told me my mom was having problems breathing. She was suffering from a certain contagious illness, and I couldn’t see her in three days. The news wrecked me for some minutes. I sat down and grabbed my head to put my mind together.

At that exact moment, someone with a massive brain stroke came to ER. I rushed to help. It took around thirty minutes for me to come back.

This resulted in a man screaming and swearing at me.

Man: “What’s taking so long? My son could’ve died waiting for you!”

Me: “Sir, there’s a person whose brain is literally bleeding. We had to attend to them.”

Man: “Well, they’ve probably been bleeding for some days now! My son has a runny nose!”