He Has A Very Descriptive Past
AUSTRALIA, BAD BEHAVIOR, EMPLOYEES, NEW SOUTH WALES, PHARMACY, SYDNEY | WORKING | OCTOBER 14, 2019
(My dad is regaling me with stories on a drive. As we go past a chemist:)

Dad: “That was the chemist that used to provide your grandfather with the drugs that kept him alive for ten extra years. The main pharmacist sold the place to someone else and when the new people opened up the computer records they found all sorts of horrible comments attached to people’s files: ‘Ugly, old b****,’ ‘Impotent pin-d**k,’ ‘Nice tits on her,’ etc.”

(Fast forward ten years and I am handing in a prescription at a chemist on the other side of the city. The pharmacist looks at my name on the script and says:)

Pharmacist: “Oh, [My Uncommon Surname]! Did you have a grandfather that lived in [Town of the first chemist]?”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Pharmacist: “I used to own the chemist there and saw your grandfather often. I sold that place and moved here about ten years ago.”

Me: “Oh, really, how about that…” *smiles and nods, pulls my cardigan closed, backs slowly out of the place, and makes a mental note not to go back there*

Unfiltered Story #169589
PHARMACY, USA | UNFILTERED | OCTOBER 13, 2019
A vaguely semi-regular patient without insurance filled a few prescriptions, picked them up, etc. This is a rough approximation of the call I later received from the patient’s spouse, edited to maintain patient privacy.
Caller: My spouse, xxx, filled medicine xxx at your pharmacy. You do price matches, right?
Me: Sir/Ma’am, your spouse already picked up the medicine earlier in the day. Price matches are something that are done when filling the medicine, not after the fact.
Caller: But I called [competitor] beforehand, and their price was xxx, that’s xxx less! I told them to tell you to price match! (Clearly, the spouse didn’t listen, because the words “price match” had never crossed their lips. Also, I find it very presumptuous that they said to tell me to price match without even knowing whether we do so in he first place, as opposed to saying to ask me to call the competitor for a price match.)
Me: They did not mention price matching at any point during the filling, and as I said before, I cannot retroactively price match. It isn’t even possible in my computer system.
Caller: But that’s a lot of money, and we’re regulars and fill things at your pharmacy all the time! They only picked it up like five minutes ago! (It was about 25% less. Also, I’d made the prices extremely clear at the time of drop off, providing ample opportunity for the prescription to be taken elsewhere or a price match to be asked for. And to top it off, the prescription had actually been picked up almost an hour before.)
Me: Unfortunately, there isn’t any way for me to price match something that is already picked up, it’s not physically possible in the system in the first place.
Caller: …
After about fifteen seconds of silence from the other end of the line during which I asked multiple times if the caller was still there, the line disconnected abruptly.

Finally Registers The Reason Why
AT THE CHECKOUT, CALIFORNIA, HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, RUDE & RISQUE, SAN DIEGO, USA | RIGHT | OCTOBER 7, 2019
(I am stocking shelves at a pharmacy. An elderly gentleman, at least in his 70s, walks up to me and looks at my nametag.)

Customer: “Mister [My Name], yes, I was wondering if you could open up a register for me?”

(I look at the cashier stands. Two are operating, and the lines are not busy at all.)

Me: “The wait shouldn’t be very long. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I really just need you to open a register for me, please.”

Me: *very confused* “I assure you, the ladies running the registers right now are competent and will have you out the door in no time.”

Customer: “That’s just it. They are ladies…”

(He turns to me and exposes the large box of condoms he has secreted in his jacket.)

Customer: “I wouldn’t be so brazen!”

Me: “Right this way, sir.”

Lunch Is Dangerous To Your Health
ARKANSAS, CRAZY REQUESTS, JERK, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 25, 2019
(At my pharmacy, we have only one pharmacist on the weekends. Because of that, we have to close for a half-hour on the weekends due to labor laws so that our pharmacist can get a lunch. We close at the same time every weekend to avoid confusion with regular customers. At exactly two minutes to lunch, a man comes rushing up to the pharmacy.)

Husband: “I just got out of the emergency room. My doctor told me I need all of these right away, especially the pain medication.”

(He proceeds to hand me about five new prescriptions.)

Me: “I apologize, sir, we are about to close for our scheduled lunch, but we would be happy to fill it for you in thirty minutes when we get back.”

Husband: “I can’t wait! We’re traveling to Texas and I need my medicine!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but if we don’t leave right now, our systems will shut us out. We are required to take a lunch at this time.”

(He takes his prescriptions and stomps away. As we are getting ready to close everything up, his wife comes over.)

Irate Wife: “Why won’t you fill his medication?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we will be happy to fill his prescription as soon as we get back from lunch.”

Irate Wife: “This is ridiculous. Where else am I supposed to get this medication?”

(The pharmacist decides to step in.)

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, we have to close for lunch now, but we’ll be back in thirty minutes and will be happy to fill your husband’s prescriptions then.”

Irate Wife: “We’re travelling; we don’t have time to wait!”

Pharmacist: “If I may ask, where are you travelling to?”

Irate Wife: “We’re on our way to Texas.”

Pharmacist: “If you don’t want to wait here for the medicine, there is another pharmacy in our chain on your route. By the time you get there, they will be back from their lunch and be able to fill your medicine.”

Irate Wife: “This is ridiculous! I want all of your names; I’m reporting you to home office!”

(Our pharmacist calmly gives her our names and the woman leaves with her husband.)

Fellow Pharmacy Technician: “So, she’s reporting us for… following the law?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, she is.”

Will Need A Sedative For The Husband
ARKANSAS, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, JERK, PATIENTS, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 25, 2019
(I work as a pharmacy technician. On the weekends, we don’t get drug shipments, which can lead to some… interesting situations.)

Customer: “I need to get this prescription filled. It’s for my wife; she’s at home waiting for it.”

Me: “Certainly, sir, just let me put it into our system.”

(I proceed to enter the patient’s information into our computer.)

Me: “All right, sir, it will be about fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll just wait right here. She needs it tonight.”

(As we are beginning to fill the prescription, we realize we have none of the medication he needs. The pharmacist calls him over.)

Pharmacist: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t have any of this medicine here. We can order it today and it will be here Monday.”

Customer: “I don’t have time to wait; she needs it tonight!”

Pharmacist: “Well, I can call another pharmacy to see if they have any.”

Customer: “You do that!”

(The pharmacist calls the other store. They have two of the pills, which should be enough to get the man’s wife through the weekend.)

Pharmacist: “Sir, the pharmacy in [Town about thirty minutes away] has enough of this drug to get her through the weekend. Would you like to transfer this prescription there?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to drive that far!”

Pharmacist: “Well, I can call the doctor to see about getting it changed to something we do have.”

Customer: “Fine, call them now! Hurry up. She needs this d*** medicine tonight!”

(The pharmacist calls the doctor. He refuses to change the medicine. The pharmacist explains that the customer is insisting that they need the medication tonight. The doctor informs us that she can wait to start the treatment on Monday without any problems.)

Pharmacist: “Okay, sir, I called the doctor and he wouldn’t change it, but he said it would be fine for your wife to wait until Monday to begin the treatment.”

Customer: “She needs the medicine tonight! I don’t understand why you won’t just give me the d*** pills!”

Pharmacist: “Sir, we don’t have a single one of those pills to give you.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. They had them at the hospital. Why can’t one of you just go to the hospital and get some more of them?! She needs them!”

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, it’s not legal for us to do that. Your doctor said your wife will be fine until Monday.”

Customer: “Why won’t you just fill my d*** prescription?”

Pharmacist: “Because, sir, we don’t have any of the pills.”

Customer: “This is bulls***. If anything happens to her, it’s your fault!”

(The customer left, angry. He was back on Monday to pick up his wife’s prescription. And guess what? She was fine.)

Calm At The Sight Of Mayhem
GROCERY STORE, JERK, PHARMACY, USA, VIRGINIA | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 25, 2019
(I go to a store to get some photos printed for my job, one of which is a photo of my cat. As I go to ask for my photos, an older cashier who isn’t actually specialized in photos comes to help me. Before I get to see my photos and pay, I hear a woman yelling.)

Woman: “What do you mean, you won’t take it?! I can’t stay here anymore! I’m about to leave!”

(She walks over to the cashier who is in the middle of helping me. I stand back, a little afraid of what she might do.)

Woman: “Hey, you! I need your help! She says it won’t take this coupon!”

Cashier: “Well, miss, you actually have the wrong items.”

(The woman points to her coupon and back to her products.)

Woman: “No, see, look here. That’s [product], right? And this says, ‘[product].’”

Cashier: “Well, miss, nothing’s coming up. I’m sorry.”

Woman: “Well, then, your system is broken. I swear, every time! Look…”

(The woman is obviously upset, and she isn’t shy. This exchange continues for almost half an hour before she hands him her credit card and wanders off to find some chips to buy. At this point, I carefully go to get my photos to look at. But before I can purchase them, the woman is called back to the counter.)

Cashier: “Susan! Susan! Are you ready to check out?”

Woman: *still very frustrated* “Susan? My name’s Vicky! Ha, why are you calling me Susan? But that’s supposed to be on sale! I wouldn’t come here if I had to get things without these coupons!”

(She turns to me, and her demeanor changes drastically. She smiles at my picture of my cat.)

Woman: “Oh, is that your kitty? What’s her name?”

Me: *smiling nervously* “Mayhem.”

Woman: “Wow, Mayhem? She’s cute.” *to cashier* “These coupons should work!”

(Finally, she’s rung up, and she leaves the store.)

Me: “Does she come here a lot?”

Cashier: “Oh, yeah, everyone knows Susan. Give her a few hours; she’ll be back.”

Unfiltered Story #167681
AUSTRALIA, PHARMACY | UNFILTERED | SEPTEMBER 25, 2019
I am the customer in this story. My friends and I are divers – we use a compressor in the boat and dive with lines to breathe through. The compressor has filters that work best stuffed with feminine hygiene pads and honey (it catches all dust and adds a pleasant taste to the air). Also to put on a wetsuit it helps to have something slippery on your legs (pantyhose works great)

Heading out of town for weekend dive trip my friends and I stop at a country town and walk into a pharmacy. We spend some time checking out the pantyhose display looking for some that would fit us. We are three rather big guys. Not being regular buyers it takes awhile. Having made our choice we approach the assistant at the counter, while making our purchases one of my friends says me “Have you changed the filters lately?” Remembering that I have not I ask the assistant for a package of feminine hygiene pads. We get a very strange look, not helped when my other friend asks “By the way do you have any honey?”

Who Put Sand(paper) Up Their Crotches?
BAD BEHAVIOR, DALLAS, PHARMACY, TEXAS, USA, WORDPLAY | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 23, 2019
(I am at a pharmacy at 3:00 am trying to pick up some toilet paper. There are two people arguing somewhere near the rear of the store and the store clerk is falling asleep at the checkout. It is when I get to the toilet paper section that I discover that the people arguing are standing in front of my goal. Not wanting to get anywhere near this nasty-sounding fight, I go down a few aisles to wait out the storm. That’s when I hear this gem:)

Lady: “We ain’t buying that s***ty a** s***!”

Guy: “That crap you always buy always gets all up in my a**. We be buying a** wipes, not f****** tissue paper!”

Lady: “I’m not rubbing my crotch with this sandpaper bulls***!”

Guy: “This ain’t nothing like sandpaper. This s*** be tight and it ain’t gonna rub ya raw!”

(I’m an aisle over at this point trying not to laugh too loudly. They’re making sailors proud with their foul language. I’ve never heard such a colorful argument about toilet paper before. They continue this for a bit when the guy drops some math on the lady.)

Guy: “Look right here. This has 200 sheets per f****** roll. There be four rolls in this s***. With five sheets for every hardcore a**-wiping and four hardcore a**-wipings for each s***, this f****** roll gonna last for ten hardcore s*** sessions. That’s f****** forty hardcore s***s for five f****** dollars. And your b****-a** s*** costs f****** ten bucks and I gotta dig the f****** s*** nuggets out of my a** every time I use this s***.”

(They must have heard me laughing at this point as they got really quiet. I don’t know if the guy ever convinced the lady to buy whatever it was. Definitely spiced up my earlier morning.)

You Can’t Insure Against Evil
BAD BEHAVIOR, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, PENNSYLVANIA, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 22, 2019
(A young woman pulls up to the drive-thru pharmacy to pick up Ritalin for her son, who is sitting in the backseat. The medication isn’t ready so I check the system and see that the insurance isn’t covering it. A reason is usually provided, but not in this case.)

Evil Mom: “That makes no sense. We always get it filled here and there’s never a problem. The insurance covers everything.” *classic line with pharmacy customers who think insurance is magic and has no limitations*

Me: “I understand. But I just tried to run it through the insurance and they rejected it without giving a reason why. Would you be able to call them?”

Evil Mom: “Okay, I’ll call right now.” *looks at her insurance cards angrily* “So, what’s the number?”

Me: *confused why she thinks I know the number off the top of my head* “There should be a customer service number on the back of the card.”

Evil Mom: *still angry* “Member services?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She calls and remains sitting in the single-lane driveway, blocking a line of cars with no regard for the other people who came for their medications.)

Me: “Could you pull around the store to make the call?”

Evil Mom: “I’m not leaving this spot until I get my son’s meds.”

(The pharmacist comes over.)

Pharmacist: *friendly* “I’m sorry, but would you be able to—”

Evil Mom: *without looking at us* “I’m not leaving.” *rolls the window up in our faces*

(The pharmacist curses under her breath and leaves to help other customers. The mom reaches someone from the insurance company and puts the window back down. For fifteen minutes, I listen to her scream at the representative. The whole store can hear her through the drive-thru dropping profuse F-bombs and bullying the rep. Her son is fidgeting in the back seat, but sadly, he doesn’t look surprised by this behavior.)

Evil Mom: “Why isn’t my son’s medication covered? You are supposed to cover it and he needs this! What is your name? Okay. And what is your last name? ‘L’ is your last name? Wow. That’s a weird last name. Then give me your employee number. What do you mean, you don’t have numbers? So, how does your company have you on file? Give me your information. You know what? Nevermind. I want to speak to a manager. Now.”

(A car behind her honks.)

Other Customer: *shouting forward* “What’s going on? It’s been almost half an hour! Just go inside!”

Evil Mom: *shouting back* “SHUT THE F*** UP!”

(Eventually, the cars behind her begin leaving the line. None of them come inside the store. Mom, still on the phone, throws a discount prescription card and her welfare card at me and looks expectant. I return a blank look.)

Evil Mom: *pleasant voice* “I’m waiting for you.”

Me: *confused as to what she expects me to do, since the insurance issue has not been resolved* “Did they put the claim through? If so, I can try to re-run it.”

Evil Mom: *arrogantly* “Just run the cards and give me the medication. I’m going to pay the same amount as I did last time. Use the cards I just gave you and give me his pills.”

Me: “It still has to go through the insurance first.”

(The mom continues screaming obscenities simultaneously at the phone and now at me. The pharmacist comes over again and takes charge of the situation.)

Pharmacist: “You need to stop talking like that to our staff. You’re cursing and insulting us. We don’t need that. In the future, I think you need to use a different pharmacy.”

Evil Mom: *in a weirdly amused way* “Who are you even? I didn’t ask you anything.”

(The pharmacist and I are fed up. I look back and see that the store manager has been listening to everything in the background. The pharmacist tries to run the medication through the insurance again but the rejection is still coming up.)

Pharmacist: “The insurance is still not going through. We’ve done what we can. The cash price is $130 and we can fill it for you.”

(The mom sped away in a flash without another word. We were surprised she didn’t curse us out one more time. We anticipate that she has already called corporate to tell them we are horrible people preventing her from getting her son’s medication. The store manager who overheard said she will vouch for us. If that evil mom knew how to be patient and work with people, there is a chance she could have gotten her son’s medication filled. I feel really bad for that kid.)

Unfiltered Story #163255
PHARMACY, USA | UNFILTERED | SEPTEMBER 16, 2019
(Please note that any and all patient-specific information has been completely redacted from this story, so that the edited anecdote below is entirely HIPAA-compliant.) The pharmacy I work at is located inside a grocery store, and we can ring out items from the main store also, but only about as many as an express line can take (not a whole cart full). We also do not have a scale in the pharmacy, so we can only ring out produce that is pre-bagged with a bar code or is sold by quantity and not by weight. I was working alone shortly before closing on a weekend, when somebody came by to pick up medicine for their spouse. One of the prescriptions was a brand name medicine with a high copay. The person whined about the cost (which was set by the insurance company, not the pharmacy) briefly, then asked me to ring out their grocery items because they only had one check with them and no credit card. They had an overflowing cart with well over a hundred dollars of merchandise, which included at least three items I could immediately see that have to be weighed. I informed the person that I cannot do that, but the cashiers for the main store can scan the grocery items, print a slip for them to bring back to the pharmacy, and then they could pay for both the cart of food and the medicines on one check (this is not the first time something like this has happened, and usually isn’t that big of a deal). I also politely asked the person to please take care of this immediately, because the pharmacy was supposed to be closing in about ten minutes. Fast forward to at least fifteen minutes later. The person is back, and sits down on the bench in front of the pharmacy to proceed to hunt through their pockets and bag for their check. Five or ten minutes later they give up, and inform me that they are going to pay with cash (why they didn’t do that in the first place I will never know). Eventually, they pull out exactly the amount of cash except for the change portion, and seem confused when I inform them that I need an additional $0.xx. In the end, I give up on them finding enough change and raid the take-a-penny-leave-a-penny (which thankfully happened to have a dime and a nickel in it in addition to the pennies, for some unfathomable reason) for the last few cents so I can go home.

Unfiltered Story #162040
CHARLESTON, ILLINOIS, PHARMACY, USA | UNFILTERED | SEPTEMBER 5, 2019
(I’m the customer in this story, sadly enough. I’m a student at a state college and I have to walk seven-ish blocks to a big-chain drugstore in town to get my prescriptions filled, as two of them can’t be filled at the school pharmacy. On the way to the pharmacy at the back, I stop and grab a drink.

Me: “Hi! I have a prescription to fill, and I’d also like to pay for this before I forget.” (I hand the pharmacist my drink, which I’ve finished half of.)

Pharmacist: “Fine by me! That’ll be [total].”

(It’s only when I reach into my purse that I realize it’s quite a bit lighter than it usually is.)

Me: “Oh, ****.”

(I dig around for several minutes, trying to find some loose change, but I come up empty-handed.)

Me: “****, I left my wallet in my dorm… I am SO sorry!”

(The only person in line behind me reaches into his pocket.)

Other Customer: “How much is it?”

Pharmacist: “No need, sir. I’ll get my manager, see what we can do.”

(She calls up her manager.)

Manager: “I’ll cover the cost. I could technically have you arrested for theft, but I’m going to be nice and let you off easy. Don’t consume anything until you know you can pay for it from now on, okay?”

Me: “Thank you so much!”

(I sit down and wait for my prescription to be filled. Eventually the pharmacist emerges instead of calling my name.)

Pharmacist: “Okay, your prescription is ready…but it’s [cost].”

(My heart sinks, but I smile.)

Me: “That’s all right. Can you hold it for me? It may take me about [time] to get back.”

Pharmacist: “Of course.”

(I walk the seven or so blocks to my dorm and back, now with my wallet. Thirsty again, I grab another drink but make a point of not opening it.)

Me: “Hi, I have a prescription ready to pick up under [My Name], and could you ring this up twice, please?”

(The manager tried to insist that he’d cover the cost, but I was more than happy to buy two drinks for the cost of a drink and a half.)

Unfiltered Story #160170
MINNESOTA, PHARMACY, USA | UNFILTERED | AUGUST 20, 2019
( I work in a pharmacy as a technician.)

Co-worker: *slams phone on holder* ….. How long was I on the phone?

Me: 15 minutes.

Co-worker: I just spent 15 minutes convincing a woman not to put a tampon into her urethra. I don’t know who told her that it was a good idea to put a tampon into her urethra. *shakes her head while I’m curled over the counter laughing* She even asked me THREE times!

*Two hours later*
Co-worker: You remember the person I was on the phone with a few hours ago?

Me: The tampon lady?

Co-worker: Yea, I found what she was talking about. I was walking through one of the isles and this was on the floor so I was going to throw it away but I looked at it. *she shows me the leaflet and I start laughing again*

Me: But this goes into the vagina! Not the urethra! It’s… just really wide at the base…. but does it even support it?

Co-worker: *snorts* No. And I still wouldn’t recommend it to anyone to use.

Unfiltered Story #160120
MINNESOTA, PHARMACY, USA | UNFILTERED | AUGUST 15, 2019
( I’m a in-training pharmacy technician in Walgreens and today was one of our busier days of the week.)

Me: Welcome to Walgreens! Are you picking up today?

Customer: Yes

Me: Can I have your last name?

Customer: It’s (XXXXXXX).

Me: And your first name?

Customer: (XXXXXX)

Me: Alright, Looks like I have two ready for you. Give me a few seconds to grab that.
*I ran around the back of the shelf were we keep are prescriptions and start looking for his name. I found his two prescriptions, which were diapers, and one of them had a note written on it. “Does he want both? See Pharmacist.” After reading, I go to the pharmacist. *
Me: This patient is here to pick these up. *Holds up both bags of diapers*

Pharmacist: *she looks at them* We receive two scripts from his doctor for both. Ask him for which he wants or if he wants both.

Me: Okay. *goes back to the front* So it looks like we received two scripts from your doctor for two brands of diapers. There’s [ Brand 1], which we have 17 of for you, and [brand 2] which is a completion because you picked up 47 earlier.

Customer: Oh I can get both? Great. And I talked to my insurance and they said that they will cover 150 of the diapers every month, so can I get 150 of [brand 1] and 150 of [brand 2] ?

Me: Umm Let me ask my pharmacist that. *runs to the back to tell her what’s going on before she tells me that we can’t do that because they look at Diapers, not by individual brand. I turn back to tell the customer what the pharmacist told me.* So it looks like we can’t do that because your insurance looks at the total diapers and not by individual brands. So by the insurance’s records, you’ve already picked up 150 diapers, including the two I’m hold in my hands.

Customer: No. I didn’t pick up 150. And these two are not the same so they can’t be counted together. *points to brand 1* It’s like these are apples and those *points to brand 2* are oranges. They aren’t the same. You’d think in this time of the world, with out technologically advanced we are, all the answers we want are just a few types away. Then we won’t have to deal with all this brain damage.

Me: …. *nods a long* Umm.. Let me see if my pharmacist knows of an override code that could help us. *Turns to the pharmacist for help because There is NOTHING that I can do, legally.* I need your help…. he’s still going on and on.

Pharmacist: *she walks out* Hi. What seems to be the problem here?

Customer: She’s telling me that I’ve already picked up 150 diapers already.

Pharmacist: Yes that is right, that is what we have on file. *she pulls up his profile on the computer* It looks like you picked up a partial fill last week, 47 of [brand 2]. And with the 17 of [brand 1] and the 84 of [brand 2], that makes up the 150 of this month.

Customer: No. I never picked up any last week.

Pharmacist: If you want, I can call the manager to check the cameras to see who picked it up for you last week.

Customer: No, just give me the 150 of the [brand 1].

Pharmacist: I can’t do that because you’ve already picked up 47 of [brand 2] and you have to complete the doctor’s prescription of 131 diapers of [brand 2].

Customer: *he sighs* But they aren’t the same! You don’t understand! *he points to brand 1* This is like a man that has a penis! And *points to brand 2* this is like a woman that has a vagina! Now. They are NOT the same! Can’t you get the manager or someone that knows what they’re doing to solve this. We are in a technology advanced world! Shouldn’t everything be just a few clicks away on the computer and then we wouldn’t have to suffer brain damage from all of this?!

Pharmacist: …. *A small… awkward pause because she was just absorbing what he said, being that she is the Pharmacy manager….* If you want, I can give your insurance a call to see if they can revert it but again, it will only be able to work starting next month. I can also leave a note in your chart saying to only use [brand 1] as well but this will only be able to go into effect next month when the insurance will start paying for 150.

Customer: *he sighs* Fine, give them a call and call me when you find an answer. But [brand 1] and [brand 2] ARE NOT THE SAME. *he leaves*

Pharmacist: *she just smiles* Have a good day, sir. *she walks quickly back to work area, shaking her head* Anyone up for burgers? My treat.

** Brand 1 and Brand 2 are both diapers, but under two different brands. Example, Huggies and Pampers are both diapers but under different brands.

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Wasn’t A Hard Decision
HEALTH & BODY, NON-DIALOGUE, PENNSYLVANIA, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | AUGUST 12, 2019
I was working at the drive-thru window at the pharmacy. A customer pulled up and I asked for his name and date of birth. After he replied, I went to get his prescription out of the waiting bin. I informed him that his insurance did not cover this medication; most insurances do not because it is for erectile dysfunction.

He asked me for the cash price and I told him it was roughly 120 dollars for four pills.

He looked at his wife who was in the passenger seat, looked at me, said, “F*** that. I don’t need a hard-on that bad,” and sped away.

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Be Careful Where You Insert That Battery
AUSTRIA, PHARMACY, STUPID, VIENNA | RIGHT | JULY 31, 2019
Customer: “I need a medical thermometer.”

Me: “A digital one that’s battery-operated or a glass one without a battery?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(Since a digital one gives results faster, I grab one and hand it to the customer.)

Customer: “Oh, no, I’ve got one of these at home, but it has no battery, and it’s not working!”

Me: “These run all on battery. Maybe the battery in yours is empty.”

Customer: *thinking hard for a minute* “Maybe that’s why it’s not working anymore.”

Me: *internal facepalm*

Give A Dog A Bone
MICHIGAN, PETS & ANIMALS, PHARMACY, RETAIL, RUDE & RISQUE, USA | HEALTHY | JULY 11, 2019
(One day at work, I hear my pharmacist and another technician talking about an unusual prescription that’s come in. Curious, I switch to a computer nearby and find them discussing a dog who’s been prescribed the generic for Viagra. Apparently, a recent study has indicated that it may be helpful for relieving coughing in dogs, for some reason, and we spend some time discussing how it might work in that regard. Later, as I’m working on the computer and she’s filling prescriptions behind me, she glances up and leans toward me, chuckling.)

Pharmacist: “You know, it’s hard enough for a person to talk to their doctor about this type of medication. I’d think it’d have to be even harder for a dog!”

Me: *playing along* “Well, yeah. Besides not being able to talk, it’s gotta be way more embarrassing for them, with everything all hanging out and no way to disguise it.”

(After a few moments.)

Me: “I can totally see the commercials, though. This gorgeous Golden Retriever stud going ‘Once, I was the laughing stock of the breeding kennel. But now, I’m back to being top dog, thanks to Viagra!’”

Pharmacist: *cracking up* “See, none of the other health care professions get to enjoy jokes like this.”

(I love my coworkers.)

Unfiltered Story #155148
PENNSYLVANIA, PHARMACY, USA | UNFILTERED | JUNE 23, 2019
This happens all the time.

*customer walks up *

Me: Hello!

Customer: Hi, I need to pick up, my doctor called something in earlier.

Me: OK, what’s your name?

Customer: Dr. Blank called it in.

Me: What’s your-

Customer: I think it was for lispil *they usually mean lisinopril, pronounced like it looks*

Me: What’s-

Customer: It was about 2 hours ago, can’t you find it?

Me: *firm voice* What is your NAME?

Customer: Oh! Jane.

Me: And your last name? *medications are sorted by last name*

Customer: *last name*

Me: *finds medication and rings them out*

Honestly, it’s like pulling teeth.

Unfiltered Story #152444
CANADA, PHARMACY, SASKATCHEWAN | UNFILTERED | MAY 29, 2019
I worked at a pharmacy that was surrounded but seniors homes, so this made up the majority of our clientele, the pharmacy was in a mall which included a grocery store, when the grocery store was closed for Reno’s we brought in some basic staples like milk and bread and continued carrying them after the grocery store re-opened. our suplly was limited we carried only small CARTONS of milk, no jugs.

customer:(with a jug of milk) I want to return this, its passed the expiry date, and I lost the receipt.

me: Ma’am you didn’t purchase this from us, so I cannot process a return

customer: excuse me?! I KNOW where I purchased my milk from, I got from here and you need to return it for me!

me: we do not carry jugs of milk ma’am, only cartons, so you cannot possibly have purchased it from us, perhaps you got it from the grocery store down the hall?

(note I look a lot younger then I am, it is very likely the customer presumed I was in school and only worked part time)
Customer: I bought it from from here, you just must not have been here when the jugs came in.

me: Ma’am we are only open 9 hours a day Monday to Sat and 4 hours on Sundays and I work 8 of those hours Mon-Sat and all of them on Sundays. I place and accept all the orders, I am telling you, we have never had jugged milk in stock, you did not purchase this from us.

Customer:….. oh..sorry *hangs her head and leaves*:

Obama Drama, Part 7
BIZARRE, JERK, LOUISIANA, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | MAY 21, 2019
(It is during the Obama presidency. The pharmacy phone rings.)

Caller: “I want to check and see if my prescription is ready.”

Me: “Sure. Could I get your information?”

(I look up the patient and see that his insurance wants additional paperwork from the doctor before they will pay for the medication. This is a VERY common problem, especially for expensive or name-brand medication.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like your prescription isn’t ready because we are still waiting for the doctor to file some additional paperwork with the insurance company.”

Caller: “What do you mean? I was told that my prescription would be ready by five! Why isn’t it ready?”

Me: “Sir, this medication is name-brand and very expensive. Your insurance company doesn’t want to pay for it unless your doctor provides additional paperwork stating that it is medically necessary.”

Caller: “Well, of course it’s medically necessary! My doctor wrote it for me, so I need it! This is ridiculous. I need my medicine!”

Me: “I apologize for that, sir. If you’d like to pay the cash price of [several hundred dollars], I can have your prescription ready in about ten minutes. But unfortunately, if you want your insurance to cover it, you may want to try calling your doctor and making sure he’s filled out the paperwork we faxed to him.”

Caller: “This has nothing to do with my insurance company! You know what this is? This is that ‘Obama-Care’ and his death panels! He’s just trying to kill off all of us old people! I don’t know how he even got in office; he’s a Kenyan!”

(The caller continues spouting out conspiracy theories for another five minutes.)

Caller: “Well, I think I’ve wasted enough of your time. Goodnight.” *click*

Me: “…”

Obama Drama, Part 6
BIZARRE, EMPLOYEES, MASSACHUSETTS, POLITICS, RETAIL, USA | WORKING | JANUARY 31, 2019
(I work in a major retail chain. One night, we get an unusual truck delivery. Our manager is waiting by the dock with us as we get ready to unload it.)

Manager: *sigh* “All right, everyone. This is going to seem crazy, but I’ve confirmed with the home office that the delivery inside is definitely intended to be ours just the way it is, so just go with it.”

Coworker: “Wait. What the heck is inside?”

Manager: “You’ll see.”

(Shortly after, the truck driver opens the door to reveal an absolutely absurd amount of tangerines. My coworkers and I alternate between staring at the tangerines in amazement and each other in shock and confusion.)

Coworker: “There’s no way this is right. I get that we’re a busy supercenter and all, but there’s no way even we can sell all these oranges before a whole bunch goes bad.”

Manager: “Yep, that’s how I feel, but apparently someone higher up than me disagrees.”

Me: *as I’m sliding my pallet jack under the first pallet* “What reason could there possibly be to make this seem like a good idea?”

Driver: “You want to know what these oranges are for? This is all about that Obamacare!”

(Suddenly, everyone stops what they’re doing to process what the driver has said.)

Manager: “What… What does that have to do with oranges? No, actually, what does that have to do with anything right now?”

Driver: “That’s Obamacare for you; it doesn’t make any sense!”

(We quickly gave up trying to figure out what the driver was talking about. For the next week, all our nightly meetings included a manager urging us all to get a bag of tangerines on the way home. Once the story of the delivery had spread, we would all say goodbye to each other with, “Don’t forget your Obamacare oranges!”)

Obama Drama, Part 5
AT THE CHECKOUT, JERK, RETAIL, TENNESSEE, USA | RIGHT | JULY 8, 2018
(At the store where I work, it is policy to card for ALL tobacco and alcohol purchases. It doesn’t matter if the person has grey hair and more wrinkles than a Shar Pei; we still have to card them. Failure to card can lose me my job and cost me and the store a hefty fine. The customer I am serving here appears to be in at least his 60s.)

Customer: “I’ll take a can of [chewing tobacco], please.”

Me: “Certainly.” *unlocks the tobacco cabinet and gets out the can* “May I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “You’re kidding me!”

Customer’s Buddy: “The state of things now! Is this an Obama rule? This is ridiculous how things are nowadays! Is his one of Obama’s rules?”

Me: “No, it is a store rule.”

Customer & His Buddy: *laughs* “A store rule?!”

(The customer handed me his ID, I typed in the birthdate and told him his total, and he paid and left, both of them still laughing. This is not the first time a customer has railed about “Obama taking away their rights” when asked for ID.)

Obama Drama, Part 4
BIZARRE, JERK, MISSOURI, RETAIL, SILLY, USA | RIGHT | JANUARY 15, 2018
(I work at an office supply store in the printing department. It is a Saturday evening, and a coworker and I are currently putting out ads for the next week. We have just closed our doors, and everything is going fine until we get a call. I don’t pay much attention until my coworker calls me over to take it, as it is for my department. Keep in mind that we are currently closed.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if I could get a price quote on some prints?”

Me: “Sure thing! What are you looking to get?”

(The customer proceeds to describe what he wants, which goes on for a few minutes. The conversation goes well, nothing out of the ordinary, until we reach the end of the conversation.)

Customer: “Sounds good! What time do you all close?”

Me: “We closed about 15 minutes ago, sir, but we open back up at 10:00 tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Aw, man, really? I am actually just right outside. Could you make an exception?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not, but like I said, we open back up tomorrow.”

Customer: “But I’m from out of town and I really need this done.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are closed.”

Customer: “But I’m from Texas; does that change anything?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, sir. We are still closed, regardless.”

(We go back and forth like this for several minutes. He is getting irate the longer it goes on, and so am I. I try to keep the friendliest voice I can muster. It seems like he has finally decided to give up, until the customer says something I never expected.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said before, we are closed.”

Customer: *in a threatening tone* “Do I need to call Obama to confirm that you’re closed?”

Me: *legitimately speechless*

Customer: *click*

(After I hung up the phone, I told my coworker and manager. They both got a pretty good kick out of it! It was the strangest phone call I have ever received. We also never did get that phone call from Obama.)

Obama Drama, Part 3
POST OFFICE | RIGHT | MAY 25, 2016
(It’s the day before taxes are due and a few last minute customers are mailing out their returns. Customer #1 is addressing his envelope while Customer #2 is filling out a money order for a payment.)

Customer #1 : “I really got hit this year!”

Customer #2 : *murmurs sympathetically*

Customer #1 : “But I guess I’m just stuck paying like this until we get a Republican governor again.”

Customer #2 : *glances at him* “Yeah…?”

(There’s a slight pause as Customer #1 thinks.)

Customer #1 : “We’ve got a Republican governor right now, don’t we?”

Customer #2 : “Yup!”

(The Republican governor had already been in office three years; he was preceded by another Republican.)

No Rheum For Argument
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, TEXAS, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 27, 2020
I’m visiting my rheumatologist to discuss changes to my medication. The last time I visited, I had a bad reaction to an injection for my autoimmune disorder and I am looking to switch. He’d also started me on another medication that didn’t seem to have any effect, so I’m wondering what the next step is.

Me: “I don’t want to use [Medication #1 ] anymore. I was in so much pain for the week after that I could barely walk. Just standing up made me nauseous.”

Doctor: “Hmm… Well, [Medication #1 ] is the safest one for pregnant women, and you never know when you might get pregnant. I wouldn’t want to take a risk with another medication.”

Me: “Um… like I said before, I’m not going to get pregnant. I need to move to a different medication.”

Doctor: “You know, a colleague of mine had a patient that said the same thing, and only two weeks later, she found out she was pregnant. It happens.”

Me: *Frustrated* “I don’t have sex with men.”

The doctor looks at me blankly for about a minute.

Doctor: “Ah. Well, we can start you on [Medication #2 ]. It’ll take at least two weeks to get your insurance to approve it, though.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

Doctor: “And how about the [Ineffective Drug]? Has anything changed?”

Me: “No, not that I can tell.”

Doctor: “Good. I just wanted to see if there were any side effects. I’ll send in a refill so we can start treating your fibromyalgia.”

Me: “Um… what? I don’t have fibromyalgia.”

Doctor: *Casually* “No, you definitely do. It’s pretty common to develop fibromyalgia along with an autoimmune disorder.”

As I’m sitting there, trying to process what he just told me, he opens the door and waves me out into the lobby.

Doctor: “Okay, let the girls in the front know that I need to see you in two weeks. Have a good day!”

I did not have a good day.

Like Getting Water From A Stone
LAZY/UNHELPFUL, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, TEXAS, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 25, 2020
I’m getting blood drawn — I think it ends up being six vials? — and I start to feel woozy.

Me: “Umm… I’m kind of dizzy.”

Lab Tech: “Oh, do you want some water?”

I nod and immediately regret it.

Me: “Yes, please.”

She gets up and disappears into some back room, and I close my eyes, trying to get my head to stop spinning. After about ten minutes, the nausea wins and I throw up all over the floor.

Lab Tech: *Coming back in* “Are you all right?”

Me: *Weakly* “I’m so sorry. I threw up.”

Lab Tech: *Waving a hand* “Don’t worry. It happens all the time.”

I look at her expectantly but she’s empty-handed.

Lab Tech: “Oh, right. The thing is, we don’t actually have any water. Whoops!”

Related:
Like Getting Blood From A Stone

Someone’s Feeling A Little TOO Good
AUSTRALIA, HARASSMENT, HOSPITAL, PATIENTS, SYDNEY | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 23, 2020
I am a student nurse who hasn’t seen much of the world. I’m working in a geriatric ward and I have been really enjoying working with these patients. Thus far, they have all been sweet, polite, and charming, and they usually have delightful things to tell me.

A group of patients has been positioned together in lounge chairs near the window. It’s a lovely sunny morning; the sun is streaming in and everyone is feeling great.

I approach one gentleman.

Me: “How are you doing there?”

Patient: “Ahhh…”

He settles himself right back in his chair.

Patient: “If I was any more comfortable, you’d be f****** me!”

We’re Sure She Remembers The Really Important Stuff
HOSPITAL, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, NURSES, UK | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 21, 2020
I have just had minor surgery and am recovering from the general anaesthetic. The nurse in the ward has been amazing; she brings me a cheese sandwich which, after a day of not eating, was very appreciated. She asks if I want a drink and I say I do. However, after ten minutes pass, she hasn’t brought one. She walks past and suddenly gasps:

Nurse: “Oh, no! I’m so sorry; I forgot your drink. I’ll go get it now.”

She leaves, and after a further wait, I realise she has probably gotten sidetracked with other patients. I remember that I actually have a drink in my bag, so I just grab that.

After a while, the nurse walks past again.

Nurse: “I can’t believe I forgot your drink again! I am so bad at this job!”

At that, she slowly turns around to face the patient she was coming here to see and quickly shouts out.

Nurse: “I didn’t mean that! I promise I’m not bad at this job!”

I cracked up. Thank you, [Nurse], for making my day much brighter.

The Perfect Place For A Coronary!
CRAZY REQUESTS, EDITORS' CHOICE, FLORIDA, HEALTH & BODY, RESTAURANT, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 19, 2020
A friend of mine and I are hanging out on the weekend in the next town over, and we stop to get lunch at a deli that’s just opened up that someone else I know has been raving about. The place is small, with several tables close to where you place your order, and all of said tables are full. We walk up to place our orders.

Server: “What can I get you guys today?”

Me: “Can I get a [Special] on white, with no mayo and extra onion?”

Server: “Sure thing!” *Turns to my friend* “What can I get for you, sir?”

My friend is a bit of a picky eater, so it takes him a second to respond. And he tends to like meat and cheese… a lot of meat and cheese.

Friend: *Still skimming the menu* “Yeah… Can I get [Sandwich], no veggies or condiments, with double meat, triple bacon, and quadruple cheese? And some salt.”

The server gives him a strange look and I just snicker.

Me: “He’ll have a heart attack on a bun, basically.”

The server and my friend laugh, and one of the tables behind us pipes up.

Random Person: “Just so you guys know, we’re off-duty.”

I turned around to see who was talking to us; seated directly behind my friend and me was a group of off-duty EMTs, still in uniform! My friend, the server, and I all cracked up laughing for a good minute, and so did the group of EMTs. One of the funniest stars-aligned moments I’ve had to date!

The Medicinal Value Of Good Vibes
BIZARRE, MEDICATION, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 18, 2020
A customer comes in wanting her two prescriptions filled.

Me: “That’ll be about fifteen minutes.

The customer and her husband go wait in the waiting area. I help other customers, answer phones, finally get to counting out her prescriptions. After the pharmacist double-checks the prescription, the medicine, and the count I go and ring up the customer.

Customer: “I want to look at the medicine before getting them.”

She takes them out of the bag and puts them out on the counter, but doesn’t open the lids like other patients do when they ask to see the medicine. She then pulls out a small velvet bag from her bag and pulls out a clear crystal on a string. She hovers it over each bottle for thirty seconds.

Customer: “They have good energy; I’ll get them.”

The whole time I just stared at her looking at her wide-eyed not saying a thing, I just put the bottles back in the back and rung her up. I guess I’m glad our pharmacy had good energy?

Avocado Hand, Cousin Of Salad Fingers
CALIFORNIA, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, PATIENTS, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 16, 2020
My grandma calls my mom to tell her she has just had a minor fall, so my mom and I rush over to help her right away. We notice that she has bumped her head and it is bleeding slightly. Even though she is in a good mood and says she feels fine, we decide to take her to the emergency room to get it checked out.

At the hospital, my grandma is shown to a bed in a large open room with several other patients. In the bed closest to hers is a man in his twenties or so who looks really nervous, so we decide to start up a friendly conversation while we are all waiting.

Man: “Yeah, I’m here because of an avocado.”

Grandma: “Wow, must have been some avocado! How did you manage that?”

Man: “Yeah, man, avocados are like, really dangerous! I was just gonna make some guacamole — it’s so good, you know? So, I opened the avocado, and I went to take the pit out with a big knife like chefs do on TV. I hit the pit really hard, but the knife bounced and got my finger instead. I’m really afraid of blood, and so is everyone else in my family. It’s just, like, really gross and everything. So, I barely managed to call 911 before I passed out, and they brought me here.”

Grandma: “I had no idea avocados were so dangerous! Don’t worry, though; you got to the right place, and I’m sure they’ll have no trouble patching up your hand.”

Man: “I hope so because I’m starting to feel kinda woozy again.”

Just then, the man’s doctor arrives and starts getting ready to stitch up his hand. We chat amongst ourselves for a bit and then glance over to see how he is doing. The doctor is sitting in a chair beside the man’s bed, facing toward the foot of the bed, and bending over the man’s hand while he works on it.

The doctor is so focused on his work that he isn’t paying any attention to the man’s face, but from our side of the room, we can clearly see that all the color is draining out! I thought people only turned shades of green in cartoons, but let me tell you, it really happens to this guy. As he is getting paler and greener, we try to get the doctor’s attention, but he is concentrating really hard and doesn’t hear us.

Finally, we see the man start leaning to the side as if he were in slow motion, and then he starts to tip over!

Mom, Grandma, & Me: *Shouting* “Doctor! Your patient passed out!”

The doctor looks up for the first time, surprised.

Doctor: “Oh, well, would you look at that.”

He calls for a nurse, who arrives immediately and takes care of the poor guy. She stays with them the rest of the time to make sure he doesn’t pass out again!

Shortly after, another doctor arrives to take care of my grandma. After doing some tests, they find that, fortunately, her injury is minor and will cause no lasting damage, so they are able to give her a few stitches and then send us home.

As we are getting prepared to leave, the same nurse who helped the man earlier comes to check on us, and we ask her how he is doing.

Nurse: “Don’t worry; we got his hand all stitched up and he’ll be just fine. It was actually a pretty small cut. I’ve seen much worse avocado injuries before.”

Mom: “Really? Are people that bad at opening avocados?”

Nurse: “Oh, yeah, avocado injuries are really common, especially here in California where people eat them so often. Our nickname for the ‘syndrome’ is Avocado Hand.”

It was hard to keep from laughing at the man with the Avocado Hand! We’re just glad he ended up okay, and fortunately, my grandma made a full recovery, too. For years afterward, the story of meeting the Avocado Man at the hospital was one of our family’s favorites. Moral of the story: just take the pits out of your avocados with a spoon, people!

Does Kevin’s Mom Know Her Son’s A Jerk?
ASSISTED LIVING, CURRENT EVENTS, JERK, KAREN, NON-DIALOGUE, PORTUGAL, SONS & DAUGHTERS | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 13, 2020
I work in an assisted living facility. Due to the health crisis, we’ve had to stop visits to the elderly. After some work, we created a space where people could see their families through a glass, similar to those in ticket booths. In order to visit the elderly through there, families need to make an appointment.

Today, I got a call from a man wanting to visit his mum on the weekend. I told him everything was booked. He said, in a very aggravated tone, that he hadn’t seen his mum in two months. I said I understood, and he immediately cut me off, saying I didn’t understand a thing, that it was a simple request, and that I should be able to do something so basic.

After a bit of back and forth, I told him he could either book for the weekend after or see his mum through one of the gates this weekend. He said he was no dog to be left out on the street.

I couldn’t help but think, “If you wanted to see your mum so bad, wouldn’t you take what you could get?”

After being called incompetent for the seventh time, I couldn’t take it anymore and told him, “Well, sir, since you insist on coming this weekend but refuse to see your mother through the gates, unless you drop from a parachute onto the roof in order to see her, I can’t help you.”

He said, in a very high and mighty tone, that he was going to call my boss and tell him my answers. I called my boss to warn him about the headache heading his way and he laughed at the parachute comment.

It turns out that the guy is known for being impossible to talk to.

What do you call a male Karen? A Gareth? A Kevin? Either way, I had one of those. And I’m not looking forward to completing the set.

A Close Shave To Get Those Teeth Clean
ASSISTED LIVING, AWESOME, CANADA, INSPIRATIONAL | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 10, 2020
It’s my first day working as a care assistant in a home for adults with learning difficulties. Every resident is treated as a member of the family. A more experienced colleague is showing me around.

Colleague: “This is John. He needs a lot of personal care, but he’s a great guy. He’s quite happy and easy to take care of.”

Later, we are putting him to bed and my colleague is demonstrating to me how to clean his teeth. John won’t open his mouth for the toothbrush.

Colleague: “He really doesn’t like the taste of toothpaste. We have to be patient.”

Two minutes later, he still hasn’t opened his mouth.

Colleague: “Would you switch on John’s shaver? It’s on the shelf there.”

Me: “Huh? We haven’t finished cleaning his teeth yet.”

Colleague: “Just switch it on and watch carefully.”

Confused, I switch it on. Then, I look at John to watch the reaction. He grins and opens his mouth wide. My colleague puts the toothbrush in and cleans his teeth without issue.

Colleague: “You see, he hates getting his teeth cleaned, but he loves getting shaved. The sound of the shaver is enough to distract him. Getting shaved is his reward for letting us clean his teeth.”

I was amazed that something so simple would work! Several months later, I enjoy working with him.

It’s An Emergency! But It Can Wait.
JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 7, 2020
I have a concerning problem and decide to ask my insurance’s nurse advice hotline if I should go to the ER. This is what happens at the end of our conversation.

Nurse: “I definitely think you should call 911 and have an ambulance take you to the hospital. But before you do that, would you mind answering a few survey questions about my performance today?”

Me: *Incredulous pause* “No.”

I hung up, pretty shocked. I could not believe that she did that. An online survey later, sure. But in a situation urgent enough to call 911?

As for my medical issues, a new medication was causing serious complications. Reversing the medication, plus a few other things, solved it. I should be fine.

Attention-Seeking Isn’t Always A Bad Thing
CALIFORNIA, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 5, 2020
This happens when I am sixteen, almost seventeen. My mom is out of town on a business trip and I insist that I am fine to stay home while she is gone. I haven’t been feeling well for a few days, so I go in to see a doctor. My regular doctor isn’t in that day so they send me to see a different doctor.

The doctor comes in and starts to look over my medical history. While he’s doing so, we have the following conversation.

Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Me: “My stomach really hurts and I haven’t been able to keep anything down for a few days. The pain keeps getting worse, and then I throw up and the pain gets better for a while, but then it gets bad again.”

Doctor: “Can you describe the pain and where it’s located?”

Me: “It’s sharp and right here.”

I point to the lower right part of my abdomen.

Doctor: “Uh-huh.” *Looks up from the computer* “Well, just get plenty of fluids and rest and you should be fine in a few days. Nothing to worry about.”

Me: “I really don’t feel good. It feels like something is wrong.”

Doctor: “Well, I can see from your medical records that you’ve been seeing a therapist for the past year and are on antidepressants. I’m putting in your file that you are having attention-seeking behavior. There is nothing wrong with you other than a stomach virus. I will follow up with your therapist.”

With that, he left the room.

I called my mom and told her that the doctor said it was just a stomach virus and that it should go away soon. My mom got home late the next day and checked on me. I still wasn’t feeling well and we made another appointment for me for the next day. I woke her up at two am because something felt wrong. The pain was gone but I couldn’t get warm. She took me to the ER; my appendix had ruptured. I ended up spending a week in the ICU with an infection and it took another month to fully recover.

Taking A Page Out Of Jean Milburn’s Book
EDITORS' CHOICE, FUNNY, HEALTH & BODY, HOSPITAL, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, RUDE & RISQUE, UK | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 4, 2020
My mother is a retired midwife. I was raised with a clear understanding of motherhood and everything it entails. As a ten-year-old boy, I would read her professional magazines. I could have an intelligent conversation about menopause or explain an epidural. Then, in my early teens, this happens.

Mum: “Hey, [My Name]. How are you? You won’t believe what happened last night. We had a model breast.”

Me: “A model— Wait, what?”

Mum: “We had some professional development training to do in breastfeeding, and they had a model breast for it.”

Me: “Er, model breast?”

Mum: “A model of a boob; it’s supposed to imitate a functioning boob. It came complete with a nipple that dispenses a liquid.”

Me: “Right… but almost all midwives are women. Aren’t there enough boobs in a maternity hospital for this to be obvious?”

Mum: “We all thought that, so we repurposed the training boob.”

Me: “I— Wait, what? A model boob was supplied to your colleagues for training and… Where is it now?”

Mum: “In the bathroom.”

Me: “Model breast in our bath… huh?”

Mum: “Since we didn’t need it, we reused it as a soap dispenser.”

Me: “I… What?”

Mum: “We obviously didn’t need it, so we might as well put it to good use. So, we glued it to the wall of the staff bathroom and added liquid soap. Press the nipple and soap comes out.”

I nearly peed myself with laughter.

Help Me Help You
BAD BEHAVIOR, CALIFORNIA, HOSPITAL, NURSES, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 3, 2020
I am in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. While I am there waiting for surgery, I overhear a conversation with a man being extremely loud and a nurse trying to tend to him.

Nurse: “Sir, I need to ask you to calm down so we can treat your injuries.”

Man: “No! I bet you gonna try and sew me up so you can pass it off to my insurance! I ain’t falling for that s***!”

Nurse: “Sir, I’m gonna ask you to please calm down so we can stop the bleeding and at least bandage you up!”

Man: “NO! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO STEAL MONEY FROM ME! I’M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR S***! SEND ME ANOTHER NURSE OR SOMETHING!”

Nurse: “Listen! I don’t have to deal with your attitude, but it’s my duty as a nurse to tend to injuries. Now either you can calm down and let me at least bandage you up and give you pain relievers and send you on your way, I can have security escort you out while we clean the mess you made, or I can send you to [Nearest Hospital, in another city] if you want to be rowdy as you are. What’s it gonna be?!”

I don’t hear anything for ten minutes, or I pass out from the painkillers, but I overhear the nurse and another nurse speaking after a while.

Nurse #1 : “I can’t believe he was that stubborn over a ‘paper’ cut on his arm.”

I’m guessing that is a code term for minor cuts and whatnot.

Nurse #2 : “Paper cut? That did not look like a paper cut!”

Nurse #1 : “Trust me; when you’ve had to file paperwork as much as I have in my time, you realize the difference between a ‘stab wound’ and a nasty paper cut.”

I have been thankful ever since for how kind the nurses were while I was in the hospital, after seeing what they put up with daily.

Apparently, Not Everyone Hates Needles?
HOSPITAL, LIARS/SCAMMERS, NON-DIALOGUE, USA, WEST VIRGINIA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 1, 2020
My coworker is working registration in the emergency department. A visitor for a patient comes in, and after my coworker checks with the nurse, she tells the gentleman to have a seat in the waiting room and she will get her as soon as he can go back.

Shortly after, a nurse comes out calling the names of a few patients ready to be seen.

She is busy helping a new patient check in when she believes she sees the gentleman sneak in with the group of patients.

She is busy and doesn’t have time to stop him and she figures staff will end up sending him back out.

After a few minutes, she has everyone checked in and a patient comes out of the waiting room enquiring how long until he can go back.

Once he tells her the name, she instantly recognizes it as one the nurse had just called. She looks up the name, and sure enough, it’s showing him roomed in the ED.

She quickly calls the nurse who is about to put an IV in the visitor’s arm.

Unlike sneaking to visit a patient like my coworker expected this guy would do, instead, he followed the nurse to the room pretending to be someone else.

I don’t know how he faked his way that far since all nurses ask for name and birthday confirmation before they do anything.

Security removed him quickly after they realized what was going on.

Which Hurts Worse? The Broken Bone Or Worker’s Comp?
BILLING, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, JERK, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 31, 2020
I fall down at work and badly injure my foot and ankle. I limp to the bathrooms and feel it; it’s puffing up quick. My supervisor comes over and asks what happened. I tell him; he facepalms and tells me to drive myself to the hospital and not to worry because I have worker’s compensation.

I do, but the adrenaline wears off. I can’t use my right foot because it’s too painful, so I have to use my left. Luckily, there’s no traffic because it’s very awkward and painful to drive. I have to bite my tongue to keep from screaming. Once I get there, I park and hop to the lobby. My supporting leg buckles and I can’t go further.

I yell for help and the receptionist gives me a wheelchair. I check in and tell her it’s worker’s compensation and she says okay. I’m feeling quite sorry for myself, and then I hear sobbing. There’s an older woman whose foot looks black and rotted. I stop feeling so sorry for myself.

After a long wait, I’m taken to get x-rays, and after a longer wait after that, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: *Very cheerily* “Well! I looked over your x-rays and you have sprained your ankle and broken your foot!”

Me: “Oh, no! I’ve never broken anything. Will I need surgery?”

Doctor: *Big grin* “No, it’s just a foot! Ha! You can just use a boot!”

Me: “Oh, but I need it.”

Doctor: “Now, let me just wrap your foot!”

She grabs my poor, already black and blue foot, roughly.

Me: “Owwwwww!”

Doctor: “Oh, I’m sorry. Does it hurt?”

Yeah, it’s broken, duh.

She wrapped it up while humming and gave me a boot and crutches. Then, I was thrown out, and later, the hospital said I needed to pay. I told them again that it was worker’s compensation and they said okay. But they kept calling and sending letters every day, saying the worker’s compensation company wouldn’t answer their calls! They kept harassing me until I finally gave in. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but anyone who’s been harassed every day for years would go nuts. I still have pain in my foot.

More Like “Harmacist”
EMPLOYEES, NEW JERSEY, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 30, 2020
My boyfriend and I decide to have sex one night, so we grab a condom, but it breaks halfway through, and we don’t realize until we finish.

I decide to go to the pharmacy to get a morning-after pill. I don’t look particularly young. When I arrive at the pharmacy, the pharmacist comes right up to the counter.

Me: “Hi. Can I get the morning-after pill?”

Pharmacist: “Did you speak with your doctor?”

Me: “Um, no.”

Pharmacist: “You need to speak with your doctor, first, sweetheart. And I need your parents’ consent.”

Me: “Um, first of all, no, you don’t. Even if I was underage, you don’t need their consent. And I should get the pill if I ask for it right here; I shouldn’t have to speak to my doctor.”

Pharmacist: “Underage? How old are you?”

Me: “Twenty-four.”

The pharmacist looks surprised before consulting with another pharmacist. They both come over, the first pharmacist watching from behind the second pharmacist. The second pharmacist hands me the package with the pill.

Second Pharmacist: “Sorry about that. She’s never acted like that before. I’ll have a talk with her.”

That’s The Trouble With Affordable Healthcare
CRAZY REQUESTS, EMERGENCY ROOM, ENGLAND, HOSPITAL, LONDON, NURSES, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, STUPID, UK | HEALTHY | AUGUST 28, 2020
I work in a hospital. A mother brings her daughter into the emergency room.

Nurse: “Hi there. Could you describe the nature of your medical needs?”

Mother: “My daughter stepped in dog poop and I’m afraid she might have an infection.”

Nurse: “Okay, does your daughter have any open wounds, blisters, warts, etc., near where she came into contact with the dog poop?”

Mother: “No.”

Nurse: “Did you wash her foot afterward with warm water and soap?”

Mother: “That’s disgusting! Why would I do that?”

Nurse: “To protect your daughter from infection?”

Mother: “No, I just threw it out.”

Nurse: “Wha…” *Lightbulb moment* “Was your daughter wearing shoes when she stepped in the poop?”

Mother: “Yes! Of course.”

Nurse: “So, you’re telling me that your daughter stepped into dog poop wearing shoes and socks, and she has no open wounds on her feet, and you are worried she has an infection?”

Mother: “Yes, of course, I’m worried.”

Nurse: “No offence, but this is an emergency room. It is very unlikely she got an infection, and since this is obviously a very low-priority case, you may be waiting here for up to six hours to see a doctor. I recommend you go home and make an appointment with your regular doctor in a couple of days’ time. If your daughter does take any severe turns, you can always bring her in or call an ambulance and she will be seen immediately.”

Mother: “Oh, no, you don’t! I want you to get my daughter to see a doctor as soon as you can!”

Nurse: “Very well. Please be aware that you could be waiting a very long time as we assign cases on a priority basis. Also please be aware that, whilst we make every effort to remove the risk of infection, this is a hospital and there is a chance that infected blood or bodily fluids may be present. Also be aware that, since this is a walk-in center, we do get a lot of homeless men and drug addicts coming in to get out of the rain.”

It is clear that the nurse is doing everything in her power to dissuade this mother from trying to see a doctor.

Mother: “Whatever. Those infections probably aren’t as bad as the ones you can get from dog poop.”

Nurse: “Actually, blood and bodily fluids might be contaminated with any number of infections, including HIV.”

Mother: “Oh, don’t be silly.”

The woman and her daughter moved on to the waiting room and were sat there for approximately four and a half hours. The woman was told by the doctor to do exactly what the nurse had advised and left looking overl

Not Quite What They Meant By “Immaculate Conception”
EMERGENCY ROOM, HEALTH & BODY, LGBTQ, MINNESOTA, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 26, 2020
I’ve been in the ER enough to know that there is no avoiding the “you’re a woman; you must be pregnant” song and dance, despite the multiple variables that stand in the way of me personally conceiving. I’ve started having fun with my answers.

Nurse: “Is there any chance you might be pregnant?”

Me: “Nope.”

Nurse: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Positive. Unless… babe, did your lack of penis knock me up again?”

Wife: “I’ve gotta stop doing that.”

On another occasion:

Nurse: “Is there any chance you might be pregnant?”

Me: “I’m on a few different birth controls, so I really hope not.”

Nurse: “What method of birth control do you use?”

Me: “An IUD and lesbianism. I really hope that second one still works.”

On one memorable occasion, the nurse replied, “Girl, me, too!”

Listen Well To This Painful Lesson!
HEALTH & BODY, HOME, MISSOURI, NON-DIALOGUE, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 25, 2020
Have you ever wondered why your doctor tells you not to shove things in your ears?

I know all of the conventional wisdom: no Q-tips, cotton balls, hairpins, etc. However, that doesn’t mean my ears don’t get occasionally itchy, and sometimes, you just have to scratch.

One night, I was lying in my bed, and I felt the irresistible urge to scratch an itch inside my ear. So, I did what any reasonable adult would do. I slid my pinkie in my ear, twisted it, and pulled it out, quick as you like.

It should be noted that I have notoriously tiny ears — ridiculously so — and that I’m used to feeling a little suction when I scratch my ear with my pinkie.

But this time was different.

This time, when my pinkie caught suction, it caught hard — so hard it created a vacuum inside my ear canal.

When my pinkie made it out of my ear, there was a loud POP and such pain that I immediately started to cry. It felt like someone had jabbed a screwdriver into my ear.

Within two hours, the pain had partially subsided, but my ear was hot and leaking clear pus. Sounds were muffled, and I couldn’t hear my own voice in my skull on that side of my head. So, I once more did what any reasonable adult would do and tried to sleep it off.

Fight the inevitable as I might, when I woke up the next morning, I knew I had to go to urgent care. The hearing loss had grown profound, my head was tilting to the left, and everything was muffled and uncomfortable.

The doctor looked in my ear for less than two seconds and gave me the bad news I’d been dreading, along with $500 in antibiotics. Healthcare in America is a b**** if you’re on a state-funded plan, and I was on vacation 2,000 miles outside the area my insurance would cover. Yay, America!

And that’s how I ruptured my eardrum by scratching an itch with my pinkie.