A Close Shave To Get Those Teeth Clean
Assisted Living, Awesome, Canada, Inspirational | Healthy | September 10, 2020
It’s my first day working as a care assistant in a home for adults with learning difficulties. Every resident is treated as a member of the family. A more experienced colleague is showing me around.

Colleague: “This is John. He needs a lot of personal care, but he’s a great guy. He’s quite happy and easy to take care of.”

Later, we are putting him to bed and my colleague is demonstrating to me how to clean his teeth. John won’t open his mouth for the toothbrush.

Colleague: “He really doesn’t like the taste of toothpaste. We have to be patient.”

Two minutes later, he still hasn’t opened his mouth.

Colleague: “Would you switch on John’s shaver? It’s on the shelf there.”

Me: “Huh? We haven’t finished cleaning his teeth yet.”

Colleague: “Just switch it on and watch carefully.”

Confused, I switch it on. Then, I look at John to watch the reaction. He grins and opens his mouth wide. My colleague puts the toothbrush in and cleans his teeth without issue.

Colleague: “You see, he hates getting his teeth cleaned, but he loves getting shaved. The sound of the shaver is enough to distract him. Getting shaved is his reward for letting us clean his teeth.”

I was amazed that something so simple would work! Several months later, I enjoy working with him.

It’s An Emergency! But It Can Wait.
Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | September 7, 2020
I have a concerning problem and decide to ask my insurance’s nurse advice hotline if I should go to the ER. This is what happens at the end of our conversation.

Nurse: “I definitely think you should call 911 and have an ambulance take you to the hospital. But before you do that, would you mind answering a few survey questions about my performance today?”

Me: *Incredulous pause* “No.”

I hung up, pretty shocked. I could not believe that she did that. An online survey later, sure. But in a situation urgent enough to call 911?

As for my medical issues, a new medication was causing serious complications. Reversing the medication, plus a few other things, solved it. I should be fine.

Attention-Seeking Isn’t Always A Bad Thing
California, Doctor/Physician, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | September 5, 2020
This happens when I am sixteen, almost seventeen. My mom is out of town on a business trip and I insist that I am fine to stay home while she is gone. I haven’t been feeling well for a few days, so I go in to see a doctor. My regular doctor isn’t in that day so they send me to see a different doctor.

The doctor comes in and starts to look over my medical history. While he’s doing so, we have the following conversation.

Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Me: “My stomach really hurts and I haven’t been able to keep anything down for a few days. The pain keeps getting worse, and then I throw up and the pain gets better for a while, but then it gets bad again.”

Doctor: “Can you describe the pain and where it’s located?”

Me: “It’s sharp and right here.”

I point to the lower right part of my abdomen.

Doctor: “Uh-huh.” *Looks up from the computer* “Well, just get plenty of fluids and rest and you should be fine in a few days. Nothing to worry about.”

Me: “I really don’t feel good. It feels like something is wrong.”

Doctor: “Well, I can see from your medical records that you’ve been seeing a therapist for the past year and are on antidepressants. I’m putting in your file that you are having attention-seeking behavior. There is nothing wrong with you other than a stomach virus. I will follow up with your therapist.”

With that, he left the room.

I called my mom and told her that the doctor said it was just a stomach virus and that it should go away soon. My mom got home late the next day and checked on me. I still wasn’t feeling well and we made another appointment for me for the next day. I woke her up at two am because something felt wrong. The pain was gone but I couldn’t get warm. She took me to the ER; my appendix had ruptured. I ended up spending a week in the ICU with an infection and it took another month to fully recover.

Taking A Page Out Of Jean Milburn’s Book
Editors' Choice, Funny, Health & Body, Hospital, Parents/Guardians, Rude & Risque, UK | Healthy | September 4, 2020
My mother is a retired midwife. I was raised with a clear understanding of motherhood and everything it entails. As a ten-year-old boy, I would read her professional magazines. I could have an intelligent conversation about menopause or explain an epidural. Then, in my early teens, this happens.

Mum: “Hey, [My Name]. How are you? You won’t believe what happened last night. We had a model breast.”

Me: “A model— Wait, what?”

Mum: “We had some professional development training to do in breastfeeding, and they had a model breast for it.”

Me: “Er, model breast?”

Mum: “A model of a boob; it’s supposed to imitate a functioning boob. It came complete with a nipple that dispenses a liquid.”

Me: “Right… but almost all midwives are women. Aren’t there enough boobs in a maternity hospital for this to be obvious?”

Mum: “We all thought that, so we repurposed the training boob.”

Me: “I— Wait, what? A model boob was supplied to your colleagues for training and… Where is it now?”

Mum: “In the bathroom.”

Me: “Model breast in our bath… huh?”

Mum: “Since we didn’t need it, we reused it as a soap dispenser.”

Me: “I… What?”

Mum: “We obviously didn’t need it, so we might as well put it to good use. So, we glued it to the wall of the staff bathroom and added liquid soap. Press the nipple and soap comes out.”

I nearly peed myself with laughter.

Help Me Help You
Bad Behavior, California, Hospital, Nurses, Patients, USA | Healthy | September 3, 2020
I am in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. While I am there waiting for surgery, I overhear a conversation with a man being extremely loud and a nurse trying to tend to him.

Nurse: “Sir, I need to ask you to calm down so we can treat your injuries.”

Man: “No! I bet you gonna try and sew me up so you can pass it off to my insurance! I ain’t falling for that s***!”

Nurse: “Sir, I’m gonna ask you to please calm down so we can stop the bleeding and at least bandage you up!”

Man: “NO! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO STEAL MONEY FROM ME! I’M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR S***! SEND ME ANOTHER NURSE OR SOMETHING!”

Nurse: “Listen! I don’t have to deal with your attitude, but it’s my duty as a nurse to tend to injuries. Now either you can calm down and let me at least bandage you up and give you pain relievers and send you on your way, I can have security escort you out while we clean the mess you made, or I can send you to [Nearest Hospital, in another city] if you want to be rowdy as you are. What’s it gonna be?!”

I don’t hear anything for ten minutes, or I pass out from the painkillers, but I overhear the nurse and another nurse speaking after a while.

Nurse #1 : “I can’t believe he was that stubborn over a ‘paper’ cut on his arm.”

I’m guessing that is a code term for minor cuts and whatnot.

Nurse #2 : “Paper cut? That did not look like a paper cut!”

Nurse #1 : “Trust me; when you’ve had to file paperwork as much as I have in my time, you realize the difference between a ‘stab wound’ and a nasty paper cut.”

I have been thankful ever since for how kind the nurses were while I was in the hospital, after seeing what they put up with daily.

Apparently, Not Everyone Hates Needles?
Hospital, Liars/Scammers, Non-Dialogue, USA, West Virginia | Healthy | September 1, 2020
My coworker is working registration in the emergency department. A visitor for a patient comes in, and after my coworker checks with the nurse, she tells the gentleman to have a seat in the waiting room and she will get her as soon as he can go back.

Shortly after, a nurse comes out calling the names of a few patients ready to be seen.

She is busy helping a new patient check in when she believes she sees the gentleman sneak in with the group of patients.

She is busy and doesn’t have time to stop him and she figures staff will end up sending him back out.

After a few minutes, she has everyone checked in and a patient comes out of the waiting room enquiring how long until he can go back.

Once he tells her the name, she instantly recognizes it as one the nurse had just called. She looks up the name, and sure enough, it’s showing him roomed in the ED.

She quickly calls the nurse who is about to put an IV in the visitor’s arm.

Unlike sneaking to visit a patient like my coworker expected this guy would do, instead, he followed the nurse to the room pretending to be someone else.

I don’t know how he faked his way that far since all nurses ask for name and birthday confirmation before they do anything.

Security removed him quickly after they realized what was going on.

They Don’t Pussyfoot With Pet Safety
Health & Body, Impossible Demands, Pharmacy, Reddit | Healthy | CREDIT: deadeyes2019 | November 28, 2020
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

My girlfriend has a cat, and I’m allergic to it; I get incredibly itchy. I treat these allergies with promethazine, and it works perfectly.

I queue up at the pharmacy, and it comes to my turn to order.

Me: “Hi, could I get the [Promethazine Brand], please?”

Dispenser: “Of course. Can I ask what you’re using it for, sir?”

Me: “My cat allergies.”

Dispenser: *Frowning slightly* “Excuse me for a moment.”

She walks to the back and I can see her discussing something with the pharmacist. Then, she returns.

Dispenser: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t sell you this if you are going to give it to your cat.”

I am slightly taken aback by this and try not to laugh.

Me: “Sorry, I meant it’s for my allergies to cats.”

We both laughed, and she jokingly claimed that it had been a long day.

That brand even has a cat on the packaging here in England.

Nothing’s Warmer Than These Nurses’ Hearts
Awesome, Family & Kids, Hospital, Inspirational, Nurses, USA | Healthy | November 27, 2020
When my younger brother is born, he contracts an infection from a nurse that was sick with a cold when she delivered him. As such, he has to stay in the NICU for a couple of weeks. My mother cannot stay in the hospital with him due to having my two-year-old self at home.

My brother is very snuggly as a baby; he loves being held and nestles his head closer to the person holding him. Because of this, he becomes a favorite among the NICU nurses. Naturally, the nurses hold him a lot and pass him around so each gets a turn with the snuggly baby.

One day, when my mother is visiting, she finds out through this exchange.

Mom approaches the NICU.

Nurse: “Quick! Put him back! The mother is coming!”

My mother hears this and smiles instantly; she had been worried that her newborn wasn’t getting enough attention.

Mom: *Walking in the room* “Oh, you don’t have to put him back when I come. I have a toddler at home so I can’t be here as much as I’d like to be, and I’ve been worried since I’m not here to hold him as much as he needs to be. I’m actually relieved to know that he’s getting enough attention.”

The nurses’ faces lit up, and they started to be less secretive about their cuddle sessions, gladly handing him to my mom whenever she was able to visit.

A Cool-Headed Manager Turneth Away Wrath
Instant Karma, Jerk, Pharmacy, Reddit | Healthy | CREDIT: rainbownator96 | November 26, 2020
I’m working the drive-thru at a pharmacy when an older patient who has occasionally been a handful pulls up. She has two prescriptions to fill and she hands me an empty tube of name-brand hydrocortisone cream.

Patient: “Can you get me another tube of this, too, please?”

Normally, we’re supposed to encourage patients to call ahead for curbside pickup, but we are slow and I am feeling nice. I leave the pharmacy, pick up the same tube, and add it to her order. The cream is about $6.

Later she comes in and starts complaining to the manager on duty.

Patient: “I bought this in the drive-thru earlier, and the employee there was rude to me, and she overcharged me! I demand that she be fired!”

She started generally causing a scene. Apparently, she wanted the store brand that was $3 cheaper. Surprisingly, after the manager reminded her that I was doing her a favor and I technically wasn’t supposed to leave the pharmacy to get over-the-counter products, she calmed down and left. I realize I could have been a bit friendlier, but I’m not a mind reader, lady.

Sounds Like It’d Be Easier To Just Wait It Out
Funny, Impossible Demands, Insurance, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | November 25, 2020
I help people sign up for Medicare insurance plans and answer questions, whether they’re related to medicare or not, to the best of my ability. This is a memorable call.

Customer #1 : “Can you get Medicare at age seventeen?”

Me: “It’s possible, if unusual. If—”

There is a second person apparently listening to the phone on speaker.

Customer #2 : “Don’t you need to be sixty-five?”

Me: “Everyone can get it at sixty-five, but people on Social Security Disability can get it earlier, as well as people with kidney failure.”

Customer #1 : “So, it can be done before age sixty-five?”

Me: “Seventeen is rare, but it’s possible. There are other conditions that can get it for you early, as well, like Lou Gehrig’s disease.”

Customer #2 : “But you don’t really get it before sixty-five—”

Customer #1 : “Nuh-uh, he said it’s possible. You lost the bet, so—”

They disconnected the call at that point. I’ve done many things in this job, but I’ve never settled a bet before today.

Impossible Demands: Back To The Future Edition
Australia, Hobart, Impossible Demands, Patients, Pharmacy, Stupid, Tasmania | Healthy | November 23, 2020
Customer: “Has the doctor sent you my prescription yet?”

Me: “I’ll just have a look for you.”

I check both the physical file of hard copies and our digital copies saved on the computer.

Me: “Nope, sorry, it hasn’t arrived yet.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s right. The doctor moved my appointment to this afternoon so I haven’t seen him yet.”

Me: *Pause* “That’s probably why I can’t find it. See you this afternoon, then?

Brace Yourself!
Alabama, Dentist, Instant Karma, Jerk, USA | Healthy | November 22, 2020
When I am a teen with braces, I have some problems with the brackets popping off fairly often — sometimes even when I’m not eating or doing anything with my teeth at the time. After yet another time of one of my brackets popping off for no reason, I am once again at the dentist getting it fixed.

The hygienist scolds me pretty strongly, even though I told her it popped off when I wasn’t eating anything.

Hygienist: “You need to be more careful! You’ll have to wear braces for even longer if you keep this up. You need to be much more careful about what you eat.”

Then, the dentist checks my teeth and tells me they are ahead of schedule and I might be able to have my braces off early.

When we are about to leave the dentist’s office, my mom has to use the restroom, so I wait for her by the front door. I haven’t even made it out of the dentist’s office, and I haven’t put anything in my mouth, and a bracket pops off.

As soon as my mom gets out of the restroom, we turn right around and walk back to the dentist’s reception desk… only to find that the dentist has just left for lunch. We have to make an appointment for later in the day.

But at least they stopped blaming me for the problem, and they started being more careful to attach the brackets thoroughly.

You’re Getting Sleeeeepy… TOO Sleepy!
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, New Jersey, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | November 19, 2020
I used to volunteer with my township’s all-volunteer first aid squad. One day, we receive a call to respond to the house of a couple in their sixties.

Wife: “My husband isn’t acting right and I’m having trouble waking him up.”

Upon arriving at the house, my partner and I walk into the spare bedroom where the husband has been taking a nap. He is extremely lethargic and we have trouble even getting him to answer any questions. It looks just like an overdose. My partner starts providing care to the patient.

I turn to the wife.

Me: “Can you please show me the medications he’s taking?”

Among other things, he has been taking a sedative. I immediately pour them out on the kitchen table and count them. I look at the bottle and see that it is a new prescription. There are only one or two pills missing. I gather all the pill bottles into a bag and hand it to the wife.

Me: “Please bring this bag with you to the hospital.”

We transport the patient to the hospital. About fifteen minutes after that, something in my brain pops. I am familiar with the pills that the man is taking, as this isn’t the first time I’ve had to dump and count the pills in a bottle. Something about them was not right. The typical dosage is 0.25 mg or 0.5 mg. His pills seemed bigger than any others I had ever counted.

Never have I called a patient or family after transport, but today, I do. I call the wife.

Me: “[Wife], can you please pull the bottle of [sedative] out of the bag and read off the dosage size for me?”

It’s a full 2.0 mg!

Wife: “My husband’s regular doctor has been out of town, so he went to the covering physician, who gave him the prescription.”

Me: “What is his regular dosage?”

Wife: “It should have been 0.25 mg.”

Her husband received an overdose of eight times his usual dosage! I told her to report this information to the emergency room.

Yes, errors are made sometimes. But there are many checks and balances in medicine. One of the biggest ones is when a pharmacist reviews a medication and dosage for appropriateness. In this case, the doctor made a huge error in prescribing the wrong dosage. But the pharmacist should have caught it and clarified with the doctor before filling the prescription. Not doing so could have killed the husband.

Paling In The Face Of Those Assumptions
Fast Food, Funny, Health & Body, Jerk, USA | Healthy | November 16, 2020
I’m an opening manager at a fast food restaurant. I work four days a week on top of being a full-time nursing student. In terms of appearances, I am a redheaded female with British and Italian ancestry. This particular week, my seasonal allergies have been flaring up. These flare-ups are simply sneezing fits, and whenever they happen, I make sure that I am not around food and that my mouth is covered. (This is before the pandemic.) At around 10:00 am, my regional manager, who loves me to pieces, comes in.

Regional Manager: “[My Name], we got a corporate call about you.”

I’m a little worried, as our franchise takes these calls very seriously.

Me: *Cautiously* “What did I do?”

Regional Manager: “This lady says that when you were on the floor, away from food, you were pale, tired, sick, and sneezing, that you work too much, and how dare we not give you any days off.”

I choose to work four days a week. My company works with our availability and doesn’t schedule people when they aren’t available.

Me: “WHAT?!”

Regional Manager: *Laughing* “So I told your boss to call her back and tell her that you’re a redheaded student nurse who works four days a week, and you’re from Ireland, so of course, you’re pale, sick, and tired.”

Me: *Laughing* “[Boss], what did she say?”

I look to my general manager, who has been listening to our conversation.

Boss: “She didn’t pick up when I called. I have to call her again today. I hope she doesn’t answer.”

He Did His Research… But At What Cost?
Bad Behavior, College & University, Medical Office, Michigan, Therapist, USA | Healthy | November 14, 2020
When I am a graduate student, I go to my university’s health clinic for routine HIV screening. My personal history is very low risk, but I am a sexually active gay man, and the CDC recommends testing of all MSM — men who have sex with men — every three to six months.

The testing at this clinic involves making an appointment, filling out a questionnaire, talking with a counselor, getting blood drawn, and then talking with a counselor again a week later. All of the counselors are, themselves, graduate students in either physical or mental health programs; most of them are not really prepared for a patient who can quote health statistics from the most recent literature on population-level studies of HIV-positive individuals in high-income countries.

The first few times are fine, though the counselors clearly are a bit surprised to be dealing with someone who hasn’t had drunken unprotected sex and is now worried about it, but is just there for routine testing.

Then, I have the Awful Counselor.

Awful Counselor: “When were you last tested?”

Me: “Either four or five months ago. I know it was in [Month], but I don’t remember if it was at the beginning or end of the month.”

Awful Counselor: “How many sexual partners have you had since then?”

Me: “One partner in that time frame, oral sex only.”

Awful Counselor: “Is this a new partner?”

Me: “No. I’ve had sex with him before, too. He’s one of my four partners so far in my life.”

Awful Counselor: “So, why are you here?”

Me: “Because health authorities recommend regular testing for any sexually active MSM?

Awful Counselor: “But you were here less than six months ago. No one should be tested more often than once a year unless they’re doing something they shouldn’t be.”

Me: “Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the CDC specifically say that any sexually active MSM should be tested every three to six months?”

Awful Counselor: “Yes, but that’s wrong. It clearly shouldn’t be more often than once a year.”

She then rants about why people should get tested less often.

Me: “Well, okay, but I’m going to follow the CDC recommendations here. I trust them.”

Awful Counselor: “And you list yourself as low-anxiety?”

Me: “Yes. I know from my personal history that my odds of having contracted HIV are very low. But, there’s value from a public health standpoint if there’s more widespread compliance with recommended testing protocols.”

Awful Counselor: “Well, no one with the history you list would be here if they’re not anxious. So, either you are high-anxiety or this is not your accurate history. And that makes me wonder what else you’re lying about.”

Me: “Excuse me? You’re… accusing me of lying because I’m following CDC guidelines?”

Awful Counselor: “It’s possible that it’s not intentional on your part. But there’s no way everything you’ve said is true.”

Me: “You have literally no way to know that. And it’s also not even remotely your job to determine that. We’re done here.”

I left her office, told the secretary that the counselor hadn’t given me my paperwork for the blood draw, and went down to get the draw. I also grabbed a comment card and filled out how ludicrous and inappropriate the counselor was. For the rest of my time as a student there, I asked for a different counselor if I was assigned to the Awful Counselor. I don’t know how she kept that job.

Hey, No Pressure
Medical Office, Nurses, Patients, USA | Healthy | November 12, 2020
While I’m at the doctor’s to get a checkup for an overnight camp, the nurse comes in to check my pulse and blood pressure. As she’s doing this, she’s looking over my records. I’m thirteen. While I don’t have a severe needle phobia, I get very nervous when I have to get shots and just being in doctor’s offices in general.

Nurse: “Oh, since you’re about to start seventh grade, we need to give you [shot #1 ] and [shot #2 ] today.”

She pauses for a moment.

Nurse: “Huh, your blood pressure’s kinda high.”

I wonder why.

Do You Have Any Idea How Expensive Your Laziness Is?!
Bad Behavior, Emergency Services, Lazy/Unhelpful, New Jersey, Patients, USA | Healthy | November 10, 2020
I volunteer for my township’s all-volunteer first aid squad. We have a designated crew manning the building during the day to answer any calls, but overnight, the designated crew responds from home via pager. My town and surrounding towns are not very big, so we or other towns sometimes have difficulty putting a crew together. For this reason, we have a “mutual aid” agreement with nearby towns. If we do not have a crew available, another town offers their crew, and vice versa.

Many people misuse the 911 system. They think that arriving at an emergency room by ambulance will mean faster service. It does not. I have literally been to a house in the middle of the night for a stubbed toe. There were four cars in the driveway and five people in the house, any one of whom could have driven the “patient” to the hospital… for the stubbed toe.

On one night shift, my pager goes off to respond to the next town over, which also happens to have the hospital that we take most of our patients to. Bleary-eyed, I drive to my building, meet up with my crew, grab an ambulance, set the GPS, and go off on our way.

Dispatch: “The patient is experiencing urinary retention.”

This can be very painful and dangerous to the kidneys.

And where was the house we ended up at? Across the street from the hospital emergency room entrance. And where was the patient? Sitting on his front porch with a packed bag and quietly reading a book. And how long had it been since he had passed urine? About three hours. Grrrrr!

Well, When You’re THAT Accident-Prone…
Employees, Funny, Medical Office, New York, Patients, USA | Healthy | November 8, 2020
I am EXCEEDINGLY accident-prone, to the point that I joke that my hobby is keeping my doctors’ lives interesting. I also have a host of medical issues.

I seriously strained my right hamstring — it felt like a tearing, ripping sensation — last July while trying to lever a pokeweed root out of the ground — roots hard as trees and just as hard to remove. My friends told me that only I could manage to hurt my hamstring that way.

I started aquatic therapy for it, but my hamstring still hurt a lot, so my ortho ordered an MRI to see what was going on. I tell the MRI techs that, after a lifetime of x-rays, CAT scans, and MRIs, I have developed the ability to remain perfectly still for the entire time any of the tests are being done.

Apparently, they don’t believe me; they keep asking me if I am okay after each scan.

Me: “Why? Did you think I died here?”

Tech: “But you were so still!”

Evidently, they didn’t check to see that I was breathing.

Well, When You’re THAT Accident-Prone…
Employees, Funny, Medical Office, New York, Patients, USA | Healthy | November 8, 2020
I am EXCEEDINGLY accident-prone, to the point that I joke that my hobby is keeping my doctors’ lives interesting. I also have a host of medical issues.

I seriously strained my right hamstring — it felt like a tearing, ripping sensation — last July while trying to lever a pokeweed root out of the ground — roots hard as trees and just as hard to remove. My friends told me that only I could manage to hurt my hamstring that way.

I started aquatic therapy for it, but my hamstring still hurt a lot, so my ortho ordered an MRI to see what was going on. I tell the MRI techs that, after a lifetime of x-rays, CAT scans, and MRIs, I have developed the ability to remain perfectly still for the entire time any of the tests are being done.

Apparently, they don’t believe me; they keep asking me if I am okay after each scan.

Me: “Why? Did you think I died here?”

Tech: “But you were so still!”

Evidently, they didn’t check to see that I was breathing.

An Im-Patient Doctor
Canada, Current Events, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Manitoba | Healthy | November 1, 2020
At eighteen, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Over the years, I’ve used different coping mechanisms to stay organized to varying degrees of effectiveness. I probably could have benefited from medications but felt like it wasn’t affecting my life too negatively.

Once the global health crisis hit, I was laid off.

When my industry reopens, the myriad of new regulations, sanitizing steps, changes to daily practice, and dealing with the public who may or may not have strong opinions on the rules all lead to my stress levels rising and my ADHD becoming more unmanageable. Brain fog and memory issues rise through the roof. Now, at thirty-six years old, I’ve decided to talk to a psychiatrist to look into medication options.

These are some highlights from my very frustrating two-hour appointment where I feel like I am defending the legitimacy of my diagnosis.

Doctor: “Your teachers never complained about you?”

Me: “No, but I still struggled in my classes.”

Doctor: “No one talked to your parents and your teachers never complained, so it couldn’t have been that bad.”

Also:

Doctor: “You studied subjects that required a lot of academic focus in college. So it couldn’t have been that bad.”

Me: “I ended up dropping out because I couldn’t maintain my GPA. I only did well in the classes I liked and needed for my degree. I failed the mandatory Bible classes everyone had to take.”

Bible college was a bad choice.

Also:

Doctor: “Do you ever have issues with distractibility?”

Me: “Sometimes I forget I’m hungry and I go all day without eating. Suppertime rolls around and I can’t figure out why I’m starving, and then I realize I might not have eaten at all that day.”

Doctor: “GOOD FOR YOU!”

Also:

Me: “My work has been really affected. All the new rules and regulations because of the health crisis have caused me to forget a lot of important things and it’s causing my performance to suffer.”

Doctor: “The crisis has changed everyone’s jobs. Your job isn’t that hard, anyway, not like a secretary. You don’t even need to concentrate that hard, not like a secretary.”

Also:

Doctor: “So why did you look for a diagnosis? Who referred you?”

Me: “My dad and my little sister both have it. I’ve had many of the same issues as my sister. She was diagnosed with dyslexia in kindergarten and they found out about her ADHD during those tests. At the time, I was just the chatty, loud, fidgety kid. I flew under the radar until years later when I realized I probably had it, as well. That’s why I looked into it.”

Doctor: “So why did you go looking for a diagnosis?”

Me: “Because it ran in my family? As I said, I already have a dad and sister with it, and I wanted to know before I went to college so I could be prepared during exams if I needed academic accommodations.”

I was close to tears a couple of times, and after I hung up, I realized I had been on the phone with him for two hours. I was so frustrated and upset. I talked with some friends about what happened and they all told me I should make a complaint.

I contacted my hospital’s Patient Experience Liaison as soon as I felt mentally ready. After an investigation, they found that I got an accurate assessment but his tone and wording did need to be addressed.

The doctor approached me and said he was sorry that I’d had such a negative experience and would use my complaints to focus on self-improvements. The director of the unit said my experience would be used to help teach students the importance of proper communication.

It’s in my file that I will never be scheduled with that doctor again.

There might not have been drastic changes, but I’m happy it’s on his record, and I hope that if others have issues with him, they also file reports.

Happy Hall-OW-ween
Bizarre, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Insurance, USA | Healthy | October 30, 2020
When I am in third grade, the day before Halloween, I trip at a friend’s house and break my right pinkie finger. Mom takes me to the local children’s hospital, I get X-rays and a half-cast, and life continues.

Exactly one year later, I trip at school and fracture three fingers on my left hand. My mother takes me to the same hospital, but the hairline fractures are nearly invisible, and the nurses wrap my hand and send me home. I try to argue that they are broken, and I know what it feels like, but only my mom believes me.

Three hours later, the hospital calls.

Employee: “Um, please bring her back in. Another doctor read the X-ray and her fingers are broken. Can you believe it? She needs a cast.”

But the true moment of hilarity was the poor insurance agent who handled the second claim. She spent a half-hour on the phone with my mom trying to sort out why there were two claims for broken fingers, filed on October 30, one year apart. I think she was expecting a prank or a misfile. My mom ended up asking questions like, “How many fingers does it say?” and, “Which hand is that for?”

I’m pretty sure it ended up as a write-off, because my mom only spoke with them once and we never heard about those claims again.

And yes, there were many jokes about one-upping myself for years after. I did end up getting a different finger caught in a car door later, but that’s another story.

They Didn’t Sign Up For This
Awesome, Courier, Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Northern Ireland, Pharmacy | Healthy | October 28, 2020
I take medication which is supplied by a contractor. It is fragile, so it is delivered by a courier in a refrigerated van. When the supplier phones me to organise delivery, I ask them to deliver it to my local pharmacy so I don’t have to be there.

This happens for months without issue. One day, I’m at work and I receive a voicemail.

Voicemail: “Hi, [My Name], this is [Courier]. Unfortunately, you are not present to sign for the delivery, so I’m taking it back to the depot. Please phone [number] to reschedule when you are available.”

I don’t understand. Normally, the pharmacist signs for it, so why not this time? After work, I visit the pharmacist.

Me: “Hi, [Pharmacist]. What happened with [medicine]?”

Pharmacist: “The courier asked for you to sign for it. His instructions said, ‘Patient must sign.’ I tried explaining that in the context of a pharmacy, the pharmacist can sign for it. That’s my job. He insisted that it must be you.”

Me: “So he expected me to wait here all day?”

Pharmacist: “Apparently, yes. You may wish to reschedule it.”

I phone the supplier. The representative sounds embarrassed.

Supplier: “Mr. [My Surname], I’m very sorry. The notes do indeed say, ‘Patient must sign,’ so technically, he was doing what he was told. He may be new.”

Me: “These things happen. Can you reschedule the delivery, please?”

Supplier: “Of course. It will be delivered on [date]. I’ve changed the instructions to say, ‘Patient or pharmacist must sign.’ He has no excuses.”

The day after [date], I go to the pharmacy.

Me: “Hi, [Pharmacist]. Do you have my [medicine], delivered yesterday?”

Pharmacist: *Confused* “No? Nothing came, and I was here all day.”

This is now a problem. I am due to take the medicine tomorrow, but I have none left. I phone the supplier. I wait in a queue for forty minutes. My tone of voice is polite, but very, very direct.

Me: “What is your first name, please?”

Representative: “[Representative].”

Me: “Hello, [Representative]. I would like to speak to a manager, please.”

Representative: “What happened?”

Me: “I was due a delivery of [medicine] yesterday. It did not come. This is the second time in a row. Last time, the muppet of a driver thought that the pharmacist wasn’t qualified to sign for it.”

Representative: “Seriously?”

Me: “Seriously. Maybe the pharmacist said something like, ‘I went to pharmacy school for seven years; I think I know how to put a tube of [medicine] in the fridge.’ Anyway, the courier just took it back to the depot, and now another delivery has been missed.”

Representative: “Oh, dear. When do you need it by?”

Me: “I’m due to take it tomorrow. Thanks to the courier’s mistake, I don’t have any to take. I’m sure you understand that prescription medication must be taken as advised. I do not intend to find out what happens if I am late taking it.”

Representative: “I think the delivery was missed due to a mixup with a new computer system.”

Me: “Right, we’ll deal with the complaint later. How quickly can you get [medicine] to me?”

Representative: “We have no delivery slots today.”

Me: “I have a car. Can I collect it from the depot? I’ll get a coolbox to keep it refrigerated.”

Representative: “Oh… I— I honestly don’t know. I’ve never been asked that before. Can you hold? It might be a while.”

Me: “Take as long as you need.”

I start weeding my front yard. Thirty minutes later:

Representative: “Mr. [My Surname]?”

Me: “Call me [My First Name]. How did you do?”

Representative: “You can’t collect it from the depot, for security reasons. Instead, I will try and contract a special courier. It won’t be the courier we normally deal with. I’ll need to call round again. Can you hold, please?”

Me: “Take as long as you need.”

Anyway, I search for the depot online, just in case. I find it immediately, ten km away. Thirty-five minutes later:

Representative: “Hi, [My First Name]. I’ve had to phone about fourteen departments, but I found a courier. You will receive the delivery today. Can you please remain at your house all day?”

Me: “I’ll be in all day. Out of interest, what is the ‘security reason’? Do they not want people knowing where the depot is?”

Representative: “No, we had a break-in once. Something like £100,000 medicine was stolen, so we have strict rules on visitors now.”

Me: “Oh. That kind of makes sense, because this medicine costs £700 a time. Thank you very much for your patience. How do you spell your name?”

They spell their name for me.

Me: “I’ll tell your employer what a good job you have done.”

Representative: “Thank you very much!”

An hour later, a man arrived at my house with [medicine], and I finished weeding my yard.

He’s Getting Warmer… And Colder
Coworkers, Factory/Industrial, Health & Body, New Hires, Northern Ireland | Healthy | October 26, 2020
I’m an IT technician in a factory. My female colleague is heavily pregnant at the moment and has been suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum, so she’s doing a mixture of remote working and on-site working with significantly reduced hours. She only comes on-site if she feels well enough to do so.

Today is one of her better days, so she’s on-site. I’ve just come back from a job. My female colleague is nowhere to be seen, but all her stuff is sitting on her desk so she can’t be too far away. We have a placement student in our office at the moment, a lad in his early twenties. He’s a very capable IT technician but not yet very world wise.

Me: “Hey, [Student], where’s [Female Colleague]? Is she okay?”

Student: “She’s in the bathroom throwing up again.”

I flinch at his apparent lack of sensitivity and realise that, as the most senior person in our office, I may have to have words with him about this.

Student: “Hey, [My Name], I’m worried.”

Me: “Oh, about what?”

Student: “[Female Colleague] has been vomiting a lot. Every day she’s in, she keeps running to the bathroom to vomit. I’m worried about her; that’s not normal.”

Me: “No, [Student], you’re right. It’s not normal. But she has Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which means she’ll vomit a lot because of her pregnancy.”

Student: “But I don’t get it. When my sister was pregnant with my niece, she had morning sickness and it was nothing like as bad as this!”

Me: “Yeah, but this isn’t morning sickness, mate. It’s worse. A lot worse. Oh, and try and be a little bit more sensitive about it, yeah? It can’t be easy for her.”

Student: “Yeah, but it’s not normal!”

Me: *Sighing* “Of course, it’s not normal! That’s the point. She has… Look, just never mind, okay? Try and show a bit of sensitivity.”

I sat down at my desk, having given up trying to explain it to him. [Student] sat for a few minutes muttering, “It’s not normal…” until [Female Colleague] came back, red-faced, tearful, and feeling sorry for herself. I sat her down and got her a drink of water.

To [Student]’s credit, he DID later leave the room and come back with an ice lolly (popsicle) for [Female Colleague]! Clearly, in spite of his cluelessness, he’d been paying enough attention to realise that ice lollies were one of the few solids she was actually able to keep down. He later told me that he felt sorry for her and wanted to try to make her feel better. She seemed to really appreciate the gesture.

Kindness Isn’t The Best Medicine, But It Can Help You Buy It
Alberta, Canada, Edmonton, Inspirational, Kind Strangers, Money, Pharmacy | Healthy | October 24, 2020
I walk into the pharmacy to pick up my husband’s medication. Up until now, we’ve had pretty decent prescription coverage. When I arrive, there are three people there: a husband and wife and the wife’s elderly mother.

While our pharmacist is checking our insurance, we discover that my husband’s medication is no longer covered, which is a problem, as we don’t have the money to cover the full price this month. I start to worry and panic. By this point, the husband, wife, and mother have left the pharmacy already.

A few moments later, the pharmacy phone rings.

Me: “Go ahead and answer it while I figure out what I’m going to do.”

After she hangs up, she looks at me.

Pharmacist #1 : “That was the woman that was here earlier with her husband and her mother. She’s offered to cover the rest of the cost of the medication you need.”

My heart soars and I tear up. I pay for what I can: $50 out of the original $110.

I think that is the end of it and I am so grateful. After I get home, I text my other pharmacist and ask him to thank the wife for me profusely. About twenty minutes later, the pharmacist calls me back.

Pharmacist #2 : “The woman called us back, and she insisted that we give you your money back. She insisted on paying completely for your medication.”

I cried in my living room. I told my husband what had just happened and he couldn’t believe it.

We had never met these people before; they did this purely out of the goodness of their hearts. Wherever you and your family are, please know that my husband and I are eternally grateful for you. You really helped us out in a tight spot!

Many Hands Make Light Work
Emergency Services, Inspirational, Kind Strangers, Neighbors, New Jersey, USA, Weather | Healthy | October 22, 2020
I used to volunteer with my town’s first aid squad. Most of the calls would be relatively minor in nature, but every once in a while, a true life-or-death emergency would occur.

This story occurs on the day of a blizzard with over twelve inches of snow already on the ground. We get a call for chest pain and begin to head toward the house as quickly as is safely possible. As we get onto side streets, a township snow plow meets up with us to plow the road in front of the ambulance.

We arrive at the house to see a driveway on a steep incline that is, of course, covered with snow. We all make our way up without falling and go into the house. We find a patient having a true heart emergency and in need of the hospital immediately. Our team leader takes over.

Team Leader: “[Colleague #1 ] and [Colleague #2 ], go get the snow shovels out of the rig and start making a pathway to get [Patient] out. [My Name], get [this equipment], [that equipment], and [other equipment] and bring it inside.

The three of us went outside. The other two started shoveling a pathway while I started grabbing the necessary equipment. As I started carrying it up to the house, a neighbor with a snowblower made his way over and started clearing the snow from the driveway. Suddenly, two more neighbors with snowblowers arrived and joined in the effort. On my second trip outside, I watched as two teenagers with shovels ran over and started clearing off the steps. A moment later, yet another neighbor appeared with a bag of sand and she began to coat the steps & driveway to improve traction.

We were able to get the patient down the driveway, into the ambulance, and safely to the hospital, where he made a full recovery. And my faith in humanity? Restored!

Sit Down, Take A Break
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Michigan, USA | Healthy | October 20, 2020
I’m about ten years old and have just fractured my arm in two places. The breaks are minor enough that they don’t hurt, so I am much calmer than my parents, who have brought me to the emergency room. My mother brings me in to see an ER doctor while my father parks the car. The doctor is about as calm as I am.

Doctor: “You just have two little fractures on either side of your wrist.”

Me: “Okay.”

Doctor: “And how did you break this again?”

Me: “I tripped over a tent string in the dark.”

Doctor: *To my mother* “She seems like a bookish kid.”

Mom: “Yeah. She is.”

Doctor: “I think she’ll be okay with just a splint.”

And I was. No bulky cast for me!

Shout-Out To Frazzled Nurses!
Current Events, Funny, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nurses, USA, Utah | Healthy | October 18, 2020
In July, both my wife and I contract the illness the health crisis is centered on, and we are taken to the local hospital. However, because I have complications, it is decided that I need to be transferred to a larger hospital with a pulmonologist available.

I am transferred by ambulance to the bigger hospital where there are staff waiting to admit me. I am on a stretcher with various medical staff around me. There is one nurse doing transfer paperwork for me.

Nurse: “So, do you prefer to be called Dave or David?”

This question has me puzzled.

Me: “My name is John!

Nurse: “Oops, I really must check the paperwork properly!”

Shout-Out To Frazzled Nurses!
Current Events, Funny, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nurses, USA, Utah | Healthy | October 18, 2020
In July, both my wife and I contract the illness the health crisis is centered on, and we are taken to the local hospital. However, because I have complications, it is decided that I need to be transferred to a larger hospital with a pulmonologist available.

I am transferred by ambulance to the bigger hospital where there are staff waiting to admit me. I am on a stretcher with various medical staff around me. There is one nurse doing transfer paperwork for me.

Nurse: “So, do you prefer to be called Dave or David?”

This question has me puzzled.

Me: “My name is John!

Nurse: “Oops, I really must check the paperwork properly!”

Testing Their Patients And Their Patience
Canada, Current Events, Medical Office, Patients, Stupid | Healthy | October 14, 2020
I work at a medical clinic. During the health crisis, I have variations of the following story many times.

Me: “Has the patient been tested for [illness] recently?”

Patient’s Ride: “Oh, he lives at a seniors’ facility, and they get tested regularly.”

Me: *Pause* “The actual [illness] test where they get a swab?”

Patient’s Ride: “Oh, well, they get their temperatures taken regularly.”

How people at this point don’t understand the difference between being screened and tested, I will never know.

What A Load Of Crap
Blood Donation, Nurses, Stupid, UK | Healthy | October 10, 2020
I have been giving blood for years now without issue. Being slim, a few nurses ask me to confirm my weight because the clinic will not accept donations from anyone under fifty kg.

Nurse: “What is your weight, please?”

Me: “It’s fifty-five kg.”

Nurse: “No, it’s not. You’re underweight.”

Me: “Yes, it really is fifty-five kg; I can jump on some scales right now if you like.”

Nurse: “No, we don’t have any here. You are not fifty-five kg. When did you weigh yourself?”

Me: “This morning, because I knew I was coming here.”

Nurse: “Before breakfast and undressed?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Nurse: “Was it before or after you went to the bathroom?”

Me: “I had already had a wee before I weighed myself.”

Nurse: “But not passed a stool? That will account for the discrepancy, then.”

Me: “Wait. What? The cut off is fifty kg; I’m five kg over that. I can’t lose that in one trip to the bathroom.”

Nurse: “Oh, you’d be surprised.”

In the end, I was allowed to donate if I promised to completely empty my bowels before the next visit — all five kg of it, apparently.

Thanks, Doctor Wazowski!
Current Events, Dentist, Funny, Movies & TV, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, USA | Healthy | October 9, 2020
To make a long story short, due to the health crisis, I end up needing to get my six-month cleaning done at a dentist I’ve never been to before. As expected, a ton of precautions are in place: waiting outside, wearing a mask until they actually start working inside your mouth, the employees wearing extra protection, etc.

I get checked in, x-rayed, and seated in the chair just fine. Among the equipment in the room is a long metal arm with joints for maneuvering and a cone at the end. When the hygienist pulls the arm around and positions the cone a few inches away from my face; I assume it’s a light.

However, before the hygienist turns it on, she explains that it’s a “suction device” to prevent germs from escaping. Nice precaution, but as soon as she says “suction,” I can feel my eyes bug out because, knowing that’s its purpose, the shape suddenly looks VERY familiar.

Me: “What?! But… it looks exactly like the Scream Extractor from Monsters, Inc.!”

Hygienist: *Laughing* “Yeah, a lot of people have been saying that. I never saw that movie, so I didn’t get it, but I just watched it a few days ago and went, ‘Oh, my gosh, yeah. We have the Scream Machine.’”

So, I had my cleaning done with a loud vacuum running a few inches from my face, and I left very grateful that they had seen me and with a hilarious story to text to the siblings.

The Least Annoying Telemarketer Ever
Awesome, Health & Body, Inspirational, Kind Strangers, Telemarketing, The Netherlands | Healthy | October 8, 2020
The official description of colic — or “crybaby” as is its literal translation from Dutch — is “a baby that cries at least three hours a day, at least three days a week, for at least three weeks,” and it usually passes by the fourth month.

When I was a baby, I cried for twenty hours a day, every day, for over seven months. The doctors weren’t able to find a cause. Food intolerances were tried and ruled out, my parents were accused of malingering and observed in the hospital to make sure they weren’t exaggerating and/or inducing the crying, and my parents were advised to have me sleep in the barn or have me sleep over at the home of a deaf elderly relative.

Around the seven-month mark, a telemarketer called our exhausted family to sell some kind of overpriced private health insurance.

My father picked up the phone and interrupted the sales spiel.

Father: “My baby has been crying twenty hours a day for the past seven months. She’s obviously in pain, and the doctors can’t find the cause or solve it and are still looking. You don’t want us as your customers.”

Telemarketer: “No, I totally understand. I hope I’m not overstepping, but have you tried a chiropractor? That could be KISS syndrome.”

My parents had not tried a chiropractor.

One week later, to the chiropractor I went.

That afternoon, my older brother — who didn’t know I had had any kind of appointment that day — looked at my parents in obvious concern.

Brother: “I think there’s something wrong with the baby. They’re never this quiet.”

My parents didn’t buy from the telemarketer, and they don’t remember her name. But we are all very glad a salesperson called us that day.

Time To Put This Working Relationship Behind You
Bad Behavior, Canada, Coworkers, Health & Body, Office, Vancouver | Healthy | October 7, 2020
I was in a work-related accident years ago and have a recurring neck issue. During one flareup, I head to our first aid person to note the pain in case I have to leave early from work or go to the doctor.

First Aid: “Where does it hurt?”

I point at the back of my neck and she stands behind me, poking at the spot.

First Aid: “We could try a realignment.”

Me: “No. No, thank you. This is recurring and I just need it noted. I’ll see my doctor if it gets worse.”

First Aid: “But we could just—”

Me: “No. I don’t need treatment. Just please note it.”

She starts massaging the area and pulling me to her.

Me: “Look—”

She takes my head and turns it sharply, making my neck audibly snap.

Me: “What the f***?!”

I stumbled forward away from her, suddenly lightheaded. I walked away, not looking back, furious that she snapped my neck without permission. She’s not allowed behind me ever again.

You Need Thick Skin To Deal With These Thick Skulls
Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Emergency Room, Hospital, Impossible Demands, Indonesia | Healthy | October 6, 2020
I’m the attending doctor at the ER. Earlier this morning, we treated a man who crashed his bike and got a pretty nasty bruise as well as a concussion. A CT scan showed a fractured bone so he’ll need surgery. He told us he’d be using insurance, so he “wants a full record of everything you guys find.”

Later that day, a woman comes into the ER and starts banging on our table.

Woman: “EXCUSE ME! WHICH ONE OF YOU TREATED [PATIENT]?!”

Me: “Yes ma’am. I’m Doctor [My Name]. How can I he—”

Woman: “ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?!”

As you can guess, everyone in the room stops whatever they’re doing.

Me: “Pardon?”

Woman: “YES, YOU! ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?”

Me: “I don’t see how it’s— Why, yes, of course. What seems to be the matter?”

Woman: “Are you really? So why is it not stated in your uniform? Or your nametag?”

Me: “What does it have to do with [Patient], may I ask?”

Woman: “How dare you write in the report that my husband was not wearing a helmet?! I’ve just got a call from my insurance company that they’ll not pay the surgery because you wrote that he wasn’t wearing a helmet!“

Nurse: “Well, ma’am, your husband did say he wanted a full report exactly because he wants to use insurance.”

Woman: *Turns to nurse* “Well, b****, are you wearing a bra?! Now if he asks for a full report, why didn’t you also write in whether he’s wearing underwear or not? That’s not full report, is it, b****?“

Me: “Because we’re writing down things that are medically relevant. The fact he’s not wearing a helmet is, because he came in with a—”

Woman: “I don’t care! Now you’re gonna pay for his surgery because my insurance won’t pay! And it’s your fault!“

Then she stormed out of the ER, but not before yelling loudly, “THE DOCTOR IS NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR!”

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 8
Assisted Living, England, Health & Body, Revolting, UK | Healthy | October 5, 2020
I work in a specialist nursing home for people with severe and enduring mental health problems. A female resident with South East Asian origins enjoys cooking and offers to make traditional chai tea for staff, under supervision.

Whilst being assisted by a support worker whose English is not great, she adds more than fifty teaspoons of sugar to the pan, as well as spices and other ingredients.

Me: “This tea tastes really good!”

Those of us who don’t mind the sweetness enjoy it.

Then, the support worker tells a colleague about part of the cooking process.

Support Worker: “She just crushed the walnuts by crunching them in her mouth and then spitting them into the pan.”

She hadn’t realised that people would find this revolting!

We agreed that when she made it again, she needed to use appropriate equipment to do that task. Thankfully, the support worker saw the sense of this.

I was not too concerned about this, given how many motorway service stations I ate in during my childhood in the 1970s, where I probably ingested far worse!

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 7
Coffee Shop, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, UK | Right | July 26, 2020
I work as a cafe barista on a UK campus. One morning, a customer who is infamous among the staff for being rude comes by and orders a latte. The transaction goes on normally, and she waits for her drink while I prepare it. When she collects her drink, she decides to add syrup to it.

Customer: “I want to add chai syrup to my drink.”

Me: “Sure thing, I just need to put the request through the till.”

Customer: “Okay, no problem; I can pay. How much is it?”

Me: “That will be 50p.”

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “50 pence.”

Customer: “No, I want four extra pumps of chai syrup. How much is that?”

Me: *In bewilderment* “It will cost you 50 pence.”

Customer: “No, I come here all the time! One, two, three, four! Do you understand?!”

I reply in a raised voice but trying my best not to shout.

Me: “Yeah, it’s gonna cost 50p!”

This goes on for a while. Luckily, it’s a quiet morning so there aren’t any other customers around. Finally, she takes out her card and asks one last time.

Customer: “Fine, I just want my drink! How much is it?!”

Me: *Pause* “It’s 50p.”

I add the syrup and give her the drink. By this time, my colleague has heard the commotion and arrived to hear her parting shot.

Customer: “You don’t speak English, by any chance?”

After the customer has left:

Colleague: “How did you not hit her?!”

I am not from the UK and don’t have a local accent, but English is my native language and I haven’t had a single problem communicating with anybody while in the UK. The customer is also not local, most probably from an Eastern European country based on her accent.

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 6
Coffee Shop, Employees, Missouri, Stupid, USA | Working | May 23, 2018
(My husband and I stop at a drive-thru coffee shop for drinks. I don’t drink coffee, but I love this shop’s chai lattes, so I ask for one.)

Husband: “Can we have a medium, decaf, chai vanilla latte and a small peppermint mocha?”

Worker: “Sure! That will be [price] at the window!”

(We pull forward, pay, get our drinks, and pull off. I take my first sip and taste nothing but coffee.)

Me: “This has coffee in it.”

Husband: “What? I’m sorry. Why would they put coffee in it?”

Me: “Maybe because you said, ‘latte’? I mean, that’s what it’s called, but maybe that confused her?”

(We drive back through and pull up to the window.)

Worker: *looking confused* “Can I help you?”

Me: “There was coffee in my chai.”

Worker: “Yeah. You asked for a decaf chai. Decaf means coffee, so I thought you wanted decaf espresso in it.”

Me: “No… I hate coffee. Chai is black tea which has caffeine, so I just wanted that decaf.”

Worker: “So… that’s just regular chai.”

Me: “Yes, but without caffeine?”

Worker: *still seeming confused* “So… just a regular chai?”

Me: *giving up* “Please just give me a vanilla chai, no coffee.”

(To her credit, she did upgrade me to a large, and there was no coffee in my second order. But how do you work at a coffee shop and not know that tea has caffeine?)

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 5
Coffee Shop | Working | April 28, 2016
(I live in an area where tiny, locally owned coffee shacks are incredibly common. Darn near every establishment has one in their parking lot or built into their business one way or another. Unfortunately, this does not guarantee that whatever barista you’re ordering from knows what they are doing, so I’ve learned to ask what more experienced coffee buyers would consider no-brainer questions. Sometimes I’m still painfully disappointed. This particular shop is part of a flower shop that also hosts the weekly farmer’s market, and I stop in to get drinks while at the market to reduce my number of stops that afternoon.)

Me: “Okay, we’ll do a small hot chocolate, but for a kid so not so hot. A large quad mocha. And I see you have chai, is that in a latte or black?”

Barista: “Oh, no, sweetie. Chai is actually a kind of tea and doesn’t have coffee in it!”

Me: *taken aback slightly because while I’m not old, I’m definitely not young enough to be called “sweetie” by the early 20s barista* “I know it’s tea. I just want to know if you serve it in a latte or black?”

Barista: “I don’t get it. Are you wanting me to add a shot of coffee and make it a latte?”

Me: *confused, starting to catch on to where this is going* “Latte means it has milk in it…”

Barista: *suddenly extremely condescending* “No, it means COFFEE. Like a mocha latte is a coffee drink.”

Me: “Actually latte comes from same root word as lactose. It means it’s a drink with milk in it.”

Barista: “Well I don’t know how to tell you this, but latte means it’s a coffee drink. But, yes, our chai comes with milk in it, and I can add coffee if that’s what you want, but it’s 70 cents per shot…”

Me: *finally snapping after having a bad day, I turn and start toward the door while trying to remain as cold as possible* “You know what? I changed my mind about getting my coffee here. I’ll just go now.”

Barista: *sarcastically* “Wait! Don’t go! I was learning SO much from you!”

(While I heard she didn’t last long, I haven’t had the heart to go back there even for flowers after that exchange.)

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 4
Coffee Shop, College & University | Working | March 22, 2016
(There is a coffee shop on campus, and I often go for tea to keep me awake in class. Since most of the staff are students, there seems to be somebody new every couple weeks. I order a large iced soy chai, but when it’s called the drink is barely off-white. I take a sip, and there is just the faintest hint of tea.)

Me: “Uh, excuse me, but I don’t think you put enough chai in this. It’s usually a lot darker.”

Barista: “Oh, that’s the soy milk. It’s white, so the drink turns out white, too.”

Me: “How much chai did you put in this? I always get it with soy but it’s never been anywhere close to this light.”

Barista: “I just learned this one, and the instructions say to put one pump in the cup, and that is what I did!”

Me: “It’s a twenty-ounce drink. One pump may be enough for a small, but—”

(She snatches the drink off the counter, tips about an inch down the sink, and adds just a little more chai concentrate.)

Barista: *very condescending* “There, sweetie, I added an extra pump just for you. Y’all have a blessed day now, you hear?”

(In the American South, with that particular tone of voice, this is about as polite as you can ask someone to go f*** themselves without swearing, but still make sure they know what you’re thinking. If she wasn’t already making me late for class, I would’ve asked for a manager. My drink continued not to taste very much like chai, but I never saw her again anywhere on campus.)

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 3
Coffee Shop | Working | February 22, 2016
(On impulse, I go to a national chain coffee place during my lunch break. It’s busy, but to my relief there’s almost no line when I get in. The customer in front of me gives a complex order, during which time I pick up one of the holiday-themed reusable cups beside me because I think they’re cute.)

Me: “A venti latte, decaf, please, and also this cup.”

Barista: *takes cup, calling out to her coworker, Barista #2 * “Can we do the chai tea latte in decaf?”

Me: “Oh, no, I asked for a venti decaf latte.”

Barista: “Okay, with soy?”

Me: “Um, no. Dairy milk, please.”

Barista: “Sorry, I keep expecting a complex order.”

Me: *smiling* “I’m a very simple person.”

Barista: “Okay, a decaf venti latte, minus the discount for the reusable cup… What’s your name?”

Me: “I’m [My Name]. Um, please make sure you charge me for the cup? I just picked it up over there.”

Barista: “Okay.”

(Which she does, and I go over to the pick up window. Getting the latte is faster than ordering it.)

Barista #2 : “Okay, vanilla latte for [My Name]!”

(I give up and end up taking the drink, as a line is forming at the register and I have to get back to work. I feel sorry for the first barista – it had obviously been a very long day for her!)