America, Ladies And Gents!
Billing, Colorado, Editors' Choice, Health & Body, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Stupid, USA | Healthy | April 6, 2020
My dad needed to get his physical done and went to our family doctor. The doctor’s office was located in a sort of strip mall setup along with other private practitioners and specialists. This building was, in turn, located directly adjacent to the actual local hospital, even sharing the same parking lot.

As part of the physical, my dad was getting blood drawn but the nurse had difficulty getting their needle into his veins, meaning he had a needle probing in his body much longer than usual. Eventually, his body decided enough was enough and he seized.

Worried for his health, they quickly loaded my dad onto a gurney and wheeled him across the parking lot to the ER where he was quickly diagnosed as being fine. After he recovered, the blood draw was rescheduled and he headed home.

Fast forward a few weeks: a bill from the hospital arrived. Since he’d gone to the ER, my dad was expecting a high price, but this proved to be even more than expected by several hundred dollars.

Looking through the itemized bill, it was mostly the expected expenses: ER visit, fluids, etc. What stuck out was the several-hundred-dollar ambulance service my dad apparently got from being wheeled across the parking lot on a gurney.

He fought the bill, saying he might have paid if they’d at least put him in an ambulance and let him turn on the siren.

Finally, Someone With A Dose Of Sense
California, Pharmacy, Reception, USA, Vet | Healthy | April 3, 2020
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

There are certain medications that can be used in both humans and animals, but usually, the dosages are very different. One of these medications is Phenobarbital, a seizure medication. Our office doesn’t keep this medication in stock so we have to call it in to a human pharmacy.

One of our canine patients is on Phenobarbital. He has been stable on his dose for years, but they do not make a pill in the size he needs, so we prescribe him two different sizes to add up to the right amount. Apparently, this is not regularly done with humans, because every time we call in his medication we get a call from the pharmacy to confirm some things. So, we put a note on his file with what to say when they call back.

I am training a new receptionist and have just had her call in his refill authorization. Soon after. we get the expected call from the pharmacist. She has the pharmacy on hold and asks what to do, so I tell her to open his chart and read the script.

New Receptionist: “Hello. Apparently, I have to read this note to you. Yes, he needs both sizes. Yes, at the same time. Yes, we know this is a very large dose for a human, but he is a dog. He is a very large dog. He has been taking the pills like this for years now. Thank you.”

I am sitting there listening to her side of this, fighting the urge to facepalm, and thinking it was pretty obvious that those were meant to be the responses to questions she would be asked and not to be read straight through like that.

The pharmacist says something and she replies:

New Receptionist: “I’m not sure. Um, looks like the note was dated four years ago.” *Pause* “Um, I think so; let me check.” *Turns to me* “Hey, [My Name], have we been saying this every time we call his medication in?”

I nod and she turns back to the phone.

New Receptionist: “Yeah, we have.” *Pause* “Really? That’d probably save everyone some time. Thanks.” *Hangs up* “They are going to put a copy of our note on their computers so they don’t have to keep calling in every time.”

Me: “Wait, they could do that? I thought it was a requirement for them to confirm odd-sounding doses, and that the phone calls were just formalities so they could check a box saying they did it. How did none of them ever notice that we were having the same conversation every four months?”

We no longer get confirmation calls for that patient.

Didn’t Pass The Think-It-Through Checkpoint
Alberta, Canada, Current Events, Health & Body, Medical Office, Parents/Guardians | Healthy | April 2, 2020
It’s -17C, windchill to -19C, but the cutoff for “don’t take the baby outside unless the house is on fire” is -20 including windchill, so I bundle her three outfits deep under her snowsuit, mittens, toque, and bunting, and catch the bus to an appointment. She’s asleep by the time we get there, but I’m wide awake, cheeks frosty, steps quick. Stepping in, I find an antiviral checkpoint just inside the front door, manned by a guy in a white bodysuit and a blue mask.

My first thought: “Oh, no, zombies!”

I might be very slightly drunk on sleep deprivation.

Checkpoint Guy: “Hi, there! Just before you step in, can I ask you some questions?”

Me: “Sure.”

[Checkpoint Guy] asks about travel and a list of symptoms. I answer each question the same way.

Me: “Nope.”

Checkpoint Guy: “All righty, then. Let me just check your guys’ temperatures — or I assume you’ve got a passenger in there!”

Me: “Yup!”

I crack open one of the hoods, displaying a bundle of cloth that has two cheeks, two closed eyes, a nose, and no other visible skin.

Checkpoint Guy: “Awww! I shouldn’t have to wake her up. Just that little cheeky-cheek should be good!”

I think of my own frosty cheeks.

Me: “Her cheek’s going to be pretty cold.”

Checkpoint Guy: “Yup! Little cheeky-cheek!”

His remote thermometer beeps and shows 30.

Checkpoint Guy: “Okey-dokey! Now, I need to do you.”

Me: “Sure.”

[Checkpoint Guy] beeps my cheek.

Checkpoint Guy: “Yup! You’re good! Just have some hand sanitizer and you’re on your way!”

Me: “Sure.”

I use sanitizer, go through, and push the elevator button.

New Voice Behind Me: “Aren’t you cold?”

Checkpoint Guy: “Nope! I’m good! I’ve got long johns, extra shirts, and warm gloves under the medical gloves. Standing right by the door all day — I’m prepared!”

Pause.

Checkpoint Guy: “You know, everyone I’ve checked has read really low, like 30 degrees. Do you think it’s because they just came in from the outdoors?”

Yes, I mentioned this hitch to the doctor I saw.

On April First, Trust No One
Editors' Choice, Family & Kids, Holidays, Hospital, Nurses, Pennsylvania, Pranks, USA | Healthy | April 1, 2020
My wife was in labor for about twenty hours before deciding to do a cesarean section. I am 6’8″ tall and about 300 pounds. During our visits through the pregnancy, I regularly joked around with the doctor. Even in the Lamaze classes, I would joke around, typically embarrassing my beautiful wife.

My oldest son was born via C-Section at 11:50 PM on March 31st. I was there, I watched, and I was exhausted. It was gruesome and awesome at the same time.

I was extremely emotional — had a son! I was crying tears of joy.

After he was extracted from his nine-month sentence inside of my wife, he was swaddled appropriately by the nurses in the operating room. We were both then whisked away: him to the nursery to get de-munged, and me to see my large family — brothers, parents,

Godparents, etc. — all of whom were at the hospital waiting in anticipation of the big event.

So, there I was, telling my family that we had a beautiful boy, and that everyone was okay. I was blubbering as tears were still streaming.

All of a sudden, in an over-the-top manner, a nurse came running around the corner and said, “Mr. [My Name], Mr. [My Name]! They need you back in the operating room! The second one just came out!”

Huh, what? What? WHAT?! Oh, my God! I started running down the hall to go back to the operating room. I’ve never been considered graceful, and it really wasn’t pretty to see me lumbering down the hall.

I heard the nurse call out again, “MR. [MY NAME]!”

My response was dramatic and immediate as I spun to look at her. “WHAT?” I exclaimed.

With a very calm demeanor and a twinkle in her eye, she said, very matter-of-factly, “April Fools.”

I could have been knocked over with a feather. I stammered and stammered. Meanwhile, my family, who witnessed the event, were in stitches enjoying the whole scene as it played out in front of them.

In the operating room, my wife was laughing (while being stitched back together). All of this was the doctor’s idea, II suppose a little of my own medicine after enduring me throughout the pregnancy.

It’s a story that I tell often, not only for the humor in it, but also because it was one of the greatest days of my life: the day I met a great person, my wonderful son.

April Is A Nice Name
California, Children, Hospital, Pranks, Sons & Daughters, USA | Healthy | April 1, 2020
It is April Fool’s Day. I go into the hospital for a scheduled cesarean for my third child. Thanks to both a blood test and an ultrasound, we know we’re having a boy. The surgery starts, and it doesn’t go as expected.

Doctor: “Oh, wow, look at that!”

Surgical Tech: “Oh, my gosh.”

Me: “What?”

Doctor: “Okay, it’s a girl.”

Me & Husband: “What?”

Husband: “Did you say, ‘girl’?”

I just started laughing. And that’s how our daughter entered the world — by conning us into thinking she was going to be a boy, and revealing her true nature on April Fools Day. Well played, baby. Well played.

At Least The Names They Picked Had Letters In Them
California, Editors' Choice, Funny Names, Pets & Animals, Silly, USA, Vet | Healthy | March 30, 2020
I work for a vet, and I’m checking in a new patient. She was adopted from a shelter about a year ago and is now due for her annual exam and vaccines. Her entire family comes with her: Mom, Dad, and three pre-teen or teen children.

Me: “The shelter paperwork says her name is Princess. Is that still her name?”

I get five very clear negative responses.

Me: “So, what is her new name?”

Simultaneously, each from a different person, I hear the names Molly, Fluffy, Annie, Coco, and Jessie. They then fall into a several-minute-long discussion of names where they actually end up adding at least three other options. I let them continue until an exam room is available and then lead them in and put the chart on the doctor’s ready pile. When the doctor grabs her chart, he gives me a look.

Me: “It’s the only thing they all agreed on.”

The doctor shrugs and walks into the room.

Doctor: “So, this is the dog formerly known as Princess?”

This Debt Collector Had Better Hope HE Has Insurance
Debt Collection, Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Insurance, Jerk, USA | Healthy | March 29, 2020
(I’m a broke college student supporting myself with student loans, whatever hours I can get at my work-study job, and the small amount of money my parents can spare. Luckily, I’m still on my parents’ insurance. When I get into a bad bike accident and have to get stitches and x-rays at the hospital, their insurance covers the bill. It’s been a couple of months since then when I answer a call from a number I don’t recognize.)

Caller: “Am I speaking to [My Name]?”

Me: “This is her.”

Caller: “My name is [Caller], and I’m calling on behalf of [Debt Collection Agency] about an unpaid medical bill.”

Me: “What? I didn’t think I had any unpaid bills.”

Caller: “The bill is [amount] for an ambulance ride on [date of the bike accident].”

Me: “But my insurance covered that!”

Caller: “Sometimes insurance doesn’t cover certain services, like ambulances, if they are seen as unnecessary.”

(The ambulance was definitely necessary since there was a suspicion at the time that I’d seriously injured my neck and I was bleeding profusely from my head.)

Caller: “The billing department attempted to contact you multiple times, but you’ve consistently ignored them. Now the bill has been sent to us, and it will negatively affect your credit. However, if you pay it right now, we can try to remove it from your credit report. How will you be paying today, [Card #1 ] or [Card #2]?”

Me: “Um, I won’t be paying today. I need to contact my insurance company to see what’s going on. This should have been covered, and I’ve never heard of it before today.”

Caller: “If you don’t pay today, your credit will be negatively affected. You will never be able to get a loan, a mortgage, or a credit card.”

Me: “I need to talk to my insurance company before I do anything.”

(He keeps trying to convince me, so I eventually just hang up. I contact my insurance company and find that no claim was ever submitted for the ambulance trip and that they would have covered it if it was. Then, I call the hospital billing department to figure this out. It takes a very long time to reach the right person, but I finally find out what happened.

In an amazing display of incompetence, someone had billed it to the wrong insurance company in the wrong state using the wrong contact details. Obviously, that claim was denied, so they sent the bill to whatever address they’d written on the claim. With this level of screwing up, I’m guessing they mixed up my file with someone else’s.

Luckily, the person I talk to is more helpful, and she gets all the information she needs to submit the claim to my real insurance. She also promises to take the whole incident off my credit report once everything’s done. However, it will take several weeks at the very least for the claim to go through. In the meantime, I get another call several days later from the same bill collector.)

Caller: *after making sure he’s speaking to me* “Our records indicate that you still haven’t paid your bill. What payment method–”

Me: *cutting him off before he can get too far into this* “I’ve contacted my insurance and the hospital’s billing department and gotten the whole thing sorted out. There was a billing mistake. Many, in fact. But the claim has been properly submitted to my insurance now. It just takes a while to go through.”

Caller: “Well, you still haven’t paid. It’s on your credit report. I can’t take it off at this point since you’ve refused to pay it once already, but paying today will make sure your credit doesn’t get even worse. How will you be paying today, [Card #1 ] or [Card #2]?”

Me: “As I said, my insurance is paying it. We just have to wait for the claim to go through.”

Caller: “But your credit–”

Me: “The billing department said they’d take it off my credit report completely, as they’re the ones who made the mistake.”

Caller: “I’m looking at your credit report right now, and it’s not looking good.”

Me: “The claim was only submitted a few days ago. It hasn’t gone through yet.”

Caller: “If you pay in full right now, this will go away immediately. No need to wait for the claim to go through.”

Me: “Hold on. You want me to pay for something that I never needed to pay for in the first place, just to speed things up? That’s ridiculous! And even if I was going to pay, it’s not like I have that kind of money just lying around.”

Caller: “Surely you have some jewelry or electronics you could sell. I can give you the address of a pawn shop nearby.”

Me: “What? No! I didn’t mean I intended to pay you. My insurance is paying it directly to the hospital. We all just have to be patient.”

(This went back and forth for a while. It became clear that he was working on commission and wouldn’t get any money if the bill was paid through the insurance company. Eventually, I just had to hang up on him again, since it was obvious he was not giving up. He continued to call me multiple times a day for weeks, sometimes during class. Finally, the claim went through, and the debt collector stopped calling.)

1 Thumbs
492

280

This Doctor Is Such A Headache
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, The Netherlands | Healthy | March 27, 2020
(I have had headaches all my life, but they suddenly become chronic, so I visit the doctor.)

Me: “I have a headache about five days of the week, and I have sleeping problems. I’m not sure which one is causing the other, though.”

(I proceed to give the doctor a list of things I’ve tried and checked, such as diet, climate, schedule, workout regimes, etc.)

Doctor: “I usually recommend a headache diary, but it seems you know pretty well what you’re doing. I suggest reading an hour before going to bed, instead of looking at a screen; that will help.”

Me: “No, that’s not it. I have gone screenless for three weeks but still had headaches. Also, reading before going to bed makes me have trouble falling asleep.”

Doctor: “Oh. Well, I still recommend reading an hour before bed instead of screen time.”

Me: “I am an avid reader, and I assure you that this is not the solution.”

(After going back and forth a few times…)

Doctor: “Well, I still recommend you try it.”

(She then proceeded to walk me to the door, indicating that the consultation was over. When I was back at home fuming, my husband suggested going to get my eyes checked. It turns out, I needed glasses! I could still see sharply, but the strain on my eyes caused the headaches. They were mostly strained by… reading. I’m glad I didn’t listen to the doctor, because more reading would have worsened the headaches. I have a new doctor now.)

Might Be Time To Change Doctors
Doctor/Physician, Grand Rapids, Medical Office, Michigan, Parents/Guardians, USA | Healthy | May 31, 2020
I work for a doctor’s emergency answering service. A frantic woman calls in at three am.

Me: “Hello, [Service].”

Woman: “I need [Doctor] to call me ASAP! My son has swallowed a nickel!”

Me: “Certainly. Just let me get some information and I’ll have [Doctor] call you right back.”

The woman gives me all the pertinent info. I call [Doctor] and wake him up from a very obvious sound sleep.

Me: “Sorry to wake you, [Doctor]. I’ve got a call from [Woman]; she says her son has swallowed a nickel.”

There’s a five-second pause.

Doctor: “So, is he choking or does she want me to make change?”

What A Heartless Joke!
Bizarre, Malaysia, Medical Office, Pranks, School, Students | Healthy | May 29, 2020
My friend’s dad is a lecturer at a medical school. He has a friend with a rare condition called situs inversus, meaning his internal organs are mirror images of the usual configuration. He likes to pull a prank on first-year students.

Lecturer: “Is it possible for a person to have their organs the wrong way around and still be alive and healthy?”

Students: “No, sir!”

At some point later he brings his friend in as a model patient and has a student try to find his heartbeat.

After muddling around with a stethoscope, one particularly confused student responded, “Sir, this man has no heart!”

The Editors Thank You For This “Life Hack”!
California, Friends, Health & Body, Home, USA | Healthy | May 28, 2020
I’m visiting a friend who is very fit and an avid hiker. As we’re both middle-aged, we’re commiserating over the usual aches and pains.

Friend: “Since my last hike, my lower back has been hurting. It’s not injured, just sore.”

Me: “That happens to me, too. Try stretching your hamstrings.”

Friend: “What? No, my legs are fine. My back hurts.”

Me: “Yeah, but sometimes tight hamstrings can pull on your lower back.”

Friend: “That doesn’t make any sense. My hamstrings are probably tight from hiking, but it has nothing to do with my back.”

Me: “Another woman in my ballet class didn’t believe me, either. But when she stretched out her hamstrings, her back felt better.”

Friend: “I just don’t see how it can work.”

Me: “Look. It’s safe and easy to try; just do it.”

Friend: “I don’t know.”

After about ten minutes of this back and forth, my friend finally puts her leg on a surface about hip height and gently stretches the back of the leg. Then, she does the other side. When she’s done, she tests her back.

Friend: “Hey! The pain’s mostly gone!”

Me: “Great!”

Friend: “Hamstrings affecting the back… Who knew?”

Me: “Me! I knew!”

We Know A Few People Who Could Use That Procedure
Impossible Demands, Jerk, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 27, 2020
I’m a pharmacy technician at a national pharmacy chain. On this particular morning, it’s just me and the pharmacist working. About two minutes after opening, an old woman comes up to the register.

Me: “Good morning. Could I get your name and date of birth, please?”

She gives me her name and birthday. I punch her information into the register and see that we have a prescription ready for her. I grab her prescription from the bin.

Me: “Okay, so, I’ve got your [commonly used blood pressure medication] ready for you.”

Customer: “No, no, no! I don’t need that; I need my Valium!”

From having entered her information into the register, I know we do not have any Valium ready for her, nor are we currently working on any for her. However, if a patient’s medication is on hold, or if we’ve just received it from the doctor and haven’t entered it yet, it won’t show up on the register. I inform the woman there’s no Valium in process for her but that I will check my computer to see if we have any for her.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have any Valium in my system for you anywhere. It’s possible that the doctor’s office hasn’t sent it to us yet; I would recommend that you give the office a call.”

Customer: *Now furious with me* “No! You’re lying! I know they sent it to you! They sent it to you yesterday and I need it now because I’m having brain surgery in forty-five minutes at [Hospital in a town thirty minutes away]!”

I’m just dumbstruck that someone would plan this poorly, but I maintain my professional composure.

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but I have not received any Valium prescription for you.”

Customer: “Well, this is just f****** ridiculous. This kind of s*** is why I changed pharmacies months ago.”

Me: *Slight pause* “Well, then… perhaps your prescription was sent to your current pharmacy?”

Customer: “No! I know for a fact that it was sent to you because I was standing right there when the doctor called you!”

I know this is a lie because of two things. First, doctors never call prescriptions in themselves; they have a nurse or receptionist do it. And second, Valium is a class IV controlled substance and therefore, in our state, it can only be sent to the pharmacy electronically, not over the phone.

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but again, I don’t have any prescription here for you. My best recommendation would be that you call the doctor and ask them to send it again as soon as possible.”

Customer: “No, there’s no time for that. When I get there, I’m gonna tell them it’s your fault that I have to postpone this operation!”

The woman storms off and I walk back to my workstation, almost in a daze.

Pharmacist: “Well, if she’s having brain surgery, I hope that means they’re going to install one.”

PLEASE Keep Washing Your Hands
Current Events, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Patients, Revolting, USA | Healthy | May 26, 2020
I have a job that requires frequent handwashing, even prior to a certain global health crisis. A combination of the handwashing, stress, and weather results in what I suspect is eczema on my hands. I’ve never dealt with it before, and regular moisturizer isn’t cutting it, so eventually I go to see a dermatologist.

The doctor does a quick exam and determines that it is, in fact, eczema.

Dermatologist: “I’d recommend [Hand Cream] and I’ll prescribe you [Steroid Cream]. What did you say you did for a living? Is it possible you could wash your hands less often?”

Me: “I’m… not sure that’s really possible. I work in a lab, studying [bacteria known to cause flesh-eating disease].”

The doctor was speechless for a second and then laughed. I doubt she’d gotten that answer before.

Thanks to the prescription cream and a better moisturizing regimen, my hands are much improved, though I still need to wash them frequently!

Still A Dangerous Question
Family & Kids, Medical Office, Missouri, Nurses, USA | Healthy | May 22, 2020
I’m at the doctor’s. One of the nurses is obviously very pregnant.

Me: “So, when are you due?”

Nurse: *Stares daggers at me* “I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Nice try, but I heard you talking to the other nurse about being pregnant.”

Nurse: *Smiling* “Dang.”

This Should Have You In Stitches
Adorable Children, Health & Body, Inspirational, Kind Strangers, Massachusetts, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | May 21, 2020
I got in a minor motorcycle accident and I was in an emergency room to get stitches for a gash in my forehead. They told me they had a little girl, maybe six or seven, who needed stitches but was completely flipping out about it and asked if it would be okay to let her watch me.

So, basically, I had a little girl on a stool standing over me next to the doctor, and I chatted with her about how you can’t feel anything except some tugging, which doesn’t hurt after they give you anesthetics, as they stitched me up.

The Right Dentist Can Make You Smile In So Many Ways
Awesome, Colorado, Dentist, Doctor/Physician, Inspirational, Jerk, USA | Healthy | May 19, 2020
Like a lot of people, I hate going to the dentist. My first memory of going to the dentist was traumatic and growing up I inherited my parent’s bad teeth, which made dental visits painful and embarrassing. Unfortunately, my attempts at better dental hygiene ended up ruining my teeth; it got to the point where every single tooth was rotting and needed to be pulled.

The first dentist I went to for a checkup and to discuss my options insisted on pulling my teeth that day. He went on and on about how the infection was going to spread to my brain and kill me. The staff insisted my insurance would cover it, but only the novocaine. He didn’t pull all my teeth — ten or less — and it lasted two hours. Later, I received a bill for all the little fees that the staff conveniently didn’t go over. I decided infection and potential death wasn’t too bad if it meant avoiding bills.

A couple of years later, after I had to switch insurance, and at the insistence of my therapists and case manager, I went to the dentist again — a different place this time.

The first visit was a check-up and only that. We talked about my options, and there was no pressure on what I should do or that I needed to get it done right then and there. The assistant even expressed sympathy when she saw how bad my teeth were instead of being judgmental. I set up several appointments to get my teeth pulled and get dentures.

Despite having to do everything in stages, the process was quick. My insurance would cover the surgery, but only the basics. The dentist, who had a heart of gold, gave me laughing gas anyway, no charge.

They made dentures on-site, so I was able to get dentures fitted as soon as I was healed. For the first time since I was a child, I smiled without covering my face and the staff was thrilled. I can’t thank them enough for all the kindness they showed me.

When A Date Leaves You Cold
California, Dating, Non-Dialogue, Skating Rink, USA | Healthy | May 18, 2020
Back in January of this year, I went on a date with a guy I had met on a popular dating app — the one where the girl has to make the first move.

We met up for dinner and drinks and things were going very well! He was nice and funny and I was enjoying his company. He was an EMT; this is important later in the story.

After dinner, he suggested we go to an ice rink to go ice skating. I was skeptical, as I’m a very clumsy person and can barely stand up on my own two feet on solid ground, and I knew I was going to thoroughly embarrass myself at the rink. But I said yes anyway.

For the first hour, things went well. We were both hobbling along the side of the wall and making fun of each other’s form, but I got cocky, pushed away from the wall, and ate it. I landed on my butt and tried to catch myself with my arm. I landed so hard my ears were ringing and I was woozy.

My date had to help me off the ice and he immediately went into EMT mode, rolling up my sleeve and feeling around my arm to see if he could feel any breaks.

Besides the numbness in my arm, we both agreed that it probably wasn’t broken, and I turned down his offer to take me to the emergency room.

We spent the next six hours on a cliff overlooking the beach, with me flinching at the slightest touch to my arm.

When I woke up the next day, I was in tears. My entire arm was black and blue and swollen beyond belief; I couldn’t even put a shirt on without crying out in pain. I had to have my brother take me to Urgent Care.

While at Urgent Care, the doctor on call told me that not only was my elbow broken, but that I had fractured my wrist, as well, when I tried to stop myself from falling. The impact of me landing on my wrist fractured it and broke my elbow almost immediately, but the massive swelling that immediately took place is what made my date unable to tell that my arm was broken.

There was so much fluid in my arm that it felt like a normal arm.

I was immediately taken off work for the next four months, as I am a barista while finishing school, and I teased my date about my arm all the time. We dated for a month but decided we were better off as friends.

We’re still friends to this day, and I still give him crap about my elbow.

It still hurts when the weather gets cold, too, even after having it out of a sling for six weeks.

Still A Dangerous Question
Family & Kids, Medical Office, Missouri, Nurses, USA | Healthy | May 22, 2020
I’m at the doctor’s. One of the nurses is obviously very pregnant.

Me: “So, when are you due?”

Nurse: *Stares daggers at me* “I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Nice try, but I heard you talking to the other nurse about being pregnant.”

Nurse: *Smiling* “Dang.”

Still A Dangerous Question
Family & Kids, Medical Office, Missouri, Nurses, USA | Healthy | May 22, 2020
I’m at the doctor’s. One of the nurses is obviously very pregnant.

Me: “So, when are you due?”

Nurse: *Stares daggers at me* “I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Nice try, but I heard you talking to the other nurse about being pregnant.”

Nurse: *Smiling* “Dang.”

This Should Have You In Stitches
Adorable Children, Health & Body, Inspirational, Kind Strangers, Massachusetts, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | May 21, 2020
I got in a minor motorcycle accident and I was in an emergency room to get stitches for a gash in my forehead. They told me they had a little girl, maybe six or seven, who needed stitches but was completely flipping out about it and asked if it would be okay to let her watch me.

So, basically, I had a little girl on a stool standing over me next to the doctor, and I chatted with her about how you can’t feel anything except some tugging, which doesn’t hurt after they give you anesthetics, as they stitched me up.

Weighing Your Options
Impossible Demands, Liars/Scammers, Michigan, USA, Vet | Healthy | May 20, 2020
I am a veterinarian working at a hospital, performing a routine examination on an animal. Falsifying any medical records, no matter how small, puts me at risk of losing my license.

Me: “Fluffy looks really good except for some dental tartar. We’re just here to update the rabies vaccine, right? I don’t believe he’s due for anything else.”

Owner: “Yes, and if you wouldn’t mind, I need you to change his weight on the rabies certificate; my new apartment won’t let dogs live there who weigh over fifty pounds.”

I look down at the dog, who is pushing eighty pounds.

Me: “I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that today for you. Is there anything else you need, though? Heartworm prevention?”

Owner: *Sighs heavily* “Well, they’ll kick me out if you don’t put down a lower weight, and I just recently got divorced, and all of this has just been a huge hassle.”

Me: *Gives the vaccines* “Yes, I understand. That sounds like a difficult time you’re going through. Well, Fluffy did really well! My assistant will check you out at the front desk.”

I proceed to leave the room and a moment later, I hear from the receptionist that the lady is getting pushier about changing the weight so I go up there.

Me: “It really isn’t possible. The certificate is a legal document and your dog is nowhere near fifty pounds.”

Owner: “Well, that’s just really not helpful. You’re making a difficult time even harder for me!”

I reiterated myself several times before the lady left fuming. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time I’d been asked to falsify things.

The Right Dentist Can Make You Smile In So Many Ways
Awesome, Colorado, Dentist, Doctor/Physician, Inspirational, Jerk, USA | Healthy | May 19, 2020
Like a lot of people, I hate going to the dentist. My first memory of going to the dentist was traumatic and growing up I inherited my parent’s bad teeth, which made dental visits painful and embarrassing. Unfortunately, my attempts at better dental hygiene ended up ruining my teeth; it got to the point where every single tooth was rotting and needed to be pulled.

The first dentist I went to for a checkup and to discuss my options insisted on pulling my teeth that day. He went on and on about how the infection was going to spread to my brain and kill me. The staff insisted my insurance would cover it, but only the novocaine. He didn’t pull all my teeth — ten or less — and it lasted two hours. Later, I received a bill for all the little fees that the staff conveniently didn’t go over. I decided infection and potential death wasn’t too bad if it meant avoiding bills.

A couple of years later, after I had to switch insurance, and at the insistence of my therapists and case manager, I went to the dentist again — a different place this time.

The first visit was a check-up and only that. We talked about my options, and there was no pressure on what I should do or that I needed to get it done right then and there. The assistant even expressed sympathy when she saw how bad my teeth were instead of being judgmental. I set up several appointments to get my teeth pulled and get dentures.

Despite having to do everything in stages, the process was quick. My insurance would cover the surgery, but only the basics. The dentist, who had a heart of gold, gave me laughing gas anyway, no charge.

They made dentures on-site, so I was able to get dentures fitted as soon as I was healed. For the first time since I was a child, I smiled without covering my face and the staff was thrilled. I can’t thank them enough for all the kindness they showed me.

When A Date Leaves You Cold
California, Dating, Non-Dialogue, Skating Rink, USA | Healthy | May 18, 2020
Back in January of this year, I went on a date with a guy I had met on a popular dating app — the one where the girl has to make the first move.

We met up for dinner and drinks and things were going very well! He was nice and funny and I was enjoying his company. He was an EMT; this is important later in the story.

After dinner, he suggested we go to an ice rink to go ice skating. I was skeptical, as I’m a very clumsy person and can barely stand up on my own two feet on solid ground, and I knew I was going to thoroughly embarrass myself at the rink. But I said yes anyway.

For the first hour, things went well. We were both hobbling along the side of the wall and making fun of each other’s form, but I got cocky, pushed away from the wall, and ate it. I landed on my butt and tried to catch myself with my arm. I landed so hard my ears were ringing and I was woozy.

My date had to help me off the ice and he immediately went into EMT mode, rolling up my sleeve and feeling around my arm to see if he could feel any breaks.

Besides the numbness in my arm, we both agreed that it probably wasn’t broken, and I turned down his offer to take me to the emergency room.

We spent the next six hours on a cliff overlooking the beach, with me flinching at the slightest touch to my arm.

When I woke up the next day, I was in tears. My entire arm was black and blue and swollen beyond belief; I couldn’t even put a shirt on without crying out in pain. I had to have my brother take me to Urgent Care.

While at Urgent Care, the doctor on call told me that not only was my elbow broken, but that I had fractured my wrist, as well, when I tried to stop myself from falling. The impact of me landing on my wrist fractured it and broke my elbow almost immediately, but the massive swelling that immediately took place is what made my date unable to tell that my arm was broken.

There was so much fluid in my arm that it felt like a normal arm.

I was immediately taken off work for the next four months, as I am a barista while finishing school, and I teased my date about my arm all the time. We dated for a month but decided we were better off as friends.

We’re still friends to this day, and I still give him crap about my elbow.

It still hurts when the weather gets cold, too, even after having it out of a sling for six weeks.

Nurses Aren’t Always Faithful To Listen To Their Patients
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Minnesota, Nurses, USA | Healthy | May 16, 2020
Unfortunately, I have notoriously difficult veins to hit when I need blood drawn. Many, many seasoned medical professionals have tried and failed to hit the veins in my arm. Usually after poking me up to six times — ouch! — they find a vein in my hand they can use that I have started calling Old Faithful.

Doctor: “We’re going to draw some blood for labs.”

Me: “Okay, but I have really, really bad veins despite all the water I drink. Send in your best vein finder — it’ll save everyone a lot of time — and tell them to go for this vein in my hand.”

Doctor: *Chuckles* “Oh, I’m sure it’s not that bad. People always say they have bad veins but usually it’s because they had a bad experience. You’ll be fine.”

Me: “I had cancer two years ago. My blood is drawn all the time at every doctor I visit. My veins are so bad people have had to use ultrasound machines to find them. Whoever is drawing my blood needs to go through my hand after using a warming pack. I cannot stress enough just how hard my veins are to hit.”

Doctor: “It’s more painful when we stick your hand instead of your arm.”

Me: “Usually, it’s more painful, yes, but I have Old Faithful here, and someone hitting her on the first or second try is much better than them trying four or five times on each arm before going through my hand anyway.”

The doctor leaves, shaking his head, and sure enough, the nurse who comes in ten minutes later tries my arm first despite my pleading. She tries twice before I say anything more.

Me: *Pained* “Please just use my hand.”

Nurse #1 : “Oh, but it’s so painful through the hand! I’ll go get [Nurse #2 ]; she’s very good at hitting veins!”

[Nurse #2 ] enters and sticks my arm three more times before switching to my other arm, despite my protests. My entire forearm hurts at this point, and I’m annoyed that three different people have ignored me. [Nurse #2 ] misses yet again.

Me: “Go through my hand, please; you’ll hit Old Faithful so much faster.”

Nurse #2 : *Trying my arm yet again* “The hand is more—”

Me: *Snappy* “More painful! Yes, I know! Everyone keeps saying that, but you know what really hurts? Being jabbed seven times in the wrong place because no one will listen when I tell them I have bad veins! Just go through my hand, please!”

Nurse #2 : “Fine, fine, I’ll give it a try. It’s gonna hurt.”

She hit Old Faithful easily and immediately and got the blood needed in less than two minutes. The arm that was jabbed five times predictably had four large bruises — two had merged into one huge super-bruise — where the vein finding attempts were made, and now I refuse to let anyone touch me until they confirm they’ll try my hand first. Old Faithful hasn’t let me down yet.

“Patient Presented With Symptoms Of Not Being Dead”
Health & Body, High School, Nurses, Teachers, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | May 15, 2020
In gym class, we are learning how to check our pulse by placing our index and middle fingers on the carotid artery, on the neck to the side of the windpipe. The teacher is having the class run laps and take our pulse.

My friend is having a hard time finding her carotid artery and can’t take her pulse. She approaches the gym teacher for help. The teacher tries to find her carotid artery on her neck.

Teacher: “I don’t know… Go see the nurse.”

Friend: “Seriously? I have a pulse. I’m fine.”

Teacher: “Well, I can’t find it. Go see the nurse.”

My friend reported to the very puzzled school nurse who confirmed that she did, in fact, have a pulse and helped her find it. I sometimes wonder if that nurse had to keep medical records for students, and what on earth she wrote for that patient encounter.

1 Thumbs
346

55


Preventative Procedures Protect Patients And Pets
Current Events, Jerk, Patients, Pennsylvania, USA, Vet | Healthy | May 14, 2020
Because of the recent health crisis, our vet has decided not to allow people in the building. This is made clear when you make the appointment. You call to say you’ve arrived and someone comes out to take your pet. Then, the vet calls to discuss the visit and payment is taken when your pet is returned. It’s extra work and wait time, but I understand their caution.

I am waiting in my car for my vet to run my bank card when a woman pulls up and gets out of her car. She has a small dog in a blanket in her arms. She approaches the door and pushes, but it is locked. She looks through the window, knocks, and then steps back. I think that is when she notices the sign on the door, explaining the new procedure. The woman takes a picture of the sign using her phone camera and then knocks again, harder this time.

Finally, the receptionist comes to the door. Before unlocking it, the receptionist pulls her mask over her face. The woman on the outside — who is not wearing a mask — rolls her eyes and twirls her free hand in a “hurry up” motion.

Receptionist: “Yes, ma’am?”

Woman: “We have an appointment.”

She tries to push the door open but the receptionist holds her ground.

Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll get your paperwork together if you’ll just head back to your vehicle and—”

Woman: “No, just move. This is ridiculous.”

Receptionist: “I know it’s strange, but we have adapted a new protocol because of—”

Woman: “I don’t care. You can’t deny me entry when you’re expecting me.” *Pushes again* “Move!”

The receptionist does not move but pushes the door shut and locks it. The woman pounds on the glass so hard it shakes. A moment later, the receptionist returns with the vet. This time they do not unlock the door.

Woman: “Finally! This girl won’t let me in!”

Vet: “I am sorry, but we cannot allow you in the building.”

Woman: “This is illegal!”

Vet: “No, ma’am, I assure you it’s not.”

Woman: “How can you do this?”

The vet explains how things are currently being run.

Woman: *With her nose in the air* “Well, I’ll just go to another vet!”

Vet: “Have your new veterinarian call me for your dog’s medical history.”

The vet and receptionist walk away, leaving the woman fuming at the door. She stands there for a little while before getting back in her car and driving off. The receptionist then comes out with my bank card and receipt.

Receptionist: “Hi, sorry for the wait. I was coming out to you before… but… that woman…”

Me: “Totally understandable. I wouldn’t have come out, either.”

I don’t know what happened with that woman, but I do know that every vet office in the area is run by the same medical staff and operating under the same protocol.

Revenge Served Cold And With A Side Of Cotton Swabs
Australia, Current Events, Hospital, New South Wales, Nurses, Patients, Silly | Healthy | May 12, 2020
As part of the world outbreak, the hospital that I work for is doing a free drive-thru clinic that you have to ring and make an appointment for. The swabs are nasopharyngeal, which means throat first and then up the nose to an unpleasant degree.

One of the nurses taking the samples is looking through the list of people coming.

Nurse #1 : “Oh! [Patient]! I call dibs on him.”

Nurse #2 : “Um, sure, but can we ask why?”

Nurse #1 : “Sure. Thirty years ago, he broke my nose at a school dance. I can finally get payback!”

Sure enough, when he arrives, she goes to his door.

Nurse #1 : “Hello! [Patient], do you remember me?”

Patient: “You are covered head to toe in PPE; I can’t see you!”

Nurse #1 : “Oh, right. I’m [Nurse #1 ]; you broke my nose thirty years ago.”

Patient: “Oh, my goodness!” *Starts laughing* “Yes, I remember that. I’m still sorry. Get on with it, then!”

She does. He coughs and splutters and, with tears in his eyes, he asks:

Patient: “Are we even?”

Nurse #1 : “Yup! Good luck with your results!”

Patient Patients Make The World (And Not Illnesses) Go Around
Current Events, Hospital, Inspirational, Kind Strangers, Patients, UK | Healthy | May 11, 2020
My new job is booking appointments for radiology services, and work is split into modalities — obstetrics, x-ray, fluoroscopy, CT, MRI, etc. So, they start me on an easy modality: obstetrics.

I have to work out twelve-week scan dates, book the appointments, and let the women know that due to the recent global health crisis, they must attend their appointments alone to reduce visitors to the hospital and reduce risk of infecting mother, baby, and other patients and staff.

Most are so polite; some even ask how our day is.

The best patient I’ve spoken to was a foreign lady.

Me: “Hi. Can I speak to [Patient], please?”

Patient: “Speaking.”

Me: “Hi. It’s [My Name] calling from [Hospital] appointment centre.”

Patient: “Oh, hi! How are you?”

Me: “I’m good, thanks, and you? You have an appointment, and we just need to check. You have no symptoms of the recent outbreak?”

Patient: “No, no, love.”

Me: “Great. Unfortunately, you do have to attend your scan on your own…”

Patient: “That’s fine. I’ll just leave him at home.”

Me: *Laughs* “Okay, we just wanted to check.”

Patient: “No problem. You have a wonderful day, [My Name]!”

Me: “You, too! We’ll see you then!”

This was the best call I ever made.

However, some pregnant women don’t like being told what to do. One tried to bend the rules by asking if her husband could attend in full Personal Protective Equipment!

She wasn’t happy to hear no.

The Flu Shot Isn’t Hazardous, But The Nurses Might Be!
Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Nurses, Pharmacy, UK | Healthy | May 10, 2020
I have just had a flu shot. As I have a fear of needles, I tend to get quite dizzy and sweaty beforehand, and it takes me a couple of minutes for me to recover afterward. I’m sitting in a chair when the woman who gave me the shot comes over.

Woman: “You didn’t say you were allergic to eggs?”

Me: “I’m not.”

Woman: “Well, you are. It’s very stupid that you didn’t tell the truth. Now I’m going to have to phone for an ambulance.”

Me: “No, I’m just feeling a bit sickly. I’m not allergic to eggs.”

She is already on the phone talking to someone saying “how stupid” I am. By the time an ambulance arrives, I’m already better and trying to leave, but the woman is refusing to let me. When the paramedics come in, I’m forced onto a gurney while the woman talks over me.

Paramedic: “Okay, the pharmacist says you have an egg allergy. Did you know before having your shot?”

Me: “I do not have an egg allergy!”

Paramedic: “Are you certain?”

Me: “Do I look like I’m having a reaction? I’ve had these shots every year of my life, and if you don’t believe me, I had three eggs in the cafe next door for breakfast. Ask them!”

The paramedic checked me over just to be sure before leaving. I was left alone with the woman. She tutted at me and disappeared through a door. I’m never going back.

Humans Aren’t The Only Creatures Capable Of Drama
California, Editors' Choice, Pets & Animals, Police, USA, Vet | Healthy | May 8, 2020
The office I work at has a contract with the city police department. We take and treat all sick and injured strays and anything the animal control officers feel needs medical care before going to the shelter. We are open late nights for emergencies, and we get calls fairly regularly from police dispatch saying an officer is bringing in something.

One night, we are running short-staffed due to family emergencies with the people scheduled. Thankfully, it’s a slow night. Then, we get a phone call.

Me: “This is [Clinic]; how can I help you?”

Dispatch: “This is [Police Department] dispatch. We have an officer-involved shooting, officer injured, in route, eta ten minutes.”

Me: “Um, this is the veterinarian.”

Dispatch: “I know; it’s a K9 officer.”

Me: “Oh, um, okay. How bad is he hurt?”

Dispatch: “Unknown. All I know is that they are on their way to you and I was told to call and give you a heads-up.”

Me: “Okay, then, thanks”

I go tell the doctor, he freaks out, thinking this officer has been shot in the chest or something and is going to die on our table because we are really not equipped to handle a gunshot right now. We get the surgery room as ready as we can and wait until they pull up.

The officers all get out of the car. The K9 is limping but walking on his own, and we all let out a sigh of relief.

The K9’s partner can’t tell us much for confidentiality reasons, but this is what he could tell us. There was a suspect with a knife, an officer with a gun, and an officer with a dog. During the capture of the suspect, the dog was released and the gun was fired. While the other officers were booking the suspect, the K9’s partner noticed that the K9’s paw was covered in blood, and the K9 would not let his partner touch his foot. So, they came to us.

We get the officers inside and get the K9 on the exam table, and then it takes a muzzle, his partner, both our techs, and me all holding onto different parts of the dog to keep him on the table while the doctor tries to look at his paw. The paw is soaked in blood. Step one is to pour hydrogen peroxide on it to clean it up and find the wound.

After a while, the doc asks a question.

Doctor: “Are we sure this isn’t transfer from the suspect?”

Partner: “Suspect was not injured.”

Doctor: “Are you 100% sure about that? I’m not seeing any cuts or anything”

The partner called in over the radio to confirm that the only injury involved was to the K9.

The doc had a completely clean paw in his hands and was looking between toes and not finding any broken skin. And then, we saw it: a single drop of blood forming midway down a toenail.

Big brave police dog chipped a nail and acted like his foot had been shot off.

Watch Your Mouth, Or I’ll Call Your Father!
British Columbia, Canada, Current Events, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Inspirational, Patients, Silly | Healthy | May 6, 2020
I have injured the inside of my mouth to the point where I am drooling a copious amount of blood. I text my parents telling them what’s happening before I head to the emergency room. While I wait, I text back and forth with my mother until I’m seen by the doctor.

Due to the current global health crisis, the emergency room is practically empty and I am admitted almost ten minutes later.

Doctor: “Your name is [My Name], and your birthdate is [date], correct?”

I nod, as it’s hard for me to speak.

Doctor: “All right, I’m going to have a look at your mouth here.”

She begins my exam and chuckles slightly.

Doctor: “You know, you share the same last name as one of the doctors here. What a small world, huh?”

My last name, though somewhat common, is uncommon in the area we live in. I type on my phone so she can see.

My Text: “My dad is the chief of emergency medicine; [Father]. Please treat me like a normal patient and just let him know what your action plan is, or he’ll worry.”

Doctor: *Reading* “Oh! I thought your mouth looked familiar!”

I try my best not to smile as she finishes her exam, which ends with me gaining seven stitches at the back of my mouth. The doctor disappears for a few minutes, returning with a lollipop for me for being “such a brave boy.”

Doctor: “Well, since you were such a good boy, I got you a lollipop, and there is a surprise waiting for you at the front door. Have a good night and take care of yourself, [My Name]!”

I thanked her and began to leave, walking through the deserted lobby. I suddenly heard my name being called from behind one of the doors to the emergency department, and there was my father, who I hadn’t seen in three weeks due to the crisis.

Red Paint In A Hospital Ward Is Just Asking For Trouble
Art/Design, Auckland, Hospital, New Zealand, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Silly | Healthy | May 4, 2020
I was in hospital for a severe illness. Because doctors were unable to identify what was causing it at my age, given I was in my twenties, I was in a ward for many weeks while they did multiple tests.

Being a fairly active person prior, I didn’t take sitting idle very well. So, after a few days, I was restless, despite being unwell.

I really enjoy crafty activities. The hospital happened to be holding an in-house competition where each individual ward got a theme, with the best decorated getting a prize.

Being absolutely bored out of my mind, I asked if I could help them out with making decorations, which they agreed to. They provided the crafting gear and paints, and we made some pretty cool decorations.

However, I will never forget the poor cleaners that came to do their rounds through the ward one afternoon and found me cross-legged on my bed, arms and gown covered in red paint, because I had dropped a large painted piece of decoration on myself.

One emergency call to nurses later, and I ended up not doing most of the painting activities following that.

That ward won the competition, and after an emergency surgery, I’m doing much better.

Phoning In The Excuses
Canada, Current Events, Liars/Scammers, Optometrist/Optician, Patients, Reception, Vancouver | Healthy | May 3, 2020
I work as a medical receptionist for a retinal specialist. The medical building where our office is located has nineteen floors and each floor has up to five medical offices in it.

Due to the current health crisis, the main door of the building is closed; for the patients to get access, someone has to physically let them in. For the last month, this has been my task. When someone approaches the door, I have to greet them, ask them to step back six feet as required by CDC and WHO, and ask them about their recent travel and health history.

There are still quite a few of the specialists in the building that need to see their patients in person, but not all of them have enough staff on payroll to have a greeter. I am only authorized to let my own doctor’s patients in after they have passed the screening and check them off my list. I am forbidden from letting anyone else in unless they are an employee that I recognize or has a valid pass.

A lot of the people stopping by do not feel that they have to be inconvenienced by the rules meant to protect them.

One of the doctors I don’t work for requires that once their patients arrive, they call their office so one of the staff can come down and collect their patients. I am the one that has to explain this to them. The majority comply but quite a few give me trouble. One particular lady, though, takes the cake.

Me: “I am sorry, but due to the current crisis, I can only let my own patients in and no one else.”

Lady: “I do not have my phone with me.”

Me: “I am unable to help you since I do not work for your doctor.”

Lady: “YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN! I AM ALREADY LATE!”

She moves very close to me, less than two feet. I quickly close the door. She starts banging on the glass. I gesture for her to move further for nearly five minutes before she will comply. I look around for the security guard but do not see him.

The lady moves away from the door. I open the door and repeat the rules to her. She screams at me that she does not have her phone with her. I repeat that, in that case, I am unable to help her since I can’t leave my station.

A few minutes later, as I escort a leaving patient out — both because said patient has mobility issues and to prevent the lady from sneaking in — I spot her staring at her phone.

Me: *Somewhat smugly* “I was under the impression that you did not have your phone with you?”

The lady turned bright red and glared at me.

Time To Terminate Your Relationship With This Receptionist
Jerk, Medical Office, Reception, USA | Healthy | May 2, 2020
I recently found out that I am pregnant. After discussing it with my husband and taking into account our extensive family history of medical problems along with our own, we decide to terminate the pregnancy.

I call a well-known health and wellness center to schedule a date for the procedure and am told that, due to my health history, I have to go to my gynecologist before I can terminate. I call to schedule that appointment.

Receptionist: “[Doctor]’s office.”

Me: “Hi. My name is [My Name]. I’d like to schedule an appointment with [Doctor].”

Receptionist: “Okay, is this an annual review?”

Me: “Um, no, I’m pregnant.”

Receptionist: “Oh, [Doctor] only deals with exams. She doesn’t do anything with pregnancies.”

Me: “Oh. I was told to meet with her—”

Receptionist: “Who said that?”

Me: “[Wellness Center].”

Receptionist: *With an attitude* “Why are you going there?”

Me: “That’s something I’ll be discussing with the doctor, thank you.”

Receptionist: “Are you having an abortion?”

Me: “Again, that is something I will discuss with the doctor.”

Receptionist: “Well, like I said, she doesn’t do those appointments.”

Me: “Fine. I’d like a wellness visit, then.”

Receptionist: “No, we can’t see you.”

She hangs up on me. Unfortunately for her, the doctor’s office has recently started using an app to help patients get in touch with their doctor and track their health. I send a message to my doctor, detailing my interaction with the receptionist.

The next day, I get a call from the office. It is the same receptionist.

Me: “Hello?”

Receptionist: *Huffy* “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Receptionist: “The doctor will see you on [date] at [time]. Will that work for you?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine.”

Receptionist: “Fine.”

She hung up again. At my appointment, the doctor apologized for the receptionist and said she was dealt with. I don’t know if she was fired or they just had a conversation. My doctor supported my decision and I had no complications.

Always Be Honest At The Doctor’s
Editors' Choice, Health & Body, Medical Office, Patients, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, USA | Healthy | May 1, 2020
I have to go get routine blood work and I am not required to fast. I normally get lightheaded and dizzy when doing blood work but only when I have to fast. Still, I’m not the best with needles so I always try to warn the phlebotomist ahead of time.

Me: “Hey, just so you know, I’m not good with getting blood drawn and I have nearly fainted in the past once.”

Phlebotomist: “Nope, not again. Stand up.”

She has me get up off the chair so she can recline it so I’m less likely to get woozy.

Me: “What did you mean not again?”

Phlebotomist: “I’ve had three appointments already today where people have fainted because they neglected to tell me they had issues with getting blood drawn until after they were on the ground.”

Feeling A Little Sore About This Nurse
Emergency Room, Illinois, Nurses, Silly, USA | Healthy | April 30, 2020
I’m working on a project at home and slice my thumb pretty bad. Don’t play with Exacto knives, kids! After forty-five minutes, the bleeding still hasn’t stopped, so my husband and I decide to head to the ER to see if I need stitches.

Fortunately, the doctor is able to glue it back together and I don’t need stitches after all, but I do need a Tetanus shot. The doctor leaves the room and the nurse comes in.

Nurse: “Which arm would you like it in, sweetie?”

Me: “Is it going to cause any muscle soreness tomorrow?”

I ask her this because I’m a photographer and need to use my right arm. I know some shots have this side effect but can’t remember for sure. If it’s not going to cause soreness, then I prefer it in my right arm since I cut my left thumb and don’t want to double up on the discomfort, but if it is going to be sore, then I do want it in my left so my right arm can still be functional for work the next day.

I probably should explain all that, but it’s 1:00 am and I’m tired.

Nurse: “Oh, no, you’ll be fine!”

Me: “Okay, right arm, then.”

She gives me the shot and is cleaning up and getting ready to leave when the doctor comes back in with my discharge instructions.

Doctor: “Okay, so, your arm is going to be pretty sore tomorrow from the shot, but don’t worry; that’s completely normal.”

The nurse freezes in the doorway when he says this, and I look at her in shock.

Nurse: *Muttering* “Rats, almost made it.”

Me: *Incredulous* “You dirty liar!”

I say this very jokingly because we’ve been lighthearted all along and in the grand scheme of things this doesn’t really matter much.

Nurse: “If I had told you that you’d be sore, you would have refused the shot!”

I sigh over-dramatically, turning to the doctor.

Me: “I’m gonna need a work note.”

Leave The Medicine To The Medical Professionals
Current Events, Customer Service, Florida, Patients, Politics, USA | Healthy | April 29, 2020
I work for a mail-order pharmacy that also manages pharmacy benefits. I work in our Medicare division, so 95% of my customers are over 65. This is just after the president has started to praise a certain medication for Lupus as a treatment for this recent widespread illness.

I get a call from a woman nearly sobbing.

Me: “This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, this is [Caller]. I saw on the news that the president was saying [Drug] could treat the outbreak.”

As I am pulling up our scripting about this, I look at her account and see she is already taking the medication and has claims going back a couple of years.

Me: “Well, ma’am, we understand the concern—”

Caller: “Is there going to be a shortage? What if I can’t get my Lupus medication? I’ve been taking this for ten years!”

This poor woman is sobbing.

Me: “Ma’am, I certainly understand your concern. And we are keeping up with the reports coming out. At this time, I want to assure you that we are prioritizing our patients who already have a valid prescription. If you’re still worried, then when it’s time to renew the prescription, have your doctor state the reason it’s being prescribed. At this time, we have not received word of a shortage, but we are monitoring the situation daily.”

Caller: “Oh, thank you! I just heard the president saying it on TV and now I’m afraid everyone is going to buy it up!”

Me: “Again, I can understand, ma’am. Please know that if there is an issue, we will let you know right away! Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “No. Oh, God bless you! Thank you!”

She was one of eight that week. Do these politicians not realize their words have effects on people?

Nonagenarians Living On The Edge
Assisted Living, Health & Body, Home, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, USA | Healthy | April 28, 2020
I am an aide for the elderly. I’ve been sick for a few days and since all of my clients are high-risk — as am I because of asthma — I decide to call in sick for a week, just to make sure it isn’t anything serious.

One of my clients has managed to get my personal number and gives me a call.

Client: “[My Name]? Hello!”

Me: “Hello, Miss [Client], how are you?”

Client: “I’m fine. Listen, I was just talking to my son and he is worried about all this nonsense. He wants to cancel your appointments for the month.”

Me: “Oh, that’s actually a great idea! You’re very high-risk because you’re in your nineties and on oxygen. I’m glad you listened to him. Plus, I’m sick, too, so I was really worried about infecting you if this is more serious. “

Client: “You know I don’t care. If I get this disease, then it’s a good day.”

I’m used to her talking like this.

Me: “No, no, no, you don’t want to die from this; it’s pretty bad. You want to go peacefully in bed, remember?”

Client: “Right, right. So, I won’t see you during this month. But you can stop by anytime if you’re in the neighborhood!”

I’m trying not to laugh.

Me: “Miss [Client], I can’t. The whole purpose is to keep you safe.”

She is one of my favorite clients. She’s one of those tough cookies but has a good heart. I’m sure she’s going to be super lonely this month but I told her to call me anytime she wanted to! Also, for those curious, I am feeling a little better but still coughing and having trouble breathing. Yay, asthma.

Pussies Playing Possum
Australia, Bizarre, New South Wales, Pets & Animals, Vet | Healthy | April 27, 2020
I have a cat who had a rough life before she came to me. She was wandering around in the bushland for most of her life and leaving her kittens with people who worked in a building in the area. She was eventually trapped and brought to me as a feral for my barn program. However, we discovered she was friendly and I adopted her and named her Possum.

Possum has some health problems which means a trip to the vet every six months or so. She’s had to have most of her teeth removed, and she has skin problems, pre-cancerous nodules on her throat, and arthritis.

Possum has a purr that sounds roughly like a cross between a demented kookaburra and a lawnmower with a broken blade. She’s also incredibly loud to the point where it’s difficult to hold a conversation in the same room with her when she’s stressed, which means most of this conversation is carried by yelling over the top of her.

I’m leaving the consult room with Possum in a carrier.

Me: “Thanks again for everything. I’ll see you soon.”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAAP!”

Me: “How much do I owe?”

Vet Nurse: “It’s [price]. We’ll just get the tablets for you.”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAP!”

Other Client: “What do you have in there?”

Me: “Possum.”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAAAAA AP!”

Other Client: “You have a possum in there?”

Me: “What? No, she’s a cat. Her name is Possum.”

The other client looks into the carrier. Possum chokes on her purr and squawks like a dying chicken.

Other Client: “What the f***?”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAP!”

I laughed so hard I had to put the carrier down and hang on to the counter.

Suffocating Under The Weight Of Lazy Doctors
Doctor/Physician, Emergency Room, Hospital, Lazy/Unhelpful, USA, Washington | Healthy | April 26, 2020
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

I have a medical condition that makes colds and the flu very dangerous for me. I could die from either. I catch the flu despite having gotten vaccinated; the shot doesn’t always work 100%. I am prescribed antiviral medication and actually start feeling better.

But then, I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I am trying to breathe through Jello. The flu has triggered bronchitis, so I pack a bag and go to the ER.

The doctor there isn’t taking it seriously at all but I know I am in no shape to go home with oral antibiotics. The ER doc has been on the phone with my specialist.

ER Doctor: “Doctor [Specialist] said to send you home with oral antibiotics.”

Me: “Absolutely not. This is probably the sickest I’ve ever been. You never even listened to my lungs, so how can you give my doctor an accurate picture of what’s going on? I’ve had doctors listen to my lungs when I come in for a sprained ankle!”

ER Doctor: “Well, the hospital is pretty full right now, so we’re not going to admit you.”

Me: “Yes, you are! Figure it out, because I’m not going home!”

ER Doctor: “Uh, well… I’ll see what I can do.”

He had a nurse come in and put a pulse-ox monitor on me to measure my pulse and oxygen level and then had me walk. I didn’t make it twenty feet before my oxygen tanked. The doctor was shocked. He thought that everything would be fine and it would prove to me that I was healthy enough to go home. But I obviously wasn’t fine, so they admitted me.

I had a room upstairs about an hour later. He never did listen to my lungs which infuriated my specialist. I spent a week in the hospital and another month recovering at home. I also filed a grievance against that ER doc.

Did You Try Reading The Directions?
Pharmacy, Rhode Island, Stupid, USA | Healthy | April 25, 2020
A customer comes up to me with a book and a pair of reading glasses.

Customer: “Hi. I have a question. Maybe you can help me.”

Me: “Okay. I can try.”

Customer: “My doctor told me I should get reading glasses, but I don’t understand. Do I put the glasses on over my others? I asked my doctor and he didn’t answer me.”

Me: “Um… no. You just put the reading glasses on.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay. I mean, I can see the writing better this way, but I don’t know why my doctor wouldn’t answer when I asked him. I mean, how am I supposed to wear two pairs of glasses?”