No Soup For You! Part 5
Grocery Store, Impossible Demands, Jerk, North Carolina, Phone, Stupid, USA | Right | May 2, 2022
The phone rings.

Me: “Hello, [Grocery Store], how can I help today?”

Caller: “Tell me about your soups.”

Me: “Did you want our canned soups, our soup of the day, or the local prepacked soup?”

Caller: “Oh! You know what?! I bought some the other day. Let me grab it and you can tell me more about it!” *Her phone rustles* “Okay, here it is.”

There’s a long silence.

Me: “…umm?”

Caller: “Could you let me know more about this?”

Me: “Ma’am… I can’t see what you are holding.”

Caller: “What?! Are you blind?!”

Me: “You know what? I may actually be visually impaired, but at least I can understand how a telephone works.”

Caller: “…oh, God!” *Click*

Just A Sample Of Bad Service
Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | June 8, 2022
My job requires yearly blood work, as I work with chemicals on a daily basis. I am phobic of needles and have hard-to-find veins, so the onsite health services usually refer me straight to a lab with a trained phlebotomist to make things easier on everyone.

This year, they apparently switched which company they contract through, so I am told to go to a new place, which turns out to be an Urgent Care clinic. I warn the nurse about the issues getting blood from me before and about my phobia, but despite me trying to point her to the best spot, she insists she knows better and ended up digging in my arm for a good two minutes before I beg her to stop and have a minor panic attack.

Once I calm down, not wanting to have to come back, I give them one more chance, but ONLY in the spot that I indicated. After about fifteen seconds of digging while I cover my face and try not to shake:

Nurse: *Surprised* “Oh!”

Me: *Shaky laugh* “Told ya.”

I keep it together long enough to finish the blood draw and get out to go have another panic attack in my car. Whatever, it’s over, and I don’t have to do it for another year.

And then, a week later, I get a call.

Nurse: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Nurse: “We’re going to need you to come back in. We lost your sample.”

Me: “You what?!”

Nurse: “It got lost in transit.”

Me: “It took half an hour and two panic attacks to get that sample!”

Nurse: “I apologize, ma’am, but…”

Once the call finishes, I immediately call health services, and their reaction is a similar, “They WHAT?!” followed by an apology that I have to do it again and a promise to send me straight to a lab. Unfortunately, I have to return to the Urgent Care to get a referral from them, though health services send me with additional paperwork and a number to call if there are any issues. Sure enough:

Nurse #2 : “Oh, we don’t do referrals.”

Me: “Please call the number listed here. They should be able to clarify things.”

I am not sure what was said on the phone, but from a combination of [Nurse #2 ]’s expression and how I was meekly given a referral several minutes later, I can make some educated guesses. Thankfully, the lab I went to had a trained and experienced phlebotomist on staff, and the second blood draw went much smoother.

Insuring That You Feel Even Sicker
Health & Body, Insurance, Maryland, Money, Pharmacy, Police, USA | Healthy | June 6, 2022
I’m feeling under the weather, and I go and see my doctor. My complaint is a simple one and all I need is a three-dose run of medication. I go in to the local major chain pharmacy and drop off my prescription.

Later, I get a call telling me that they can’t run my script as it was rejected by the insurance company.

Dang it.

I go in and find out that, while my condition is severe enough that I really need three doses to clear it up, the insurance company will only allow the more common two-dose run. Three, apparently, is right out and is an offense to the Insurance Deities.

Me: “Okay, what if we don’t involve insurance? How much would this be if I just paid out of pocket?”

Pharmacy Tech: “You can’t do that. The insurance company rejected it.”

Me: “I understand that. What if we don’t submit it to insurance and I just pay cash?”

Pharmacy Tech: “You cannot do that. The insurance company denied it.”

Me: “If I didn’t have insurance, what would you have done?”

Pharmacy Tech: “We’d have just charged you the cost of the medication.”

Me: “Okay, how abo—”

Pharmacy Tech: *Cutting me off* “We cannot do that. The insurance company denied it. You cannot get your medication.”

Me: “F*** the insurance company! I want to run this as an out-of-pocket! How. Much. Is. It?”

Pharmacy Tech: “Sir! I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

At this point, I had to reach down deep and find my inner Entitled Jerk. I demanded the manager.

Basically, what happened next was pretty much the conversation above but with a manager backing the pharmacy tech up. Eventually, I asked for the script back and was told that since it was denied and had been stamped as denied, they could not give it to me.

I started to get really annoyed and was about to really flip out, but then the police officer they called while we were going around tapped me on the shoulder and explained that I was being trespassed off of the grounds.

The officer was polite about it, listened to my side of the story, and agreed that it was unfair and that I should have been able to get my meds or at least get my script back.

Eventually, I called my doctor back, they issued another script, and I went to a locally-owned pharmacy. I told them that insurance was not going to cover it and that I wanted to just pay for the medication if it wasn’t too expensive. They told me, it was reasonable (very reasonable), I paid, and I got my meds.

The kicker? Without coupons or pharmacy discounts, the medication was only $8.34 a pill. I got banned from my pharmacy over a lousy nine bucks.

An Expected Puppy… And A Couple More
Funny, Pets & Animals, Vet | Healthy | June 4, 2022
CONTENT WARNING: Animal Death

Years ago, my aunt was positive that her Samoyed was pregnant. The vet told her she was wrong.

One night, the Samoyed gave birth to one huge pup. The same night, the neighbors’ Doberman died giving birth. The two Doberman pups were given to the Samoyed along with her one pup.

My aunt took all three pups to the vet.

Vet: “Okay, you were right about your Samoyed being pregnant… but there’s no way you can expect me to believe that these two pups are hers!”

Pranking From The Womb
Funny, Health & Body, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Pranks, Sons & Daughters | Healthy | June 2, 2022
The best April Fool prank I ever saw was actually pulled by me.

I put my mom through three false labors on the same day I was born. The first was in the early morning hours, which got my older brother thrown in bed with my grandparents. The second time was in the mid-afternoon, making my mom take off time from work, and she had to go back.

The third time came later at night. They had her walk around the hospital this time, and I was finally born.

One Day Per Stitch
Bosses & Owners, Employees, Health & Body, Military, North Carolina, USA | Healthy Working | May 31, 2022
This happened back in the early 1970s when I was a corporal in the Marines.

A couple of other jarheads and I were playing with our pocketknives in the shop one day. We worked in avionics/electrics on planes, and those knives came in handy while doing electrical work. Believe it or not, my forty-year-old son still keeps that knife with his “special” tools.

We’d taken turns sharpening the blades and I got a little careless. I put a clean slice in a thumb, but I didn’t think it was bad enough to seek professional medical help. Gunny had other ideas.

Gunny: “With that much blood, go to sickbay.”

This was Wednesday afternoon, a while before we were off work.

I headed over to sickbay and the corpsman there was a third-class medic, the same rank as me but he was in the Navy. He looked at it pretty closely.

Corpsman: “Hang on.”

He came back in a minute.

Corpsman: “Look, you don’t really need stitches, but it could stand ‘em. We’ve got a guy who’s never stitched up a real person and this would be the perfect first time for it. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

I didn’t even think about it.

Me: “Nah, I don’t mind. Everybody starts somewhere. He’ll never forget me. What did he put practice stitches in?”

Corpsman: “Uh… shaved dead goats.”

Me: *Laughing* “Okay, let’s move him up to humans.”

It took a few minutes to get all the stuff ready. As the new guy was anesthetizing my thumb, I suggested:

Me: “Do it like you did the dead goats, just like they taught you.”

He laughed a bit.

New Guy: “All the goats recovered completely and now live on a farm in Nebraska.”

As the new guy put four stitches in my thumb, a thought occurred to me.

Me: “Look, I don’t mind being a live guinea pig, but is there anything in this for me?”

Corpsman: “Let me go talk to my lieutenant.”

A Navy lieutenant is an O-3, the same as a Marine captain.

He came back in time for everything to be about wrapped up and asked:

Corpsman: “You got duty or anything this weekend?”

Me: “No, a regular weekend off for me.”

The new medic finished the bandage on my thumb quite nicely while we talked.

The corpsman handed me a piece of paper.

Corpsman: “Okay, here’s a ‘no-duty’ chit for four days: tomorrow, Friday, and then the weekend. It has you returning to ‘light duty’ on Monday, and then nothing strenuous until we take the stitches out in ten days. You just got yourself a four-day weekend!”

Oh, yeah.

We yukked it up a bit more and I left.

When I got back to the shop, Gunny was still there, I guess waiting for an update. I showed him my no-duty/light-duty chit, and he kind of lost it.

Gunny: “What?! Four days off for that little cut? Don’t leave yet.”

He proceeded to call up Medical.

This was a long time ago, and all we had was an old clunker of a military shop phone. It was that heavy black plastic, and if there wasn’t much noise around, you could easily hear it from several feet away. I heard everything clearly.

Gunny: “Yeah, this is [Gunny]. I have a corporal here who just got a few stitches and I need to know why he’s getting four days off.”

Person On The Phone: “Hang on, Gunny.”

After a minute:

Lieutenant: “This is Lieutenant Doctor [Lieutenant]. I was told you have a question?”

Gunny barked:

Gunny: “I don’t know why anybody would need four days off for a few stitches. Maybe you can tell me.”

Lieutenant: “First off, I’m a lieutenant in the US Navy, so if you can, throw in a ‘sir’ once in a while. Second, I have the utmost confidence in my team. If that’s what they determined the patient needed, that’s what the patient will get. I’d also like to add that I don’t allow my team to run around the base telling gunnery sergeants how to do their job, and I sure don’t appreciate you thinking you know more about medical procedures than they do — unless, of course, you have a medical degree similar to my own. If that’s the case, we can sit down and discuss this like rational adults. If you don’t, why don’t you stick to doing what you get paid to do and give us that same consideration?”

Gunny: *Defeated* “Yes, sir, I understand. Thank you.“

He gently hung up the phone and looked at me. I almost felt bad for him, but there was no way I was telling him the entire story now.

Gunny: “See you Monday, Corporal.”

An Expected Puppy… And A Couple More
Funny, Pets & Animals, Vet | Healthy | June 4, 2022
CONTENT WARNING: Animal Death

Years ago, my aunt was positive that her Samoyed was pregnant. The vet told her she was wrong.

One night, the Samoyed gave birth to one huge pup. The same night, the neighbors’ Doberman died giving birth. The two Doberman pups were given to the Samoyed along with her one pup.

My aunt took all three pups to the vet.

Vet: “Okay, you were right about your Samoyed being pregnant… but there’s no way you can expect me to believe that these two pups are hers!”

Pranking From The Womb
Funny, Health & Body, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Pranks, Sons & Daughters | Healthy | June 2, 2022
The best April Fool prank I ever saw was actually pulled by me.

I put my mom through three false labors on the same day I was born. The first was in the early morning hours, which got my older brother thrown in bed with my grandparents. The second time was in the mid-afternoon, making my mom take off time from work, and she had to go back.

The third time came later at night. They had her walk around the hospital this time, and I was finally born.

One Day Per Stitch
Bosses & Owners, Employees, Health & Body, Military, North Carolina, USA | Healthy Working | May 31, 2022
This happened back in the early 1970s when I was a corporal in the Marines.

A couple of other jarheads and I were playing with our pocketknives in the shop one day. We worked in avionics/electrics on planes, and those knives came in handy while doing electrical work. Believe it or not, my forty-year-old son still keeps that knife with his “special” tools.

We’d taken turns sharpening the blades and I got a little careless. I put a clean slice in a thumb, but I didn’t think it was bad enough to seek professional medical help. Gunny had other ideas.

Gunny: “With that much blood, go to sickbay.”

This was Wednesday afternoon, a while before we were off work.

I headed over to sickbay and the corpsman there was a third-class medic, the same rank as me but he was in the Navy. He looked at it pretty closely.

Corpsman: “Hang on.”

He came back in a minute.

Corpsman: “Look, you don’t really need stitches, but it could stand ‘em. We’ve got a guy who’s never stitched up a real person and this would be the perfect first time for it. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

I didn’t even think about it.

Me: “Nah, I don’t mind. Everybody starts somewhere. He’ll never forget me. What did he put practice stitches in?”

Corpsman: “Uh… shaved dead goats.”

Me: *Laughing* “Okay, let’s move him up to humans.”

It took a few minutes to get all the stuff ready. As the new guy was anesthetizing my thumb, I suggested:

Me: “Do it like you did the dead goats, just like they taught you.”

He laughed a bit.

New Guy: “All the goats recovered completely and now live on a farm in Nebraska.”

As the new guy put four stitches in my thumb, a thought occurred to me.

Me: “Look, I don’t mind being a live guinea pig, but is there anything in this for me?”

Corpsman: “Let me go talk to my lieutenant.”

A Navy lieutenant is an O-3, the same as a Marine captain.

He came back in time for everything to be about wrapped up and asked:

Corpsman: “You got duty or anything this weekend?”

Me: “No, a regular weekend off for me.”

The new medic finished the bandage on my thumb quite nicely while we talked.

The corpsman handed me a piece of paper.

Corpsman: “Okay, here’s a ‘no-duty’ chit for four days: tomorrow, Friday, and then the weekend. It has you returning to ‘light duty’ on Monday, and then nothing strenuous until we take the stitches out in ten days. You just got yourself a four-day weekend!”

Oh, yeah.

We yukked it up a bit more and I left.

When I got back to the shop, Gunny was still there, I guess waiting for an update. I showed him my no-duty/light-duty chit, and he kind of lost it.

Gunny: “What?! Four days off for that little cut? Don’t leave yet.”

He proceeded to call up Medical.

This was a long time ago, and all we had was an old clunker of a military shop phone. It was that heavy black plastic, and if there wasn’t much noise around, you could easily hear it from several feet away. I heard everything clearly.

Gunny: “Yeah, this is [Gunny]. I have a corporal here who just got a few stitches and I need to know why he’s getting four days off.”

Person On The Phone: “Hang on, Gunny.”

After a minute:

Lieutenant: “This is Lieutenant Doctor [Lieutenant]. I was told you have a question?”

Gunny barked:

Gunny: “I don’t know why anybody would need four days off for a few stitches. Maybe you can tell me.”

Lieutenant: “First off, I’m a lieutenant in the US Navy, so if you can, throw in a ‘sir’ once in a while. Second, I have the utmost confidence in my team. If that’s what they determined the patient needed, that’s what the patient will get. I’d also like to add that I don’t allow my team to run around the base telling gunnery sergeants how to do their job, and I sure don’t appreciate you thinking you know more about medical procedures than they do — unless, of course, you have a medical degree similar to my own. If that’s the case, we can sit down and discuss this like rational adults. If you don’t, why don’t you stick to doing what you get paid to do and give us that same consideration?”

Gunny: *Defeated* “Yes, sir, I understand. Thank you.“

He gently hung up the phone and looked at me. I almost felt bad for him, but there was no way I was telling him the entire story now.

Gunny: “See you Monday, Corporal.”

Here’s Hoping She Gets The Kind Of Help She Really Needs
Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Liars/Scammers, Patients | Healthy | May 31, 2022
I was a medical scribe for about a year. One of the last patients I ever had was a frequent flyer. She had quite a long track record of going from hospital to hospital trying to get pain meds. You know the type — the one who says they are allergic to ibuprofen and asks for a narcotic pain reliever.

The physician I was working with that day happened to be the lead ER physician at that hospital and a board leader in the state, so he knew this patient very well. He brought in a nurse and me.

Physician: “I know what you’re up to, [Patient]. You’re drug-seeking.”

She became belligerent and started screaming.

Patient: “Someone else must have stolen my identity!”

When the doctor offered to call the police, she called him a racist slur (he was Indian) and walked out, screaming obscenities.

Give Your Employees A Break Or They May Break
Bad Behavior, Bakery, Bosses & Owners, Health & Body | Healthy Working | May 30, 2022
I worked in the bakery department of a supermarket. I had four broken ribs on one side and three bruised ribs on the other. My doctor told me I wasn’t allowed to work as it required heavy lifting and lifting above my head, so I phoned my boss.

Boss: “If you can’t work every time you break your ribs, maybe you don’t belong here!”

So, I went to work the next day, against the doctor’s advice. The boss’s daughter called in sick, so my six-hour shift turned into a nine-and-a-half-hour one. She had a hangover and was seen in the store later that afternoon.

At the end of my shift, I was called into my boss’s office. I lost my job that day, and I didn’t get paid for the overtime, either.

My ribs took almost a year to heal after that. They actually never fully healed, and I am now left with brittle ribs that can break from a bad cough.

Some People Are Hard To Help
Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Parents/Guardians, Patients | Healthy Related | May 29, 2022
My mother has PTSD from a lot of hospitalizations and surgeries as a kid in the 1950s. About a week ago, she had a routine MRI done, and they found evidence of a small stroke, so they admitted her to the hospital.

On day two, my mother lost it when she was told that stroke patients weren’t allowed out of bed until cleared and she’d have to use the bedpan. She experienced rage, panic, and confusion all in one huge fit. She kept claiming the stroke had never happened and it was all some sort of money grab. At a couple of points, she threatened to bite the nurses. She even threatened to fling herself onto the floor, despite being a wheelchair user who can’t stand at all.

My favorite part was when she repeatedly compared the hospital to prison, claiming, “Jeffrey Dahmer was treated better! He just got executed!”

She was a lot better after a chemically-induced nap. The nurses all swore they had seen worse, which really made me feel for them.

Scheduling Games
Liars/Scammers, Medical Office, Reception, Time | Healthy Working | May 27, 2022
I went to a doctor for a consult, and then I scheduled the next two appointments for Tuesdays at 4:30 pm. I didn’t ask specifically for evening appointments; that’s what they offered me. I got no confirmation calls for any of the appointments.

The first Tuesday, everything went fine. I checked in, got my treatment, and went home.

The next Tuesday, I attempted to check in… only to be told my appointment was at 3:00 pm, not 4:30 pm.

Receptionist: “We never start treatments this late, so we never would’ve scheduled me at 4:30.”

Me: “Uhh… well, you did. I was treated at 4:30 last week!”

Receptionist: “No, your appointment last week was at 3:00 pm, as well.”

Me: “Pull up my check-in and medication order from last week.”

She did, and sure enough, it had been at 4:30 pm. She just shrugged and called her manager. Basically, they told me to go home and reschedule. I live two hours away from this doctor, so I decided I wasn’t playing this game. I told them to cancel all my remaining appointments.

I hope I didn’t need to finish that treatment. I’ll never decline a written copy of my appointment time again.

YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ASLEEP!
Bizarre, Children, Health & Body, Hospital, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Patients | Healthy | May 27, 2022
I was a bit of a nightmare patient as a kid. It would take four grown adults to hold me down to get a shot or blood draw.

Then, there was the time I needed my appendix removed and I wasn’t having it. They gave me an anesthetic to knock me out… and I actually FOUGHT IT OFF and refused to go to sleep until the effects finally wore off.

My dad said the doctor told him that in thirty-three years of practicing medicine, he’d never seen someone completely resist an anesthetic.

Thanks So Much For The No-Show
Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Non-Dialogue, Reception | Healthy Working | May 26, 2022
I saw my dentist last June for a checkup on a Saturday morning. They scheduled the next appointment for a Saturday morning in December. I got three different texts and emails the week before confirming my appointment.

I showed up about ten minutes before my appointment to find the door unlocked and the office completely empty. I tried the emergency on-call number. No one responded. I finally called the police because I didn’t want to leave the office empty and unlocked.

It turned out they had stopped doing Saturday office hours, and they didn’t bother to call me and reschedule. Monday morning they called me because, in their words, I didn’t show up for my appointment. I told them no, I was there; they weren’t.

They couldn’t get me in for an appointment in December before my deductible reset. In fact, they couldn’t find another time that worked for me until August.

I’ll be seeing a new dentist next month.

If It Makes You Feel Any Better, He’s Probably Heard That Before
Funny, Funny Names, Hospital, Nurses, Rude & Risque, Wordplay | Healthy Working | May 25, 2022
I was a nurse in a hospital. I had a patient and his name was Mr. [Patient] Comdon. I was explaining his discharge instructions, and before I walked out I said:

Me: “It was a pleasure, Mr. Condom.”

Then, I realized what I said. Neither one of us said a word, and I just walked away as fast as I could.

You Can’t Say You Weren’t Warned
England, Hospital, Jerk, London, Time, UK | Healthy | May 23, 2022
I’m in hospital for a minor operation. The letter for the appointment asks you to arrive at a specific time and makes it clear that they ask a batch of people to arrive at the same time, and then they see them one by one.

As I go in to be seen, I pass a guy getting stroppy with one of the nurses.

Guy: “I’ve been waiting an hour! When am I going to be seen?”

Nurse: “There are currently three people ahead of you in the queue, but it depends on how long their procedures take.”

Guy: “Can’t I go outside for a smoke?”

Nurse: “You can, but if you aren’t here when we call your name, you will have to go to the bottom of the list.”

A couple of hours later, I’m all done and on my way out, and I pass the same guy again.

Guy: “What do you mean, I’m at the bottom of the list?!”

And I Thought I Was A Baby About Splinters
Impossible Demands, Jerk, Medical Office | Healthy | May 21, 2022
A patient calls into the doctor’s office where I work.

Patient: “I have an appointment in a couple of hours, but I was wondering… can you write me a doctor’s note for [three days ago]?”

Me: “I see that your appointment is for a small splinter in your hand. Is it infected?”

Patient: “No. But I called off work three days ago for it, and I’m about to lose my job if I don’t get a doctor’s note! So you have to give me one!”

Me: “You called off work three days before your appointment?”

Patient: “My hand was in major pain and I thought it was fractured!”

I was unable to write her the doctor’s note she was requesting, and she screamed at me over it.

It was just a small splinter, not even infected at all. And it’s not like she’d called to make the appointment three days before and couldn’t be seen until today. Apparently, it was MY issue that she called off three days early and was about to lose her job over it.

This Customer Should Just Pass Out Of This Store And Into Another
Fast Food, Health & Body, Impossible Demands, Jerk | Healthy Right | May 19, 2022
I passed out at work once, right on the front counter. My coworker was trying to revive me and a customer approached.

Customer: “Well, are you going to take my order?”

Coworker: “Sorry, no. My coworker passed out and I’m trying to help!”

Customer: “But you have to take my order!”

My coworker refused. Later, the customer had the nerve to call and complain that he wouldn’t take his order.

A Bad Time To Operate On Speculation
Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, Medical Office, Physical, USA | Healthy | May 19, 2022
Like some women, I have issues with pelvic exams and require the smallest speculum available. My previous OBGYN was sympathetic to the issue and had noted this on my chart. Unfortunately, she left the practice and I’m randomly assigned a new doctor. She’s started the exam.

Doctor: “All right, speculum’s going in.”

I can immediately tell that it’s not the small one. I scoot back up the table.

Me: “That’s not the small speculum.”

Doctor: “It’s the smallest one I have.”

Me: “Please go get the smallest one in the office.”

Doctor: “This is what I have, and this is what you’re getting. Come back down here. I’m putting it back in and I’m going to open it. I’ll be fast.”

I scoot back down. She resumes the exam and quickly opens the speculum all the way, causing a VERY sharp pain in a sensitive area. I scream and get off the table.

Doctor: “Get back on the table!”

Me: “Not a chance!”

Doctor: “You’re a grown woman!”

Me: “Get the smallest speculum now!”

We stare at each other for a couple of minutes. Finally, she huffs and pulls something out of a drawer.

Doctor: *In a snotty tone* “This is a pediatric speculum, dear. Smallest one in the office.”

Me: “You did have it! Why the h*** didn’t you use it when I asked?!”

Doctor: “It takes longer.”

Me: “I’m not getting back on that table unless you use it.”

Doctor: “Fine.”

I get back on the exam table and she finishes with no other issues. After she’s done…

Me: “[Previous Doctor] said she put a note on my chart regarding speculum size. Is it not there anymore?”

Doctor: “No, it’s still there.”

Me: “Did you not see it?”

Doctor: “I thought a grown woman could handle a normal exam and speculum like everyone else.”

Me: “So, you disregarded a legit medical note due to your own opinion?”

She has the sense to look ashamed.

Doctor: “Uh… Well, now I know. See you next year!”

Me: “No, you won’t!”

I switched offices the next year. I told my new OBGYN the story, and she was absolutely horrified. She promised me that would not happen at her office, and so far, it hasn’t.

Probably Should’ve Seen That Coming
Australia, Employees, Funny, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Optometrist/Optician | Healthy Working | May 18, 2022
I work in an optometrist’s office.

Customer: “Hi. You do glasses repairs, right? The wire snapped. Can you repair it now?”

She takes off her glasses and hands them to me. She has half-frames that use something like a fishing wire to hold the lens inside the frame, and one side has snapped. Hot glue is holding the lens to the frame, but it’s clearly just a temporary fix.

Me: “Oh, yeah, this just needs a new wire fed through. It’s a fifteen-minute job.”

Customer: “Great.”

She then sits at one of the seats, apparently content in waiting

Me: “Uh. Ma’am, you can leave and come back? If you like, you can give me your phone number and I’ll call you when I’m done.”

Customer: “You have my glasses.”

Me: “Yep, I’m just fixing them now. But you don’t need to wait.”

Customer: “I can’t even see the doorway.”

Me: “Oh!”

It actually took twenty-five minutes. The customer waited patiently, paid properly, and then left through the door without any problems.

An Expert On Eyes, Blind To Potential Consequences
Bizarre, Germany, Health & Body, Hospital | Healthy | May 17, 2022
This happened when I was still a med student. We were learning how to perform an opthalmoscopy, which is an examination of the retina, optic disc, etc. To do so, you normally have to use eye drops to dilate the pupil and then look at the back of the eye with a lamp. As he explains all this to us, the ophthalmologist spots my eyes.

Ophthalmologist: “Oh! Wow! You have such large pupils! That’s rare, but very useful for us! Are you okay with letting your classmates practice on you? That way, we won’t have to use the eye drops!”

Me: *Thinking this won’t take very long* “Uh, sure, okay!”

How wrong I was. What follows is literally thirty minutes of people lighting lamps directly into my eyes. The ophthalmologist encourages them to practice more, gushing about how useful it is to have a student with such large pupils! Finally…

Ophthalmologist: *Addressing me* “Oh! We only have five minutes left. You still need to take a turn, too!”

My classmates shut off their lamps and I blink, for the first time in thirty minutes not looking directly into a lamp.

Me: “Uh, sir, I’m afraid that won’t be possible.”

Ophthalmologist: “What? Why not? We didn’t use the eye drops on you!”

Me: *Still blinking* “Yes, but all I can see are dancing spots in front of my eyes.”

Ophthalmologist: “O-oh… That could happen, I guess…” *To my classmates* “Would you mind escorting her to your next class until she can see again?”

If I ever need an ophthalmologist, I now know where NOT to go. Luckily, I was never interested in that field anyway, because I never learned to perform an opthalmoscopy.

Theft? What?
California, Medication, Pets & Animals, San Francisco, USA, Vet, Wild & Unruly | Healthy | May 15, 2022
I am working late at a veterinary hospital and a note was left for the doctor. The phone rings, and I answer.

Me: “[Veterinary Hospital], my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Owner: *Politely* “Hi there. I left a note for the doctor this afternoon and I haven’t heard back yet. My pet’s name is [Pet] and my last name is [Owner’s Last Name]. I was wondering if we could fill antibiotics for my pet?”

Me: “Okay, let me look that up for you!” *Typing* “Oh, I see the doctor won’t be in until tomorrow. Sorry about that. My coworker should have let you know! She’ll get back to you tomorrow, but I’ll let you know that standardly the doctor does require a recheck exam prior to filling antibiotics, especially since it’s been a couple months since we’ve seen the pet!”

Owner: *Silence*

Me: *Pauses* “Ma’am, did I lose you?”

Owner: *Suddenly angry* “No, I heard you, but that’s theft.”

Me: *Shocked* “What?”

Owner: “That’s theft to demand a recheck!”

Me: “Ma’am, I was letting you know so you have a realistic expectation of tomorrow’s call with the doctor and to see if you wanted to make the appointment.”

Owner: “That’s theft!”

Me: *Sternly, getting back my senses* “No, it is not.”

Owner: “Yes, it is!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you continue yelling at me, I will have to hang up.”

Owner: *Yelling* “I’m not yelling!”

Me: “Yes. You are.”

Owner: “I’ll talk to the doctor tomorrow!” *Hangs up*

Employees Do Their Jobs Best When You Don’t Let Them Die
Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Restaurant | Healthy Working | May 13, 2022
I work with a manager who has alienated everyone we work with because of a medical emergency I had. We got so slammed one morning that we were still trying to catch up at noon when my relief manager came in. My friend was working on breakfast dishes. I was trying to clean the egg grill when I got dizzy all of a sudden and passed out.

From what I was told, [Friend] saw me and ran right over, got on the ground, and held me up so he could check my pulse and make sure that I was breathing and that I wasn’t bleeding from the head. Someone alerted my manager, who had my cashier call 911 while he walked around aimlessly.

[Friend] started giving the cashier my medical history.

Manager: “[Cashier], get off the phone and get back to work!”

My friend took the phone from her so she could do that, and he took over giving dispatch information while still holding on to me. Thirty seconds later:

Manager: “[Friend], leave her and get back to work.”

Friend: “No way! I’m not leaving her until the paramedics get here”

Finally, I woke up and tried to sit up by myself, but [Friend] had one hand on my back in case I fell.

The paramedics came in and checked me over. They told [Friend] it was a good thing he had stayed with me; my heart rate was so high that I could have gone into cardiac arrest.

Manager: “Good thing I told you to stay with her, [Friend]!”

Everyone denied this. Later, [Friend] told our General Manager everything that happened.

Sadly, the idiot still has a job.

Not App-y About This Reception
Medical Office, Medication, Technology, UK | Healthy | May 13, 2022
I have a chronic pain condition called fibromyalgia and have been taking the same high-strength painkillers for three years now. I recently moved across the city and had to register with a new general practitioner’s surgery. They have an option where patients can request medication through the national health care app, which I do on a Wednesday a week before my prescription runs out. This painkiller has serious withdrawal effects that start eight hours after the last dose and get progressively worse in a short amount of time.

On Monday evening of the following week — five days after I requested my prescription — I check the app to see that my prescription has been rejected and a note saying to call the GP. I call on my lunch break the next day, Tuesday, thinking forty-five minutes will be plenty of time to get through to reception and sort it out. More fool me; my lunch break ends and I’m still on hold.

Thankfully, my workplace (a nursery/daycare) is lax on us using our phones while on shift so long as we’re not taking photos of children or ignoring our duties, so I opt to do the washing up after lunch with an earbud in listening to the hold music.

An hour and fifteen minutes into the call, I’ve finished washing up and there’s no cleaning to do inside, so I head to the garden with my earbud still in. It’s tricky to hold a conversation with the children and my coworkers through the repetitive music still in my ear, but I manage. If it were anything else, I’d give up and call back the next day, but I only have a day’s worth of painkillers left and really don’t want to go into withdrawal. After an hour and forty-five minutes of being told I’m “number one in the queue,” I finally get through to the receptionist.

Me: “Hi. I ordered a prescription of [painkiller] through [App] last week but it’s been rejected it and says to call the GP?”

We go through the verification process to bring up my account.

Receptionist: “It looks like we released a prescription for you on Thursday of last week. Is that what you’re calling about?”

Me: “Yes, but the app says it’s been rejected, and I only have a day’s worth of my old script left.”

Receptionist: “Oh, no. It was released on Thursday; it’s waiting for you at [Preferred Pharmacy]!”

Me: “So, I’ve been on hold for nearly two hours for nothing?”

Receptionist: “Two hours?! I’m so sorry you had to wait that long. We’ve been having problems with our system, and it only notified us you were waiting a minute before I took your call!”

Me: “All right, I understand, but I don’t get why the app said it had been rejected when the two other medications I requested at the same time were approved.”

Receptionist: “I’m so sorry. That’s a really long time to wait and I do apologise. Unfortunately, we don’t have any control over the app so I couldn’t tell you why it was marked as rejected. But your prescription is ready to be collected at the pharmacy.”

Me: “All right, thank you for confirming that.”

The receptionist gave me a code to give to the pharmacy in case they didn’t have my script on their system and we hung up. I understand it wasn’t their fault that the app was wrong or that their system has a bug, but I still spent over twelve hours worrying that I wouldn’t have my painkillers before my current packet ran out and spent over an hour only half-focused on my job for nothing.

I tried to report the issue on the app, but our government-run national healthcare service apparently doesn’t have that feature, so there’s nothing I can do. I’m grateful to have tax-funded healthcare which means I pay a little under £10 a month for medications that would cost hundreds, if not thousands, in other countries, but it’s frustrating to have this or similar issues pop up every few months on what should be a simple interaction. Yet another side effect of the budget cuts destroying what was once a well-oiled machine, I guess.

Cooking Up Confusion
Doctor/Physician, Drugs, Funny, Medical Office, USA, Wordplay | Healthy | May 11, 2022
I’m switching my primary care physician due to insurance issues, so I decided for my most recent appointment to have a more thorough physical checkup. My usual doctor was unavailable at the time, but one of his assistants could look me over in his stead. I decided a fresh point of view was not a bad idea, so I went ahead and scheduled the checkup.

It all started off relatively uneventfully, with the doctor’s assistant confirming my medical history, medications, symptoms of depression, etc.

Assistant: “And what about your diet? What’s that like?”

Me: “Since I moved out and am now living with a few roommates, we’re all taking turns doing home cooking.”

Thanks to a wonderful combination of social anxiety and ADHD, I have difficulty making eye contact with someone while talking unless I’m very familiar with them or making a significant effort. I was fairly relaxed, so I was just gazing over at the opposite wall while I mentioned that my roommates and I do cooking for ourselves every night. When I looked back over at the assistant, her expression was serious and concerned. I recognized I had to have said something to have caused that change, given she was quite cheerful and chatty only a minute before.

Assistant: “You do this every night?”

Me: “Between my roommates and I, we take turns. And if I get up early enough, I do it for myself in the morning.”

Her expression of concern just grew more intense.

Assistant: “Are you aware of the health risks of what you’re doing?”

I spent a few moments trying to figure out what she could mean.

Me: “I don’t know if there are any risks associated with cooking meals, other than maybe excessive use of salt or oils.”

At that, she burst out laughing! I was even more confused.

Me: “What did you think I said?”

Turns out, she thought I’d said I was doing cocaine every night and sometimes in the morning. It wasn’t until I’d said the word “meals” that she’d figured out I was talking about something completely different! Both the assistant and I couldn’t stop laughing for several minutes straight after that, and the rest of the checkup was perfectly fine.

We Liked Him Better Under Anesthesia
Harassment, Hospital, New Mexico, Patients, USA | Healthy Right | May 9, 2022
I work in surgical recovery. We sit with the patients while they wake up from anesthesia and make sure they keep breathing. It’s normally not too spicy, especially compared with some other things I could be doing right now. Health crisis, anyone?

Then, there’s this guy. He’s middle-aged, rude, and entitled, and he’s simultaneously sure that he’s HILARIOUS and that he’s the center of the universe.

As he’s being wheeled away to his room upstairs, he tells my fellow nurse, who is young, fairly attractive, and female:

Patient: “You’ve been a good dog.”

All conversation and movement stop for a long moment. We all stare, dumbfounded.

Coworker: “I’m sorry, what?”

Patient: “I said you were a good dog. It’s a compliment.”

Without further ado, he departs our lives. I glance at my coworker.

Me: “Did that really just happen?”

What Did They Call For In The First Place, Then?
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Impossible Demands, Jerk, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 8, 2022
I’m a nurse and I work in a hospital. I’m working through the triage voicemails because, while we do have nurses answer triage calls live, we also have voicemails where typically doctors will call about setting up appointments or pharmacies will call regarding prior authorization. I am returning a call from a doctor regarding a patient.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from triage returning a call regarding [Patient].”

Doctor: “I cannot discuss the patient as it would be a violation of HIPAA.”

Me: “But I am a nurse. At [Doctor’s Hospital]. Calling from the triage phone number. Specifically regarding [Patient]’s care. I am returning a call you left a voicemail for.”

Doctor: “It is against HIPAA policy. I cannot discuss [Patient] over the phone.”

Me: “I don’t know what you want me to do. I cannot help you if you don’t want to discuss the patient. I’m sorry.” *Hangs up*

I let my manager know and we eventually figured out what the call was about and figured out the care for the patient.

What Did They Call For In The First Place, Then?
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Impossible Demands, Jerk, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 8, 2022
I’m a nurse and I work in a hospital. I’m working through the triage voicemails because, while we do have nurses answer triage calls live, we also have voicemails where typically doctors will call about setting up appointments or pharmacies will call regarding prior authorization. I am returning a call from a doctor regarding a patient.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from triage returning a call regarding [Patient].”

Doctor: “I cannot discuss the patient as it would be a violation of HIPAA.”

Me: “But I am a nurse. At [Doctor’s Hospital]. Calling from the triage phone number. Specifically regarding [Patient]’s care. I am returning a call you left a voicemail for.”

Doctor: “It is against HIPAA policy. I cannot discuss [Patient] over the phone.”

Me: “I don’t know what you want me to do. I cannot help you if you don’t want to discuss the patient. I’m sorry.” *Hangs up*

I let my manager know and we eventually figured out what the call was about and figured out the care for the patient.

When The Needles Are Covered, But You’re Not
Employees, Impossible Demands, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 5, 2022
To prepare for medical procedures, I sometimes had to give myself a shot of heparin every day for ten days prior. The medicine was packaged in 100-ml syringes, but my daily dose was 90 ml, so I had to be careful to only inject the right amount. After using it, each syringe had a safety cover that snapped out and locked, covering the needle.

Ten days of preparation, ten syringes.

The last time I did this, I picked up the package of syringes at the local pharmacy. That evening, I found only nine syringes in the package. I called the pharmacy.

Me: “The package you gave me has only nine syringes. I need ten because I have to give myself a shot every day for ten days.”

Pharmacist: “That’s right. You need 90 ml every day. You have 900 ml total in the nine syringes. 90 ml times ten days is 900 ml.”

Me: “Let me get this right. You want me to give myself a 90-ml shot every day for nine days, and then on the tenth day, give myself nine shots to use the 10 ml left in each syringe. From syringes which have already had the safety covers locked shut.”

Pharmacist: “Oh. Er. Um. Come in and we’ll give you that tenth syringe.”

Big, Dumb Dogs Are The Best
Funny, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | May 2, 2022
Our German shepherd, Donner, is a very big dog — 120 pounds of muscle and bone and a head the size of a microwave oven. He’s also very sweet-tempered and not, alas, the sharpest Crayola in the box.

Our vet, who is a tiny little woman, has him up on the table at his annual exam. When the time comes for him to get a booster shot, she asks me to hold his head in case he responds badly to the needle going in. He doesn’t, nor to the next one she administers. In fact, he doesn’t even seem to notice.

Vet: *After a thoughtful pause* “You know… I’m not sure his brain and his pain centers are connected.”

Me: “That’s an awfully nice way of putting it.”

You Know, Literally Anyone Can Buy Scrubs
Hospital, I Don't Work Here, Jerk, Nurses, Reddit | Healthy Right | CREDIT: german_big_guy | May 1, 2022
I’m a male nurse and work in the emergency room. My shift ended a little late today (like always) and I really wasn’t in the mood for bulls***. I headed to the changing rooms to shower and change. The locker rooms are in a separate building, so normally, I have to leave the building the ER is in, cross the main building, and then enter the separate building. But there are some shortcuts in the hospital and really, no one cares. If you wear scrubs or a lab coat, no one will bother you.

I was wearing dark blue scrubs. Only the ER and ICU staff wear dark blue; most bedside nurses wear white.

As always, I walked through the hospital, greeted some other nurses or doctors I knew, and then I stopped to look at my phone. And then, it started.

Woman: “Umm, excuse me?”

Me: “Huh? Me?”

Woman: “Yes, you! Is there anyone else here? I’ve been searching for a d*** nurse for, like, ever, and the unit clerk couldn’t help me.”

Me: “Okay. Maybe I can help. What’s the problem?”

Woman: “In which room is [Patient]? The clerk wouldn’t tell me.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t work here.”

Woman: “I don’t believe you! You’re wearing scrubs, so you’re a nurse! Now, where is [Patient]? I’m his wife and want to visit him.”

Me: “As I said, I don’t work in this station. You’ll have to just ask one of the nurses around here.”

Woman: “Ugh, you’re just lazy!”

At this point, I was really annoyed, so I basically detached my ID card from my scrubs and showed it to her. It said clearly, “RN OP — Emergency Room”. She looked at it, then at me, and then again at the ID card.

The woman apologized and then she flagged down another nurse who actually worked there.

Panda’s Having Puppies!
Awesome, California, Funny, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | April 29, 2022
The veterinary clinic where I work has the most employees in the area; we often have students from the local tech school, and on any given shift, we have at least eight people working in the treatment area alone. This is well known by other clinics, and it is not uncommon for us to get referrals because someone’s regular veterinarian just doesn’t have enough staff to perform the procedure.

We get a call from a clinic with only three people on staff asking if we can do a C-section on a labrador retriever named Panda that has been in labor for hours and no puppies have been born yet. Labs generally have larger litters, and with a C-section, you need a person to stimulate each puppy until it wakes up. No way can that clinic handle more than five puppies. This will also be a great learning experience for our students.

So, our doctor agrees, and the patient is brought over and anesthetized. The procedure goes well, the dogs are recovering, and I get tasked with calling the other clinic to let them know how it went.

Me: “Hey, [Receptionist], we just got done with that C-section you sent over.”

Receptionist: “Oh, really? How’d it go?”

Me: “Great! Panda is recovering fine, 100% survival rate, nursing well.”

Receptionist: “Oh, wonderful. [Doctor] will be so glad to hear that.”

Me: “Did you guys take bets on how many pups there would be?”

Receptionist: “Given how big Panda was, we figured twelve or so. How many?”

Me: “One.”

Receptionist: “What?!”

Me: “One. There was one puppy — average-sized, too, not a giant. We had all the kids lined up ready to get puppies, the doctor handed the pup off to the head tech, and she started demonstrating how to stimulate. Then, the doctor called out, ‘That’s all, folks!’”

Receptionist: *Laughing* “Of course. You know what [Her Coworker] said when we called you?”

Me: “No.”

Receptionist: “He said, ‘I’ll bet there is only one puppy.’ We asked why, and he said, ‘Because Pandas don’t breed well in captivity.’”

Scamming Grannies Is A Low Blow
Health & Body, Liars/Scammers | Healthy Legal | April 27, 2022
My grandmother got taken in by a scam commercial. They claimed something like:

Commercial: “If you have Medicaid or Medicare, you may be eligible for this brace free of charge!”

The problem is that they charge the insurance for a medical visit to get prescriptions for multiple braces, even though you never even speak to the doctor or whoever.

By the time my mom and I stepped in, they had sent enough braces to immobilize Granny from head to toe — neck, shoulder, arm, wrist, back, knee, ankle, etc.

We contacted the Medicare/Medicaid folks, and they said they were investigating the commercials. We still notice their ads on TV, and it’s been four years already.

Inhospitable At The Hospital
Cafe, Employees, Hospital, Jerk, Minneapolis, USA | Healthy | April 27, 2022
I’m in the hospital right now, and I’m a fall risk, so I’m not even allowed out of bed without someone present. My only option for food is the room service menu since I can’t go to the other food places in the hospital or get delivery to the front desk. Their ordering hours are 6:30 am to 6:30 pm every day. I am cutting it close and call at 6:25 pm one night.

The lady starts taking my order and then snaps:

Employee: “MA’AM, I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU CALL IN THIS KIND OF ORDER MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE KITCHEN CLOSES IN THE FUTURE!”

The offending item was hummus on a tortilla wrap with lettuce and tomato.

Astounding Obliviousness
Bad Behavior, Canada, Car, Hospital, Stupid | Healthy | April 26, 2022
Like a lot of hospitals, the location of our emergency department is very obvious. It has one ramp leading up to a large garage where ambulances can park.

One evening, I am working at an entrance close to emergency, and a couple comes in for a scheduled diagnostic imaging appointment. On their way out, they calmly inform me and my coworkers:

Patient: “We parked on the ramp to the emergency department. Do you think we’ll get a ticket?”

I thought they’d be lucky if they weren’t towed! I will never understand some people.

Unless You Know Of Some Other Way For This To Work…
Employees, Germany, Pets & Animals, Stupid, Vet | Healthy | April 23, 2022
We recently adopted a blind cat. She had to have her eyes removed because of cat flu. She’s fine now and you don’t notice anything different in her behaviour. But we wanted to have her checked by our vet for her weight etc. This happened when we arrived, and the assistant took our details.

Assistant: “Okay, I wrote everything down. Is there anything else we should know beforehand?”

Me: “Yes, she doesn’t have eyes.”

Assistant: “So, she’s blind?”

This Manager Can’t Stomach A Reasonable Request
Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Instant Karma, Jerk, Retail, USA | Healthy | April 21, 2022
I’ve been having a lot of stomach problems. My doctor orders a CT scan. This shows a small abnormality in my colon. He sends me to a gastrointestinal specialist, who orders a colonoscopy, as he is concerned that I have something that could turn serious if left alone. The first one available is a month later, on a Monday morning. My doctor also tells me that I’ll be under anesthesia, so no driving until the next day.

My job is pretty strict about requesting time off early, so I figure a month is more than enough time. I go to work and tell my boss that I’ll need that whole day off.

Boss: “Oh.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a pain, I know.”

Boss: “Can that be moved?”

Me: “Only if it’s for a really good reason. Why?”

Boss: “I’m leaving for vacation the day after, and I was going to take that day off to get everything ready.”

I stare at my boss in disbelief.

Boss: “I need time to pack! So, can it be moved?”

I take a deep breath and attempt to stay calm.

Me: “The next available date was two weeks later, on a Tuesday. Since I have to be on a liquid diet and a very strong laxative the day before, this would require me to take two days off. Would you rather I take two days instead of one?”

Boss: “No, I would not. The original appointment is fine. So, you’ll be in afterward, right?”

Me: “Say what?”

Boss: “I mean, I know you said you needed the whole day. But I had this thought. Your appointment is in the morning, so you take the morning off and come in after lunch. Then, I can take a half-day. Problem solved!”

She smiles proudly. My composure slips.

Me: “Have you ever had a colonoscopy?”

Boss: “Nope! Why?”

At my request, my GI doctor has told me exactly what the procedure will entail. This helps calm my anxiety about the whole thing. I decide to put that knowledge to use, as I know my boss doesn’t like medical descriptions.

Me: “After two doses of an extremely powerful laxative, I have to be put under general anesthesia so that they can stick a camera and a probe up my a** to make sure I don’t have Crohn’s or cancer. And I haven’t even mentioned the tissue sample that he’ll have to take from my intestinal lining. This will likely cause post-procedure bleeding. You want me to come into work after having this done?”

My boss pales, makes a face, and holds up a hand.

Boss: “Stop! I didn’t need to know any of that. I assume your answer is no?”

Me: “Obviously! Plus, I can’t drive for eight hours after being put under.”

Boss: “Someone could drive you in.”

Me: “Have you ever been under anesthesia?! I have, twice. It makes me extremely loopy. You want me handling cash after that? I’m not coming in. End of discussion. Now, are you going to approve it or should I take it unpaid?”

Boss: “Well, now that you put it that way, I guess it was a pretty stupid question. I’ll approve it in the system.”

She walked away, muttering under her breath that I didn’t have to make her look that dumb.

The colonoscopy went without a hitch, and to my great relief, I did not have Crohn’s or cancer! I was eventually diagnosed with IBS, aggravated by stress. My doctor informed me that this can mimic Crohn’s.

I have a different job now.

Blood Is Thicker Than Water, But These People Are The Thickest Of All
Blood Donation, Current Events, Stupid, Themed Story, USA | Healthy | April 20, 2022
I work at a blood bank, and we’ve had a distinct increase in people wanting to have family or friends donate blood for them because they’re afraid of “vaccine-tainted” blood. They’re bad enough, but one lady takes the cake.

Caller: “My child is having surgery next week, and the doctor says they’ll need blood during the surgery. I want [Family Member] to donate for my child instead of getting blood from a volunteer donor because you let vaccinated people donate blood. I don’t want my child to get vaccinated by receiving blood from a vaccinated donor!”

Yes, this lady thinks the vaccine is contagious!

Life As A Human Pin Cushion
California, Health & Body, Hospital, Los Angeles, Nurses, Patients, USA | Healthy | April 18, 2022
CONTENT WARNING: Needles



I am not a tricky stick. I started donating plasma when I was seventeen and continued twice a year until I got pregnant, so I’m not afraid of needles, either.

When I am pregnant, they have to draw my blood for the gestational diabetes test. When I get there, there are two people. The woman tells me the young man is a nurse doing his residency and asks if I’m okay with him doing my blood draw. I say sure. Again, I’m not afraid of needles and not a tricky stick.

It goes terribly. He misses my vein on the left arm twice. I’m still calm, but now he’s freaking out a little and misses again.

Older Nurse: “Are you okay, Mrs. [My Name]?”

Me: “I’m doing fine.”

Older Nurse: “Do you want me to draw your blood, instead?”

Me: “No, I’m good. He can keep trying. Better on me than on someone who needs a needle urgently in the future.”

The young nurse tries again and misses again. Now he looks close to tears and way more emotional than me. The older nurse pulls him aside and talks him through a few deep breaths. They come back, and he tries to stick me again and misses twice.

Me: “Would you like to try my other arm?”

Older Nurse: “That’s probably a good idea.”

After five failed tries in my left arm, he preps my right.

Me: “Don’t worry. You’re doing great. You’ll get it this time.”

Older Nurse: “Keep calm and focus. The more emotional you are, the harder it will be.”

After three tries, he finally got the needle into my right arm and could draw blood. I left looking like an addict with holes in both arms. Hopefully, he didn’t get discouraged and is working as a nurse today with a steady hand.