What A Heartless Joke!
BIZARRE, MALAYSIA, MEDICAL OFFICE, PRANKS, SCHOOL, STUDENTS | HEALTHY | MAY 29, 2020
My friend’s dad is a lecturer at a medical school. He has a friend with a rare condition called situs inversus, meaning his internal organs are mirror images of the usual configuration. He likes to pull a prank on first-year students.

Lecturer: “Is it possible for a person to have their organs the wrong way around and still be alive and healthy?”

Students: “No, sir!”

At some point later he brings his friend in as a model patient and has a student try to find his heartbeat.

After muddling around with a stethoscope, one particularly confused student responded, “Sir, this man has no heart!”

The Editors Thank You For This “Life Hack”!
CALIFORNIA, FRIENDS, HEALTH & BODY, HOME, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 28, 2020
I’m visiting a friend who is very fit and an avid hiker. As we’re both middle-aged, we’re commiserating over the usual aches and pains.

Friend: “Since my last hike, my lower back has been hurting. It’s not injured, just sore.”

Me: “That happens to me, too. Try stretching your hamstrings.”

Friend: “What? No, my legs are fine. My back hurts.”

Me: “Yeah, but sometimes tight hamstrings can pull on your lower back.”

Friend: “That doesn’t make any sense. My hamstrings are probably tight from hiking, but it has nothing to do with my back.”

Me: “Another woman in my ballet class didn’t believe me, either. But when she stretched out her hamstrings, her back felt better.”

Friend: “I just don’t see how it can work.”

Me: “Look. It’s safe and easy to try; just do it.”

Friend: “I don’t know.”

After about ten minutes of this back and forth, my friend finally puts her leg on a surface about hip height and gently stretches the back of the leg. Then, she does the other side. When she’s done, she tests her back.

Friend: “Hey! The pain’s mostly gone!”

Me: “Great!”

Friend: “Hamstrings affecting the back… Who knew?”

Me: “Me! I knew!”

We Know A Few People Who Could Use That Procedure
IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, JERK, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 27, 2020
I’m a pharmacy technician at a national pharmacy chain. On this particular morning, it’s just me and the pharmacist working. About two minutes after opening, an old woman comes up to the register.

Me: “Good morning. Could I get your name and date of birth, please?”

She gives me her name and birthday. I punch her information into the register and see that we have a prescription ready for her. I grab her prescription from the bin.

Me: “Okay, so, I’ve got your [commonly used blood pressure medication] ready for you.”

Customer: “No, no, no! I don’t need that; I need my Valium!”

From having entered her information into the register, I know we do not have any Valium ready for her, nor are we currently working on any for her. However, if a patient’s medication is on hold, or if we’ve just received it from the doctor and haven’t entered it yet, it won’t show up on the register. I inform the woman there’s no Valium in process for her but that I will check my computer to see if we have any for her.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have any Valium in my system for you anywhere. It’s possible that the doctor’s office hasn’t sent it to us yet; I would recommend that you give the office a call.”

Customer: *Now furious with me* “No! You’re lying! I know they sent it to you! They sent it to you yesterday and I need it now because I’m having brain surgery in forty-five minutes at [Hospital in a town thirty minutes away]!”

I’m just dumbstruck that someone would plan this poorly, but I maintain my professional composure.

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but I have not received any Valium prescription for you.”

Customer: “Well, this is just f****** ridiculous. This kind of s*** is why I changed pharmacies months ago.”

Me: *Slight pause* “Well, then… perhaps your prescription was sent to your current pharmacy?”

Customer: “No! I know for a fact that it was sent to you because I was standing right there when the doctor called you!”

I know this is a lie because of two things. First, doctors never call prescriptions in themselves; they have a nurse or receptionist do it. And second, Valium is a class IV controlled substance and therefore, in our state, it can only be sent to the pharmacy electronically, not over the phone.

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but again, I don’t have any prescription here for you. My best recommendation would be that you call the doctor and ask them to send it again as soon as possible.”

Customer: “No, there’s no time for that. When I get there, I’m gonna tell them it’s your fault that I have to postpone this operation!”

The woman storms off and I walk back to my workstation, almost in a daze.

Pharmacist: “Well, if she’s having brain surgery, I hope that means they’re going to install one.”

PLEASE Keep Washing Your Hands
CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, REVOLTING, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 26, 2020
I have a job that requires frequent handwashing, even prior to a certain global health crisis. A combination of the handwashing, stress, and weather results in what I suspect is eczema on my hands. I’ve never dealt with it before, and regular moisturizer isn’t cutting it, so eventually I go to see a dermatologist.

The doctor does a quick exam and determines that it is, in fact, eczema.

Dermatologist: “I’d recommend [Hand Cream] and I’ll prescribe you [Steroid Cream]. What did you say you did for a living? Is it possible you could wash your hands less often?”

Me: “I’m… not sure that’s really possible. I work in a lab, studying [bacteria known to cause flesh-eating disease].”

The doctor was speechless for a second and then laughed. I doubt she’d gotten that answer before.

Thanks to the prescription cream and a better moisturizing regimen, my hands are much improved, though I still need to wash them frequently!

Still A Dangerous Question
FAMILY & KIDS, MEDICAL OFFICE, MISSOURI, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 22, 2020
I’m at the doctor’s. One of the nurses is obviously very pregnant.

Me: “So, when are you due?”

Nurse: *Stares daggers at me* “I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Nice try, but I heard you talking to the other nurse about being pregnant.”

Nurse: *Smiling* “Dang.”

This Should Have You In Stitches
ADORABLE CHILDREN, HEALTH & BODY, INSPIRATIONAL, KIND STRANGERS, MASSACHUSETTS, NON-DIALOGUE, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 21, 2020
I got in a minor motorcycle accident and I was in an emergency room to get stitches for a gash in my forehead. They told me they had a little girl, maybe six or seven, who needed stitches but was completely flipping out about it and asked if it would be okay to let her watch me.

So, basically, I had a little girl on a stool standing over me next to the doctor, and I chatted with her about how you can’t feel anything except some tugging, which doesn’t hurt after they give you anesthetics, as they stitched me up

Weighing Your Options
IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, LIARS/SCAMMERS, MICHIGAN, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 20, 2020
I am a veterinarian working at a hospital, performing a routine examination on an animal. Falsifying any medical records, no matter how small, puts me at risk of losing my license.

Me: “Fluffy looks really good except for some dental tartar. We’re just here to update the rabies vaccine, right? I don’t believe he’s due for anything else.”

Owner: “Yes, and if you wouldn’t mind, I need you to change his weight on the rabies certificate; my new apartment won’t let dogs live there who weigh over fifty pounds.”

I look down at the dog, who is pushing eighty pounds.

Me: “I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that today for you. Is there anything else you need, though? Heartworm prevention?”

Owner: *Sighs heavily* “Well, they’ll kick me out if you don’t put down a lower weight, and I just recently got divorced, and all of this has just been a huge hassle.”

Me: *Gives the vaccines* “Yes, I understand. That sounds like a difficult time you’re going through. Well, Fluffy did really well! My assistant will check you out at the front desk.”

I proceed to leave the room and a moment later, I hear from the receptionist that the lady is getting pushier about changing the weight so I go up there.

Me: “It really isn’t possible. The certificate is a legal document and your dog is nowhere near fifty pounds.”

Owner: “Well, that’s just really not helpful. You’re making a difficult time even harder for me!”

I reiterated myself several times before the lady left fuming. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time I’d been asked to falsify things.

The Right Dentist Can Make You Smile In So Many Ways
AWESOME, COLORADO, DENTIST, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, INSPIRATIONAL, JERK, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 19, 2020
Like a lot of people, I hate going to the dentist. My first memory of going to the dentist was traumatic and growing up I inherited my parent’s bad teeth, which made dental visits painful and embarrassing. Unfortunately, my attempts at better dental hygiene ended up ruining my teeth; it got to the point where every single tooth was rotting and needed to be pulled.

The first dentist I went to for a checkup and to discuss my options insisted on pulling my teeth that day. He went on and on about how the infection was going to spread to my brain and kill me. The staff insisted my insurance would cover it, but only the novocaine. He didn’t pull all my teeth — ten or less — and it lasted two hours. Later, I received a bill for all the little fees that the staff conveniently didn’t go over. I decided infection and potential death wasn’t too bad if it meant avoiding bills.

A couple of years later, after I had to switch insurance, and at the insistence of my therapists and case manager, I went to the dentist again — a different place this time.

The first visit was a check-up and only that. We talked about my options, and there was no pressure on what I should do or that I needed to get it done right then and there. The assistant even expressed sympathy when she saw how bad my teeth were instead of being judgmental. I set up several appointments to get my teeth pulled and get dentures.

Despite having to do everything in stages, the process was quick. My insurance would cover the surgery, but only the basics. The dentist, who had a heart of gold, gave me laughing gas anyway, no charge.

They made dentures on-site, so I was able to get dentures fitted as soon as I was healed. For the first time since I was a child, I smiled without covering my face and the staff was thrilled. I can’t thank them enough for all the kindness they showed me.

When A Date Leaves You Cold
CALIFORNIA, DATING, NON-DIALOGUE, SKATING RINK, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 18, 2020
Back in January of this year, I went on a date with a guy I had met on a popular dating app — the one where the girl has to make the first move.

We met up for dinner and drinks and things were going very well! He was nice and funny and I was enjoying his company. He was an EMT; this is important later in the story.

After dinner, he suggested we go to an ice rink to go ice skating. I was skeptical, as I’m a very clumsy person and can barely stand up on my own two feet on solid ground, and I knew I was going to thoroughly embarrass myself at the rink. But I said yes anyway.

For the first hour, things went well. We were both hobbling along the side of the wall and making fun of each other’s form, but I got cocky, pushed away from the wall, and ate it. I landed on my butt and tried to catch myself with my arm. I landed so hard my ears were ringing and I was woozy.

My date had to help me off the ice and he immediately went into EMT mode, rolling up my sleeve and feeling around my arm to see if he could feel any breaks.

Besides the numbness in my arm, we both agreed that it probably wasn’t broken, and I turned down his offer to take me to the emergency room.

We spent the next six hours on a cliff overlooking the beach, with me flinching at the slightest touch to my arm.

When I woke up the next day, I was in tears. My entire arm was black and blue and swollen beyond belief; I couldn’t even put a shirt on without crying out in pain. I had to have my brother take me to Urgent Care.

While at Urgent Care, the doctor on call told me that not only was my elbow broken, but that I had fractured my wrist, as well, when I tried to stop myself from falling. The impact of me landing on my wrist fractured it and broke my elbow almost immediately, but the massive swelling that immediately took place is what made my date unable to tell that my arm was broken.

There was so much fluid in my arm that it felt like a normal arm.

I was immediately taken off work for the next four months, as I am a barista while finishing school, and I teased my date about my arm all the time. We dated for a month but decided we were better off as friends.

We’re still friends to this day, and I still give him crap about my elbow.

It still hurts when the weather gets cold, too, even after having it out of a sling for six weeks.

Nurses Aren’t Always Faithful To Listen To Their Patients
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE, MINNESOTA, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 16, 2020
Unfortunately, I have notoriously difficult veins to hit when I need blood drawn. Many, many seasoned medical professionals have tried and failed to hit the veins in my arm. Usually after poking me up to six times — ouch! — they find a vein in my hand they can use that I have started calling Old Faithful.

Doctor: “We’re going to draw some blood for labs.”

Me: “Okay, but I have really, really bad veins despite all the water I drink. Send in your best vein finder — it’ll save everyone a lot of time — and tell them to go for this vein in my hand.”

Doctor: *Chuckles* “Oh, I’m sure it’s not that bad. People always say they have bad veins but usually it’s because they had a bad experience. You’ll be fine.”

Me: “I had cancer two years ago. My blood is drawn all the time at every doctor I visit. My veins are so bad people have had to use ultrasound machines to find them. Whoever is drawing my blood needs to go through my hand after using a warming pack. I cannot stress enough just how hard my veins are to hit.”

Doctor: “It’s more painful when we stick your hand instead of your arm.”

Me: “Usually, it’s more painful, yes, but I have Old Faithful here, and someone hitting her on the first or second try is much better than them trying four or five times on each arm before going through my hand anyway.”

The doctor leaves, shaking his head, and sure enough, the nurse who comes in ten minutes later tries my arm first despite my pleading. She tries twice before I say anything more.

Me: *Pained* “Please just use my hand.”

Nurse #1 : “Oh, but it’s so painful through the hand! I’ll go get [Nurse #2 ]; she’s very good at hitting veins!”

[Nurse #2 ] enters and sticks my arm three more times before switching to my other arm, despite my protests. My entire forearm hurts at this point, and I’m annoyed that three different people have ignored me. [Nurse #2 ] misses yet again.

Me: “Go through my hand, please; you’ll hit Old Faithful so much faster.”

Nurse #2 : *Trying my arm yet again* “The hand is more—”

Me: *Snappy* “More painful! Yes, I know! Everyone keeps saying that, but you know what really hurts? Being jabbed seven times in the wrong place because no one will listen when I tell them I have bad veins! Just go through my hand, please!”

Nurse #2 : “Fine, fine, I’ll give it a try. It’s gonna hurt.”

She hit Old Faithful easily and immediately and got the blood needed in less than two minutes. The arm that was jabbed five times predictably had four large bruises — two had merged into one huge super-bruise — where the vein finding attempts were made, and now I refuse to let anyone touch me until they confirm they’ll try my hand first. Old Faithful hasn’t let me down yet.

“Patient Presented With Symptoms Of Not Being Dead”
HEALTH & BODY, HIGH SCHOOL, NURSES, TEACHERS, USA, WISCONSIN | HEALTHY | MAY 15, 2020
In gym class, we are learning how to check our pulse by placing our index and middle fingers on the carotid artery, on the neck to the side of the windpipe. The teacher is having the class run laps and take our pulse.

My friend is having a hard time finding her carotid artery and can’t take her pulse. She approaches the gym teacher for help. The teacher tries to find her carotid artery on her neck.

Teacher: “I don’t know… Go see the nurse.”

Friend: “Seriously? I have a pulse. I’m fine.”

Teacher: “Well, I can’t find it. Go see the nurse.”

My friend reported to the very puzzled school nurse who confirmed that she did, in fact, have a pulse and helped her find it. I sometimes wonder if that nurse had to keep medical records for students, and what on earth she wrote for that patient encounter.

Preventative Procedures Protect Patients And Pets
CURRENT EVENTS, JERK, PATIENTS, PENNSYLVANIA, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 14, 2020
Because of the recent health crisis, our vet has decided not to allow people in the building. This is made clear when you make the appointment. You call to say you’ve arrived and someone comes out to take your pet. Then, the vet calls to discuss the visit and payment is taken when your pet is returned. It’s extra work and wait time, but I understand their caution.

I am waiting in my car for my vet to run my bank card when a woman pulls up and gets out of her car. She has a small dog in a blanket in her arms. She approaches the door and pushes, but it is locked. She looks through the window, knocks, and then steps back. I think that is when she notices the sign on the door, explaining the new procedure. The woman takes a picture of the sign using her phone camera and then knocks again, harder this time.

Finally, the receptionist comes to the door. Before unlocking it, the receptionist pulls her mask over her face. The woman on the outside — who is not wearing a mask — rolls her eyes and twirls her free hand in a “hurry up” motion.

Receptionist: “Yes, ma’am?”

Woman: “We have an appointment.”

She tries to push the door open but the receptionist holds her ground.

Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll get your paperwork together if you’ll just head back to your vehicle and—”

Woman: “No, just move. This is ridiculous.”

Receptionist: “I know it’s strange, but we have adapted a new protocol because of—”

Woman: “I don’t care. You can’t deny me entry when you’re expecting me.” *Pushes again* “Move!”

The receptionist does not move but pushes the door shut and locks it. The woman pounds on the glass so hard it shakes. A moment later, the receptionist returns with the vet. This time they do not unlock the door.

Woman: “Finally! This girl won’t let me in!”

Vet: “I am sorry, but we cannot allow you in the building.”

Woman: “This is illegal!”

Vet: “No, ma’am, I assure you it’s not.”

Woman: “How can you do this?”

The vet explains how things are currently being run.

Woman: *With her nose in the air* “Well, I’ll just go to another vet!”

Vet: “Have your new veterinarian call me for your dog’s medical history.”

The vet and receptionist walk away, leaving the woman fuming at the door. She stands there for a little while before getting back in her car and driving off. The receptionist then comes out with my bank card and receipt.

Receptionist: “Hi, sorry for the wait. I was coming out to you before… but… that woman…”

Me: “Totally understandable. I wouldn’t have come out, either.”

I don’t know what happened with that woman, but I do know that every vet office in the area is run by the same medical staff and operating under the same protocol.

Revenge Served Cold And With A Side Of Cotton Swabs
AUSTRALIA, CURRENT EVENTS, HOSPITAL, NEW SOUTH WALES, NURSES, PATIENTS, SILLY | HEALTHY | MAY 12, 2020
As part of the world outbreak, the hospital that I work for is doing a free drive-thru clinic that you have to ring and make an appointment for. The swabs are nasopharyngeal, which means throat first and then up the nose to an unpleasant degree.

One of the nurses taking the samples is looking through the list of people coming.

Nurse #1 : “Oh! [Patient]! I call dibs on him.”

Nurse #2 : “Um, sure, but can we ask why?”

Nurse #1 : “Sure. Thirty years ago, he broke my nose at a school dance. I can finally get payback!”

Sure enough, when he arrives, she goes to his door.

Nurse #1 : “Hello! [Patient], do you remember me?”

Patient: “You are covered head to toe in PPE; I can’t see you!”

Nurse #1 : “Oh, right. I’m [Nurse #1 ]; you broke my nose thirty years ago.”

Patient: “Oh, my goodness!” *Starts laughing* “Yes, I remember that. I’m still sorry. Get on with it, then!”

She does. He coughs and splutters and, with tears in his eyes, he asks:

Patient: “Are we even?”

Nurse #1 : “Yup! Good luck with your results!”

Patient Patients Make The World (And Not Illnesses) Go Around
CURRENT EVENTS, HOSPITAL, INSPIRATIONAL, KIND STRANGERS, PATIENTS, UK | HEALTHY | MAY 11, 2020
My new job is booking appointments for radiology services, and work is split into modalities — obstetrics, x-ray, fluoroscopy, CT, MRI, etc. So, they start me on an easy modality: obstetrics.

I have to work out twelve-week scan dates, book the appointments, and let the women know that due to the recent global health crisis, they must attend their appointments alone to reduce visitors to the hospital and reduce risk of infecting mother, baby, and other patients and staff.

Most are so polite; some even ask how our day is.

The best patient I’ve spoken to was a foreign lady.

Me: “Hi. Can I speak to [Patient], please?”

Patient: “Speaking.”

Me: “Hi. It’s [My Name] calling from [Hospital] appointment centre.”

Patient: “Oh, hi! How are you?”

Me: “I’m good, thanks, and you? You have an appointment, and we just need to check. You have no symptoms of the recent outbreak?”

Patient: “No, no, love.”

Me: “Great. Unfortunately, you do have to attend your scan on your own…”

Patient: “That’s fine. I’ll just leave him at home.”

Me: *Laughs* “Okay, we just wanted to check.”

Patient: “No problem. You have a wonderful day, [My Name]!”

Me: “You, too! We’ll see you then!”

This was the best call I ever made.

However, some pregnant women don’t like being told what to do. One tried to bend the rules by asking if her husband could attend in full Personal Protective Equipment!

She wasn’t happy to hear no.

The Flu Shot Isn’t Hazardous, But The Nurses Might Be!
IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, JERK, NURSES, PHARMACY, UK | HEALTHY | MAY 10, 2020
I have just had a flu shot. As I have a fear of needles, I tend to get quite dizzy and sweaty beforehand, and it takes me a couple of minutes for me to recover afterward. I’m sitting in a chair when the woman who gave me the shot comes over.

Woman: “You didn’t say you were allergic to eggs?”

Me: “I’m not.”

Woman: “Well, you are. It’s very stupid that you didn’t tell the truth. Now I’m going to have to phone for an ambulance.”

Me: “No, I’m just feeling a bit sickly. I’m not allergic to eggs.”

She is already on the phone talking to someone saying “how stupid” I am. By the time an ambulance arrives, I’m already better and trying to leave, but the woman is refusing to let me. When the paramedics come in, I’m forced onto a gurney while the woman talks over me.

Paramedic: “Okay, the pharmacist says you have an egg allergy. Did you know before having your shot?”

Me: “I do not have an egg allergy!”

Paramedic: “Are you certain?”

Me: “Do I look like I’m having a reaction? I’ve had these shots every year of my life, and if you don’t believe me, I had three eggs in the cafe next door for breakfast. Ask them!”

The paramedic checked me over just to be sure before leaving. I was left alone with the woman. She tutted at me and disappeared through a door. I’m never going back.

Humans Aren’t The Only Creatures Capable Of Drama
CALIFORNIA, EDITORS' CHOICE, PETS & ANIMALS, POLICE, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 8, 2020
The office I work at has a contract with the city police department. We take and treat all sick and injured strays and anything the animal control officers feel needs medical care before going to the shelter. We are open late nights for emergencies, and we get calls fairly regularly from police dispatch saying an officer is bringing in something.

One night, we are running short-staffed due to family emergencies with the people scheduled. Thankfully, it’s a slow night. Then, we get a phone call.

Me: “This is [Clinic]; how can I help you?”

Dispatch: “This is [Police Department] dispatch. We have an officer-involved shooting, officer injured, in route, eta ten minutes.”

Me: “Um, this is the veterinarian.”

Dispatch: “I know; it’s a K9 officer.”

Me: “Oh, um, okay. How bad is he hurt?”

Dispatch: “Unknown. All I know is that they are on their way to you and I was told to call and give you a heads-up.”

Me: “Okay, then, thanks”

I go tell the doctor, he freaks out, thinking this officer has been shot in the chest or something and is going to die on our table because we are really not equipped to handle a gunshot right now. We get the surgery room as ready as we can and wait until they pull up.

The officers all get out of the car. The K9 is limping but walking on his own, and we all let out a sigh of relief.

The K9’s partner can’t tell us much for confidentiality reasons, but this is what he could tell us. There was a suspect with a knife, an officer with a gun, and an officer with a dog. During the capture of the suspect, the dog was released and the gun was fired. While the other officers were booking the suspect, the K9’s partner noticed that the K9’s paw was covered in blood, and the K9 would not let his partner touch his foot. So, they came to us.

We get the officers inside and get the K9 on the exam table, and then it takes a muzzle, his partner, both our techs, and me all holding onto different parts of the dog to keep him on the table while the doctor tries to look at his paw. The paw is soaked in blood. Step one is to pour hydrogen peroxide on it to clean it up and find the wound.

After a while, the doc asks a question.

Doctor: “Are we sure this isn’t transfer from the suspect?”

Partner: “Suspect was not injured.”

Doctor: “Are you 100% sure about that? I’m not seeing any cuts or anything”

The partner called in over the radio to confirm that the only injury involved was to the K9.

The doc had a completely clean paw in his hands and was looking between toes and not finding any broken skin. And then, we saw it: a single drop of blood forming midway down a toenail.

Big brave police dog chipped a nail and acted like his foot had been shot off.

Watch Your Mouth, Or I’ll Call Your Father!
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, INSPIRATIONAL, PATIENTS, SILLY | HEALTHY | MAY 6, 2020
I have injured the inside of my mouth to the point where I am drooling a copious amount of blood. I text my parents telling them what’s happening before I head to the emergency room. While I wait, I text back and forth with my mother until I’m seen by the doctor.

Due to the current global health crisis, the emergency room is practically empty and I am admitted almost ten minutes later.

Doctor: “Your name is [My Name], and your birthdate is [date], correct?”

I nod, as it’s hard for me to speak.

Doctor: “All right, I’m going to have a look at your mouth here.”

She begins my exam and chuckles slightly.

Doctor: “You know, you share the same last name as one of the doctors here. What a small world, huh?”

My last name, though somewhat common, is uncommon in the area we live in. I type on my phone so she can see.

My Text: “My dad is the chief of emergency medicine; [Father]. Please treat me like a normal patient and just let him know what your action plan is, or he’ll worry.”

Doctor: *Reading* “Oh! I thought your mouth looked familiar!”

I try my best not to smile as she finishes her exam, which ends with me gaining seven stitches at the back of my mouth. The doctor disappears for a few minutes, returning with a lollipop for me for being “such a brave boy.”

Doctor: “Well, since you were such a good boy, I got you a lollipop, and there is a surprise waiting for you at the front door. Have a good night and take care of yourself, [My Name]!”

I thanked her and began to leave, walking through the deserted lobby. I suddenly heard my name being called from behind one of the doors to the emergency department, and there was my father, who I hadn’t seen in three weeks due to the crisis.

Red Paint In A Hospital Ward Is Just Asking For Trouble
ART/DESIGN, AUCKLAND, HOSPITAL, NEW ZEALAND, NON-DIALOGUE, PATIENTS, SILLY | HEALTHY | MAY 4, 2020
I was in hospital for a severe illness. Because doctors were unable to identify what was causing it at my age, given I was in my twenties, I was in a ward for many weeks while they did multiple tests.

Being a fairly active person prior, I didn’t take sitting idle very well. So, after a few days, I was restless, despite being unwell.

I really enjoy crafty activities. The hospital happened to be holding an in-house competition where each individual ward got a theme, with the best decorated getting a prize.

Being absolutely bored out of my mind, I asked if I could help them out with making decorations, which they agreed to. They provided the crafting gear and paints, and we made some pretty cool decorations.

However, I will never forget the poor cleaners that came to do their rounds through the ward one afternoon and found me cross-legged on my bed, arms and gown covered in red paint, because I had dropped a large painted piece of decoration on myself.

One emergency call to nurses later, and I ended up not doing most of the painting activities following that.

That ward won the competition, and after an emergency surgery, I’m doing much better.

Phoning In The Excuses
CANADA, CURRENT EVENTS, LIARS/SCAMMERS, OPTOMETRIST/OPTICIAN, PATIENTS, RECEPTION, VANCOUVER | HEALTHY | MAY 3, 2020
I work as a medical receptionist for a retinal specialist. The medical building where our office is located has nineteen floors and each floor has up to five medical offices in it.

Due to the current health crisis, the main door of the building is closed; for the patients to get access, someone has to physically let them in. For the last month, this has been my task. When someone approaches the door, I have to greet them, ask them to step back six feet as required by CDC and WHO, and ask them about their recent travel and health history.

There are still quite a few of the specialists in the building that need to see their patients in person, but not all of them have enough staff on payroll to have a greeter. I am only authorized to let my own doctor’s patients in after they have passed the screening and check them off my list. I am forbidden from letting anyone else in unless they are an employee that I recognize or has a valid pass.

A lot of the people stopping by do not feel that they have to be inconvenienced by the rules meant to protect them.

One of the doctors I don’t work for requires that once their patients arrive, they call their office so one of the staff can come down and collect their patients. I am the one that has to explain this to them. The majority comply but quite a few give me trouble. One particular lady, though, takes the cake.

Me: “I am sorry, but due to the current crisis, I can only let my own patients in and no one else.”

Lady: “I do not have my phone with me.”

Me: “I am unable to help you since I do not work for your doctor.”

Lady: “YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN! I AM ALREADY LATE!”

She moves very close to me, less than two feet. I quickly close the door. She starts banging on the glass. I gesture for her to move further for nearly five minutes before she will comply. I look around for the security guard but do not see him.

The lady moves away from the door. I open the door and repeat the rules to her. She screams at me that she does not have her phone with her. I repeat that, in that case, I am unable to help her since I can’t leave my station.

A few minutes later, as I escort a leaving patient out — both because said patient has mobility issues and to prevent the lady from sneaking in — I spot her staring at her phone.

Me: *Somewhat smugly* “I was under the impression that you did not have your phone with you?”

The lady turned bright red and glared at me.

Time To Terminate Your Relationship With This Receptionist
JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, RECEPTION, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 2, 2020
I recently found out that I am pregnant. After discussing it with my husband and taking into account our extensive family history of medical problems along with our own, we decide to terminate the pregnancy.

I call a well-known health and wellness center to schedule a date for the procedure and am told that, due to my health history, I have to go to my gynecologist before I can terminate. I call to schedule that appointment.

Receptionist: “[Doctor]’s office.”

Me: “Hi. My name is [My Name]. I’d like to schedule an appointment with [Doctor].”

Receptionist: “Okay, is this an annual review?”

Me: “Um, no, I’m pregnant.”

Receptionist: “Oh, [Doctor] only deals with exams. She doesn’t do anything with pregnancies.”

Me: “Oh. I was told to meet with her—”

Receptionist: “Who said that?”

Me: “[Wellness Center].”

Receptionist: *With an attitude* “Why are you going there?”

Me: “That’s something I’ll be discussing with the doctor, thank you.”

Receptionist: “Are you having an abortion?”

Me: “Again, that is something I will discuss with the doctor.”

Receptionist: “Well, like I said, she doesn’t do those appointments.”

Me: “Fine. I’d like a wellness visit, then.”

Receptionist: “No, we can’t see you.”

She hangs up on me. Unfortunately for her, the doctor’s office has recently started using an app to help patients get in touch with their doctor and track their health. I send a message to my doctor, detailing my interaction with the receptionist.

The next day, I get a call from the office. It is the same receptionist.

Me: “Hello?”

Receptionist: *Huffy* “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Receptionist: “The doctor will see you on [date] at [time]. Will that work for you?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine.”

Receptionist: “Fine.”

She hung up again. At my appointment, the doctor apologized for the receptionist and said she was dealt with. I don’t know if she was fired or they just had a conversation. My doctor supported my decision and I had no complications.

Always Be Honest At The Doctor’s
EDITORS' CHOICE, HEALTH & BODY, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, PENNSYLVANIA, PITTSBURGH, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 1, 2020
I have to go get routine blood work and I am not required to fast. I normally get lightheaded and dizzy when doing blood work but only when I have to fast. Still, I’m not the best with needles so I always try to warn the phlebotomist ahead of time.

Me: “Hey, just so you know, I’m not good with getting blood drawn and I have nearly fainted in the past once.”

Phlebotomist: “Nope, not again. Stand up.”

She has me get up off the chair so she can recline it so I’m less likely to get woozy.

Me: “What did you mean not again?”

Phlebotomist: “I’ve had three appointments already today where people have fainted because they neglected to tell me they had issues with getting blood drawn until after they were on the ground.”

Feeling A Little Sore About This Nurse
EMERGENCY ROOM, ILLINOIS, NURSES, SILLY, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 30, 2020
I’m working on a project at home and slice my thumb pretty bad. Don’t play with Exacto knives, kids! After forty-five minutes, the bleeding still hasn’t stopped, so my husband and I decide to head to the ER to see if I need stitches.

Fortunately, the doctor is able to glue it back together and I don’t need stitches after all, but I do need a Tetanus shot. The doctor leaves the room and the nurse comes in.

Nurse: “Which arm would you like it in, sweetie?”

Me: “Is it going to cause any muscle soreness tomorrow?”

I ask her this because I’m a photographer and need to use my right arm. I know some shots have this side effect but can’t remember for sure. If it’s not going to cause soreness, then I prefer it in my right arm since I cut my left thumb and don’t want to double up on the discomfort, but if it is going to be sore, then I do want it in my left so my right arm can still be functional for work the next day.

I probably should explain all that, but it’s 1:00 am and I’m tired.

Nurse: “Oh, no, you’ll be fine!”

Me: “Okay, right arm, then.”

She gives me the shot and is cleaning up and getting ready to leave when the doctor comes back in with my discharge instructions.

Doctor: “Okay, so, your arm is going to be pretty sore tomorrow from the shot, but don’t worry; that’s completely normal.”

The nurse freezes in the doorway when he says this, and I look at her in shock.

Nurse: *Muttering* “Rats, almost made it.”

Me: *Incredulous* “You dirty liar!”

I say this very jokingly because we’ve been lighthearted all along and in the grand scheme of things this doesn’t really matter much.

Nurse: “If I had told you that you’d be sore, you would have refused the shot!”

I sigh over-dramatically, turning to the doctor.

Me: “I’m gonna need a work note.”

Leave The Medicine To The Medical Professionals
CURRENT EVENTS, CUSTOMER SERVICE, FLORIDA, PATIENTS, POLITICS, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 29, 2020
I work for a mail-order pharmacy that also manages pharmacy benefits. I work in our Medicare division, so 95% of my customers are over 65. This is just after the president has started to praise a certain medication for Lupus as a treatment for this recent widespread illness.

I get a call from a woman nearly sobbing.

Me: “This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, this is [Caller]. I saw on the news that the president was saying [Drug] could treat the outbreak.”

As I am pulling up our scripting about this, I look at her account and see she is already taking the medication and has claims going back a couple of years.

Me: “Well, ma’am, we understand the concern—”

Caller: “Is there going to be a shortage? What if I can’t get my Lupus medication? I’ve been taking this for ten years!”

This poor woman is sobbing.

Me: “Ma’am, I certainly understand your concern. And we are keeping up with the reports coming out. At this time, I want to assure you that we are prioritizing our patients who already have a valid prescription. If you’re still worried, then when it’s time to renew the prescription, have your doctor state the reason it’s being prescribed. At this time, we have not received word of a shortage, but we are monitoring the situation daily.”

Caller: “Oh, thank you! I just heard the president saying it on TV and now I’m afraid everyone is going to buy it up!”

Me: “Again, I can understand, ma’am. Please know that if there is an issue, we will let you know right away! Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “No. Oh, God bless you! Thank you!”

She was one of eight that week. Do these politicians not realize their words have effects on people?

Nonagenarians Living On The Edge
ASSISTED LIVING, HEALTH & BODY, HOME, PENNSYLVANIA, PITTSBURGH, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 28, 2020
I am an aide for the elderly. I’ve been sick for a few days and since all of my clients are high-risk — as am I because of asthma — I decide to call in sick for a week, just to make sure it isn’t anything serious.

One of my clients has managed to get my personal number and gives me a call.

Client: “[My Name]? Hello!”

Me: “Hello, Miss [Client], how are you?”

Client: “I’m fine. Listen, I was just talking to my son and he is worried about all this nonsense. He wants to cancel your appointments for the month.”

Me: “Oh, that’s actually a great idea! You’re very high-risk because you’re in your nineties and on oxygen. I’m glad you listened to him. Plus, I’m sick, too, so I was really worried about infecting you if this is more serious. “

Client: “You know I don’t care. If I get this disease, then it’s a good day.”

I’m used to her talking like this.

Me: “No, no, no, you don’t want to die from this; it’s pretty bad. You want to go peacefully in bed, remember?”

Client: “Right, right. So, I won’t see you during this month. But you can stop by anytime if you’re in the neighborhood!”

I’m trying not to laugh.

Me: “Miss [Client], I can’t. The whole purpose is to keep you safe.”

She is one of my favorite clients. She’s one of those tough cookies but has a good heart. I’m sure she’s going to be super lonely this month but I told her to call me anytime she wanted to! Also, for those curious, I am feeling a little better but still coughing and having trouble breathing. Yay, asthma.

Pussies Playing Possum
AUSTRALIA, BIZARRE, NEW SOUTH WALES, PETS & ANIMALS, VET | HEALTHY | APRIL 27, 2020
I have a cat who had a rough life before she came to me. She was wandering around in the bushland for most of her life and leaving her kittens with people who worked in a building in the area. She was eventually trapped and brought to me as a feral for my barn program. However, we discovered she was friendly and I adopted her and named her Possum.

Possum has some health problems which means a trip to the vet every six months or so. She’s had to have most of her teeth removed, and she has skin problems, pre-cancerous nodules on her throat, and arthritis.

Possum has a purr that sounds roughly like a cross between a demented kookaburra and a lawnmower with a broken blade. She’s also incredibly loud to the point where it’s difficult to hold a conversation in the same room with her when she’s stressed, which means most of this conversation is carried by yelling over the top of her.

I’m leaving the consult room with Possum in a carrier.

Me: “Thanks again for everything. I’ll see you soon.”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAAP!”

Me: “How much do I owe?”

Vet Nurse: “It’s [price]. We’ll just get the tablets for you.”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAP!”

Other Client: “What do you have in there?”

Me: “Possum.”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAAAAA AP!”

Other Client: “You have a possum in there?”

Me: “What? No, she’s a cat. Her name is Possum.”

The other client looks into the carrier. Possum chokes on her purr and squawks like a dying chicken.

Other Client: “What the f***?”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAP!”

I laughed so hard I had to put the carrier down and hang on to the counte

Suffocating Under The Weight Of Lazy Doctors
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, EMERGENCY ROOM, HOSPITAL, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, USA, WASHINGTON | HEALTHY | APRIL 26, 2020
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

I have a medical condition that makes colds and the flu very dangerous for me. I could die from either. I catch the flu despite having gotten vaccinated; the shot doesn’t always work 100%. I am prescribed antiviral medication and actually start feeling better.

But then, I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I am trying to breathe through Jello. The flu has triggered bronchitis, so I pack a bag and go to the ER.

The doctor there isn’t taking it seriously at all but I know I am in no shape to go home with oral antibiotics. The ER doc has been on the phone with my specialist.

ER Doctor: “Doctor [Specialist] said to send you home with oral antibiotics.”

Me: “Absolutely not. This is probably the sickest I’ve ever been. You never even listened to my lungs, so how can you give my doctor an accurate picture of what’s going on? I’ve had doctors listen to my lungs when I come in for a sprained ankle!”

ER Doctor: “Well, the hospital is pretty full right now, so we’re not going to admit you.”

Me: “Yes, you are! Figure it out, because I’m not going home!”

ER Doctor: “Uh, well… I’ll see what I can do.”

He had a nurse come in and put a pulse-ox monitor on me to measure my pulse and oxygen level and then had me walk. I didn’t make it twenty feet before my oxygen tanked. The doctor was shocked. He thought that everything would be fine and it would prove to me that I was healthy enough to go home. But I obviously wasn’t fine, so they admitted me.

I had a room upstairs about an hour later. He never did listen to my lungs which infuriated my specialist. I spent a week in the hospital and another month recovering at home. I also filed a grievance against that ER doc.

Did You Try Reading The Directions?
PHARMACY, RHODE ISLAND, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 25, 2020
A customer comes up to me with a book and a pair of reading glasses.

Customer: “Hi. I have a question. Maybe you can help me.”

Me: “Okay. I can try.”

Customer: “My doctor told me I should get reading glasses, but I don’t understand. Do I put the glasses on over my others? I asked my doctor and he didn’t answer me.”

Me: “Um… no. You just put the reading glasses on.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay. I mean, I can see the writing better this way, but I don’t know why my doctor wouldn’t answer when I asked him. I mean, how am I supposed to wear two pairs of glasses?”

Hope You Like Puppies
PETS & ANIMALS, STUPID, USA, VET | HEALTHY | APRIL 24, 2020
I work in a veterinary hospital. A client walks up to the desk.

Client: “I want to give the vaccine to my dog to make her have no more babies.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Client: “You know! The vaccine you give so she can’t have babies.”

Me: “Unfortunately, there is no vaccine that can do that.”

Client: “Oh, then how do you do it?!”

Me: “It’s a surgery; we remove their uterus and their ovaries.”

Client: “Dios mío, no. I’ll leave now. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Have a good day.”

“Opportunistic” Might Be Less Harsh
CRIMINAL & ILLEGAL, FINLAND, PHARMACY | HEALTHY | APRIL 23, 2020
Customer: “To whom can I give this medical waste?”

I notice that the product contains a mild opiate.

Me: “You can give it to me; I’ll make sure it’s properly discarded.”

Customer: “Yeah, I figured that I could have made some money selling it on the street, but that would have been too much of a hassle!”

Me: “Not to mention illegal…”

Mass Decapitations Means It’s Christmas!
BAD BEHAVIOR, OREGON, PHARMACY, PORTLAND, USA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 27, 2018
(I get a call from a lady who is very upset about some photos she sent to be printed.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “You ruined my Christmas! All of the photos I just ordered today have the heads cut off! I can’t use these as Christmas cards! I want a refund or a reprint!”

Me: “No problem. Let me look up your order real quick.” *looks up order* “I’m sorry, miss, but it seems you ordered these through our app or online. Unfortunately, if you want these to be cropped the way you want them, I’m going to need you to come into the store; we would be happy to redo them for free.”

Caller: “This is ridiculous! I don’t have time for this! I can’t believe you guys can’t do your f****** job!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but if that’s not something you would like, I’m sure my manager would be okay with us giving you a refund.”

Caller: “I don’t have time to come back to that store! I can’t believe you won’t remake them! This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’d be happy to help you remake them or give you a refund. But for either one you have to be at our store.”

(After another five minutes of her screaming at me, I get my manager to talk to her.)

Manager: “Thank you for holding. How may I help you?”

(The lady is screaming through the phone the same things she has told me already.)

Manager: “I’m so sorry that this happened. I would be willing to help you remake them or give you a full refund if you come back in.”

(The lady on the phone is now screaming so loud I can hear from next to my manager.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately, unless you’re present in our store, I can’t give you a refund or remake your photos.”

(This continues for a good ten minutes.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what would you like us to do for you?”

(The lady is still screaming something about how we can’t do our jobs correctly.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what would you like us to do for you? I’ve given you your two choices; if you’re not satisfied with that then I can give you our 1-800 number.”

(The lady continues to scream at her for not being helpful.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but if you’re going to continue to scream at me then I’m going to have to hang up. I’ve given you your two choices in what we can do for you. If you’re not satisfied, then you can call our 1-800 number and leave a complaint.”

(The lady continues to scream at her.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that’s all I can do. I’m going to hang up now.”

(The lady continues to scream.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m going to hang up now. We hope to see you in soon. Have a good day.”

(The manager hangs up phone.)

Me: “Wow… she was not happy.”

Manager: “She said she was driving on her way to our store, anyway. Guess it wasn’t too much of an issue for her to come over. I’m just glad I don’t have to talk to her anymore.”

Proving He Is The Biggest P***k
HARASSMENT, MICHIGAN, PHARMACY, RUDE & RISQUE, USA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 26, 2018
I am a cashier at a pharmacy chain. A man comes in to the store and immediately asks where to find condoms. It is company policy to walk each customer to the product they are looking for if at all possible. Being a good employee, I walk the man to the “Family Planning” aisle, and show him where to find the condoms.

Rather than leaving our encounter to a minimum, he decides to ask me which condoms I like. Not only am I a woman, but I’m very uncomfortable discussing sex with anyone, especially strangers.

After explaining that I have no preference, and that it’s all up to him, he asks, “Which are the biggest ones? I need the biggest, because I am the biggest.” I am mortified.

I leave him in the aisle by himself, and he chooses a brand for purchase. No more than two minutes after ringing him out, he comes back in to the store, with the package opened, and one condom missing. He slaps the package on the counter and yells, “They’re too tight! I’m returning these, and I need your number… You single?”

I have my manager run the return as I go to the stock room to hide.

Will Never Look Back Again
HEALTH & BODY, MONTANA, PHARMACY, USA, WORDPLAY | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 20, 2018
(I work on the retail side of a pharmacy, usually stocking shelves or helping customers. One day a young lady, maybe 19 or 20, approaches me, clearly embarrassed.)

Customer: *whispering* “Do you have, um, like, douches, but, um, for, like, the…” *I can now barely hear her* “…butt?”

Me: *stifling laughter* “Enema. The word you’re looking for is ‘enema,’ and yes, over this way.”

(I will forever call them “butt douches” from now on.)

This Story Has Some Darker Connotations
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, PHARMACY, VANCOUVER, WORDPLAY | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 19, 2018
(I’m the customer in this story. I am Caucasian, of Irish and Scottish descent, and have extremely pale skin.)

Me: “Hi. Do you have melanin?”

Pharmacy Worker: “Sorry?”

Me: “Melanin, do you guys carry it?”

Pharmacy Worker: “No, I don’t think so.”

Me: “Drat, are you sure? My doctor told me I should get some before I went on my trip.”

Pharmacy Worker: “I don’t think it works like that.”

Me: “With respect, I’m going to listen to my doctor about how to treat my jet lag.”

Pharmacy Worker: “Jet lag? OH! You mean melatonin!“

Me: “Yes! Wait, did I say, ‘melanin’? Oh, my God, oops.”

(Melatonin is a sleep-related hormone you can buy over the counter in Canada; melanin is the compound that darkens your skin when you tan. I may be a bit short on melanin, but I wasn’t expecting to buy it at the pharmacy!)

Exploring The Amazon Gets You Nowhere
AT THE CHECKOUT, CALIFORNIA, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 15, 2018
(It’s about twenty minutes before closing and there’s one customer left in the store. This particular customer always comes in about two hours before closing every night and wanders the store until closing. He only ever buys two or three small items. He comes up to my register.)

Me: *after ringing in his items* “Your total is [total]. How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “I have a gift card.”

(We accept gift cards so I see no problem, until the customer hands me the card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this is an Amazon gift card. You can only use it on Amazon.”

Customer: “No. I can use it here, too. You guys accept gift cards.”

Me: “We do accept certain gift cards, but you can’t use this one here.”

Customer: “Just scan it; you’ll see that it works!”

Me: “Sir, there is no barcode or magnetic strip on this card. There’s only a number on the back that you can type in on the Amazon website. You can’t use this here. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: *getting irritated* “I don’t know why you won’t just use it! I’ve used it here before!”

Me: “Sir, we don’t accept these. I need another form of payment.”

Customer: “Just use this card!”

(This goes back and forth for several minutes.)

Customer: “Where in here does it say I can’t use gift cards?!”

Me: “Right here on the back of the card.” *reads where the card says it can only be used on Amazon*

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?!”

(He grabbed his items and slammed it back down on the shelf and stormed out. By then it was twenty minutes past closing.)

The Bathroom Is Not The Only Thing Getting A Deep Clean
EDITORS' CHOICE, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, NORTH CAROLINA, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 15, 2018
(I work at a very busy pharmacy. One evening, our men’s restroom takes a turn for the worst and I have the privilege of setting it straight. I post a sign on the door that says, “CLOSED FOR CLEANING,” in red marker, and gather my supplies. A few minutes into the job, the door opens, and a man sticks his head in and asks:)

Man: “Is the bathroom closed?”

(It has been a really long day, with a lot of stupid questions, and I just can’t help myself.)

Me: *snapping a blue glove onto my hand* “Nope, we are giving out free prostate exams. I don’t have any lube, but I do have bleach. Step on in so we can get this over with.”

(He no longer needed the restroom.)

Unfiltered Story #124979
PHARMACY, PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND, USA | UNFILTERED | NOVEMBER 11, 2018
(I take my nine-year-old daughter to the pharmacy because she has some pocket money to spend and wants to pick up a few treats. I enter my phone number to pull up my card number so my daughter would get any sale prices, but otherwise I am not involved in the transaction. I stand back as my daughter puts her items on the counter.)

Cashier: *looking up at me* “Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity] today?”

Me: *pointing back at my daughter* “She’s the one buying, not me.”

Cashier: *to daughter this time* “Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity] today?”

Daughter: “Sure, I’ll donate a dollar! I have the extra money, and it is for charity!”

(The cashier and her manager were shocked, but impressed, and quickly thanked my daughter!)

Renovate Or Stagnate
JERK, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 10, 2018
(I work as a cashier in a popular pharmacy. Recently our store has been doing some renovations. Nothing too big, just moving some shelves around and moving all the registers to one side of the store. One night I come into work and have this conversation with a customer.)

Customer: “You guys are going to be closed within six months.”

Me: *confused* “What do you mean, sir?”

Customer: “You moved everything around. How are we supposed to find anything?! You moved the toilet paper next to the freezers! Now what sense does that make?! You be closed within a year, mark my words.”

Me: *slightly shocked but still smiling and courteous* “Well, I hope not, sir.”

Customer: “You will. YOU WILL!”

Me: “Can I get your store card, sir?”

Customer: “…”

(I ring him up and things go smoothly until I hand him the receipt.)

Me: “Okay, here’s your receipt, sir.”

Customer: “I’ve been shopping here for seven f****** years, and you go and change things like this!”

Me: “Well, thank you for shopping with us today, sir.”

Customer: *glares and walks out*

Their Knowledge Is A Bit Patchy
AUSTRALIA, HEALTH & BODY, HOBART, PHARMACY, STUPID, TASMANIA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 7, 2018
(I am selling a customer nicotine patches to help them quit smoking.)

Customer: “So, can I still smoke when I’m wearing the patches? Someone said I can.”

Me: *head-desks internally*

Not Buying It? Yeah, I’m Not Buying That
BAD BEHAVIOR, BIZARRE, CHILDREN, CONNECTICUT, FUNNY KIDS, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 6, 2018
(I am a pharmacy technician. At the pharmacy where I work, we have those special shopping carts for small children, shaped like cars. I’m helping a family — a mom, teenage daughter, and a preschool girl, roughly four or five — with one such cart. They have a few items to ring out besides their prescriptions. I notice the little girl is holding something in her hands. Thinking it’s a toy her mom promised to buy her, I point it out to her sister.)

Me: *pointing at the girl* “Are you buying that, as well?”

Sister: “Buying… Oh, where did you get that?! May I see that? Thank you. We’re just going to put that over here.” *puts it on the counter, clearly not buying it*

(It was a bottle of shampoo, by the way. On closer inspection, the sister pulled out — I kid you not — over twenty more bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and other hair care products. The little girl must’ve grabbed everything when they drove through the beauty section. The sister was apologetic and everything, just glad I said something, as some of the stuff was really pricey, and everything in her car easily came out to over $100. The kid’s going to have really expensive tastes when she grows up!)

Knows How To Push Your Buttons By Not Knowing How To Push Buttons
CONNECTICUT, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 4, 2018
(We keep certain cold medicines in a locked case due to high theft and due to teenagers using them to get high. There’s a button right next to said case, clearly labeled, to press for assistance. Pressing the button sends out a message over the PA system for a front store associate to come unlock the case and bring the items to the till. It’s a Sunday morning when this happens.)

Customer #1 : “Hi, your medicine case is locked; can you come unlock it for me?”

Me: “We don’t have the keys to unlock it. You just press the button and someone will come get it.”

Customer #1 : “Where? I can’t find it!”

(I start to walk out of the pharmacy to show her, when she finds it and hits the button. About ten minutes later, another customer walks up.)

Customer #2 : “Hey, can you guys unlock the case?”

Me: “No, but there’s a button you can press and someone with the keys can unlock it.”

(Not even five minutes later, the button sounds.)

Me: “It’s not even nine yet.”